Endless (8 page)

After I hung up, I sat for a long while under
that palm tree. My stomach was churning and my mind spinning.
Talking with Caroline took me back to those days when Rafe was the
only person I could trust. I knew that the complete break I made
was the right thing to do, but it still hurt.

The days between Michael’s appearance at my
door and the end of the school year had been both heaven and hell
for me. Michael, finished with finals and home for the summer,
dropped me at the school each morning and picked me up every
afternoon. With my parents’ blessing, we worked together at the
nursery. I didn’t go back to my old place at the nursery shop; with
my powers still too volatile, I was afraid to be around anyone who
didn’t know what I could do. Instead, I worked out among the plants
with either Michael or Marly.

That part was heaven.

During the school days, I stuck close to
Amber, concentrated on classes and tried to tune out the
speculation that continued to run through the minds of my
classmates and teachers. Most of them were leery of me. There were
rumors that I’d tried to kill Amber, that Rafe, Amber and I had
been part of some kind of bizarre love triangle, or that Marica was
the one in love with Rafe, and in a jealous rage, had tried to kill
me
. Well, there was an element of truth in even the most
ridiculous stories. I
had
nearly killed Amber, and
subsequently, Marica
had
tried to kill me. Or at the very
least to incapacitate and kidnap me. I found it hard not to laugh
at the idea that Marica was having an illicit relationship with
Rafe—that was so off-target.

But that was the only remotely amusing part
of my day. Rafe’s pain and bleak isolation was overwhelming, even
though I carefully avoided any interaction with him at all. He
blocked me completely from his mind, but he couldn’t control his
feelings, and our previous intimacy made me more susceptible to
them. I ended each school day in utter exhaustion, working hard to
put on a happy face when I climbed back into the Mustang. I
couldn’t share this with Michael; I felt his pain even more
acutely, and I knew the two together would destroy me.

And it was short-term, at any rate. I
struggled through, and I worked hard to keep from lashing out with
magicks. Graduation day arrived at last, and if I were a bit more
emotional than my classmates, no one noticed.

After the ceremony, we were all herded
outside the gym onto the school lawn. Amber grabbed me for a quick,
tight hug.

“We did it!” she crowed. “We made it through
King High without dying!” I laughed and shushed her at the same
time, even though no one was paying any attention to us at all. A
few other girls patted me on the shoulder, beaming. Clearly drunk
on the bliss of being finished with high school, they temporarily
forgot that they were afraid of me.

Then I felt it: that heaviness squeezing at
my heart until I had almost no breath. I turned, and Rafe was
standing behind me.

For just a moment, his eyes were unguarded
and I saw the naked longing and grief. And then he was back in
control, thoughts blocked, eyes distant and sardonic.

“Congratulations, Tasmyn,” he said
quietly.

I didn’t know what to say. I licked my lips.
A wave of desire rolled out from Rafe and nearly dragged me under.
I took half a step back.

“You, too, Rafe,” Amber said. She stepped
around me and pulled Rafe into an awkward hug. A smile hovered
around his lips for just a moment as he gripped her shoulders.

“Thanks, Rafe,” I echoed. “Glad to be done.
It was touch and go there at times, wasn’t it?”

His lips curved into that half-smile that
always tugged at my heart. “Sure,” he answered. “Never a dull
moment.” He glanced around us, as though looking for the next topic
of conversation.

“What are you doing after?” Amber rescued us
once again. I just loved that girl.

“Ah, my grandparents are having a family
party, back at the house. You’re welcome to come if you want.” He
shrugged. Under different circumstances, I would have gone without
hesitating. Of course, now it was impossible.

Someone called Amber, and she turned to greet
another classmate. And Rafe and I were alone in the middle of our
shouting, jostling fellow graduates.

“What are you doing?” he asked me, just above
a whisper. “I mean, in the fall. Are you going to college?”

I forced a smile. “Yes. Going to Perriman.
That’s the plan.”

“Of course.” He shifted, and I thought for a
second that he was going to turn to leave. And then he looked over
my head. If I thought his eyes were cold before, they were now
frozen.

“Tas!” Michael scooped me into a huge embrace
before kissing me senseless. “Congratulations, high school
graduate!”

If I had harbored any doubts, any misgivings,
during these few moments with Rafe, any thoughts that I had made a
mistake—they instantly vanished. When Michael held me, I felt so
complete and so full of peace and joy. This was where I
belonged.

I turned in his arms to face Rafe. “Michael,
you remember Rafe. We were just talking about college.”

Michael’s arms tightened and I heard the
fierce protectiveness of his thoughts. But he smiled.

“Sure. Rafe, congratulations.”

Rafe’s mouth twisted, but it could hardly be
called a smile. “Thanks. You too.” None of us had to ask why he was
congratulating Michael. His eyes darted down to me, still murky and
unreadable.

He turned to go, and Michael reached out to
grab his arm. Rafe stilled.

“Hey, man, I want to say—thank you. For—you
know. Taking care of. . .things.”

Rafe answered through clenched teeth. “Don’t
thank me.” He pulled away from Michael’s hand and disappeared into
the crowd.

That was the last time I saw Rafe.

Cathryn was very efficient. When I told her
that my parents and Marly were arriving on Friday night, she
immediately arranged a Saturday morning breakfast meeting.

“Of course, we will be your hosts,” she told
me. “We have a beautiful executive dining room at the Institute.”
Her words reminded me of Caroline Brooks musing about Carruthers’
profit status.

“Cathryn always used to talk about her
family’s business,” Michael remarked at lunch on Friday. “I guess
this is what she meant. She said it was some kind of consulting
firm.”

“I don’t get why she was in the botany
department if she already has a job,” I said. The closer the
arrival of our parents came, the more annoyed I felt. I couldn’t
pinpoint exactly why; I loved my parents and Marly. But somehow
this time, it felt as though they were intruding on the life that
Michael and I were just beginning to establish.

“She really does have a gift with plants,”
Michael answered. “And she loves it. I think it’s more like a hobby
for her.”

“So she works for Carruthers, she has this
gig as the alumni liason, and she has a degree in botany?” I
couldn’t keep the arch tone out of my voice.

“Hey, I thought you liked her now,” Michael
said, reaching across the table to rub my hand.

“No, I don’t like her. I just know more about
her.” I turned my hand over and laced my fingers through his. “She
likes you. More than that, she
wants
you. I wonder. . .” I
let my words trail off as a thought struck me.

“What do you wonder? You’re frowning.”
Michael brushed a fingertip over my forehead. I caught his hand and
leaned my cheek against it.

“What if Cathryn is just using this
Carruthers idea to pull me away from you? She’s known what I can do
for a long time, but she’s only just now tried to recruit me.”

Michael laughed. “Really? Wow, I’m flattered.
You seriously think she’s courting you for her family’s company
just so she can get at me?”

“Stranger things,” I retorted, eyebrows
raised.

“I think you’re forgetting something pretty
obvious. If Cathryn wanted me so badly, why didn’t she make a move
last spring? When you and I. . .” He tightened his grip on my hand.
“I spent time with her. We had coffee, dinner a few times. She made
it clear that she was available. But she never pushed.”

“Hmmm.” I was still skeptical.

We met our parents in the lobby of my dorm at
six o’clock. Marly hadn’t seen my room yet, and after a brief tour,
we all went out to dinner at the pub in the center of town.

“That’s where I had lunch with Cathryn.” I
pointed to the small café as we passed it.

There was silence in the car, and then my
father spoke up. “She called us this week to introduce herself and
confirm times for this weekend. I have to say--” he paused, and my
mother took over.

“She actually seems very business-like, very
astute. She said she understood our reservations and misgivings.
She wants us to meet some other families.”

Next to me, Michael squeezed my hand.

After dinner, my parents were ready to head
back to their hotel. Marly was staying with Michael in his suite,
and she sent Michael back to his room as my parents drove away.

“Go make sure everything is ready for me,”
she instructed. “I know about college boys and their dorms. At
least air the place out.”

Michael rolled his eyes. “Just come out and
say it, Mom. You want time alone with Tas. Since when do you try to
play me?”

Marly swatted her son’s arm. “Don’t be smart,
boy. I agreed to stay in that room with you. And yes, I do want a
little girl talk. So go. Shoo.”

“I’ll walk her back over,” I put in. “It’s
such a pretty night. And then you can walk me back here while Marly
settles in.”

Marly sank onto a bench in the dim lights of
the courtyard outside my dorm. “You’re right, it’s a beautiful
evening.” She patted the seat next to her. “Come here, sit down.”
When I joined her, Marly flung an arm around my shoulders and
hugged me. “Oh, I miss you! I miss all my kids, but you know, I
feel like I got cheated out of your last year with me.”

When I dropped my eyes in remorse, Marly
patted my leg. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad, sweetie. I’m
so happy you and Michael are adjusting to life here. I can see a
difference in the two of you already. It makes me happy.”

“I miss you and Luke, too,” I admitted. “But
I love being up here with Michael. It feels—just—
right
, you
know?”

Marly laughed softly. “I do know exactly what
you mean. When I was going to college and Luke was working near me.
. .I remember what that felt like. We were on the verge of really
starting life.”

“That’s it,” I agreed. “Like we’re finally
ready to start our real lives.”

“And now you have this new opportunity. How
do you feel about that?”

I raised one shoulder. “I’m not sure. At
first, I thought absolutely not. I don’t want anything to do with
using my powers on a regular basis. I mean, after Marica? No,
thanks. But then. . .” I tilted my head, staring at the brick
walkway. “But then I thought, well, maybe. If this will help me use
what I can do to really help people? That would be pretty cool. And
maybe it would make me a better person.”

“Tasmyn, you
are
a good person. Using
your ability to help people sounds like a great idea, but please
don’t think you have to made amends for anything.”

I sighed. “I hurt people, Marly. I was
horrible to you and Luke and Lela, and what I put Michael through.
. .and then there’s Amber, and Cara and her family, and Nell in a
coma. . .” I shook my head. “Not to mention my own parents, who
can’t even trust me.”

Marly pulled me into another hug. “Stop that
right now. Yes, you made mistakes. We all do. Because of your
gifts, you probably had the potential to make those mistakes on a
larger scale than the rest of us. But you’ve also done some pretty
amazing things, Tas. You saved Amber’s life. You kept Nell from
killing her, which probably saved Nell’s life. Cara and Reverend
Pryce made their own choices. It’s fine to admit your own stumbles,
but don’t appropriate those that belong to other people, okay?”

I sniffed a little. “Okay.” We sat together
for a few more minutes. Without meaning to, I fell into Marly’s
thoughts.
So glad to have this time. Poor thing, so much on her
shoulders. Michael needs to make sure. . .ouch!

I jumped as Marly smacked her leg. “I think
that mosquito just nailed me, but I got the ultimate revenge.” She
brushed the dead bug off her hand. “We better start walking before
they eat us alive.”

“Are you coming to breakfast with us tomorrow
at Carruthers?” I asked as we crossed the campus.

“Oh, yes. I wouldn’t miss it. I want to meet
this mysterious Cathryn Whitmore.”

I snorted, and Marly laughed. “I take it
you’re not a fan?”

I flipped a hand and shook my head. “I don’t
know. She’s been kind of snotty to me up until this week. She
always makes me feel clumsy and young and naive.”