Enlightened [Sexual Magic 2] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (2 page)

“When was the last time you had a real date? An honest one?”

Saved an answer by the arrival of their drinks, she quickly dove into her large swirled margarita. Even on a chilled night such as this, the frozen drink was manna to her nerves, especially after the news bulletin. Finally, she pulled away from the straw and met Joel’s steady gaze.

“An
honest
date? What do you mean?”

Joel fastidiously wiped his fingertips on a napkin, reached out, and covered her hands with his. “Sweetie, I’ve known you a long time. I think I’m pretty good at seeing through your bullshit, too.”

She blinked. He rarely cursed.

“You’ve had what, five dates this entire year? And three of those were with Dr. Boring.”

“So?”

He sighed and squeezed her hands. “I think you’re hiding something from everyone, including yourself.”

Her heart rate increased. Emma took another long pull on her margarita, relishing the slight brain freeze.

He couldn’t know. No one knew. Not even
I
was certain.

Joel stood, walked around the table, and scooted her deeper into the booth as he sat down. His look was intent, serious. It sent a frisson of alarm skittering along her nerves. “How long have we been friends?”

“Eight years, give or take a few months. Why?” she asked warily.

“Keep that in mind because you’re likely to get pissed at me.”

She narrowed her eyes. “For what?”

Joel lowered his voice. “I know why you keep men at arm’s length. I know what you need. And I know what you are.”

She stilled, her only movement the rapid flutter of her pulse. “What are you talking about?”

Joel’s face took on an empathetic cast, and he rubbed the inside of her wrist. “You’re a submissive, Emma.”

A blush suffused her skin, heating her from the outside in. She didn’t need any explanations, any in-depth discussion of what he meant. He’d hit the core of her soul, and it scared her. Panic assailed her from every angle.

Emma tried to form words of refusal, to deny it. But this was Joel. Her best friend and the man who knew all of her secrets. “How did you know?” she asked.

His answering smile was gentle, filled with compassion. Joel touched his forehead to hers. “Because I am, too.”

Emma’s bubble of disbelief popped just like that, and she gripped his shoulder, drawing in a shuddering breath. Relief, surprise, and elation all tangled within her. “Well, hell.”

Chuckling, Joel leaned back. He snagged his glass and took a long drink before meeting her eyes again. “Not many people know. Unless, of course, they play.” He shrugged. “That’s how I knew about you. You almost wear your submissiveness like a badge that only people in the lifestyle can see.”

Slightly horrified, she slumped against the padded booth. She cast a wild glance around the crowded bar. Was that group of people staring at her? She shrank further into the corner.

“Oh, good grief, relax, Emma.” He chuckled. “It’s not quite
that
easy. I just mean that when you get involved in the BDSM lifestyle, it makes picking out those people who are ripe for it easier. That’s really why I wanted to talk to you tonight.”

Emma finished off her margarita, tried to hold down her embarrassment and reached for another fry. This was Joel. She could tell him anything, even this.

But not
all
of it…

“Okay, I think you’re right.” The revelation was an immediate relief. She tried to contain a goofy grin but found it nearly impossible.

Joel smiled back. “I am,” he said smugly.

She slugged him in the shoulder. “Hush. This is hard enough as it is.” She spread her palms. “I don’t know where to go from here. What the hell do I do with this?”

Joel munched on a few fries and washed them down with his mojito. “First and foremost, I think you need to figure out what kind of sub you are.”

“There’s more than one?”

His laugh was loud and sharp. “Yes. For example, are you into the 24/7 slave lifestyle? Want someone to tell you what to do, how to dress, how to act from the second your eyes open in the morning until you go to sleep at night?”

Her initial reaction was an instantaneous
no
, but she stilled. “What else?”

He looked surprised. “Everything in between. Submission which takes place only during specific times, like weekend lovers, certain nights of the week, that kind of thing. It’s all very intimate and personal to the people doing the playing. Customized, if you will.”

Emma sat back, mind furiously working. She’d long suspected her submissive status, though she had no real and practical experience. Most of her knowledge was honed in the trap of the Internet, which held dubious content, to be sure.

So many different websites touted all sorts of pleasures from the sadistic to the laid-back, including blindfolds, whips, contracts, and collars. She’d done so much poking around, the information overwhelmed her. Most of it seemed contradictory, and very little proved helpful.

It had all been very titillating, though. She found herself worked into a frenzy just by reading some of the stories or watching the public scenes enacted on some of the boards.

More than once she’d ventured onto a site, only to find herself immediately bombarded with private messages demanding her immediate capitulation—though to what or whom, she had no idea—or asking her if she wanted to play.

Play what?

She never replied. She simply shut down the web browser and went to the bedroom to masturbate and relieve the sexual tension she’d managed to create within herself.

She looked at Joel, curiosity propelling her.

“What kind are you?” she asked Joel.

“More of the weekend type. I don’t want anyone, even Ryan, telling me what to do every minute of my day.” He gave a mock shudder. “That would drive me insane.”

“Probably me, too,” she said. “But at the same time, I think I should explore every facet so I can learn what I like and don’t like. The problem is, where do I do that?”

Joel leaned forward. “My best suggestion is to find a reputable online community and join it. Be very wary, very coy. Don’t give up any personal information, but be extremely honest. Most boards these days have a large mix of newbies, social players and lifelong, hard-core members. And I’ve found most people in the lifestyle are more than happy to share their knowledge. Watch out for trolls, though.”

“What are trolls?”

“Idiot Neanderthals who insist on things like being called Master immediately or who are only interested in how fast they can cow you. They’re easy to spot. A true Dom has respect for those around him, especially subs who do not belong to him.”

Belong to him
. The phrase sent a shot of excitement straight to her clit.

Though Emma had done almost all the things he suggested, she was eager to go home and try again. With his information and guidance, she didn’t feel quite so intimidated. She already had a few checklists and profiles floating out there, but had no idea if the sites were what he deemed reputable.

They talked a while longer, Joel jotting down some sites she should visit, some topics to research. The more the alcohol flowed, the looser his tongue became, and soon she was squirming in her seat from his explicit recollections of past play.

“You really let him whip you in public?”

Joel winked. “We were in the safety of a confined play area with people we knew and trusted.”

“How did you feel?”

“Fucking incredible. Giving up control and power to him is one thing. To be stripped of it in public, to be bound and helpless...God, it was hot.”

She swallowed hard and nodded. Yes, it sounded good to her.

He checked his watch and half-cursed. “I’m going to be late meeting Ryan.” His tone was more satisfied than worried.

“That’s a good thing?”

He stood, grabbed her coat, and helped her into it. They walked out of the restaurant, and he hugged her close. “After all our talk, I’m hotter than a damn firecracker. I need his passion and control. I’m looking forward to being reminded I’ve broken the rules and must pay the price.”

“How?” she asked breathlessly.

Joel nuzzled her ear. “I suspect he’s going to whip the hell out of me when I tell him why I was late.”

Emma drew back in alarm. “You won’t tell him about me, will you?”

“Darlin’, he already knows.”

More heat suffused her, and Emma shoved one hand into the lined pocket of her peacoat. “Well, hell.”

“Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”

Hand in hand, they strolled up the sidewalk, the silence between them comfortable. Emma could not stop the excitement burning in her. She could not wait to get home and play.

She wished she could experience it in person. She wanted to really
feel
the taste of leather on her skin, bow her head in deference, be punished for an infraction. Emma wanted to do all the things she and Joel spent the last few hours discussing.

But below that, simmering beneath her excitement, darker thoughts batted at her. The ones she usually kept confined in a neat, safe place, only allowed out when she needed to come hard.

They passed by the three-tiered fountain tinkling on the square. “Wait,” she said and hurried forward. Digging in her purse, she pulled out a handful of coins. Two quarters winked at her beneath the street lights. She inspected them carefully. Both were eagle quarters, and oddly, each had rims painted a brilliant blue. Probably some bored teenager with a fresh bottle of nail polish.

Perfect.

She closed her eyes and squeezed the quarters in her hand. “Okay, universe, I’m ready to listen. Help me find my true desires, explore and expand my boundaries.”

She tossed the quarters into the burbling water and laughed, hugging Joel’s arm.

“You’re crazy, you know that?”

“Yep,” she said. “Certifiable.”

They continued on, past shuttered, closed shops, and she paused every now again to window-shop. A movement shimmered in the reflection of the glass, and she turned her head but saw nothing.

The skitter of pebbles sounded at the corner of the building.
Probably a poor dog looking for something to eat
. Her heart swelled at the thought of a lost and shivering animal, and she looked in the direction of the darkened alley, but Joel’s strong fingers held her back.

“Uh-uh, I’m late, not crazy. We need to pick up the pace or I won’t be sitting for a week.”

She grinned as she dutifully fell into step next to him. “Sounds like fun.”

“Ha, just wait until your ass is striped and raw from a beating, then come and tell me how much fun it is.”

Again, her pussy clenched and spasmed.

They finally made it to her car, and he settled her inside and hunkered down in the open door. “Promise me a couple of things,” he said.

Emma tipped her head. “Like what?”

“First, be extremely careful. You never know what kind of weirdos are out there. And you are kinda naïve.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Second?”

“Don’t hold back on anything. You have no boundaries, no limits right now. While you’re seeking those, keep an open mind. But don’t be afraid to say no. You might be a sub, Emma, but
you
are the one in control. Without boundaries, you’ll be ripe for the picking for someone unscrupulous, but I trust you’ll vet anyone before you play. And you know Ryan will.”

She shivered, and it wasn’t from the chilled November wind. No, it was the ever-growing sense of sexual excitement pushing at her.

“All right, Joel, I promise.”

His lips quirked in an almost-embarrassed smile, something she found odd considering everything they’d been discussing tonight. “What?” she demanded.

He scratched the side of his neck and cleared his throat. “There’s a store on Kepper Street called Satin Secrets. Know it?”

Her eyes widened, and she felt a responding blush creep over
her
cheeks. “Yeah.”

“Good,” he said gruffly. “Go tomorrow and ask for Cherry. Tell her I sent you, you’re a neophyte and in need of direction. Give her a budget, and she’ll take care of the rest.”

“I can’t do that,” Emma gasped.

His smile relaxed as he chuckled. “Darlin’, you’re going to be doing much naughtier things than just visiting a sex-toy shop. Think of it as getting your feet wet.”

Somehow she didn’t think that was the part of her anatomy that would get wet. She shifted on the cold leather seat before nodding. “All right,” she said decisively. “I’ll go tomorrow after work.”

He hugged her quickly. “Have fun, sweetie. Just think, you’ll have the whole weekend to play with your new discoveries, too.”

She laughed and pushed him away. “I will
not
be giving you a report, though.”

He pouted. “Well, hell, you mean we can’t compare notes? I’m crushed.”

“Idiot,” she said fondly and cranked the car to life.

He stood, and she closed the door, put the car in reverse, and left the parking lot, watching in the rearview until he turned and headed for his car. He reached it and lifted a hand in farewell. She checked the traffic on Grove Street and looked again in her mirror, but Joel was gone. Only dark shadows covered the ground where they’d been. Her heart skipped for a moment. Oddly enough, the shadow looked almost as if it writhed then fell still, man shaped. Joel? She lifted her foot from the accelerator and hesitated, eyes still on the shadow. It did not move again.

A pair of headlights flared to life in the parking lot, and then a shiny red sedan pulled out. She heaved a relieved sigh as Joel turned left and headed the opposite direction.

She giggled. Joel was going the wrong way from home, but he probably was heading to Satin Secrets himself to pick up supplies.

Emma gunned the engine and headed home. She had some research to do. She needed to figure out just what kind of submissive she was.