Authors: Liz Crowe
Maureen’s face flushed. “What?” She looked away, sipped her wine and ignored the hell out of her sister-in-law and her giggling friends. The recent loop of a decidedly sexy Skype conversation she’d exchanged with Rafe kept running through her brain on constant replay mode.
Rafe: So, I was wondering something.
Mo: What? Make it quick. I am a very busy and important woman these days.
Rafe: Why isn’t Ella trying out for ODP this year?
Mo: She wants to work this summer, she says. She doesn’t think she’s a good candidate for a scholarship and that the Olympic Development thing is just too much trouble.
Rafe: She would make regional pool play you know. She’s very good.
Mo: She knows.
Rafe: Can I talk to her about it?
Mo: If you want but she’s dug her heels in. Wants to buy a car, although Jack says he would buy it for her and let her “pay him back.”
Rafe: I can understand that. But she would be wasting her talents.
Mo: Anything else?
Rafe: What are you wearing right now?
Mo: Right….
Rafe: Seriously.
Mo: Ratty sweatpants and a sweatshirt that smells like it was left it in the washing machine too long. Sexy…that’s me. Besides, we aren’t having these conversations remember?
Rafe: Oh, damn, I thought you were somebody else. Never mind.
Mo: Fuck you.
Rafe: I wish.
Mo: If you could hear me right now, it would sound like this: “heavy sigh”
Rafe: If you could hear me right now, it would sound like this: “Heavy breathing”
Mo: You are impossible
Rafe: Not really. But I am stubborn, especially when I want something.
Mo: Something you can’t have…typical man.
Rafe: Sí. Have I ever told you about my stinky sweatshirt fetish?
Mo: No. Thank God.
Rafe: I was a pro athlete once you know. “Stinky” was my middle name.
Mo: I thought your middle name was “Oh, My God, Look at the Hot Soccer Coach.”
Rafe: Oh, yeah, I forgot that one.
Mo: As I said, I am a very busy and important person and need to go…empty the dishwasher, or something.
Rafe: You don’t really want to go though do you?
Mo: What, you’re a mind reader now?
Rafe: I miss you.
Mo: Stop it.
Rafe: I can’t. I have kissed you just enough to want more. A lot more.
Mo: I’m signing off now.
Rafe: No, you aren’t. You know how I know?
Mo: Can you hear my silence?
Rafe: Because I know you want it, too. You are just trying to be loyal to your husband’s memory, and I love that about you. It’s just one thing on a long list of things.
Mo: How did we get to this from “why isn’t Ella doing ODP?”
Rafe: If I called you right now, would you answer the phone?
Mo: Maybe.
Rafe: I love it when a woman plays hard to get.
Mo: Gee, really? I couldn’t tell.
Rafe: I’m picking up the phone right now Maureen and I am going to whisper a few things in your ear.
Mo: Wait. Don’t. How old are you anyway?
Rafe: Finally, the six-thousand-dollar question.
Mo: Well…?
Rafe: How old do you think I am? Bearing in mind my Latino heritage makes me look younger.
Mo: Twenty-five?
Rafe: Higher
Mo: Twenty-six?
Rafe: Higher
Mo: Twenty-seven?
Rafe: Getting warmer…sort of like me
Mo: Jesus, just tell me.
Rafe: After you cross yourself for taking Our Lord’s name in vain….
Mo: Ok: Jesus Fucking Christ, just tell me.
Rafe: Thirty-one
Mo: Oh.
Rafe: And, guess what? I don’t even care how old you are. I just want to….
Mo: Oh.
Rafe: Calling now….
Mo had to get up and walk to the sink and grab on at the memory of the orgasm he’d talked her through like a pro. The last thing he said before hanging up, both of them breathless from the phone sex, stuck in her psyche, making her skin tingle with anticipation.
“I will do this to you, Maureen, if you would just let me, but it will be more than that. So, you have to decide—how much do you want from me?”
She turned to see what the women were up to in the next room. Observing Sara, her sister-in-law, who was currently opening another bottle of wine, and Lila, a woman she was just getting to know but who wore her loss like a sign around her neck Mo took a deep breath. Finally, Julie, Sara’s friend, married to Jack’s law school buddy, emerged from the back patio. They were all dressed in bathing suits and cover-ups having spent the day at the pool with the passel of kids. Both Adam and Ella loved playing with the little boys and Lila’s daughter, Maddie, but Katie, her niece, stayed a little apart. The brooding unhappiness over her Uncle Blake’s death would not fade. Mo had never seen the normally happy little girl so despondent, even now, a year after the tragedy that had altered everyone’s lives.
She needed to get Sara alone. They really had to talk. Jack had filled her ear a few nights ago from the road trip down to Florida. He and Sara had worked through a lot, but he was still frustrated. She’d read her brother the riot act—told him to stop being so distant and absorbed with the fucking soccer thing. It was taking him away too much. It had to be wearing Sara down as it would anyone in her position. However, Mo had a few things she needed to say to her sis-in-law, too. Things she should have said once, a few years back but hadn’t.
Mo sat down and sipped her wine, watching the kids run around in the backyard, the little boys trying their best to keep up with the older ones.
“I don’t know,” Lila was saying, her small frame tucked in on itself. “I like working there, actually, and we seem to be able to get along at the pub, but….” She shrugged. Dark circles made her deep brown eyes seem even larger. Mo put her hand on the woman’s knee.
“You guys have been through something horrific. I would know. But you owe it to yourselves to keep trying. You have him,” she pointed to Gabe who, at that precise moment, was holding out both hands in fists and was spinning like a dervish. Brandis was on his back laughing and kicking out, trying to trip him.
Lila stared at them a minute then turned to Mo, her eyes brimming with tears. “I know. I love Rob so much, It’s killing me. But he just won’t…I don’t know…I worry that he just doesn’t love me as much. That he won’t be able to be with just…you know…what if he needs…oh, hell.”
Mo studied the play of emotion crossing the woman’s face. “Have you asked him? I mean about the needing something else which I assume you mean sex with a man.”
Lila gulped and clutched her throat as her pale skin flushed red. “I, um, yeah I guess so.”
Sara patted Lila’s leg. “Forgive her. It’s a Gordon thing, the pull-no-punches gene. It comes naturally.” Mo shot her sister-in-law a look, not exactly thrilled with the comment. Sara met her gaze, not backing down. The tension in the room ramped up. Mo did nothing to dispel it. She broke the moment however, and looked away, realizing this was neither the time nor the place for a confrontation. But they were overdue one. And she would make it happen. Her brother was as close to miserable as she’d seen him in a long time. And while she would be first to blame him for his share of it, the woman he’d married could be held accountable for a fair bit of the problem. Mo loved how happy Jack was with Sara. But right now she was worried that ultimately their similarities would rip them apart.
Lila glanced back and forth between the two Gordon women, a nervous look in her eyes. “I miss Blake so much I barely sleep or eat. But Rob is…I just…forget it. I don’t want to cause a fight here. I’ve had enough of that.”
Mo leaned into the miserable looking woman’s ear. “Relax. I have no beef with you or with Sara, really. I’m sorry this is so hard for you.”
Lila looked at her, desperation clear in her eyes. “I can’t live without him. I cannot lose him, too. But….”
Sara snorted. “Please. He is crazy about you Lila. He’ll never be with anyone else. I know.”
“Oh, yeah, how did you get to be an expert?” Julie piped up. “Last time I checked, you were withholding sex from your husband just to get him to talk to you.”
Mo sputtered, held a hand to her nose, had to get up from the table and get some water. When Mo sat back down, Sara was glaring daggers at Julie and Lila was laughing so hard tears streamed down her cheeks as she waved her hands in front of her face. “Oh, god, I needed that.”
Sara turned her angry gaze to Lila. “I’m so glad my marital issues are causing everyone such joy.” But she smiled, and Mo noted the new lines etched into her face. Motherhood would do that, and the woman had endured so much more.
“So,” Mo took a breath, gripped her wine glass. “I might as well get this out now.” The women turned to her. She gulped and leaned forward, pointing at Sara. “You need to get your head out of your ass.”
Lila dissolved into giggles again.
Julie snorted into her wineglass. “So, tell us something we don’t know.”
Sara frowned at her sister-in-law. “Excuse me?”
Mo held up a hand. “Don’t get me wrong, Sara. I love you, truly, like a sister. But….”
Julie interjected. “You are entering dangerous idiot territory again with Jack. Right up there with a few years ago, when I said repeatedly that you were gonna stubborn yourself out of a great relationship, remember?” Mo looked at the woman, glad she had someone in her corner. Julie was classically beautiful, with thick blonde hair pulled back from her distinctive features, high cheekbones, and bright blue eyes. She wore a thin chain around her neck, with a small heart-shaped pendant in front.
Mo opened her mouth to agree and add something she’d wanted to say for years but hadn’t found the right moment. Why she thought this was the time, she had no idea but the desperation in her brother’s voice on the phone a few nights ago was boring into her brain in a way that forced her to speak up. Then the back sliding glass door flew open and a tangle of teenagers, pre-teens and toddlers tumbled in, all soaking wet from the hose and, apparently, ravenously hungry. The interruption made her sigh with relief.
Ella and Adam were squabbling about something or nothing, as usual. She ordered them both to the back to grab towels for the group, looking down when a wet little boy latched onto her leg. “Mo!” Brandis yelled. The boy had two volumes, loud and louder. But she loved the kid. He was so Jack. She hitched him up onto her hip. Sara still sat, staring into her glass but then blinked and rallied.
“I’ll start the grill. Mo could you get the boys into the tub?”
Mo put a hand on Sara’s arm as she stood. The other woman’s skin was ice cold. “I don’t mean anything more than this Sara. Please try not to take it the wrong way. You have got to get your head on straight. Stop fu—,” she looked over Brandis, but he had his thumb stuck firmly in his mouth, his eyes glazed over. “Stop fucking with his head. You did that before and almost lost him, and he would die without you. Why don’t you get that?”
Sara turned from her, stomped out to the patio to turn on the grill. Figuring she should have kept her mouth shut, Mo corralled Brandis and Gabe back to the large bathroom. She stripped off their shorts, and tossed them into the nearly full tub. Gabe stood staring at the water swirling around from the jets. Brandis laughed, and splashed his friend right in the eyes, bringing on tears and a near-miss concussion for her nephew when the quieter boy heaved a bottle of shampoo at his head. Mo grabbed the potential missile, then sat on the side of the tub, watching the boys interact.
“He would die, would he?” Sara’s voice at the door made her jump. She stood, wiped her hands on a towel and stared at the other woman. Tears stood in Sara’s eyes. Her hands shook.
Mo nodded, trying to put her feelings about the complexity of her brother’s relationship into words that didn’t sound too subjective or harsh. “I told him the same thing if it’s any consolation. You guys are like a match made in hell, but heaven help you, and the rest of us, if you can’t keep it together. I will tell you this much,” she grabbed Sara’s hands. “I will not allow you to act like an idiot. Like you did when Katie was small. Holding him off not only makes him nuts, but it does a disservice to you and her. And she is….she needs her parents to rally right now.”
Sara gulped. A tear slid down her face. “I miss Blake so much,” she whispered, gripping Mo’s hands. “God. I can barely stand it.”
“I didn’t really know Blake, Sara, but the thought of losing my brother like that, losing him at all, much less like you did, makes me physically ill.” She pulled the woman into an embrace. “I’m so sorry, honey. But seriously, you have to focus on your marriage. On Jack. He is not the easiest guy on the planet. I know that. But he loves you and I will not let you hurt him.”
Sara stepped back, wiped her eyes. “I don’t know what to do though Mo. He won’t talk to me. He’s…he’s just not here anymore, you know?” The women turned at the sound of a screech from the tub. Sara plucked Brandis out before he could shove Gabe back under the water. “Jesus, these two….” Mo grabbed Gabe, wrapped a towel around him and handed him to Lila who had appeared in the doorway.
Gabriel gripped his mother’s neck with one arm, his huge brown eyes wide. “Da?” He asked around the thumb stuck in his mouth. “Want.” He patted her face with his free hand. Lila sighed, then wandered out.