“I ain’t Joel,” I finally said. “I’m honest. I ain’t educated and nicely spoken like he is. I don’t got chiseled chest or blond hair. This is what I offer. If they have to go with Joel, then let them.”
Gwen looked at me again with them doe eyes. Hannah pushed up her glasses. Annemarie and Felicia said nothing. “But how about I be social at lunch?”
“That’s a start,” Hannah said.
Truth was, being social scared me more than the zombs.
“Do you think I’m a bad leader,” I asked Jim as he got ready for bed. It was 9 o’clock. In my old
days this would be when I was going out. Turns out I was. Tomorrow was my late morning and tonight I got overnight watch. Everyone gets a late morning if they want it but only fourteen of us do overnight watches. Jim don’t because he likes to be up at dawn, the bastard. If I could fix it, I get up at noon every day. Jim says I could do more of that in the winter. I didn’t want to think of winter. Not just the cold, but there ain’t much to do. We got a greenhouse, but only need a couple of people to run it. I guess I could get my reading done in winter. Maybe we can do games and stuff.
“I think you’re a young leader,” he said, without missing a beat. “You don’t have much experience.”
“You could be leader.”
Jim didn’t respond. I knew how he felt. He didn’t think he could make difficult decisions. I could, but I knew nothing ‘bout running a town.
“You like Joel?” I said, my voice hesitant. I was usually blunt, but sometimes I don’t like hearing the truth.
“What’s not to like, other than the fact he could be a phony sometimes and maybe his men killed carriers. He’s charming and easy on the eyes, that’s for sure.” I told Jim about what Keith told me, just him and Mike. Another secret I gotta keep.
“A lot of people gaga over him but sometimes he creeps me out.”
“Not everyone loves Joel. Look at the camp people.”
“Annemarie fawns over him every time he’s here. Frannie loves him despite that he ignores her. Dave thinks he’s a man’s man. Even Mike seems to like him.”
“Do you want to make him leader? I don’t think he wants that.”
“What do you think he wants?”
Jim was quiet, looked like he was thinking. “I think he’s seeing if anyone here is worthy to join him. I’m sure he’s trying to recruit Grace. I wish him good luck on that.”
“Grace won’t give him the time of day.”
“She’s not going to leave, neither will Annemarie or Dave.”
“What about Eric? I saw them talking earlier.”
Jim hunched his shoulders. I guess he saw them talking too. “If he wants to go, he can— Maybe it’s better if he did.”
“Wish we could do something for him, make him understand. Maddie wouldn’t want him to be like this.”
“Maybe time away will help.”
“And it sucks that he left you. If I were gay and a boy, I’d stay with you.”
Jim turned red. He always did when I teased him.
“Truth was,” he said, then paused. “I don’t think we were going to stay together. Even if Maddie didn’t die. He’s so young.”
I snickered. I was younger than Eric. “So are you.”
“Thirty-two is not young.”
“You ain’t ancient.”
“The point was just because we’re the only two gay men didn’t mean compatibility. We were there for comfort. Annemarie and Henry aren’t together anymore either and they’re closer in age.”
That was true. Annemarie told me, which was why she was rooming with Gwen and Henry was with Dave. They were still friends but no longer lovers.
“Then it’s his loss. Besides you like Manny, right?”
“Yes,” he admitted, he was still red. “But we’re taking it slow.”
When I was on watch with Mike, he puts two beers in the fridge in the morning. We both got overnight watches. It was like this every Wednesday, we’d grab a cold beer and sit outside. We got some tiki torches and some solar lights for illumination but five feet in front of you was black as shit.
Ricky sat on the porch with a pipe. The smell was sweet. Rose sat in a bench not far. Ricky was a Spanish guy about Mike’s age with tan wrinkled skin, a cute mustache, who had been an employee of the farm, not a laborer.
Most people turned in by nine but not everyone. Almost every Wednesdays Ricky and Rose would be on the porch with us at least for a little while. Rose suffered from insomnia most of her life, and slept maybe six hours a night. Ricky said he never needed more than five.
“Growing a little tobacco in the green house, that okay?” Ricky said, as soon as I came out.
“I don’t mind,” Mike said. “Long as you share some and don’t tell my wife.”
“Me neither.” I said. Despite smoking dope, I never took up cigarettes.
“How about your wife?” Mike asked me and smiled.
I took the joke though I wasn’t sure Jim would like it. “Jim’s my work wife.”
Mike chuckled.
“The tobacco will be good to trade with. Joel and Steven will probably want some—“ I paused. “What about weed? I mean not to get high. For medicine.”
“If you can find seeds, I’ll do it. It ain’t like the ATF or Feds are going to be nosing around.”
“Just keep it away from my daughter,” Mike said. “I got enough problems as is.”
“She might mellow out.”
“Hannah wants me to give her own room if space becomes available. I say as long as she keeps acting like a child, I’m treating her like one. I thought her getting off the boat would end it. Now she’s got her own bed. I put up a sheet for privacy, but she’s still acting crazy.”
Ricky looked away. He’s mouth crunched together like he was angry.
“Ricky, you okay? Did we piss you off?”
He didn’t respond right away.
“Sorry,” Mike said. “Whatever I said.”
He turned back around. His eyes were tearing up.
“I had a teen daughter, 15, we fought all the time, boys, piercings—“ his voice trailed off.
“I’m sorry, Ricky.”
“I’ll take the fighting anytime, I’ll take her to get a giant tattoo of Lady Gaga on her face if I could just have her back--” he stopped. “When it ended, she wasn’t this rebellious girl anymore. She was sick and barely alive, just lost her mother. I held her like she was my little baby again—“ he paused. “I put a hole in her head. She’s buried in the back.”
He stopped talking and moved to the edge of the porch.
“I feel like an idiot,” Mike said.
“Happens to the best of us.”
“I don’t know how to deal with Dena. She knows how much danger is out there--”
“Look, I ain’t a parent,” I said and thought about my daughter. “But you’re stuck. You want her to act like an adult, which she won’t do until you treat her like one. Someone’s gotta make the first move and since you’re the adult and know better, you should do it.”
Mike didn’t say anything.
“Annemarie told me that when we got food poisoning, Dena really helped. I would like to start giving her some shifts besides farming. Maybe not body clearing but maybe she can start training with Hannah or Dave or Lucy or--”
“Lucy has to have more than one horse first.” We had managed to capture a mare that Lucy named Heidi. The others ran from us whenever we came near.
“Or Grace.” Mike was silent for a moment. One thing he let Dena do as an adult was use guns. She had a handgun.
“Dena’s always been careful around guns and she knows what she’s doing. I trust her more with firearms than being in her own space.”
“Can I have some lessons too?” Rose asked, who had been silent this whole time. I was glad she said something ‘cause I didn’t want to talk about parenting with Mike. “I know how to use a rifle and a shotgun but I need help with my aim.”
“Sure. Maybe not from Grace-- I can give some pointers right now.” Mike took his rifle off his shoulders.
“Got no targets,” I said, looking out at the blackness. No signs of zombs. No moans, just the sounds of us and crickets.
“Don’t need any,” he said. “This is just to see how she holds the gun.”
“Joel taught me. He wanted me to come with him, but I couldn’t leave the others. I have trouble hitting my targets. Close but not enough.”
I saw an opening. Rose hadn’t mentioned her relationship with Joel since that first lunch and I could use this to learn about him. “What do you think about Joel? Can we trust him? He seems charming and he’s got Frannie fawning over him.”
“Joel is Joel,” she said, taking the rifle. “He’s a hunter and killing is the most important thing to him.”
Chapter 16
The dark clouds rolled in late morning and I heard thunder. It started far off and got louder.
I was in the fields, harvesting kale. Ricky said we may only lose about 30 percent of our crops. Biggest things were the pests. Because of the nature preserve, the birds took care of some of the large
bugs but they loved eatin the seeds. Hannah and Mike did a project with the kids and put together a bunch of scarecrows. About 10 of them littered the fields, and it scared them away, ‘cept for one smart-ass crow who loved sitting on it.
I saw the clouds and didn’t think anything of it. Storms don’t bother or scare me. My friend Tyrell had been as tough as nails, but fled at the sight of lightning.
It was hot as fuck and the rain would do me and the crops some good.
“That doesn’t look good,” Ricky said who was tilling the soil next to me with a hoe.
“Just some rain.” I pulled out another fucking dandelion and shoved it in the basket.
“Those clouds are ominous. Gonna be a bad storm. Seen it before.” I took a good look at the dark grey in the sky. It wasn’t above us yet. Looked like a regular thunderstorm to me. Ain’t surprised considering how hot it’s been but I trusted Ricky who worked on farms for twenty years. I was also glad he wasn’t still mad at me or Mike over what happened last week.
“Should we worry?”
“If we get hail and a lot of wind, yes. Right now, let’s lock the horse up.” I looked to the stable where Lucy was brushing her.
I tried to locate Jim. I remembered he was resting after an early morning shift.
“Do me a favor, Ricky, keep an eye on that storm and tell Lucy to get the horse inside. Call in Grace if she’s out. I’m gonna get Jim.”
“Sure,” he said. “It could be nothing. But just in case, I’m going to pull everyone off planting, bring the seeds inside, and get them to pick as much of the crop as possible.”
“Sounds good.”
I left Ricky to relay the message while I walked to the house, sweat soaking my clothes. I didn’t think the storm was gonna be so bad but it was nice to walk away from the fields. I looked to the sky before going in. The darker clouds were moving fast and getting blacker. A wind blew through my clothes, chilling me for a moment.
It was cooler indoors from the shade and several fans were on. I went up the stairs to the third floor to the bedroom I shared with Jim.
Jim was passed out on my bed which was bigger. Usually the bed was mine, but I got no problem with him using it when I wasn’t. A few times I found him passed out on the big bed and left him. I slept on dirty floors and couches, sleeping on a twin size mattress ain’t gonna kill me.
“Hey Jim,” I said, shaking him gently. He turned over and blinked his eyes a few times. I liked that he didn’t wake up scared.
“What?” he asked, his voice low.
“Storm’s coming. Ricky thinks it might be bad. He’s got people harvesting as much as possible and letting those in the field know they can come inside if they want.”
“Mike took a couple of people to the beach,” he said, sleepy. He rubbed his eyes. I hated waking him, but he let me know I should if there was trouble.
I heard the sound of thunder rumbling. The light in the room got dark. Storm was getting closer. Jim sat up in the bed more awake.
“I’ll call him back just in case.”
We had a rule that anyone that left the farm needed to take a two-way radio. I knew Mike would be smart enough to come back if he saw the clouds, but I worried. Jim got up and tossed on his shoes. Lightning brightened the room.
The dining room where the council met also served as our communications center. I went down the stairs and found it empty. Most everyone was working or resting. There was a white board that said who was out and what frequency they were on.
Right now Mike was out with Dena, Annemarie, Keith, Simon, Brie and one of the other kids Charlie. Grace was on patrol.
Annemarie picked up. “Yeah,” she said. “We’re on the way back. Should be there in 10 minutes. It’s already pouring here.” I could hear the thunder outside and over the radio.
“You be careful. Take shelter if you gotta.”
“We will,” she said. I heard a loud bang over the radio.
“Don’t worry,” she said, but her voice was shaky. “Just a pot hole.”
“Tell Mike to stay safe. Don’t take any chances.”
Grace was back when I went outside. She must have been close. She passed me without a word and went inside. I looked over to the stables and it was empty. Those still in the fields looked like they were working double time grabbing what kale they could.
I joined them with my basket. The thunder and lightning were going wild by then. The black clouds were above us and the wind picked up. I expected pouring rain any minute but I planned to stay out as long as possible to gather the kale. Getting wet ain’t gonna kill me.
That was when something hit me in the head. I turned around but no one was there. Then I got hit again. I felt like I was being showered by pebbles.
There was snow on the ground.
Not snow, hail. Shit.
“Everyone get inside!” I yelled to the people near me. Ricky was close, just about five feet away. I saw him talk into the radio.
I watched the people in the field begin to move. Some were using their baskets to cover their heads. The hail was mixed in size, most were pebbles but a few were baseball size. I waited to make sure everyone came in, despite the fact I was being pelted. I put my basket on my head like some kind of crazy African woman.
When I didn’t see anyone else in the field, I ran inside. I rubbed by head where the hail hit.
I found Jim among the group of people waiting in the living room. I didn’t see Grace but assume she was around.
I could hear the hail as it pelleted the farmhouse.
“You tell everyone to come in?” I asked Jim.
“Yes, Ricky’s helping the stragglers.”
“Mike and the others get back yet?” I knew he hadn’t because I didn’t see the minivan outside.
I heard thunder crack loudly and then the sound of heavy rain. Sounded like a pool being dropped on the house. At least the hail lessened. I didn’t say anything just moved to the comm room and grabbed a radio.
“Mike, you okay?”
“We’re fine,” This time I heard Mike’s voice. “We’re taking a break under an overpass.”
“What are you seeing?”
“Hail, a lot of rain, wind and lightning. I couldn’t see a damn thing in front of me.” Lightning struck followed by a boom. I heard it live and over the radio.
Hannah came into the room looking distressed. Lightning and thunder cracked almost without a break.
“Is that Mike?” she asked. “Are he and the kids okay?”
The thunder and lightning got louder but sounded deafening over the radio which was crackling more than usual. I handed the radio to Hannah.
“Honey,” Hannah said into the radio. “Are you okay?”
“Nothing to worry about,” he said, but even his voice was shaky. “Just a bad storm. It will be over in no time. You know how these storms are.” I heard the sound of a fierce crash over the radio. It wasn’t lightning it sounded like a building comin’ down. I felt dread because it reminded me of last year when the other truck crashed.
“Shit—“ I heard Mike say, and then the radio cut.
“Mike!” Hannah screamed.
My heart was in my chest. Three kids were in that van.
“Mike, come in!”
I waited a minute to see if they would check in. The static seemed so loud it filled the room. I realized it was ‘cause no one was talking. Jim looked at me worried.
Finally a voice came though the static.
“Hannah—Tanya,” It was Mike’s voice. “I think we need some help.”
“What happened?”
“The bridge collapsed,” he explained. “No one’s seriously injured.” He paused to long for my liking. “You need to come quick. Annemarie and Keith are trapped in the backseat. He’s bleeding.”
“We’re leaving right now. What kind of tools should we bring?” I sucked in my breath. Keith went to the beach solely because Joel’s man Chris came by this morning and now Annemarie’s life was in danger.
I kept the party small. Hannah to treat the injured and Dave to drive but the Paul and Felix volunteered to help. I didn’t want to tell them no and explain why. Besides Hannah would treat him and she knew what precautions to take. I’d only tell Paul and Felix if needed.
Dave drove as fast as he could on the broken roads and the driving rain. He was oddly silent, not giving orders. He’d been weird to me the last two weeks ever since I saw him the foyer and asked for a quickie. He said he was busy but for some reason he looked uncomfortable. I haven’t asked him since.
Instead I studied the torrential rain outside. It wasn’t as hard as before but it still heavy. Even though it was late morning, it looked like early evening. The sky was filled with dark clouds.
Mike had given us directions to the bridge. It wasn’t far, a couple of miles down the road.
I saw Mike waving his arms from far away before we even reached him. I could see the bridge had been small but the concrete and stone had been heavy enough to smash the middle of the van. He stood in the rain with Simon, Dena, Brie and one of the new kids Charlie.
Dave pulled up to where Mike stood. I got out before he even turned the car off and made my way to Mike, not caring I was getting soaked.
I was surprised when Simon grabbed hold of me and hugged me tightly. He never hugged me before. “It was scary, Tanya.”
“I know. I’m sure you were brave.”
Dena came over to rescue me. She rolled her eyes.
“Come on, Simon,” she said, taking his hand. “Don’t be a baby, you’re almost 11.”
Simon looked hurt, but didn’t respond and he followed Dena to the car. They were both soaked to the skin. She was mean but right. Simon needed to stop acting like a baby. When she got to the car, Hannah came out, Simon crushed her in a hug. Hannah tried to hug Dena but she took a small step back.
Brie came over to me before she went to Hannah. “Tanya!” she yelled. “First it was like boom boom boom! Then it was snowing, then part of the bridge fell like London Bridge. It was loud. Simon got scared, but not me! ”
“You’re a big girl.”
“Daddy Mike said not to be ‘fraid of the booms, and I wasn’t!”
Abe found Brie when she was three and now at five she acted fearless. Simon on the other hand barely made it out alive and was often terrified. I worried about him. When got older he would be expected to pitch in. He didn’t do much now except keep Brie distracted. At least Charlie and Andy, the two new kids were more well behaved except getting Andy to bathe was apparently a nightmare.
Mike came over to me.
“Get in the car, Brie,” he said.
Brie giggled, she had a sweet laugh, and after giving Hannah a large hug, dove into the car.
Hannah walked up to where I was standing. She smartly wore a yellow slicker but it was still pretty hot and humid out.