“We saw headlights and thought our luck had changed, that we would be safer in a caravan. Gabrio got out, and three men got out of the car behind us. It only took a moment to see we weren’t safer at all. They made us get out of the car, held us at bay while they searched it. I thought at first they just intended to rob us, but then they unlocked the glove compartment with our keys and found my gun.”
“Yours?”
“The year before I had been attacked by a rabid dog. Gabrio insisted I carry a gun after that. He was not a violent man, simply cautious. We agreed I would keep one locked in the car, just in case, but only in the car. I didn’t carry it with me.
“When they took the gun, Gabrio stepped forward.” She looked at Sam. “They shot him. The man holding my gun shot him. Then the other man stepped away from us and he turned the gun toward me….”
Sam felt his stomach knot. For a moment he felt physically ill.
“Do you believe in miracles, Sam? I’ve never asked you this. But either an angel or a devil intervened that night. Because the gun jammed the second time. And when it did, I pushed Ramon into the bushes at the side of the road, and we ran. I knew Gabrio was dead. They shot him through the heart. He had no chance at all, but we did. They came after us, of course. We heard them crashing through the bushes, but it was dark, growing darker, and the storm had started again.”
“It’s a miracle you survived,” he said, tightening his arm around her.
“I very nearly didn’t. It became clear quickly that they were going to catch up. I pointed to something that looked like a footpath to our right, and Ramon took off toward it. As soon as he’d gained a few feet, I took off to the left, making noise as I did.”
“You were trying to make them follow you?”
“I wanted my brother to have every chance. So I did what I could to lead them away from him. I thought they would catch me quickly. I could hear them behind me. I don’t know why they didn’t. At some point they made a wrong turn, perhaps, or because of the rain, they could not hear me as well as I’d thought.”
“Sound travels differently in the mountains.”
“Whatever the reason, I expected to die. I stumbled into a dense thicket. There were boulders, and I slid between two of them and crouched, waiting for them to find me, praying they would not. Once I thought I heard them pass…” She swallowed. “Then I heard gunshots.”
He didn’t know what to say. He held her tighter.
“Two shots,” she said, the words ragged. “I was lost by then, turned around. I don’t know what direction they came from, Sam. I don’t know why they shot…But I never saw Ramon again.”
He kissed her hair, and only then did he realize his eyes were wet. “I’m so sorry.”
“I stayed in the thicket until the next morning. By then I was so sick I could barely walk, but somehow I found my way back to the road, and I stayed within sight of it, following it as best I could to the village while I stayed hidden. A man was searching for firewood, and he found me. He helped me hide in the woods until nightfall, then he took me to a house on the outskirts, where they took care of me. The man and some others went back to find Gabrio and the car, and to look for Ramon, but there was no sign of any of them. They found blood not far away. I don’t know whose blood, if the murderers dragged Gabrio there…” She shook her head. “If it was Ramon’s blood…”
“The body was gone?”
“Some men came that night and said someone had found a body some distance away. By then I had been taken to a cave, and left with blankets and water and a woman to tend me. I was so sick I didn’t know what was happening. We had been traveling with medicine, of course, but I had nothing with me when I escaped. I had a high fever. Every breath was like a knife. The next morning two villagers returned and told me that the dead man was Gabrio, and that the authorities claimed I had killed him. My gun was found beside him, and only my fingerprints were on it. The man who shot Gabrio had worn gloves, I think, although it all happened so quickly I could not swear to anything. But they said that I had been heard threatening Gabrio—”
“Because you said he seemed to think he would be better off dead than married to you?”
“Such a little thing at the time, a woman upset with her husband and hoping for reassurance. But that, the fact I had disappeared from the scene along with my brother, the gun…The car was found a week later near the Belize border. Even later there were stories I had withdrawn all our funds from our joint account, reports that I had caught Gabrio with a mistress. Lies, all of it. But I couldn’t go home to defend myself.”
He understood why. “Ramon?”
“Yes. By the time I had recovered enough to do anything, I knew if I returned to testify and Ramon was still alive, he would try to find his way back to me. And if he did, he would be killed. He was a witness that night, and he wouldn’t be allowed to live long enough to tell the truth. Martin is a powerful man, far more powerful than I would ever be. His men had intended to kill all of us that night. Had we not fled, they would have made it look like a robbery. Once we ran, they could only make it look as if one or both of us had killed Gabrio.”
“But surely there were friends, people in high places who could help you and protect your brother?”
“And which of our friends in Guatemala could be trusted to protect him? Who had told these men I kept a gun in my car? Who had told them where we were going and when we would be there? Who stole the money from our accounts, or falsely reported that my husband kept a mistress and that I wanted to kill him in revenge? Neither Ramon nor I was safe in our own country, and I knew I had no choice but to escape.”
“And you’ve been on the run ever since.” He wasn’t even certain he wanted the answer to the next question, but he asked it anyway. “And Ramon? Do you know anything about him?”
“Can you imagine two people on the run, no contacts or plans, certainly no passports or identification, no one who can be trusted to help, terrified of being caught and killed? Two people with nothing, no money, no resources, not even photographs to show as they look for each other? Two people trying to disguise themselves with new hairstyles, sunglasses, taking new names and jobs they never trained to do?”
Sam couldn’t. The fact she had gotten this far amazed him. “No, I can’t.”
“But there have been sightings.”
Sam listened as she recounted incidents when Ramon might have been spotted, her own fruitless stays in both Manzanillo and Mexico City, and at last the phone call to Judy and the message that had been passed along to the caller. “And you think, if it
was
Ramon on the telephone, he would make the connection and come here?”
“This was the only place left I could think of to try. Ramon loved the stories my mother told of her life here. And I told him we would come here together. We spoke of it often. I know he would understand what Judy’s husband said to him about wading in the brook. If it was Ramon…”
And that, of course, was the central question. Because Ramon might never have gotten more than a few hundred yards from the scene of Gabrio’s murder. Ramon, like so many of the victims of military violence in Guatemala’s highlands, might be buried in an unmarked grave on a mountainside.
Elisa’s story explained so much. How she had come to this place in particular, why she had stayed. Why she had chosen to work at the church and the nursing home. Her future, though, was a mystery.
“I think if they had killed my brother that night,” Elisa said, “they would have left his body with Gabrio’s and tried to blame me for both murders. This gives me hope. But then I think, no, they would know better than to try to prove such a thing. My devotion to my brother was well known….”
Her struggles broke his heart. “How long will you give him, Elisa? Or should I call you Alicia now?”
“I am Elisa. I learned to think of myself that way.” She tried to smile. “My mother was an Elvis fan. My lullaby as a child was ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight.’ Alicia Maria? Does it sound familiar? Lisa Marie? She called me Lisa, and so did my father, but only at home. When I chose a new name, it was close enough to my own that I knew I would remember to answer.”
He tried to smile, too. “American to the bone.”
“As a matter of fact, yes. I am a U.S. citizen.”
He let that settle for a moment. She nodded. “Yes, dual citizen of Guatemala and the United States. Recognized by both countries. I won’t bore you with the way I came across the border. I did what thousands do each day, only I stole into my own country, and that’s a twist on a familiar story, isn’t it? If Ramon is here, he was forced to do the same.”
“If you’re a citizen, can’t you appeal for help? You have rights.”
“I am a fugitive. Others have asked questions for me, of attorneys who specialize in these issues. The answer is not good.”
“What happens next?” It was the big question, and the one she had avoided answering.
“Soon I must go. I’ve made too many friends, raised too many questions. Years have passed, but someone from Guatemala could see me and make the connection. It is always a danger, but more so the longer I stay anywhere.”
“And where will you look next?”
She was silent. At first he didn’t understand; then, as the silence continued, he knew. “You’re going back to Guatemala, aren’t you?”
“I’ve run out of choices.”
“But if you’re in danger
here…
”
“Martin Avila Morales will soon begin a campaign to become president. There is opposition. Rumors of his past have begun to surface. Maybe I have a chance now of telling my story, of pointing the finger of suspicion…of finding out what happened to my brother.”
“But Ramon—”
“Ramon has not come!” She took a deep, shaky breath. “And these sightings and rumblings I’ve held on to, these slivers of hope? He is not here! My brother is not here after weeks, and I have run out of options and places to look. I don’t care what happens to me. I have never cared much about that. But I can no longer wait and hope that someday we will find each other, that I can keep him safe by my silence. It’s time to step forward and speak the truth about what happened that night!”
“
I
care.” He turned her to face him. She came reluctantly. “I’ll help you. We’ll find a way to keep you safe and find your brother.”
“In the eyes of the law I’m a criminal. A woman wanted for murder. And you are a man who understands prison. Don’t you know what will happen to you if you knowingly help me?”
He cupped her face in his hands. “Elisa, don’t you know what will happen to me if I
don’t?
”
E
lisa twisted away from Sam and got to her feet. The afghan pooled on the floor below, and she folded her arms as if to retain what she could of its warmth.
“Do you know—can you see—what you’re letting yourself in for? Even if you weren’t in danger of going to prison, what sort of future do we have? Let’s say I turn myself in, talk to government officials and ask for their help. There is an extradition treaty in place. After I tell my story, the authorities will be forced to return me. And after I have been sent back to Guatemala, what do you think will happen then? Do you think I’ll be easily vindicated, that I will come back to you so we can start a real life together?”
Sam tried to take her in his arms, but she moved away. He tried to calm her fears. “You said yourself there are rumors about Morales. Isn’t it possible those who oppose him will protect you? Even more likely, isn’t it possible that our government—and it
is
yours, because you’re a U.S. citizen—will listen to what you have to say and keep you safe while they ferret out the truth?”
“You’re an optimist, a man who believes that good prevails. I’ve seen it doesn’t. My parents are dead because of Martin Avila Morales. My husband is dead. My brother…” She shook her head. “Do you think I want to lose you, as well?”
“So you’ll be happier if we pretend nothing happened between us because it’s inconvenient to be in love?”
“Inconvenient?” Her eyes flashed. “This is inconvenience? This hunt, this murderer’s search to destroy me and everyone I have ever loved, is reduced to inconvenience?”
“Love comes when it comes, Elisa. It doesn’t wait for the right time or place, for people who are prepared and waiting. I didn’t intend to fall in love with you. You didn’t—”
“I have never said I loved you!”
“Then say you don’t! Say it right now. Not that it’s going to make a difference to me. Because if you let me, I know I can make you love me.”
“Oh, of this we can be sure? The world is in turmoil, my own world has spun off its axis, but we can be sure of this, that you can
make
me love you?”
“I’m sure because if you don’t love me now, you’re this close, aren’t you?” He held out his hand, thumb and index finger nearly touching. “But you’ll deny it to both of us, because you’re afraid that loving you is a curse.”
“It is.” She was pale but resolute.
“Then I am well and truly cursed, and you know what? I don’t care. Your life is not an inconvenience, it’s a mess, a complete and utter disaster. I don’t know how you’ve come this far, and I don’t know how much further you have to go, but I’ll take the crumbs, the disasters, the sadness and the whole package. I don’t know where it will lead or where it will end, but I know
this.
”
He reached for her and held her by the shoulders. “I want you. I want to marry you and, God willing, be the father of your children. I want whatever time we’re allowed together. And I want to help. I know people, Elisa, people in the State Department. I know a representative or two. And I know they’ll be discreet and try to do whatever they can. Everything you’ve done and thought has revolved around your brother, and you’ve hardly begun to think about yourself and what might save you. Now it’s time you did. It’s time
we
did. Because I’m in this with you, whether you love me or not.”
“I can’t keep up. You want to marry me. You want to father my children. You want to perform miracles in the halls of the State Department, to consign a murderer to the flames of hell so we can live happily ever after? You want also to bring back the dead, Sam? There are so many dead to bring back.”
“I just want to love you. And everything that comes with it.” He gathered her to him. She resisted at first, but at last she relaxed against him. He held her close, stroking her hair, her back, whispering and murmuring.
“I love you,” he said against her hair. “And the only miracle I’ve ever been part of was finding you.”
“You can’t love me.”
“Can’t isn’t part of it.”
“I should have gone away.”
“And where would Tessa and her son be if you had? Where would I be? I can answer that. I’d be looking for you.”
“You would feel at home in Guatemala. You are a man who is sure of
everything.
”
He tilted her chin so she had to look at him. “I’m not as sure as I want to be.” He looked into her eyes, red-rimmed, blurred with tears, and yearning. “Tell me you love me. Or tell me you don’t.”
“You said it doesn’t matter.”
“I lied.”
She gave a small shake of her head.
He lifted a brow in question. “The truth, please?”
“You will use it against me.”
“We’re getting closer to yes.”
“It will give you power.”
“It’s not words that have the power.”
“I’ll bring disaster to your doorstep.”
“We’ll face it together.”
“I didn’t want to fall in love with you.”
“And?”
“There are some things I could not protect myself against.”
He kissed her then. The moment felt inevitable, as if everything that had come before had merely been a prelude. They had met, they had kissed, and everything between had happened in a heartbeat.
Her lips were so soft, the noises she made so sweet. The taste of her was a fire in his blood. The kiss deepened, and desire pounded through him.
“Marry me.” His heart was beating so hard he was dizzied by it, but he pulled away just far enough to say the words. “Don’t tell me you can’t or won’t. We don’t have to tell the world. Just pledge yourself to me.”
“I can’t. There are so many reasons.”
He wouldn’t let her move away. “None that are good enough.”
“I can’t marry you as Elisa Martinez. I won’t marry you as Alicia Santos. I can’t, not without bringing the authorities to our doorstep. And what would marriage mean for you? They could send you right to jail. And by the time you got out, I would be gone, in prison myself—or worse.”
When he would have answered, she placed a finger against his lips to silence him. “It’s foolish to pretend otherwise, Sam. You know it is.”
He took her hands and clasped them tight. “Marry me in the sight of God, then. Here, tonight. Just us. Make our vows a promise that whatever happens, we’ll stand together. It doesn’t matter what names we use, what papers we sign. This is between us and no one else, Elisa. Not the state, not the law.”
“I won’t let you tie yourself to me. Not in any way.”
“I’m already tied to you.”
“I’m yours tonight and as long as I can remain here. Let it be enough, Sam. It has to be enough.”
He couldn’t make choices for her. And his own? There would be no other woman for him, not as long as he knew she was alive. In his heart and soul he was as committed to her as he would have been at any altar. No, this was not enough, but it was too much to forfeit.
She lifted on tiptoes and kissed him again, and this time he was lost. He had dreamed of her, known how she would feel against him, remembered with all his senses their few brief moments of intimacy. None of it had been as glorious as this. Her skin rippled against his hands; the fragrance of her hair was intoxicating. With each movement, each time she touched him, he fell deeper into a vortex of sensation.
In his bedroom—and how they arrived there he could not have said—she removed the clip in her hair so it fell against her back in a dark, shining mass. He knew these were moments he should remember and treasure, but even as the thought flickered through his mind, they were undressing each other with little finesse and no hesitation to savor the moment. They were on his bed, on the spread, because they would not take the necessary seconds to pull it down. He could feel how beautiful she was, the perfect symmetry of her breasts and hips, the smooth length of her legs, the strength of her arms around him.
They were two, separated by a world gone crazy, by people who wanted to destroy her, by court decrees and dread. And then they were one.
He had never felt so greedy, so out of control, but some part of him registered Elisa’s abandoned response and her own desire. She needed him as much as he needed her, not simply for this moment, but because she loved him. And that knowledge, that affirmation, sent him over the edge.
They lay together afterward without speaking. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted nothing to separate them, nothing to tug at the truce that had brought them here. But he was aware, despite the deep satisfaction of his body, that making love had only intensified his need. There was nothing he would not give up for her, and nothing he could give up that would make a difference. He wondered where they could go to keep her safe, even as he realized she would not go into deep hiding unless and until she knew the truth about her brother.
“Dorie ran away,” Elisa said, almost as if she’d read his thoughts. “Martha told me the end of the story, or as much as she remembers. Sarah woke up one morning, and Dorie was gone. She left to find Marie, and because she didn’t want to put Sarah and Jeremiah in danger.”
“Are you warning me?” He turned to his side and faced her, lifting a lock of hair that lay across her shoulder and twisting it around his finger. “Because you promised you wouldn’t leave without telling me.”
“I will keep my promise.”
“I want to come with you. Wherever you go.”
The room was dark; the only light was moonlight through dual windows, but he could see the emotion in her eyes. “You can’t give up your life for me.”
“I think you’re too late. I think I’ve
given
you my life. You are my life now.”
She touched his cheek; then she kissed him again, and this time, they moved as if in a dream, slowly drinking in each moment as if it might quench the thirst of a lifetime.
Just before dawn, Elisa, wrapped in a blanket, found Sam standing in the den gazing out on the winter-shrouded landscape. The December sun would not rise in a blaze of glory; rather it would gently highlight the horizon and slowly bring color into a world of elongated shadows.
He wore jeans and a flannel shirt. His feet were bare; his hair was tumbled. Her heart squeezed painfully with love. For so many people, a moment like this one meant little. It was one of a lifetime of such moments, of careless intimacy, of comfort and ease taken for granted. But not for her and not for Sam, and that made it so much more poignant and important.
She watched him stare out the window, unaware that she was behind him. And she knew then that there was one thing she could give him in exchange for all he had given her—his faith in her, his devotion, even his very future, if she would let him.
“Sam?”
He turned, and his expression warmed at the sight of her. “What are you doing up? You’ll freeze like that.”
There was time to change her mind. She was still torn, the desire to protect him warring with the need for the fortifying bonds of commitment. He couldn’t protect her. He wanted nothing so much as that, but despite everything he had said, she knew he was a realist. Sam knew he could only love her and pledge himself to be beside her through everything that would come.
And she could give him that. It was so little, and still so much.
She went to stand beside him, looking out over the snow-blanketed trees. “This would be the moment to say our vows before God.”
He turned her to face him. “You’ll do that?”
“For you. For your God.”
“Your God, too, Elisa.”
She would not argue. Sam’s faith was complex; he was not a man who believed in easy answers. But there was a deep, pure well inside him, an unshakeable belief that God surrounded him, that she did not share. It had little to do with words or theology, but she knew it was one of the things about him that she loved the most.
“For my God, too, then,” she said. “For the God I would like to know.”
His gaze was warm. He bent and kissed her. “Here, like this?”
She touched his face. “You must promise that if we are separated too long, if there is no hope we will ever be together again, you will forget any vows we make today.”
“This will be as real as any wedding.”
“You are not an easy man to drive a bargain with.”
“I’m just asking you for everything. What’s so hard about that?”
She smiled. “Not here. I think outside, where the world looks as untouched as it probably did on the day it was created. Under a winter sky, with snow still falling.”
“Where we will freeze.”
“Together.” She lifted his hands and kissed them. “Give me a few minutes?”
“Only a few. The sun’s about to rise.”
She showered quickly and slipped back into the clothes she had so swiftly abandoned last night. She left her hair down and went to find him again.
Sam was wearing boots and a snow-dotted sheepskin jacket. He held out her coat and Helen’s rubber overshoes. “No bride will ever be more beautiful,” he promised as he handed them to her.
Her doubts had resurfaced in the shower, but now the expression on his face chased them away. She had loved two special men in her life, and the second, standing before her now, deserved everything she could ever give him. He took her hand.