Equal Access (10 page)

Grandpa was so large that Dulsie did wonder
how her father had survived his abuse, but then again none of the
very few accounts her parents had related to her compared to the
slightly more numerous but definitely horrific stories Shad told
her. At least Dad could entertain them with humorous events that
even involved Grandpa, who apparently had the public persona of
being a really fun guy to be around ... a lot like Dad. Of course
Dad’s philosophy was that this world was spinning at over a
thousand miles an hour, so he was going to enjoy the ride before
something crashed and burned.

Years ago, shortly before Shad proposed to
her, she asked Dad why he didn’t share Mom’s concern that Shad
harbored something dark and dangerous.

Dad explained that boys who grew up with
abuse usually turned out as one of three kinds of men. Some
continued to be victims throughout their lives, setting themselves
up over and over to be taken advantage of. Some believed power was
attained by becoming abusers themselves, so they continued the
cycle. The third kind became protective. Whether they simply broke
the cycle and became good men, or went a step further and also
tried to help others beyond their family, they could be depended
on.

“Shad’s not trying to be a lawyer because
he’s a greedy shyster,” Dad said. “We all know the last place he
wants to be is in front of a
group
of people where he has to
argue
a point. I’m not denying there may well be a venomous
snake lurking inside him, but I think he’s found someplace else to
use it, and that will never be against his family. Your mom may
always be right, but that just makes her kind of annoying.” Dad
then grinned fondly at Dulsie. “Don’t you turn out like that.”

While Dulsie helped Mom and Aunt Maddie get
the food out on the table in the dining room, which was part of the
original house and located between the kitchen and living room,
Shad hung out with Dad and Uncle Pax. The men were gathered around
the empty fireplace and discussed the misbehavior of squirrels.
Dulsie contemplated that thus far today Shad hadn’t altered his
behavior with Mom one bit.

“Isn’t it squirrel season yet?” Dad asked
Dulsie when the guys were called in to the dining room.

“Has been for well over a month.” Dulsie
smirked as she stepped over to the chair that would seat her at
Mom’s end of the table. “You know I prefer to wait until the
weather cools off. If you’re so mad at them right now, you go hunt
them yourself.”

“Yeah, right.” Dad strolled over to the other
end of the table. “Like I’m gonna waste my time chasing squirrels
when I’ve got a deadeye daughter who can blow away every one that’s
fool enough to think his nuts are safe.”

Dad had a tendency to brag about Dulsie’s
shooting ability. For one thing, she was the only person he knew
who could match Uncle Pax during target practice. But it was one
thing for Delaney men, who had already been “dismissed” as rabble
rousers by the pacifist congregation, to take up arms. It was a bit
scandalous for a woman descended from Margaret Leeds to be so
proficient with a weapon. Dad did question how Dulsie’s ability to
bring in game of all sizes was any different from Mom’s and Aunt
Maddie’s pragmatic approach to slitting the throats of chickens and
turkeys.

“They taste better in the fall, anyway,” Aunt
Maddie commented as she took the chair across the table from
Dulsie.

Mom sat at the end of the table, to Dulsie’s
right, and Shad sat in the chair on her left. Uncle Pax took the
chair beside Aunt Maddie and across from Shad.

“If I’m gonna slow roast them in the oven, I
definitely prefer to wait for cooler weather,” Mom commented to her
sister.

“I like it to be cooler even if I’ve got one
tender enough to just fry,” Aunt Maddie replied.

Uncle Pax smiled as he leaned forward and
rested his elbows on the table while clasping his hands together.
“You two are giving me a hankering for squirrel meat.”

Dad grinned as he glanced at everyone around
the table. “As we say grace we can thank the Lord for His wisdom in
making an animal that deserves to be shot to taste so good.”

Everyone bowed their heads and after about a
minute of silence Mom murmured, “Amen.” The rest of the family
responded in kind, then began spooning up food and passing around
the dishes.

The conversation jumped from hunting stories
to animal antics to childhood memories. Shad as always didn’t
contribute much other than to respond to a direct question. Mom as
always never acknowledged Shad was even sitting at the table.

Uncle Pax finished a story about the time his
Grandpa Ward was a kid and found a black snake in the chicken house
on the farm where Quaid and Grace Delaney, who were Ward’s
grandparents, lived. Ward had moved in with his grandparents during
his adolescence to help them run the farm during their waning
years. In return they willed that property to him. After Ward
received his inheritance he quickly sold the place and had a very
nice down payment on the current Delaney farm.

Without it ever being his intention, Ward
Delaney set something of a precedent. Uncle Pax’s dad got a job
down in the southwestern part of the state while Uncle Pax was
still in high school. Since the lad was already in the habit of
helping his grandparents around the farm it wasn’t a difficult
argument for him to make that he should be able to finish his
junior and senior years at the same school if he just stayed with
them. So Uncle Pax moved in with his grandparents and wound up
taking over the family farm. Of course Aunt Maddie was another
incentive for Uncle Pax to want to stay around.

“Say....” Dad leaned back in his chair and
leveled his gaze at Uncle Pax. “We aren’t messing up any plans of
yours by selling this place to Shad and Dulsie, are we?”

“I left enough in the will for all three kids
to fight over.” Uncle Pax smirked.

“Well, I don’t know how much actual use Erin
and Iona would be able to get out of your place.” Dad’s gaze veered
toward his son-in-law. “Shad’s the only one who hasn’t moved away,
nor do you seem to have any intention to.”

“Not since I became a turkey farmer.” Shad
glanced at Dulsie.

“You didn’t have to remind me of
that
.” Dad leaned forward. “You know, the kind of turkeys
Dulsie raises don’t need to be confined to barns like mine do. She
could do something like that on your dad’s place.”

Dulsie leveled a pseudo frown at her father.
“Is there something you’re trying to not tell me?”

Dad waved away her question. “Don’t worry,
you’re still getting this place.” Dulsie didn’t miss the glance he
shot toward Mom. “But I know you always thought your aunt and
uncle’s place was even better.”

Dulsie shrugged. “It’s got lots of great
outbuildings. And I’ve always loved that old house.”

Mom spoke up in a tone that mocked betrayal.
“Your dad and I put a lot of work into this place.”

“And Shad and I are gonna put a lot of work
into this place, too.”

“And you know what the first thing is she’s
gonna do?” Dad leaned forward with apparent eagerness. “She’s gonna
break your rule that there can be no liquor in this house! Probably
stock up half the pantry with the stuff.” He turned toward Shad.
“The first time we come to visit you after you guys move in, I want
you to offer me a beer.”

Shad had a bit of that
deer-caught-in-the-headlights look as he stopped chewing and his
gaze moved from his plate toward Uncle Pax. Mom had stuck to her
family tradition of being a teetotaler. She didn’t bother trying to
forbid Dad from imbibing, but Mom was also firm there would be no
such spirits brought under the roof of her house. Aunt Maddie
shrugged off that tradition when she married a Delaney, and Dulsie
had already been corrupted by Dad, so Mom stood alone on that
issue. Dulsie wasn’t sure what help Shad thought he was going to
get from Uncle Pax, but he finally swallowed with what seemed like
more effort than required.

“Deal,” Shad muttered.

Dad leaned forward to gaze at Mom again.
“Whaduya think of that?”

“When it’s Dulsie’s house she can do whatever
she wants,” Mom replied nonchalantly.

“Shad’s gonna offer me a beer. Right here
under this roof.”

This was not the first time Dad tried to get
Mom to acknowledge Shad’s existence, but Mom made a pretty
formidable opponent. If nothing else, Dad’s needling might remind
Shad of the task he was supposed to be working on.

Dad’s attention was locked on Mom. “Whaduya
have to say to that?”

Mom looked up from her plate and leveled a
look at Dad that was almost chilly. “You’ll finally be able to
drink somewhere else besides Maddie’s, but you’re still not gonna
drink in our new house.”

Yep, Mom was good, especially when she could
deflect somebody like Dad, who sat back in his chair and pursed his
lips while Mom resumed eating with the same indifference. And Shad
no longer seemed concerned about the skirmish that just
occurred.

Dad, as irreverent as ever, had to add
another comment.

“You know, I can’t understand how a woman
with that much Scotch in her could be so much against
drinking.”

Dulsie waited only until she backed the car
out the driveway and began the drive home to speak her mind. “Did
you forget?”

Shad frowned slightly. “I must have. Forget
what?”

“You had many opportunities to say something
to Mom during the day today.”

A few seconds passed before he exhaled and
responded. “I’m sure there was. You know I tend to miss those kind
of things.”

“Be that as it is, you could’ve made your own
opportunity as well. It’s nothing harder than anything else you’ve
already done.”

It took Shad a few seconds again to respond.
“I’ve never done any of them quickly.”

“That’s fine. I’m just a little curious on
when you intend to start.”

“First I’ve got to figure out
how
to
start.”

Dulsie shook her head. “Just start a
conversation with her. You get to pick the topic.”

“You know, the last time I had a conversation
with her, Jill told me she had nothing more to say until she
accepted an apology from me.”

Dulsie pursed her lips. The only reason she
knew about the discussion Shad just mentioned was because Mom, who
had assumed Shad already told Dulsie all about it, let it slip
shortly before their marriage. Even as his relationship with Mom
got flushed, Shad made it a point not to damage what Dulsie had
with Mom. Dulsie pointed this out to her, but Mom remained
dubious.

“Maybe you should try an apology,” Dulsie
suggested.

She was accustomed to Shad’s habit of
considering his answers before speaking. “The chance to apologize
is long gone. I married you. And I’m not sorry I did it.”

Dulsie couldn’t resist smiling. Shad wasn’t
trying to be charming, but his blunt honesty sometimes came out
that way.

“You could try a different angle.” Dulsie
glanced at him. “Say you’re sorry you’ve waited for so long to try
to patch things up with her.”

Shad took time to think again. “Jill
specifically said I had to apologize for being so selfish I would
put you at risk.”

Dulsie’s exasperated exhale was caused less
by what Shad said than by what she knew about his history. As
wonderful a man as he was, as much as he had overcome, Shad still
occasionally exhibited results from having once been an abused
child. He was no longer a victim, but in his effort to be
protective Shad was willing to do anything short of exposing his
soft underbelly if it meant keeping peace in the family. And he
probably believed he deserved Mom’s ostracizing because Shad had
dared to “defy” her. For someone whom survival once meant being
unheard and unseen, Shad had perfected it to an art form in regard
to Mom.

“You don’t have to take her so literally.”
Dulsie kept her attention on the rock-packed road. “Mom isn’t a
rigid ramrod.”

“I know that.” His response was quick that
time.

“The fact you’d offer her any kind of apology
is gonna make Mom have to soften up a bit. It’ll at least be that
start you’ve been looking for.”

Shad had to think again. “How? Where? There’s
no way I’m gonna wind up being alone with your mom to say anything
like that to her.”

“You can do it in front of Dad. He’s on your
side anyway.”

A few more seconds passed. “I don’t know if
having your dad around is a good idea.”

Dulsie had to chuckle. As much as Shad
claimed he had trouble understanding people, he had their family
dynamics pretty well figured out.

“How about when Erin comes to visit next
weekend?” Dulsie knew Shad had a rather unique relationship with
her oldest cousin. “We’ll be a pretty big crowd, and it’ll kinda be
like old times. Just make it a point to say something to Mom during
that time. Pretend it’s like the good ol’ days when she used to be
nice to you.”

“I don’t want to impose on her.”

“This isn’t the first time she’s been a mama
bear. When Aunt Maddie and Uncle Pax first took you in, Mom kept me
away for the first couple of weeks. Once she apparently became
convinced that you weren’t going to pounce on anybody with a tire
iron or nail clippers, she finally let us start playing together.
You can get her to trust you again. Just use those memories of
better days to your advantage.”

Shad seemed to consider Dulsie’s suggestion
for a few seconds before responding. “I can’t help thinking it’ll
be like an invitation to her to start sprinkling arsenic on my
plate every weekend.”

Dulsie cast a sidelong gaze toward him. “You
know, sometimes you set the bar
really
low with your
expectations of some people. You know how direct Mom is. She’d
stick a bratwurst up your butt and sic starving dachshunds on
you.”