Entertaining Angels (27 page)

“Uh-oh,” Derek said. Or was that Howie? Shana couldn’t remember.

“I feel a definite chill in the air,” the man added.

Shana hadn’t meant to voice her displeasure, yet it must be apparent to those around her.

Just as her mother’s often was.

“Is something wrong?” Brad asked.

Yes. No. She couldn’t seem to settle on an answer. One response was a lie, and the other would unleash the drama she’d wanted to avoid.

The homeless man’s words settled over her, insisting that confrontations were sometimes the only way out.

“You know,” Brad said, “maybe Shana and I ought to talk in private.”

He asked his friends to excuse them, then nodded toward the edge of the booth, which Shana now blocked.

She slid out, and he followed, stopping long enough to snatch his drink and bring it with him.

“So what’s up?” he asked, as he led Shana to a table for two near a window that faced the street.

She wasn’t sure. She wanted to laugh it all off and say, “Nothing. Everything’s just fine. I have no reason to be upset.”

In a sense that was true. Brad had been glad to see her. He’d also picked up on her uneasiness and had cared enough to ask what was bothering her. Then he’d been considerate enough to talk to her alone about it, rather than force her to open up her heart in front of a group of strangers.

So what did she have to complain about? Brad was a nice guy, and he cared about her.

Still, the uneasiness that had been hovering over her all day sank lower, draping her like a wet blanket until her shoulders slumped under the weight.

“I thought you wanted to turn over a new leaf,” she said.

“I do. I
have.”
He smiled and gave a little shrug. “I was studying all morning and needed a break. You have no idea how tough law school is.”

Shana had no doubt that it was tough, but Brad wasn’t taking it seriously. And he expected her to laugh it off, to pretend that he was giving it his best shot.

Just as everyone in her life had tried to make the best of things.

As she thought about what lay beneath the mask of happiness she’d lived with for the past twenty-some years, a knot formed in her stomach, squeezing out a burst of bile.

Was she doomed to make the same mistakes her parents had made? To play the same games?

Her heart thumped out an SOS beat, but there was no one who could rescue her but herself. Finally, she said, “This isn’t going to work, Brad.”

“What isn’t?”

“A marriage of convenience.” The minute the words rolled off her tongue she realized that’s exactly what it was. A ploy to make Brad look solid and respectable. And a vehicle to take her safely from college to adulthood.

“Wait a second,” Brad said. “You’re not breaking up with me, are you?”

Her mother would be upset—embarrassed. But Shana couldn’t marry a man for all the wrong reasons.

She slipped the diamond from her finger and handed it to him. “I’m sorry. I can’t marry you.”

“You’re getting weird about nothing. Are you upset that Kendra is here with me? She’s just a friend.”

So they
had
been together.

Oddly enough, it didn’t seem to matter one way or the other. And if she really loved Brad, if their marriage had any real potential, it ought to be rubbing her the wrong way.

“No,” she said. “I don’t care who you’re with.”

“Are you angry about me being here? Having a drink with my friends?”

She doubted that he’d only had one. “It’s not that, either. It’s the fact that I don’t want to play games any more. I want my life back.”

“You’re making a big mistake,” he said.

He might be right, but she feared she would be making a bigger one by following through with things.

“I need you,” he added. “We need each other.”

He’d used that excuse when he’d come to Australia to see her, and at the time, she’d been lonely and vulnerable. She’d wanted to believe it, so she had.

But now that she’d gotten home and seen Ramon, now that she’d relived those emotions she’d once felt for the son of the Rensfields’ gardener, she knew that whatever it was she felt for Brad wasn’t love. And a marriage without love was surely doomed from the start.

“I care about you, Brad, and I appreciate your friendship, but I can’t pull your career out of the toilet, which I think was always your primary game plan. But that’s something you’ll have to do yourself.”

Brad studied the diamond ring in his hand, then glanced up at her. “Will you still talk to your dad about that internship? You said you would. And you owe me, remember?”

She wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting from him. Some sign of emotion, she supposed. Even Ramon, who’d shrugged off her parting words and walked away after their breakup, had experienced a twitch at the corner of his eye, a fallen expression.

If Brad loved her the least little bit, shouldn’t he be upset over more than his internship?

“So you’re calling in a marker?” she asked.

“I need a position this summer, Shana.”

She pushed her chair back and got to her feet. “I’ll talk to him, but I’m not sure it’s going to help.”

Then she turned and walked away, seeking the hope and promise of fresh air and sunshine.

As she stepped out of the bar and onto the sidewalk, a
flash of lightning lit the eastern sky, followed by a rumble of thunder. She hoped she was as brave as that homeless man had said she was, because there was a storm brewing.

She braced herself to face it head on and to ride it out.

Craig had hung around the ball fields long enough to gain a growing respect for Ramon. The guy was great with those kids, and they looked up to him. It was obvious that he was making a difference in their lives. Craig was not only impressed but heartened by it.

“All right,” Ramon told the ragtag team. “That’s all for today. Let’s pack up the gear.”

As the boys scattered to do as they were told, Ramon turned to Craig. “I know you’re busy, and that you said you weren’t interested in coaching on a regular basis, but would you like to help me transport the boys to the batting cages on Monday? One of the local business owners has agreed to sponsor the outing, and he’s springing for pizza afterward.”

Craig wasn’t ready to jump into a full-time coaching gig, although he could certainly handle batting practice and pizza. “If we can do it after two o’clock, I’m available.”

“Great. Let’s meet here.”

After leaving the park, Craig no longer had time to drive by the house. Instead, he called Rod Gleason, the contractor, and volunteered to help out on Tuesday and Thursday next week. Rod said that if all went as expected, Craig should be able to start moving in on Friday.

When Craig got back to the church, it was nearly four. He’d just stepped off the sidewalk and onto the parking lot when the Delacourts’ Mercedes pulled up beside him, tires crunching upon the grit on the asphalt.

As the engine idled, Daniel lowered the passenger window. “Hey, Pastor. You got a minute?”

“Sure.”

“I hadn’t planned to stop here, but I thought it was only fair to tell you first since you’ll be the most supportive.”

“Tell me what?”

“I left the firm today, and for the first time since passing the bar, I feel good about my career. And about myself.” His broad smile boasted peace and relief. “You have no idea how much I appreciate that chat we had. Of course, I still have to tell Cassie what I’ve decided, and I hope she understands why I did it. But if not, I’m ready to face the consequences, whatever they might be.”

Stunned that his off-the-cuff talk with Daniel had resulted in a life-changing decision, Craig wanted to both thank him and apologize at the same time. As it was, he did neither.

“You know,” he said instead, “I think it would be a good idea if I found something to do tonight, something to keep me out until bedtime. You two ought to have some privacy.”

“You’re probably right. Shana will be home this evening, which is all right. My decision will have some effect on her, too. But with a wedding on the horizon, and with her starting a new life soon, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem.”

Daniel’s biggest hurdle was going to be Cassandra, Craig realized. Hopefully, Daniel’s long overdue decision wouldn’t place their marriage in jeopardy.

“Thanks again for talking to me, Pastor. Your advice was just what I needed to hear.”

His advice? For the most part, Craig had merely listened. “I’m still not sure what I said that you found so helpful.”

Daniel smiled. “It was simple and sage, short and to the point. You told me to follow my heart.”

“Sometimes that’s all a person can do,” Craig said, the truth settling over him.

“Well, I guess I’d better go and face the music.” Daniel placed one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift.

“One question,” Craig said. “If you’re no longer going to work in the firm, what will you do instead?”

“I’m going to offer my services to the prosecutor’s office and take it from there. I might even run for district attorney
in the next election. Either way, we’ll need to make some financial adjustments to our household budget. But I’ve got some sizable investments that will help us through the transition.” Daniel shifted the car into drive, but didn’t accelerate. “It’s not like I’m asking Cassandra to move into the poor house.”

Craig hoped he wouldn’t have to counsel the Delacourts through a divorce, but Daniel had a right to be happy in his job, to feel as though he was making a difference.

“Thanks again, Pastor. I’ll see you later.” Daniel raised the passenger window, let up on the brake, and continued on his way.

Craig stood in the parking lot for a while, thinking about the power of the simple advice he’d given Daniel.

Follow your heart.
Three little words, but not always easy to do.

As he turned toward the church, he spotted Jesse seated on the steps that led to the red doors that opened to the sanctuary.

“Hey, Jesse,” he said, as he approached the homeless man. “What’s up?”

“Not much. I’m just killing a little time until the bus comes by.” He sat up a bit straighter, leaned forward. “I saw you in the park earlier. I’m glad you met Ramon.”

“He seems like a nice guy. I like what he’s trying to do with those kids.”

“I thought you would.”

Craig slid his hands into his pockets, warding off the growing chill in the air. “What made you think that I’d like working with him?”

“Because you have a heart for the downtrodden. And you like baseball. Seems like a perfect match to me.”

“I never told you that I liked baseball.”

“You didn’t have to.” Jesse stroked his knees, his clean but weathered hands gliding over the threadbare fabric of his khaki slacks. “I could see it in your eyes.”

He could?

The night they’d met, Jesse had said he had a gift, yet Craig wasn’t entirely convinced and couldn’t help asking, “What else can you see?”

“That you’re struggling with things.”

Craig tensed, giving far more weight to Jesse’s “gift” than he ought to. “Like what?”

“The ministry, for one. The assignment you were given.”

He’d touched a bit too much on the truth. “What makes you say that?”

“I get the feeling that you’re not sure you’re doing the right thing.”

Craig could deny it, but why should he? A simple chat had led to Daniel’s epiphany, although he doubted he could expect one for himself.

“My granddad was called to the ministry,” he said, “and over the years, he made a difference in a lot of people’s lives.”

“Is that what you’re struggling with? The need to follow in your grandfather’s footsteps?”

“Not exactly, but I would like to think that I’d made a difference in people’s lives. My dad was in the special forces during Operation Desert Storm and died a hero, so maybe it’s in my blood.”

“So why the ministry and not the military?”

The question took him aback. “I never considered joining the military. Of course, I never considered the ministry, either. But when I thought my grandfather was dying, I promised God that if he lived, I’d become a pastor.”

“So you’re here now because of a promise you made?”

That was about the size of it. Craig gave a half shrug, then nodded.

“Sounds like a bribe to me. You weren’t trying to barter with the Almighty, were you?”

“What are you getting at?”

“You might be holding yourself to a promise He never intended you to make.”

That possibility had never crossed Craig’s mind, and while he gave it some thought, he still couldn’t find it in himself to renege on a bargain with God.

“My granddad was healed,” he explained. “The doctors never expected him to pull through, and they all agreed it was nothing short of a miracle.”

“I’m sure it was.” A slow smile stretched across Jesse’s face. “Were you the only one praying?”

“No, the entire congregation hit their knees, and word went out to everyone my grandfather had ever even known, everyone whose life he’d ever touched.”

Jesse stroked his bearded chin. “Then it seems only logical to assume God had no way of healing the man without responding to your request in the process.”

The truth of his statement broadsided Craig. “Are you saying that my prayers were answered by default? And that I never should have become a minister?”

“No, I’m not saying that at all. But I imagine that you’re so caught up in the bargain, that you might have missed the actual call.”

“Missed it?”

“Maybe you should stop looking at your job as an obligation and consider it an opportunity. Open your heart and listen. And while you’re at it, you might ask yourself what you’re afraid of.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean that there’s probably more going on inside your head and your heart than you realize. A fear of failure, maybe?”

“I’ve never failed at anything in my life.”

“Some people make sure that they don’t.”

The guy was talking in circles, making Craig crazy. He decided to end the conversation, but before he could make some kind of excuse to leave, Jesse slowly got to his feet, grimacing as he did so.