David slid in behind the wheel and stuck the key in the ignition.
“How long are you in L.A.? Or do you live here now?” Kieran snapped his seatbelt in place.
“No, I’m still living in New York.” David fastened his own seatbelt and started the engine. “Gavin and I are taking a screen writing seminar. Then I have a few meetings about… Well, anyway, that doesn’t really matter. But probably four or fi ve days.
It depends on how things go.”
The spike of jealousy was sudden and sharp. And he was nuts for feeling it. David wasn’t his, hadn’t been for a long time, so why should he be jealous?
“Gavin Collier?”
“Yeah, we’re working together on an adaptation of his new novel. It’s a terrifi c story and I think it’ll make a great fi lm. But neither of us has much screen writing experience so we’re taking this seminar.”
So David and Gavin were working together on a script. It didn’t necessarily mean they were fucking, right? And he would not ask if they were. He. Would. Not. Ask.
ENCORE! ENCORE!
141
“So are you and Gavin…?”
“Hmm?” David glanced in the rearview and caught Kieran’s eye. He must have seen some hint of what he’d been thinking because he laughed. “God, no, nothing like that. We’re just friends. I knew him in grad school and we got in touch again through a mutual friend.”
“Oh.”
Yeah, oh. Now he looked totally stupid and high school. With his cheeks burning, Kieran turned and stared out the window.
What must David be thinking now? Probably what the hell am I doing with this pathetic loser or something like that.
But he wasn’t a pathetic loser, Kieran reminded himself. He was a star. Twenty-fi ve years old with his own cable series, a beautifully decorated condo with a posh address, and a brand new car that was totally paid for. All that and he had money coming out his ass, more than he’d ever dreamed of. No, he was no loser.
They drove in silence. But it wasn’t the old, companionable kind, at least not for Kieran. By the time they turned into the hotel parking lot, his heart was pounding like a jack-hammer, his palms were sweaty, and he had begun once again to seriously question the wisdom of what they were about to do.
“Here we are. It’s not the Ritz, not even close, but it’s home, for the next few days anyway.” Shutting off the engine, David turned in his seat and smiled. He must have seen some part of that doubt because the smile lost some of its wattage. “Listen, Kieran, if you’re having second thoughts…”
“No.” Kieran reached out and touched the back of David’s hand, the one still holding the keys. “I’m not having second thoughts.” He took the hand and gave it a squeeze. The rough edge of a key bit into his palm, the small pain making him feel somehow more real. “I want this, want you.” Transferring the keys to his other hand, David squeezed back.
“Me too. Let’s go inside.”
142 Gardner ~ His Leading Man
“It’s pretty much no-frills chic.” David opened the door to his room and stood back, motioning Kieran ahead of him. “It’s clean though, and they throw in continental breakfast, and I’m all about free food.” He fl ipped a switch and the lamp between the two double-beds came on. “I’m sorry it isn’t more—”
“It’s fi ne.” Kieran lowered himself onto the end of the nearest bed and started to slip out of his shoes, then he paused, suddenly overcome with awkwardness. Once more he was swept by the feeling that they were making a huge mistake.
David stood by the TV, fi ngers drumming on the wood veneer of the entertainment cabinet. His face mirrored some of that same unease.
He feels it too, Kieran thought, and opened his mouth to say, what, he had no clue. But before he could really put his foot in it, David seemed to come to a decision.
He shrugged and laughed a little. “Ah, hell. What am I doing?” He held out his hand and took a step toward Kieran. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
Reaching out, Kieran caught David’s hand and drew him closer. “Me too.” Getting to his feet, he slid his arms around the taller man’s neck and pressed against him, fi nally getting the full-body contact he’d been craving. Still shorter than David despite his heels, he rose on his toes and touched their lips together.
That kiss was like putting a spark to a pile of dry kindling.
David made a sound low in his throat, a feral growl that shot straight to Kieran’s dick and had him hard as steel in the space of a heartbeat. He clung, his lips parting, tongue teasing, asking for entrance which was promptly granted.
Those lips, that tongue, the familiar taste of his former lover, all combined to weaken his knees and render his doubts insignifi cant and meaningless. If spending tonight in David’s bed, in David’s arms, was a mistake, then let him be damned because he was ready to pay whatever price to have David again, even if it was for only this one night.
ENCORE! ENCORE!
143
They tumbled on to the bed, landing with a bounce in a tangle of arms and legs.
“Oof.” Kieran laughed. “Good thing we landed on the mattress.”
David raised his head and grinned down at him. “I kind of like how this worked out.” He ground his crotch down on Kieran’s, mashing their erections together right through their clothes. “God, you feel amazing.”
Kieran grinned back. “Oh, honey, you have no idea how amazing I can be.”
Which was just silly because this man knew everything about him, or almost everything.
They both laughed again and David kissed him hard.
“I want you. Right now. God, Kieran, you don’t know—” he stopped abruptly, as if aware that he had almost said too much.
“Don’t know what?” Kieran’s mouth was suddenly dry as dust, his heart pounding.
There was a pause, a long one.
David shook his head. “Nothing. I don’t know.” Leaning down he rubbed their cheeks together. “You smell good. What is that you have on?”
“I think it’s sweat.” He tried to make a joke but it fell fl at. He skimmed his palms down David’s back, tugged his shirt-tails free and slipped his hands between fabric and fl esh. “What were you going to say before?”
David sighed and rested their cheeks together. “I forget.” Lips grazed his ear. “Mmm, that feels so good. You always knew just how to touch me, make me want.”
Shutting his eyes, Kieran fought against the disappointment.
For a moment he’d had the sense that they were on the edge of something big, something potentially life changing. But now they had backed away from it, it would be lost again, maybe forever.
144 Gardner ~ His Leading Man
“Let’s get some of these clothes off. I need to see you.” David rolled over and sat up. After a moment Kieran did the same, careful to keep his face averted, not entirely sure he could control his expression and not wanting to spoil the mood.
He shrugged out of his tunic, letting the silk slide down his arms and off his fi ngertips. Aware that David watched, he made it a little sexy, a tease and not just a shucking of his clothes. As he reached for the hook at his waistband he sneaked a peek over his shoulder.
David stood by the bed, still fully dressed, one hand on his belt buckle, all his attention focused on Kieran. But not in the way Kieran would have expected or hoped.
“What’s wrong?” He paused, all at once self-conscious. What had he done?
David shook his head. “Nothing. Go on. I want to see the rest. You’re so—”
And wasn’t this all too familiar, these denials that anything was the matter. The reluctance to share what he was thinking when clearly he was thinking something. It had driven Kieran crazy in the fi nal months and weeks of their relationship. And he was so not doing that again, not even for one night.
Now it was his turn to shake his head. But he couldn’t quell that old need not to be confrontational, not entirely. He went to David and, placing his hands on his former lover’s shoulders, looked into his eyes. “Please, tell me? I want to know.”
“It’s kind of, well, stupid.” Hands slipped around Kieran’s waist. “And I don’t want you to be mad.”
“I won’t be mad. I promise. Just tell me.”
“Okay, well, I read this story a while back, not long after you started on
What a Drag,
that said you were…you know, transitioning, to a woman. I had forgotten about it until—
What?”
Kieran groaned. “Oh shit, not that story again.” He laughed, more relieved than he could have believed. “I’ll never shake that story.”
ENCORE! ENCORE!
145
“It’s not true? I mean, I can see it’s not true because... Well...” His gaze raked down Kieran’s body and his face reddened. “Well, because I can see that you still look like you. And I am so shutting up now. God, I told you it was stupid.”
“I still look like me, huh?” One hand going to his waistband, Kieran unhooked then unzipped his pants. The silk pooled around his ankles and he stepped free, kicking the garment aside as he wrapped his arms around David and rested his head on the taller man’s shoulder.
“Yeah, you look like you, just like I remember. You have such a beautiful body. I could never forget…” his hands slid down, fi ngers fl exed on Kieran’s hips, “…that fi rst time I saw you dressed up. You had on that red dress and those sexy heels.” He nuzzled the sensitive place behind Kieran’s ear. “Do you remember?” Of course he remembered, every detail—the way David had looked at him like he wanted to eat him up, the heat of his hands through the thin fabric, the bulge in David’s pants as they danced and the answering bulge under his own skirt. God!
Kieran shut his eyes, tried to think of something to say, something light and fl irty, but couldn’t do it.
It was David who saved the moment. “I should have known that was just a stupid tabloid story. I’m an idiot. I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry.” Ridiculously grateful that the conversation had returned to safe ground, Kieran nuzzled the corner of David’s jaw. “After that story was fi rst published, an interviewer asked me if, after my transition, that would make me a lesbian. You believe that?”
David laughed. “You’re not serious.”
“As a heart attack.”
“Talk about stupid.” Strong arms tightened around him.
“I know, right?” Kieran laughed and pressed even closer.
It was so exciting, him standing there in just his thong with David still fully dressed and holding him like he would never let him go. Except David would let him go, just as he’d let him go
146 Gardner ~ His Leading Man
once before. Kieran shoved that thought away. Tonight was for pleasure, not for recriminations or dwelling on what might have been.
“You’re so beautiful,” David murmured as he trailed his lips along Kieran’s jaw and down his throat to where the pulse jumped. Hands cupped his bare ass, fi ngers digging in.
Kieran’s dick throbbed. He thrust against David’s thigh, seeking more friction, more contact, more of everything. He wanted and he wanted now. But most of all, he wanted to stop talking, stop remembering.
“David, please?”
“Please, what?” He nipped at Kieran’s lips. “Tell me what you want. I want to hear you say it.” His head came up. The eyes that looked into Kieran’s were hot with desire. Fingers fl exed on his ass, kneaded his fl esh.
“Fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”
“Mmm, in a minute. First, I want to taste you.” David sank to the fl oor at Kieran’s feet. Kneeling before him, he closed his lips over the head of Kieran’s cock. He sucked lightly then mouthed the length through the sheer fabric of his thong.
And oh, God, that felt incredible. The thin, almost transparent barrier between his dick and the wet heat as David lapped at his shaft, humming his pleasure and sending delicious vibrations down into his balls. Afraid his knees might just give out, he braced himself on David’s shoulders.
David drew back and looked up, eyes dark with need, lips swollen and wet. He said nothing and didn’t look away, only rose to his feet and took Kieran by the shoulders. He walked him backwards until his knees bumped the edge of the nearest bed and he spilled onto his back.
At the foot of the bed, David yanked down his zipper, withdrew his cock and stroked himself. “I can’t wait to be inside you.”
ENCORE! ENCORE!
147
Kieran pulled his knees up and apart, exposing himself to his former lover, the only thing between him and total nakedness, that sheer scrap of fabric now soaked with David’s saliva. The man had always loved when he did things like this, bold slutty things designed to make him hard as iron and crazy with lust.
And it had always worked.
Just like it was working now.
He saw it in those dark eyes that fastened on him, but not on his crotch, no, they fastened on his face as if studying him, memorizing every detail. The exact blue of his eyes, the shape of his lips, the arch of his brows. The intensity in that look had his belly jumping with nerves.
Because he needed to break the spell, make this about sex and nothing more, Kieran yanked his thong down his thighs, tugged it off and tossed it aside before resuming his provocative pose.
He lowered his lashes, moistened his lips and smiled a smile he knew to be fi lled with promise.
Sticking two fi ngers in his mouth, he got them good and wet before he reached between his legs and fi ngered his hole.
“C’mon,” he purred, “I can’t wait to have your cock in me.” A strangled sound came from David as he tore at his clothes, practically ripping them off in his rush to be naked and between Kieran’s legs.
Oh yeah, David wanted him bad. The thrill mixed with triumph as Kieran pushed his fi ngers into his ass. With his other hand he gripped his shaft and began to stroke, fucking and jacking, his eyes never leaving his lover’s face.
It felt good, no doubt about it. But what felt even better was knowing that David was watching and wanting and maybe wondering why he’d ever let Kieran get away.
Falling to his hands and knees, David crawled up the mattress until he leaned over him. Bending his head, he sucked Kieran’s balls into his mouth, tugging gently, rolling them around in that hot, wet cavern.
148 Gardner ~ His Leading Man