Entwine (16 page)

She stroked his hand, re-weaving hers through his, and each time, it got better; the texture of his, rougher than hers. How her structure was smaller than his, even when she tried to reach the span of his hand with hers.

“You playing with me, baby?”

“You have hands to please this girl,” Sarah replied.

“You should have said earlier.”

Sarah only had a split second to wonder what that meant at the same time as her tummy clenched, anticipating something. Then he hauled her over him, clutching her waist. He’d rolled onto his back and flipped her over on him so fast that she had to blink to bring him into focus. The cheeky guy had a one-sided grin, pleased with himself. She ran her gaze down his shaped chest, his shirt hugging his contoured torso, and down to where he lowered her over him and their hips connected.

She leant down and his grip eased, and by the time her lips touched his, his hands had skimmed up her sides and cupped her face. He opened his mouth and snaked his tongue inside her, probing around and pressing his lips tighter to circle her tongue as keenly as she massaged his.

They eased back after some time, breathless, and Sarah knew by the heat in her body and cheeks that she was as flushed as he was. They were facing each other on their sides now. Sarah’s head rested on her pillow, her hand tucked underneath, and Malik rested his elbow on the sheets, leaning his ear on his palm to look at her.

“What?” he said.

“
What?
”

“Playing that game, are you?”

She grinned. No, she wasn’t. She just loved having his attention. Malik could act like a boy or a man, and she loved to bring out either his dominant or playful side whenever she could.

“Questions?”

His big smile softened, his lips now crooked at the side. Even his eyes had changed their vibe from intense to curious. “Yeah.”

“Would you ever be ashamed of my past?”

“No,” he said, then added, “only if you did what She did.”

“Nothing like that.” Sarah looked down to the space between them. Why did she put herself on the spot like this? Asking him if her sexual partners bothered him seemed like a natural progression in their relationship, but spitting the words out felt similar to pulling teeth. She only lifted her head back up when his voice commanded something in her to listen to him.

“Sarah …”

“So, I meant my number. Would the number of guys I’ve slept with matter?”

“Do they matter to you?”

Sarah stilled. She’d almost told him that of course they didn’t. It wasn’t herself she had to be jealous of. He swooped in, saving her tortured thoughts any longer, though. “That’s what I want to know. Are you ashamed? You look stunned, actually. Not regretful or embarrassed about what you’ve done.” He snuggled closer to her and rested his face on the pillow so they were at equal height. “So tell me, then, why should I feel any different?”

“You’ve got too many smarts about this for a guy. Shouldn’t you be wild with interest? Wanting to know every detail, or too jealous to know anything at all?”

“Relax, I am with
this
you. Not your past. I have it all, and I get you right now. Why would I be jealous of something I don’t have to compete against?”

She shrugged. She knew it looked stupid, but Malik had the power here. She would rather be silent, anyway, and listen to the strange wisdom he had. Surely a man with a face and body like his—with the power to use his hands, tongue and cock as adeptly as he could—didn’t have this much knowledge about how things worked.

“I don’t want you to be like that,” Sarah said. “I’m curious. I like to know things.”

“I know.”

Malik crossed the gap between them and palmed her breast, causing something in her to pump heat between her legs. She tangled her legs with his.

“And,” he said, “I’d be stupid to cause issues with jealousy. By the expression on your face when you’re with me, I know you reciprocate what I feel.”

“There you go again, mind reader.”

He winked. “But out of curiosity …”

“You’re my eighth. Six weren’t serious. One was a boyfriend.”

“Okay, I didn’t expect specifics. Um.” He bit his lip, his eyes downcast as he thought. “I don’t know. It’s in the I-have-lost-count range.”

“So that’s where you learned how to blow my mind. Practice makes perfect.”

“Sounds like you’re saying I’m perfect.” He stiffened his bottom lip and nodded. “I can live with that.”

Sarah laughed, and as her eyes closed and she rolled over in a fit of giggles, he pressed the lengths of their bodies together. “Any guy who regrets your sexual history would be stupid. If you had to waste bad kisses on some other blokes, I’m happy to get
these
ones.”

“Woo!” Sarah exclaimed in a sarcastic tone.

“Practice makes perfect, baby,” he whispered in her ear. “I adore all of you.”

ALERT

NOW

Sarah had the whole weekend to herself. No work, and she didn’t have to study anymore. It’d been only yesterday evening that her dad and Alyssa came over. Malik had been spending lots of time with her, so she wasn’t surprised when he texted to say he would be working late. She said that was fine. She didn’t want to burn him out, or make him get bored with her, no matter what she said. Their relationship felt like she was on a dream cloud, permanently. The longer she could extend that, the better.

“Bye, Sez!” her mum called from downstairs.

Sarah ran downstairs to the front door. Her mum was in a semi-transparent blouse with a singlet underneath, a fitted pencil skirt and heels. She had a cardigan draped over her arm and a clutch in her grip. Even though she was almost fifty, she had a good body for her age, and looked sexy, even to her daughter.

“Are you going on a date?”

“I don’t know how I ended up with such a dramatic daughter.”

Sarah stepped closer, hand on the doorknob as the night air breezed in.

Her mum shivered. “I’d never go on a knee-jerk reaction date. Just drinks with some girlfriends.”

Sarah was about to open her mouth, but the home phone rang, and she begrudgingly had to let her mum leave.

“Hello?”

“Sez girl,” her dad said. “I wanted to try the home phone in case you didn’t get my text or whatever. How are you?”

“I check my mobile.” She closed her eyes, and cursed herself silently for sounding angry.
Control
, she thought. “But yeah, I’m good. You?”

“I’m fine, but I’m not sure if you and I are. I don’t know how I keep stuffing up. I thought it was right to come over, and then you all lost it at us. Alyssa was shaken up. I know it’s not ideal, but better we sorted stuff out, ‘ey? Otherwise I’d still be with another girlfriend.”

“You were never meant to be with
her
,” Sarah said, clarifying. How could her dad not see that?

“I am, and we just get hot-headed, is all. She’s a wonderful woman. Which brings me to why I called.”

Sarah had thought he called to come over again tonight. That was bad enough. Sarah home alone. Two against her one? She preferred it that way, so she wouldn’t have to put her mum and Malik through that again, but if she really had a choice, she wished she could make the two of them go away and undo them bringing a life into their messed-up world. She hated that she had to think that way. That was an innocent baby who deserved the best, better than what it would get.

“Yeah?”

“I thought it’d be a good idea for Alyssa to come over. Just chat with you ladies. Keep the men out. It will be good, minus the hot-headedness.”

“All right,” Sarah replied.

A minute ago she would have said the usual no, and then pushed back her dad’s efforts until they had a disagreement and hung up feeling sour. But that little baby was growing, and would one day enter the world. It’d be her half-sibling, a connection she’d always dreamed of. She wanted to help be responsible, be a good sister, a support whenever he or she needed someone.

It didn’t make Sarah hate Alyssa any less, but she had to try.

“I’ll let her know to come back over today, if that’s okay with Gina?”

“Mum’s out. Tell her I said it’s fine to come tonight.”

• • •

NOW

This time, Alyssa looked laid-back when she came over to visit Sarah. Her hair was slung in a low ponytail. She had looser jeans on and a scoop-neck sweater. Sarah waved her in, and strangely, she picked the same seat as she had the day before, so Sarah sat in her same spot.

I hope it won’t end the same.

Silence filled the huge gap between them, and dense air hung in the room. Sarah’s eyes fell to Alyssa’s belly, but there was nothing of it. She was washboard flat.

“How long have you and my dad been together this time?”

She thought she saw a smart look pass Alyssa’s expression at the edge of her mouth, but maybe she imagined it.

“Just under two months.”

Sarah smiled by way of a reply while she did the math in her head. You normally wouldn’t announce a baby to everyone until you were twelve weeks along. More so, if they’d only been together very recently, she’d have to be at least a few weeks along, meaning she fell pregnant right away. It hit her, what would have happened, and Sarah dropped her head and rubbed her forehead with the heel of her palm. It was clear when she looked up that Alyssa knew what she thought.

“We weren’t going to lie, but Nigel told me to tell you if you figured it out.”

“You guys …” Sarah looked away, keeping her emotions in check by concentrating on a vase on an end table beside her.

“We know we started off wrong, and don’t want to unnecessarily clog you up with information. But we’re together, and we’re having a baby. That’s what counts.”

“Were you drunk when it happened?”

Alyssa expelled a big breath. “You really want to hear it.”

“Of course. I hate lies more than I hate hearing about your affair and subsequent break-ups and get-togethers.”

“First, for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. Malik and I had just had a baby and she was growing. I had no life. I was in a shit place. I didn’t
try
to pick him up. We just happened to be having drinks in the same place when I finally started getting out, and we formed a bond. He’s an amazing man.”

And she stole him. To Sarah, all the other crap still didn’t make it okay, not even all these years later. Why was honesty such a big deal? Surely Alyssa could see she stole this “amazing” husband from an extraordinarily gorgeous and caring wife. That everybody got in shit places, but it didn’t give her the right to uproot everyone else’s lives to make hers better.

Breathe
.

Sarah pushed that aside, too. It took two people to make an affair. Her dad was just as guilty. He could have stopped it. His choice was to go ahead anyway.

Sarah nodded, and Alyssa continued. “Malik … I’ll always feel bad about what I did to him. He had a heart for me, so big and caring. And he’s gorgeous. And faithful. I know what I lost.”

Sarah began to feel sweaty. She stood and asked Alyssa if she wanted a drink, and she said yes, her mouth was parched. Coming back from the kitchen, Sarah brought two glasses of water. She watched Alyssa clutch her glass and toss back the water in three big gulps.

Watching, thinking. Sarah was bothered most by the fact that Alyssa used present tense when describing Malik. He should have been gorgeous to her, not currently gorgeous. Her heart thumped loudly, and Sarah decided to down her drink, too. The water was fresh, cool and made for at least partial relief.

Alyssa’s tone was monotone as she went on. “But this baby? Your father and I want you there. You can be a part of every stage if you want. And,” Alyssa set her hands in her lap, sat straighter, “Malik is welcome, too. We know you two are a couple, and as hard as it must be for him, he’s a part of your life, and this baby will be in yours.” Alyssa touched her belly at the end of her speech.

“Thanks,” Sarah said, then added, “for coming over.”

“Are you okay with all this?”

Sarah took a breath. “Look, outside of relationships, you seem nice. Besides what you’ve done to my family and my boyfriend, you seem nice.”

Alyssa looked like she wanted to say “But” however smartly kept her mouth shut. They both didn’t need a further explanation, because tonight was about acting grown up, cordial and mature. Sarah could do that, even if she wanted to hurt this lady for many of her sins. Seeing her boyfriend naked. Pleasing him. Hurting him so, so much when he’d given her his heart to take care of.

“When did you two …” Alyssa never finished, rather moving her fingers together, meaning to symbolise being together.

“Recently.”

No way was Sarah giving Alyssa the privilege of knowing exactly when. She didn’t deserve to know any personal information like that. It was awkward and annoying enough she had been as close as she was to Malik. Sarah wanted to keep them far, far apart, for as long as he was her man.

“He’s a great guy,” Alyssa said. “You’re lucky to have him.”

“He’s an incredible man. I
am
lucky to have him.”

Alyssa’s smile was taut. Her lips were pressed together too tightly; they formed a thin line, and even from across the coffee table where Sarah sat, it seemed like crease lines had formed on her forehead.

Sarah made a note to keep a close eye on her boyfriend when it came to Alyssa. This woman wasn’t trustworthy, and Malik knew that, hated her, but it would pay off to be extra vigilant. An ex-wife, pregnant with a baby to another man, shouldn’t look that jealous.

Sarah told Alyssa she appreciated her coming over, and said it was nice to clear the air. As soon as Alyssa left, Sarah rested back against the front door and felt more wound up than before. She decided it was Friday night, and she’d cope with a glass of wine. Or two.

• • •

THEN

When Sarah was sixteen and her parents were separated, she’d still have to see her dad, even when he was with Alyssa. Her mum’s promise if she went there and stayed, was for the next two days, she’d make Sarah’s lunchbox, and she’d do all the dishes, and for one day, her mum would rent a movie and buy a dessert of Sarah’s choice.