Enduring Love (11 page)

Thomas pulled himself to his full height. “I can do it.”

“All right, then. I’ll put you in charge of the ones without mums.”

Thomas smiled, his blue eyes coming to life. “I’ll do a fine job. I know what it feels like to lose yer mum.” Sorrow stole the light from his eyes.

John felt a pang of sadness. Thomas did know. He’d not only lost his mother but his sister and father as well. He gently squeezed the boy’s shoulder.

Thomas squatted beside the ewe and its baby, watching closely. “This one’s real hungry.” The lamb butted its mother’s udder, hoping for more milk. “He’s going to be a strong one.” John chuckled. “Could be. He started out a bit slow, but looks like he’s making a go of it.” He glanced around the lambing shed. “Any more nearing their time?”

“I don’t think there are any coming in the next hour,” Quincy said. “Ye look done in. Why don’t ye get some sleep? I’ll watch over them.” Using his thumb to push up his hat, he scratched his scalp. “With Thomas here to help, we’ll be fine.”

“I could do with a bit of sleep. But there’s a lot else that needs to be done.”

“What good will ye be if ye give way?”

John looked at the house.
How fine my bed would feel.
It had been a good six weeks since he’d moved to town. But since lambing had begun, he’d been allowed to spend most nights in the barn. As he’d settle down to sleep at the end of each day, his mind went to Hannah. He missed her presence beside him.
If
only things could be as they were.

He trudged to the water barrel, dipped out a ladleful, and drank it down. Filling the dipper again, he sipped from it, then poured some into his palm and scrubbed his face. It refreshed him a bit. After hanging the ladle back in its place, he turned to the house, hoping to catch a glimpse of Hannah. She didn’t appear.

“Mum made lemonade. Would ye like some? I’ll get it for ye. Maybe we could rest on the porch for a bit, eh?”

“Don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

Thomas scowled. “Yer not even trying to make things better. Ye ought to talk to her. She’s alone a lot. And she does most of the work on her own.”

“I’m here nearly every day . . . I do my best.”

“Ye left her . . . and me.”

“It’s not what I wanted.” John reached for Thomas, pulling him to within arm’s length before the lad balked. “I’m here now.”

Thomas kicked at the ground, then looked at his father. “It’s not enough.” He glanced at the lamb, which had settled beside its mother. Thomas looked back at his father with an accusing gaze. “She made the lemonade for ye.”

“I doubt that. You can drink enough for two people.” John’s attempt at levity fell flat.

“She made a whole pitcher full. More than me and her can drink.” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked his father in the eyes. “Talk to her.”

John’s insides tightened. That’s what he wanted—time with her, laughter, love, and real conversations the way it used to be.

Working to keep the emotion from his voice, John said, “Your mother’s made it clear I’m to keep my distance. And she’s right.” John hated the reality of the statement, but he knew it to be true. With him and Margaret seeing each other and working toward reconciliation, it wasn’t respectable to visit with Hannah even in an innocent way. And if he had any chance of putting his first marriage back together, he couldn’t cozy up with her. “It’s not proper for your mum and me to spend time together, Thomas. We’re not together anymore.”

“Ye could be.” Thomas stomped off. He stopped and glared over his shoulder. “Ye could be . . . if ye wanted to,” he shouted and ran toward the river. He pumped his arms up and down as he sprinted away.

The familiar ache settled around John’s heart as he watched the boy go. If only he could make Thomas understand.
How
can I do that? I don’t even understand. This isn’t right, none
of it is.
He felt pressure on his shoulder and the squeeze of Quincy’s hand.

“He’ll be fine. Give him time.”

John blew out a heavy breath and turned back to the shed. “I better have a look at some of those ewes.” Frustration cut through him like a cold winter wind as he walked to the next pen.

Dishrag in hand, Hannah stepped onto the porch and watched Thomas run toward the river. She knew how much he liked working with his father and how excited he’d been about helping with the lambing. She’d expected him to spend every possible moment in the lambing shed.

He loves the river as well,
she reasoned, but detected an intensity in his stride that alerted her to trouble.
I wonder if he and
his father had words
. Thomas had made it clear that he loathed the present arrangement between his parents.
Lord, help him
to understand that we’ve no choice. And give him peace in the
midst of this storm.
Hannah wished the same for herself. She felt as if she’d been caught up in a maelstrom.

She returned to the kitchen and stared at the pitcher of lemonade on the counter. Thomas had convinced her to make enough for the both of them plus John and Quincy. She couldn’t lie to herself; she’d hoped John might share some with her and Thomas. She removed the towel draped over the top of the pitcher and poured herself a glass.

After replacing the towel, she returned to the veranda and set the glass on a side table. A breeze blew up from the river, making the cool air feel almost cold. Pulling her shawl more tightly about her shoulders, she sat and closed her eyes, enjoying the fragrance of eucalyptus driven on the wind. She felt almost at peace.

The sound of a buggy carried up from the roadway, and she looked to see who was passing by, or perchance visiting. She hoped Lydia had come to call. It had been too long. Hannah stood and watched to see if the traveler turned onto their drive.

A buggy headed toward the house. Lydia wasn’t driving. It was Margaret! A tremor shot through Hannah.
Why is she
here?

She sat down, not wanting to appear distressed and hoping the shadows might hide her. Perhaps Margaret would go directly to the lambing shed and she’d not have to speak to her.

Instead, the buggy headed straight for the house. Hannah’s heart raced and she fought to slow her rapid breathing.
What
can she want with me?
When the buggy stopped in front of the porch, Hannah was forced to stand out of politeness. She clasped her hands tightly in front of her.

Margaret wore a painted cotton gown with blue flowers on a white background. It was stylishly snug through the torso, emphasizing her tiny waist. She had thrown a dark blue shawl over her shoulders and looked as if she were going to tea at the home of a gentlewoman.
She’ll not find nobility here. This
is a simple farm, and if she plans to visit the lambing shed, she’ll
have difficulty keeping that fine skirt out of the muck. It would
serve her right.

Knowing her thoughts were spiteful, Hannah couldn’t help herself. No matter how much she told herself Margaret had every right to be with John, her presence here in New South Wales had cut off Hannah’s life with the only man she’d ever loved.
There will never be anyone else for me.

Margaret tied off the reins and set the brake. Peering from beneath a broad-brimmed bonnet, she carefully stepped from the buggy. Auburn tresses fell from beneath the hat and onto her shoulders. Hannah couldn’t help but admire the color and sheen of her hair. Self-consciously she tucked up loose curls. She’d always considered her hair to be one of her flaws; it was too dark and too fine.

“Good day,” Margaret said, in a friendly tone.

“Good day.”
Or it was until you arrived.
“Is there anything I can do for you?” She moved to the railing.

“I was hoping I might have a word with John. And I’ve brought him something to eat. He’s been working so hard, I thought he was in need of a good meal.”

He’s fine. If he needs something, I can provide it,
Hannah thought, but said, “Of course. I’m sure he’s hungry by now.” She glanced at the partially clouded sky. “It’s nearly midday.” She felt plain and disheveled in comparison to Margaret. “He’s at the lambing shed. Just up there.” She pointed toward the small barn.

Margaret remained where she was. “He’s been spending a great deal of time here recently.”

“He has no choice. Lambs are fragile creatures, they need extra care. If not for John’s diligence, we’d lose a good deal of them.” Hannah realized she’d used the term “we” and corrected it, saying, “I mean John would.”

“Of course.” Margaret looked as if she were about to return to the buggy, then stopped and instead walked to the bottom of the steps. “Might I have a word with you?”

Hannah moved back, wishing for a way to avoid having a conversation with this woman.
Don’t be a coward. No matter
what she’s got to say, stand up to it. Certainly it can’t be worse
than what’s happened already.
Her mind carried her grudgingly onward.
And she deserves respect, she’s John’s wife.

“May I get you some refreshment? I made lemonade just this morning.”

“That sounds lovely. Thank you.” Margaret climbed the steps.

“I’ll be just a moment.” Hannah moved inside, finding it ironic that the lemonade she’d hoped to share with John would be drunk by his wife instead. Hands trembling, she poured the tangy drink into a glass, spilling some of it. She wiped up the mess, her mind awhirl with questions about why Margaret would want to talk to her.

When she returned to the porch, Margaret sat in one of the spindle-backed chairs. Handing her the glass, Hannah took a chair apposite her.

“Thank you.” Margaret tasted the lemonade. “This is quite good. You must give me your recipe. I’m sure John is partial to it. On more than one occasion he’s mentioned what a fine cook you are.”

Rather than being flattered, Hannah felt as if John had breached a line of privacy between them. She didn’t want Margaret to know anything about her life with John. “It’s quite simple. I can write it down for you.”

“That’s very kind of you.” Margaret took another drink and gazed at the lambing shed. “It seems a nasty business, sheep and lambs. I don’t quite understand why anyone would raise animals that are born so frail that they need constant attention.”

“John is counting on a growing market for the wool. They’ve begun shipments to Europe, and he’s certain the demand will increase. And John likes the work.” Knowing that she understood something about John that Margaret didn’t made Hannah feel steadier.

“He did say something about that. But I was hoping we might raise beef or grow wheat. I understand there’s more money in those markets.”

“That may be, but John’s always been intent on improving and increasing the flocks.”

“Yes, he told me.”

Hannah thought she detected irritation in Margaret’s voice. She was silent for a long moment, then said, “Well then . . . there are some things we ought to talk about.”

Her voice was kindly, but Hannah couldn’t imagine that Margaret had anything to say to her that would be a kindness.

Margaret set her gaze on Hannah. “Whether John raises sheep or cattle isn’t the issue.”

“I suppose you’re right, except, of course, John’s happiness is of consequence.”

“I don’t wish to be harsh, but his happiness no longer concerns you. You’re not his wife. I apologize for being so blunt, but I think it’s time we faced the truth. I know that what I have to say will cause you pain, but it must be said.” She set her glass on the side table.

Hannah held her breath—waiting.

“John and I have made great strides toward restoring our marriage. And I believe it will only be a matter of weeks before we are fully man and wife again. I’ve waited for so long.” She glanced at her hands, then back at Hannah. “I don’t wish to hurt you, but we must do the right thing, for John’s sake. You may doubt my love, but I assure you it is deep and genuine. A finer man cannot be found.”

A roaring sound filled Hannah’s ears, and she was having difficulty catching her breath. She knew how fine a man he was.

“I think it’s time I took my rightful place here—on the farm.” Margaret’s expression was assertive but not combative. “John will let you stay as long as you wish. He’s a noble man and would never ask you to leave.”

Hannah knew that to be true. But she’d not wanted to confront the inevitable. Plainly, there was no way to avoid it any longer.

“I wouldn’t presume to tell you when you should go, but I do think it is time that you thought about it.”

“You’re absolutely right, of course. In fact, I’ve been making plans . . . to leave.”

Margaret’s full lips turned up in a tight smile. She stood. “I knew you were a reasonable person. John wouldn’t settle for less.” She moved toward the steps. “I’m sorry that things have turned out like this. I empathize with your situation.” Keeping a hand on the railing, she gracefully made her way down the steps. “Thank you for your understanding.” She walked to the buggy, climbed in, and then with a slight nod, she drove toward the lambing shed.

Her heart throbbing, Hannah stared after her.
I’m sure the
Athertons will let me stay with them, for now. Perhaps they need
a domestic.