Erasing Faith (8 page)

UP TO FATE

“You sneaky little bitch!”

“Hello to you too, Margot,” I muttered, dumping my wallet on the countertop and making my way over to the couch where she was sprawled out beneath a fuzzy red blanket reading Tina Fey’s new autobiography. Birdy’s
All You Never Say
was humming quietly from the kitchen speakers. There was a large mug of tea sitting in front of my roommate — I snatched it off the table and took a swig without waiting for permission.

“Hey!” she protested. “Make your own!”

I smiled as I settled in next to her and set down the cup. “Relax, I only wanted a sip.”

“First, you ditch speed-dating to run off with a scrumptious mystery man I’ve never heard a you utter a friggen word about, and then you steal my oolong,” Margot grumbled. “You have some serious explaining to do, woman.”

“Can it wait till tomorrow?” I cast bleary eyes at the clock above the stove. “It’s past midnight and I’m beat.”

“Ask me how much I care.”

Uh oh. Margot was using her
this-means-business
voice. I sighed and snuggled deeper into the couch cushions, tugging a corner of her red throw over my lap. My roommate glared at me — blanket thievery was clearly even more unwelcome than tea snatching.

“How was the rest of speed-dating?” I asked, hoping to delay the inevitable for a while longer.

It was Margot’s turn to sigh. “Miserable.”

“Why?”

She grimaced. “Let’s just say, none of them were boyfriend material.”

I tried desperately to hold in my laughter. “Didn’t you meet Earl?”

Margot threw a pillow at my face when a flurry of giggles escaped my lips. I only laughed harder as I dodged the soft missile, holding up my hands in surrender.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry,” I managed to gasp out between laughs. “Seriously, there were some good looking guys there. I’m sure some of them were into you.”

Margot shook her head. “All of the hot ones were either only interested in sex, or totally
un
interested in me.”

“I’m sorry, Margot. It’s their loss, not yours.”

“At least mosquitoes still find me attractive,” she muttered darkly, scratching at several puffy red bumps on her arms.

I snorted.

“I’m serious!” she groused. “As soon as the sun went down, the little blood-suckers were out in force. You’re lucky you made your escape before then…” Her eyes narrowed. “Which brings us back to you. Time to spill about your secret rendezvous, Faith.”

A deep sigh escaped my lips. “It wasn’t a secret rendezvous.”

“What was it, then?”

“Fate,” I murmured.

Now Margot was the one snorting.

I ignored her. “His name is Wes. And, honestly, I know practically nothing about him.”

“So, you ran off with a total stranger because…” she stared at me like I’d grown an extra head.

“There’s just something about him. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s…” I drifted off, trying to find the words but coming up empty. “We have a connection. It’s like… like nothing I’ve ever felt before. He just
gets
me.”

“A total stranger
gets
you?” Margot’s tone was incredulous. “As in, he
gets
the money from your wallet when you’re not paying attention? Or he
gets
into your pants after slipping a roofie into your drink?”

I shook my head absently, thinking back to the bridge. Despite my roommate’s words, I couldn’t dismiss the connection I felt to Wes. Memories from the night filtered through my mind.

Dark eyes. Soft-spoken promises.

Panic, fear. Comfort, compassion.

Wrapped up in a stranger, as the moon rose over the Danube, my bloodstream had thrummed with adrenaline. My body was wracked with so many emotions I’d never be able to sort them all out.

I’d never felt so alive.

I cleared my throat lightly and tried to articulate my thoughts once more. “Wes Adams looks at me like he knows me better than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. So, yeah, maybe it’s weird that I don’t know his middle name or where he works or why he’s in Budapest, or what his freaking phone number is.” I swallowed roughly. “None of that changes the fact that when he looks at me, he sees me. The real me.”

There was a brief pause as Margot contemplated my words.

“You’re nuts,” she declared decidedly.

“Quite possibly,” I agreed. 

“So, what did you do with this stranger who
gets
you?”

“Faced fears. Counted to five.”

“English, please.”

I smiled a secret smile. “We walked the Chain Bridge.”

“But you’re afraid of heights,” she pointed out.

“Exactly.”

“Do you have to be so cryptic?” she complained. “I want details, woman.”

“I’m not being cryptic.” I was
totally
being cryptic. “There just isn’t much to tell. We walked the bridge, then he walked me home. End of story.” 

That wasn’t exactly the truth. Sure, we’d walked the bridge and, yes, afterwards he’d walked me home. But something monumental had happened between us in the dark, suspended over the river in an embrace. We’d barely spoken, yet I’d felt Wes’ impression on my soul like a brand since he walked away from my door stoop a half hour ago.

But how did you put that into words for another person? How did you explain that to your roommate, as though it was nothing more than regular, post-date gossip and girl talk?

I couldn’t trivialize it.

Wouldn’t debase or dissect it for someone who’d never understand.

“Well, are you going to see him again?” Margot’s question interrupted my musings.

“I don’t know,” I murmured. “I hope so. But I guess it’s up to fate.” 

She sighed, reached for her tea, and took a large sip. “What the hell does that mean? Don’t normal people just trade phone numbers, text awkwardly for a few days, then get together and have hot sex? I’m pretty sure there’s a rule about that inscribed in our generation’s book of dating norms.”

I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. “Nothing normal about this, Margot.”

She rolled her eyes. “I’m cranky, I haven’t gotten laid in weeks, I’m covered in mosquito bites, and I’m far too sober for conversations where you speak in 90% riddles.” She reached out and picked up her book. “So, if you don’t mind…” She glanced pointedly from the open pages to my bedroom door.

“Oh, fine, you crotchety bitch.” I laughed and blew her a kiss as I rose to my feet. “I’m going, I’m going.” 

“Love you,” she called after me.

“Yeah, yeah. Love you too.”

***

“Please sign here, sir.”

With my bike balanced between my legs and one hand holding the handlebars steady, I waited for the man to sign the electronic invoice on my company-issued iPhone screen. He scribbled something indecipherable with his fingertip, chuckled under his breath at the sight of his messy “signature,” and passed the phone back to me.

“Köszönöm,” the man muttered, accepting his parcel with impatient hands.

“You’re welcome!” I called, stowing the phone in a side pocket of my messenger bag. He slammed the door in my face and disappeared inside without another word.

I blew out a huff of air. Apparently some people weren’t so enamored with the Hermes girls, after all.

With a swift kick off the ground, I pushed my bike from his stoop into traffic. Navigating the city during rush hour was a nightmare. Hungarian drivers were fond of laying on the horn, cursing like sailors, and causing perpetual gridlock. Plus, they seemed to think that stopping for bicyclists was an optional pursuit — if I didn’t pay attention, I’d be run over multiple times each shift.

And, honestly, paying attention had been something of a struggle for the past ten days.

Ever since I’d watched Wes walk away from my doorstep, I could barely focus on anything. Not my classes, or my job, or even the words on the pages of my favorite novel. Even now, riding from one delivery to the next, I couldn’t help myself from replaying our goodbye over and over in my mind…

We didn’t hold hands when he walked me home. It seemed, through some unspoken agreement, we both needed a little space after so thoroughly invading each other’s privacy back on the bridge. This connection… it was new. Scary. With Wes, I was swimming in uncharted waters. Miles offshore, so far over my head I’d lost sight of any familiar points of land.

“Thank you,” I whispered finally, when we were a block or so from my apartment.

Wes flinched at the sound of my voice — he seemed far away, lost in distant thoughts I had no access to. His expression was unreadable, his dark eyes carefully averted from mine. In lieu of a real response, he turned his head slightly to glance at me, nodded once in acknowledgement, and kept walking.

This was an entirely different man than the one who’d held me in the circle of his arms on the bridge.

I had no idea what to think, to say, to do. So, heart lodged firmly in my throat, I walked the rest of the way home without breaking the silence until we reached my door.

“Well, this is me,” I mumbled, my eyes on the cobblestones by my feet. They were surprisingly shiny — worn smooth by the tread of thousands of feet over hundreds of years. When, once again, Wes failed to respond, I scuffed the toe of my sandal against a stone, abruptly angry at the turn my magical night had taken.

Lifting my eyes, I glared at his expressionless face.

“I don’t know what happened to you in the last thirty minutes and, frankly, I don’t care. You might not want to admit it to me or even to yourself, but something changed tonight. Shit got personal. We invaded each other’s space. We made ourselves vulnerable for a second. You saw me, and I saw
you
, Wes.”

I was breathing hard by the time I broke off — I’d become quite worked up as the words poured from me in a frustrated torrent — but that didn’t stop me from continuing.

“Maybe we got
too
personal. Crossed that comfortable little line of distance strangers draw around themselves to keep things superficial and fun. But, if you remember, you’re the one who dragged me across that damn bridge and across that damn line!” I threw my hands up, exasperated. “I don’t play games, Wes. That’s not me. I don’t do half-assed or hot-and-cold, high-handed or hush-hush. So, even though you don’t want to hear it, I’m going to tell you anyway…”

I narrowed my eyes at him and took a deep breath.

“Thank you.
Thank you
. For tonight, for the bridge. For giving me a little piece of your strength when I needed it.” I wanted to reach out for his hand but I held back, determined to get the rest of my speech out. “You did something for me that no one on this earth has ever even attempted to. You put yourself out there for me. You made me face my biggest fear. And, up until a half hour ago, when you started pulling the silent treatment on me, you gave me what was probably the best night of my entire existence.”

Almost against his will, his face softened. His dark eyes thawed a bit at my words, locking onto mine and holding in a stare I wanted to shake off in a fit of childish indignation but couldn’t quite bring myself to break.

“I don’t know if I can do this,” he finally whispered, his words so low it seemed as if he was talking to himself.

I lifted my eyebrows in question, but he didn’t have any answers for me.

Our eyes locked as another moment dragged on in total silence. We stood, taking each other in as we had that first day in Heroes’ Square. Except tonight, we weren’t total strangers. There was an underlying intensity, an intimacy, in our glances now. A deeper understanding that hadn’t been there before.

He took a deep breath, as though to steady himself, before leaning forward into my space. My breath caught as he laced one hand into the hair at the nape of my neck and, to my absolute astonishment, pressed a lingering kiss to my forehead. My eyes closed automatically as I savored the sensation of his lips on my skin. I breathed in his scent — rich leather and exotic, unnamable spices.

I wondered what he’d taste like.

My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it. I should’ve been embarrassed by its rapid throbbing, but I wasn’t. Nothing in my life had ever felt so right as the soft press of Wes’ mouth against my forehead.

And yet, after a few seconds of internal celebratory cartwheels, I began to realize this wasn’t the beginning of a fairytale romance — it was the ending.

A goodbye kiss.

He pulled away, but I still felt the imprint of his lips on my forehead like a searing wound. A brand of his own making, scorched permanently into my skin like an invisible tattoo.

“Goodbye, Faith.” He stared at me for another moment, his eyes roaming my face as though they were memorizing my every feature. Then, he turned on his heel and walked away.