End of the Innocence (19 page)

“What in the fuck is going on?” he raged. The six-pack he was carrying in his hand fell to the ground.

Jeremy came running from behind them toward the computer. He paused the music as Tony began to circle the living room. “Who in the hell invited you dweebs?”

Inches from a clean getaway.

I moved past Jennifer and intercepted him before he got to either group of people. “Okay, Tony, calm down.”

He turned toward me, which was a good and bad thing all at once.

Good, because he was no longer looking at Andy and his friends or the drama group. Bad, because now he was looking directly at me. “And who the fuck said your fairy ass could show up?” I could smell the alcohol on his breath and knew we weren’t the only people who practiced frontloading before a party. “This is a no-fag party.” He accented the word fag by poking me in the chest with one finger.

I slapped his hand away. “And yet you’re here,” I almost growled back. “Don’t come in starting shit, Tony.”

He got right in my face. “I ain’t afraid of you, Greymark. I’ve kicked your ass before.”

“Yeah, you wanna try it without your boys holding me back?” I was done with this guy’s shit. In fact, I was done with this entire town’s problem with me. We weren’t at school. There wasn’t any risk of an adult coming and breaking this up. It was time people around here understood that—what I said to Kyle aside—I was no one’s bitch.

Josh tried to pull Tony away from me. “Come on, Tony… chill out for a sec….”

I turned and shot him a death look. “Fuck off, Walker. Let your boyfriend fight his own fights.” It looked like he was going to say something back but never got the chance as Tony’s fist collided with the side of my face.

It took me back a few steps, but I had been hit harder before.

He lunged at me exactly the way he charged a defensive line in a game, and let me tell you, it was a little bit intimidating. Not so intimidating that I didn’t bring my knee up under his chin, but impressive nonetheless. His head snapped back when chin and knee collided, and he fell into me. Then we went down in a mass of swinging arms and legs.

I had the presence of mind to throw him off me while he tried to regain his senses. Once he was on his back, I knew the fight was over.

And then, out of nowhere, I lost it. I straddled his waist and began to swing at his face. His arms came up instinctively but not enough to stop the full impact of my punches. “Call me a faggot again, asshole!” I urged him as I swung. “Call me a motherfucking faggot one more time.” He tried to curl up into a ball, but there was no way he could protect himself with me literally sitting on top of him.

I heard the people around me screaming, but they made no sense whatsoever through the sound of pounding blood in my head.

I hit him for beating me up in the locker room. I hit him for ruining Kyle’s clothes. I hit him for being an intolerant asshole, and I hit him for living in a town that was so backward it just couldn’t let people be. I hit him again for his bigoted father, one more for ruining the party, and then after that I just hit him. I heard my name shouted a few more times, but I ignored everything.

And then someone kicked me in the back, throwing me forward off Tony. I couldn’t have been ready for an attack from the rear and landed face-first into the carpet. I scrambled to get to my feet, whirling to defend against a second kick.

Kyle stood there, his face flushed with emotion.

“Did you just kick me off him?” I demanded, dumbfounded.

“What are you doing?” he asked me, his eyes wide in outrage.

“Did you just kick me off him?” I asked again, straightening slowly.

He took a step toward me. “Yeah, I did. Why? You going to take a swing at me now?” His chin jutted out in defiance, his hands balled up into fists.

I took a deep, halting breath as I tried to calm down.

“What is wrong with you?” he asked me in a low voice. “You can’t just go around hitting people.”

I froze because Tony had risen to his feet and was standing behind Kyle, his face red and beginning to swell, distorted in rage. “Mind your own business, faggot,” Tony snarled. He slammed Kyle in the back of the head—hard. Kyle went flying to the side, and Tony took a step toward me. “That the best you got?” he asked putting his fists up. “Let’s dance.”

Kyle lay on the dining room floor, moaning.

I glared at him. “You’re dead.” And right then, I meant my words, and Tony knew it.

He took a half step toward me before he began to shake in place. He looked like he was having a stroke when his arms balled up involuntarily. Drool spilled out of his mouth and his eyes rolled back into his head.

Like a giant redwood being chopped down, he slowly crashed to the floor.

Jennifer stood behind him, the lines of her taser still connected to the back of his shirt. Everyone gaped at her in shock, but she just rolled her eyes. “Oh please, ‘Let’s dance’? Who even
says
that?”

Seeing Tony wasn’t getting up, I rushed over to where Andy and his friends were helping Kyle. “You okay?” I asked, my voice cracking with emotion. “Get him some ice.” I sort of asked, sort of ordered Jeff as I propped Kyle up in my lap. “Kyle, please say something.”

He sounded drunk as he mumbled, “Fighting is bad, okay?”

I felt a tear fall from my eye as I pulled him close. “Fighting bad, I got it.” Jeff handed me a towel full of ice, and I gently touched the back of Kyle’s head with it.

“Goddamn!” he screamed as the cold towel made contact with the growing lump back there.

I looked up and saw Kelly looking at the two of us, his expression hard to read, although I thought he might have been sad. Before I could think about it anymore, Kelly glared over at Tony, who had started to make some disjointed moves. Kelly’s expression hardened. Two strides brought him up alongside Tony’s prone body.

“Get up,” Kelly said, pushing Tony with the toe of his shoe. He groaned slightly when Kelly toed him over onto his back. “Can you hear me?” Kelly snapped, looking down at Tony. “Nod if you can.” Tony nodded slightly. “Good. Get the fuck out of my house, and don’t come back.” He looked over to Josh and his friends. “That goes for you too.” Then he glared at everyone. “In fact, that goes for everybody. If you have a problem with who is here, feel free to leave now. But I warn you now, you stay and start anything”—he jerked a thumb at Jennifer—“and she will taser your asses.”

Jennifer held her industrial-strength taser up. “He is not joking.”

Tony slowly got up. “Fuck it. I wouldn’t want to stay anyway.” He looked around at Kyle and me and made a face. “I don’t go to fag parties.” Turning to Josh, he nodded and said, “Let’s get out of here.”

Josh looked away, not saying a word.

“Walker,” Tony said snapping his fingers. “You coming?”

Josh looked back at him. “I’m done being the guy trying to stop you from being an asshole.” He looked over at Kelly. “Is it okay if I stay?” Kelly nodded, and Josh looked back at Tony. “I’m staying.”

They glowered at each other in silence before Tony scoffed at him. “Screw you, then. Stay here with the fags.” He looked back to Cody and his friend. “You guys coming?” They both refused to look at him. “Fuck all of you, then!” he screamed and stormed out of the house.

The whole party was silent as we heard the agonizing sound of a car’s tires shredding on asphalt as Tony’s Jeep sped away.

Jeremy pushed a button and a dance mix of “Ding Dong the Witch is Dead” came blaring from the speakers.

It was the first real laugh I’d had all night.

The music seemed to be the icebreaker everyone was waiting for. The tension that had been suffocating the room was gone and people actually started talking. The kitchen guys finally asked Andy and the guys how to play Magic. Other people went over and asked Jeremy how he made his mash-ups. Slowly, and then more easily, the night stopped being separate groups of people in the same house and started to become a party.

Looking down at Kyle, I said, “Look at this, look at what you did.” He glanced around, making sure not to move his head too much. “These people never, and I mean
never,
talk to each other, dude. You really did it.”

He looked up at me, and I could tell he was still pissed. “And you almost killed Tony.” I looked away, but he kept talking. “Hitting people is not the answer; you have to start getting that.”

I looked back at him, and in a voice that was cold even to me, I said, “No, you’re wrong. I wish I could see the world like you do, Kyle. I wish I could look around and see the potential in everyone, but I don’t. I look around, and I see people threatening the things I care about. Threatening you.” He opened his mouth to object, but I kept talking. “I’m sorry you don’t like it, but it is who I am. Someone comes at you, they have to deal with me. And that isn’t because I don’t think you can’t handle yourself. It’s because no one hurts the people I love. You can be as mad at me as you want, but that is never going to change. No one gets away with hurting you. Ever.”

He waited a few seconds. “Can I talk now?” I nodded and shut up. “I get everything you just said, but I wasn’t in the room when you started that fight. I wasn’t in danger when you started hitting him. You were mad.” I tried to object, but he talked over me. “And yes, you deserve the right to be mad, but hitting someone isn’t the way to express it. You may think it is, but it isn’t. You think Tony got your point of view? You think he left here understanding why what he was doing was wrong? Or do you think he left even madder and having even more reasons to hate us?” He reached up and touched my face, and I felt myself starting to fall apart inside. “You beat him up because you didn’t like him, which is the same reason he beat you up before. You think he thought his reasons were any less valid than the ones you are feeling now?”

I was literally stunned into silence as his words penetrated my brain.

“Thank you for standing up for me, seriously. I love you like crazy for that. But please don’t lie to yourself, trying to convince yourself the reason you were sitting on top of him punching him into a concussion was about me. Don’t be that guy.” He smiled at me, and I had never felt less worthy to have his affection. “I know you’re better than that.”

I laid my head against his hair and felt my eyes start to burn with tears. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to him.

He tried to sit up but instantly regretted it. “Ouch! Fuck, that hurts!” He held the ice against his head. “Don’t be sorry, just be honest,” he added, lying back in my lap.

“How do you do that?” I asked, completely unaware of anyone else around us.

“Do what?” he asked, honestly confused.

“Turn the entire world upside down with just words?”

He smiled. “Dude, I got mad skills.”

I laughed and held him close.

Jennifer plopped down next to us and handed each of us a Coke. “Well, I think that was the funnest thing I have done at any party.”

“You looked total Lara Croft standing there,” I agreed as I opened the Coke.

“Where did you get a taser? I thought those were illegal for civilians to own?” Kyle asked, sitting up slowly.

“My dad is sheriff. Tony is lucky I didn’t aim it where my dad taught me to taser first,” she answered with a small smile.

I saw Kyle look up at me. “You broke up with the sheriff’s daughter to go out with me?” He took a small sip and shook his head. “You’re braver than I thought.”

There was some yelling from the kitchen, and I saw a couple of Kelly’s friends had sat down and were learning to play Magic while they taught the library crew how to take shots. “You ever thought you’d see that?” Jennifer asked me.

“I don’t believe it now, and I’m looking right at it,” I admitted.

Jennifer raised her Coke toward Kyle. “I will admit it. You were right, and I was wrong.” Kyle smiled, and they tapped Cokes. “I have known these people forever and never once thought they were capable of just being human.”

“Everyone is human,” Kyle said, taking a small sip. “I just found if you treat someone like a person, it forces them to treat you the same back.”

She looked over at me and shook her head. “You so do not deserve him.”

“I will drink to that,” I said, holding up my Coke.

K
YLE

M
Y
heard hurt as if Tony had hit me with a sledgehammer.

Even though I knew breaking up the fight had been the right thing to do, my head was telling me something completely different. However, as the three of us sat there and watched the party begin to pick up, I knew it was worth it. I noticed Kelly wandering around looking over to us once in a while. I got my feet under me and very slowly straightened up; Brad and Jennifer looked at me like I was Bambi learning to walk. “Be right back,” I told them and wobbled over to Kelly.

“How’s your head?” he asked as I got closer.

“You ever see those hippos dance in
Fantasia
?” I asked him. He nodded. “Like I was their dance floor.”

He barked out a laugh that looked like it was as unexpected to him as it was for me. “You’re kinda funny.”

I laughed as I took another sip of my drink. “I think that was the nicest thing you ever said to me.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, well don’t get used to it. I still don’t like you,” he said with no meanness in his voice at all.

“You can come and sit with us, you know,” I offered, gesturing toward where Brad and Jennifer were.

He shook his head. “Nah, I don’t… I ain’t ready for that yet,” he stammered.

“You can’t avoid him forever, Kelly.”

“You’re not going to tell him are you?” he asked me in a panic. “’Cause I don’t want him to know!”

“Calm down,” I said quickly. “Seriously keep acting like that, and you won’t need to tell anyone.” Kelly calmed down, but I could see the lurking panic in his eyes. “I am not going to say anything to anyone. Just like I told you upstairs. Who you tell is your choice. But Kelly, I’m serious when I say you should tell him how you feel.”

“Why?” he asked me back. “What good would that do?”

I tried to compress the thousand or so thoughts that were racing through my mind into words so I could get him to understand what I was saying, but all I could come up with was, “You will feel better after, Kelly. You have to trust me on that.”