“You were not disappointed with me?”
He drew in a shuddering breath. “Never have I been more
pleased.” He pulled back and looked at her for a long silent moment. “Brittany, had I known that you had never been with—”
She placed her hand over his lips. “I know that, Captain.”
His blue eyes were laced with humor. “Don’t you think that under the circumstances, you could call me Thorn?”
“I cannot. It would not be proper.”
He looked at her with a strange expression on his face. “After what has happened between us, you are still concerned about propriety?”
“Captain, I know you will not understand this, but there can never be anything between us after tonight. What happened to us was my fault, and we both know it.” She smiled sadly. “I want you to realize that I expect nothing from you, and I never want you to feel remorse for what occurred.”
Brittany caught her breath when a flash of lightning made a jagged path across the sky and the illumination of it reflected in the depth of Thorn’s blue eyes.
“Remorse is the farthermost thought from my mind at the moment, Brittany. How can I feel anything but joy after what happened between us? Are you feeling remorse?”
“I do not feel sorry in any way, Captain. I shall always treasure what we had together.” Her eyes were wide and innocent. “You have had many women before me, but I have had only you, so how can you know how I feel?”
He silently toyed with one of her ebony curls. Then he looked into her eyes, seeking the truth. “I will not deny that I have been with other women, Brittany. But it has nothing to do with what happened between us.”
His eyes moved over her perfectly formed body, and a feeling of possessiveness took hold of him. He wanted no other man to touch her, especially not Lord Simijin. He wanted to know about her life with that man and he was determined to find out.
He pulled her head to rest against his chest. “Tell me about your life, Brittany. How did you come to be in Lord Simijin’s household?”
Her hair was a curtain of flowing black satin, and when she shook her head, it swirled about her. “I cannot talk about that because I pledged an oath of silence.” She felt pain in her heart, knowing he could never understand the promise she had made to her mother.
“Did you? To whom did you make that promise? Lord Simijin?”
“Even though you deserve to know, there is much I cannot tell you.”
“If you will not tell me about your life with Lord Simijin, tell me something about yourself.”
His body was warm against hers, and she snuggled closer to him. “I had an English governess and a French teacher. I am proficient in mathematics. I speak, read, and write eleven languages. And I know the folk dances of thirteen countries.” She looked at him doubtfully. “As you have seen, I also know some of the more daring dances. Is that what you wanted to know?”
“Yes, in part. How did you learn so many dances?”
“In the harem, of course. There are women there from many countries.”
He did not like to be reminded that she came from a harem. “You are a very exceptional woman. I know few men who have your background in education.”
“I have heard it said that American and English men do not value knowledge in their women. Can this be so?”
“I have known that to be true in some cases,” he admitted with a smile. “But now that I have met you, I will no longer subscribe to that antiquated custom.”
She sighed. “I am glad Simijin did not share that belief. He enjoyed intelligent conversation. It is because of him that my education is so varied. And of course, I owe much of my education to the women of the harem.”
Thorn’s eyes darkened, and he felt a stab of jealousy. “Do you love Lord Simijin?”
“Yes, of course. I told you he is a truly wonderful man. If you but knew him you would see that—”
He rolled to a sitting position. “I would rather not hear a glowing tribute to your—” He looked back at her. “What is he to you? Up to this point, he has not been your lover. Was he saving you to take the place of the English Rose?”
“No! No one could ever take the place of…the English Rose.” Her eyes took on a secretive glow. “I would rather not discuss Simijin with you.”
Thorn pulled on his trousers and glared down at her. “I wonder how you can share him with so many other women. I find that repugnant.”
She was puzzled for a moment. “I do not share Simijin.”
“Not with the woman of the harem?”
“He never goes to the harem.”
“I have heard that he loves only the English Rose. It is said that she is a very beautiful woman.”
“She is the most beautiful woman I know of—inside and out.”
“You are not jealous of her?”
Brittany thought of her mother and was overcome with a feeling of homesickness. “No, never jealous of her. She has always been kind to me.”
For a moment he was suspicious that Brittany might be the famous English Rose herself, but he discounted that notion since Brittany would be too young. “The women I have known would never consent to living out their lives in a harem.”
Her eyes flashed angrily. “Perhaps not. Why should they, when they could have a stud like you to service them?”
For the first time in Thorn’s life, he was stunned into silence. Never had he known a woman who spoke so boldly.
“I can see that I have shocked you, Captain Stoddard. Forgive me,” she said with sarcasm. “I forgot you are not accustomed to women who speak their mind. I am sure it takes a lot of courage to be a woman in your world.”
Suddenly he saw the humor of it all, and he dropped down on the bed beside her. “I would say it takes much more courage to be a woman in
your
world. Since I have known you, I
have only had the Turkish Navy nipping at my heels. You have been kidnapped, and almost ravished by the man who found his way to your cabin to end your life. I can only guess what other adventures await you down the road.”
She raised up, pulling the coverlet over her. “I can assure you that I lived a safe enough existence before I met you, Captain Stoddard.”
Suddenly he was overcome with tender feelings for her. He took her face between his hands. “Let me be your protector from now on.” He was startled by his own words, but he found he meant them. “I will take care of you and keep you from harm.” His lips lightly touched hers. “Say yes, Brittany.”
“As your wife?” she asked hopefully.
He looked at her through veiled lashes. “No, I would not make a decent husband for you or any woman.”
Sadness tugged at her heart. “I cannot be your woman, Captain. I have commitments in my life that must be honored. Besides, I have no wish to be any man’s mistress. Apparently I value myself much more than you do.”
He came to his feet, pulling her up with him. “You do not have to decide anything now. We have time before we reach port. Perhaps you will change your mind.”
“I will not change my mind. Take me at my word on that, Captain.”
He pulled her to him, lowered his head, and covered her lips with his. Brittany clung to him, wishing she could accept his offer. Would it not be better to have a little of him than nothing at all?
Thorn raised his head and gave her a warm smile. “It would seem that your only decision is whether you want to be with Lord Simijin, and be a lesser wife, or be with me.”
“As no wife at all.”
He smiled. “There you have it. Think on my offer. I must leave you for now.”
She nodded. “Yes. You must tend to your duties.”
He kissed his finger and laid it against her lips. “Until later.”
She watched him leave, wondering at the fate that had brought him into her world. She was never destined to belong to him, but she had stolen a little happiness from him—could she be condemned for that?
She lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She had made a promise to her mother, and it was a promise she would keep, but oh, it would be the most difficult promise she had ever made. Thorn was not the kind of man one said no to without giving him a good reason.
She touched her lips, where he had placed passionate kisses. Tonight she would remember until she was a very old woman.
She felt restless, so she got up and paced the floor. She knew what she had to do, although it would be very difficult.
She had to let Thorn know that his offer was unacceptable. Having made her decision, she decided to write him a note rather than face him. It was difficult to put her thoughts down on paper, so she was brief.
The sun was high in the sky when Brittany found Cappy. She gave him the note, asking him to deliver it to his captain. If the first mate thought her request was a strange one, he did not say so.
Thorn took the note Cappy handed him and arched his brow questioningly.
“It is from the young miss. She asked that I deliver it to you.”
After Cappy departed, Thorn opened the note, with hope in his heart. Perhaps Brittany was too shy to give him her answer in person.
He stared at the delicate handwriting, unable to grasp her meaning for a moment.
“Captain Stoddard, after giving your offer a great deal of thought, my answer is no.”
His eyes were dark swirling storm centers, and he crushed the note in his fists. He had not expected Brittany to say no to him. Would she have said yes if he had offered her marriage? No, probably not. Apparently Lord Simijin still retained his grip on her, even from a distance.
“So be it,” he said aloud. “So be it, Brittany.”
Brittany’s thoughts always seemed to be centered on Thorn Stoddard. She was not sorry she had written him the note, and she was glad that he had believed her, because if Thorn had come to her, she had little doubt she would have given in to him—and that must not happen.
Now she only saw him from a distance. Even from across the deck of the
Victorious
, she could feel his eyes on her. But she did not go to him, and he did not approach her.
Their parting had been inevitable, for their future lay in different directions. But that did not keep Brittany from reliving the night she had found brief happiness in Thorn’s arms and wishing she could be with him again.
She kept busy nursing Achmed, who was growing stronger each day. Now that he was feeling so much better, it was difficult to keep him in bed.
It was almost sundown as Brittany walked along the deck, pausing to stare out at the glorious sunset. She knew the voyage was coming to an end because she could see graceful sea birds floating on the warm currents of wind, indicating they must be getting close to landfall.
She was feeling sad and melancholy as she glanced down at the water breaking against the sides of the
Victorious.
For several weeks, this vessel had been home to her, and soon she would be cast into the unknown. After she went ashore, she would never see Thorn Stoddard again.
If only fate had been a little kinder, if only she had been born just an ordinary girl from America, then perhaps she
and Thorn would have had a future together. Perhaps then he would have respected her enough to offer her marriage, rather than asking her to be his mistress.
As if her thinking about him had conjured him up, Thorn’s shadow fell across Brittany’s face. She raised her head and looked into his eyes, wishing she could tell what he was thinking, but as usual, his eyes gave nothing away.
“We will reach Charleston Harbor in two days,” he said, gripping the railing and watching the dying rays of sunlight reflect off Brittany’s ebony hair. “I thought you would like to know.”
“Yes, I thought as much.” Her eyes probed his. “Will I ever see you again?”
He was silent for a moment. Then he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “That is up to you, Brittany—it always has been.”
“You mean if I will consent to be your mistress?”
“Crudely put,” he said, avoiding her eyes. “But an apt affirmation.”
“How would you word your offer to me without being crude?”
“I would invite you to be my companion, whenever we both felt like it. I would take care of you and see that you wanted for nothing.”
Her anger had been tapped by his arrogance. “Would you introduce me to your family and friends as your companion of convenience?”
He swung his gaze around to her. “No,” he said flatly. “But not for the reasons you might think. I would never want my family to intrude on my life with you.”
She shook her head. “You will have no life with me, Captain Stoddard.”
Thorn was not accustomed to being denied anything by a woman, but this was no ordinary woman. The green emerald she wore about her neck would purchase and outfit a ship like the
Victorious.
She had lived in a palace where she had been pampered like a princess. She had been the light
of the Grand Vizier’s eye, and had been desired by a sultan. What could he offer her that she could not have a hundred times over with Lord Simijin? He had hoped she could come to him because she wanted to be with him, but that had not been the case.
“I can see that you belong to Lord Simijin. I know he can offer you more than I, but you will forgive my foolish pride for wrongly assuming you liked being with me.”
Now her anger was foremost in her mind. He had insulted her at every turn: First by offering to make her his mistress, rather than a wife, and now by hinting that she wanted only the material things Simijin could give her.
She fought to control her voice as she spoke to him. “In a way, I shall always belong to Simijin.” Pain throbbed in her voice. “He has always been very kind to me, and I owe him that much.”
Thorn’s eyes moved across her face, and there was tension in his expression, and a clipped edge to his voice. “You will want to have your belongings gathered together so you can be ready to disembark when we come into port, Brittany.”
“Yes.”
“You may want to put up for a few days in Charleston since Achmed is not well enough to be jostled around on rough roads. Once he is well enough, I will have Cappy make travel arrangements to Philadelphia.”
Her eyes fastened on the laces that crisscrossed his snowy-white shirt. Then she lowered her lashes, fearing he would be able to read the hurt and bewilderment in her expression. “Two days is enough time to pack what I brought with me. You need not be concerned that I will inconvenience you in any way.”
He gave her a curt nod and moved away, his back straight and his head held high. She wanted to call him back and tell him she would do anything to be with him, but she could not do that. She must go to Philadelphia as she had been instructed.
If only she could tell Thorn that she did not belong to Simijin in the way he thought, but her promise to her mother sealed her lips.
Silence hung heavily in the air as she moved across the deck and down the companionway. Thorn Stoddard would have had many women before her, and she doubted if he would even remember her after she left.
It made it easier to say no to Thorn since he had insultingly offered to make her his mistress. She looked down at her dark hands and wondered if he would have offered her marriage had he known she was white. What did it matter? The insult was there between them, and nothing he could say would change that.
Brittany knew so little about the world since she had lived such a protected life, but she did know that Thorn would never care for her in the way a woman wanted to be cared for.
She reflected on the softness that came into Simijin’s eyes when he looked at her mother. That was the way she wanted Thorn to look at her.
Refusing to cry, she packed her meager belongings in the satchel and set it beside the door, her final act in cutting the slender thread that held her to Thorn Stoddard.
Brittany smiled with relief when Achmed took several steps across his cabin. “You are doing wonderful, Achmed, but you are not to overdo,” she cautioned.
“We will be leaving the ship very soon, little mistress, and I have to be strong enough to protect you.”
“This is America, Achmed. What dangers will I encounter here?”
His white teeth flashed when he gave her a broad grin. “I believe, little mistress, that you can find trouble wherever you go.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Yes, I do tend to get into predicaments without even trying. Why do you suppose that is?”
“It is because the breath of life flows through your body.
You are one who has always reached out for life, rather than sitting around waiting for something to happen.”
“As you know, Mrs. Potter called that being rebellious.”
“What she thinks does not matter. She is one who will one day die without ever having lived.”
“Poor woman, she did have her trials with me.” She sighed heavily. “It seems a lifetime ago, those carefree days at the palace.”
Achmed took another turn across the room and then back again. “Happiness is a fleeting thing, little mistress. You cannot hold it in your hand, you cannot smell it or taste it—you can only take it when it comes along.”
She shook her head. “One cannot always reach out for happiness if it will be destructive in the end.”
He glanced up at her as though he read her thoughts. “Then it is wise to walk away.” He reached the bunk and sat down. “I am almost as strong as ever. I will be able to watch after you and see that neither harm nor unhappiness darken your door.”
“For a time, you must be careful and see to your health, Achmed. We shall find rooms when we reach Charleston until you feel up to traveling. That will give us the time we need to send a message to Mama and Simijin, telling them we have arrived safely. Then in a few days, we shall travel to Philadelphia.”
Achmed leaned his head back to catch his breath. He knew he had not yet regained his strength. “I see that you have this all worked out in your mind, little mistress.”
“No, not all. But we shall make out fine, Achmed.” Her eyes clouded. “I wish we did not have to go to Philadelphia to confront relatives who may not welcome us.”
“You are not to worry about anything, little miss. Most probably we will not be required to remain in this country for very long. Soon you will be returning home.”
Brittany knew Achmed was trying to cheer her up. He did not believe they would be allowed to return to Turkey
any more than she did. But she did so want to be with her mother.
The night was dark as Brittany moved across the deck to gaze as the twinkling stars in the eastern sky. High, sparse clouds had drifted in front of the crescent moon, and it seemed that the
Victorious
sailed on an ebony ocean that went on forever. Although she knew they should be close to America, she saw no lights—no indication that they were nearing Charleston.
With a heavy sigh, she moved across the deck and down the narrow passage that led to the captain’s quarters. She had decided to tell Thorn good-bye in privacy. It would be remiss of her if she did not thank him for all he had done for her and Achmed.
When she reached Thorn’s cabin the door was ajar, and she peeked in to find it empty. Hesitantly, she moved into the cabin and stood near Thorn’s rumpled bed, feeling his presence in every fiber of her being. She was surrounded by his maps and charts. His blue jacket was tossed carelessly across a chair, a pair of boots sat beside a bootjack.
Brittany was startled when Thorn came up silently behind her and his hand spanned her tiny waist. “Well, my little beauty, to what do I owe the honor of this visit?”
She glanced up at him and was caught in his warm smile. He must think she had changed her mind. She had to set him straight at once. “I…came to say good-bye.”
He spun her around, and his eyes darkened with hidden fire. “No, not good-bye. I knew you would come to me.” He dipped his head, and his lips nipped at the sensitive hollow in her throat. “I have ached to hold you like this, Brittany.”
She pushed him away and stepped back. “This is not what I wanted, Captain Stoddard.”
He looked doubtful. “I do not believe that you can walk out of my life like this.”
“Believe it,” she said, using her anger as a shield against his charm.
“I know I was beastly to you. And if you want an apology from me, then you have it, Brittany.” There was tension in his expression. “I do not want to fight with you.” His voice was caressing. “I would much rather kiss you.”
She felt the gentle touch of his hand on her cheek. Her lips might deny him, but her green eyes revealed the truth—she was deeply affected by his nearness. “I had to see you one more time,” she answered with honesty. “…to thank you for—”
His hand drifted down to tangle in her hair, and he brought her up on her tiptoes so her mouth was close to his. “If you hadn’t come to me, I would have come to you,” he said, as if the truth had been torn from his lips. “You have me where you want me, and you know it. All I can think about is the sweetness of your body.” He dipped his head and covered her lips with his, and she quivered at his gentleness.
Brittany could feel the lure of his magnetism, but she pulled away from him. “Do not do this. Just because I threw myself at you the other night does not mean it will happen this time.”
He stared into her eyes. “Will it not?”
“No-o.”
His mouth quirked briefly. “Has anyone ever told you that when you are troubled about something your eyes turn a darker green?”
“I…no.”
“What secrets do you hide behind those eyes, Brittany? How many hearts have you trampled under your delicate slippers?”
“I…have known only a few men in my life.”
He looked doubtful. “Surely that cannot be.”
“But it is. I know Simijin, Achmed, and several other lesser eunuchs and attendants. And, of course I know you, and some of the men on your ship.”
His eyelids flickered, and he brought her body closer to his. “Me, you know intimately. The others cannot make the same claim.”
She whirled away from him. “Do you make mock of me, Captain Stoddard?”
“To the contrary. I feel honored that I was the first man to be with you. Have you danced for Lord Simijin as you danced for me?”
“No, of course not!”
His voice deepened. “I would like to think that you dance for me alone.”
She wanted to run away from Thorn—to find a safe haven where she could think. With him touching her, she was in danger of falling under his spell again. “No,” she whispered as his lips touched the corner of her mouth.
“Yes,” he breathed against her satiny lips.
She could feel her objections melting away. She was being drawn to him by a force stronger than her own will.
Brittany turned her face away from his burning lips and looked at him with haughty disdain, her only weapon at the moment. “You have nothing of a lasting nature to offer a woman, Captain. You only want a mistress. That is a position that is totally unacceptable to me.”
“So it’s marriage you want, is it? Surely you know that’s impossible between you and me. We are from different worlds and different cultures. You could not survive in my world…as my wife.”
Her eyes were cool, and her chin went up just a little higher. “I would not marry you even if you asked me. What makes you think you are such a prize?”
His laughter was soft. “Marriage to you might not be so bad, after all. Certainly you are a woman worthy of consideration. If I were wise, I would probably grab you up and sail away with you so no other man could ever find you.” His voice deepened. “I would find some deserted beach and make love to you all day and all night. You would belong to me alone.”
“You offend me, Captain. Why is it that men think they honor a woman when they consider her at all?”
His smile faded, his jaw hardened. “No offense was intended. I have never offered any other woman half so much as I have you.”