Escape In You (22 page)

To my eternal gratitude, Fred leans over the open hood. “Okay. So what do you need me to start on?”

We work for several hours straight. My boss, Carl, is letting me use the garage to store the Jeep and work on it when we’re closed. In return, I’ve agreed to take some extra shifts when he’s short. It beats the hell out of trying to do it at home where Zoe might see—or my mom might find some way to interfere. It’s cutting into my time with Zoe, but she’s been acting weird about her mom anyhow—weirder than normal. She hasn’t been spending the night much, saying her mom needs her right now. I’m trying not to let it worry me. I have enough to worry about, what with the half-finished Jeep sitting in front of me.

“Want a beer?” I ask Fred, ready for a breather.

He agrees and we go sit in the break room. I grab a beer from the mini-fridge and hand it to him.

“Thanks, man.”

We’re quiet for a moment as we both take our first sips.

“So,” he says, breaking the silence. “How’s it going with you two?”

“Good.”

He seems to be appraising me. “She doing okay with that whole Preston thing?”

I tense up. “Yeah. She was relieved nothing more happened, I think.”

He’s still watching me carefully. “You were pretty worked up that night. Haven’t seen you like that in a while.”

“Wouldn't you be?”

“Preston got what he deserved,” he says. “I’m with you on that. But it was surprising, that’s all. To see you so worked up over someone.”

I take another sip of beer. I think I know what he’s getting at.

“In fact, the only other person I’ve ever seen get such a response out of you was your brother. Watching you beat the hell out of Preston kind of felt like watching you beat the hell out of that kid in the bar.”

“Do you have a point here, Fred?”

“You like this girl. You like her a lot.”

I rub my neck, uncomfortable. “It’s supposed to be low key. For the summer, you know. Just some fun.”

He laughs loudly. “Okay, buddy. You keep telling yourself that.”

“What?”

“Oh, come on, Taylor. You are head over heels. Are you really not aware of this?”

“Shut up, dude. Who the hell talks like that, anyhow?”

“The friend of a guy who is clearly falling for a chick.”

“You sound like a girl.” I shove his arm and feel a surge of satisfaction when he has to catch himself from falling out of his chair. “I have fun with her, okay? She’s not fake, and she likes to party. And she’s totally hot. It doesn’t have to be a bigger deal than that.”

He shakes his head. “Uh huh. Like I said, keep telling yourself that.”

It’s weird; there’s a part of me that wants to tell him the truth. That I think about Zoe from the time I wake up till the time I go to bed. I want to tell him all the things that make her special, different from the other girls we know. I want to tell him how she gets me, how she doesn’t judge. And how that makes me feel better about myself than I have in years.

But dudes don’t talk about shit like that.

“Jeremy,” he says, his voice taking on an edge of seriousness. Aside from my parents, he’s the only person who still calls me by my real name. “It’s okay, man. You don’t have to be embarrassed.”

I look at him and realize that I don’t have to tell him any of it. He knows. I’m not sure how, but he knows.

“I think I’m in love with her.” It comes out in a rush. I hadn’t intended to say it, hadn’t even ever said it to myself, not straight up like that, but somehow I’m so relieved that it’s out there.

“I know you are, man.”

We’re both quiet for a minute, staring at the break room table. “You think Jim would have liked her?” I wince when I say it. I make it a practice never to say his name, not if I can help it. The sound of it always slices through me like a knife. But, somehow, saying it to Fred right now is okay.

He laughs a little, the sound sad. “I think he would have been over the moon to see you with her. To know someone made you this happy. He would have been fucking tickled pink.”

He’s right. Jim was always comfortable with the emotional stuff, way more than me. When he fell for Sarah, he was never embarrassed about it, never too cool to tell everyone just how he felt.

Thinking about Sarah makes me sick. I should have done a better job helping her. My brother would kick my ass if he could see her. I shake my head, trying to dispel the image of his face mired in disappointment. Suddenly, I yearn for whiskey, for vodka, for pot—anything I can take to turn numb.

“Jeremy,” Fred says. “You okay?”

I rub my damp palms across my knees. I promised Zoe I’d cool it with that stuff. But how am I supposed to get the image of his face out of my head without it? Especially without her here.

“Tell me about Zoe,” Fred says. I get the feeling he knows exactly what’s happening in my fucked up head and is trying to pull me out of it. I take a deep breath. Maybe it will help.

“She has this tough-girl thing going, you know? Like she doesn’t need anyone or anything. But with me she’s…she’s different.”

Just like that, I feel better. My heart slows down, my breathing returns to normal. I picture Zoe’s face and do my best to hold on to the image. “She’s funny, and she’s really damn smart. And she always tells me what she means. No fucking games.”

“Have you shown her your stuff?” he asks.

“Yeah. She’s really into it, especially the 3-D stuff. She wants to go with us if we go back to Clarksville this year.”

“Let’s do that,” he says. “We should definitely do that.”

“We should.” I’ve been sort of hoping he’d bully me into it again this year like he had last summer. How stupid is that? I’m a grown-ass man and I need my best friend to give me the okay to do the shit I want to do anyhow. I shake my head. I’m so fucked up.

Not to her
, I remind myself. Not to Zoe. And it’s true; I might have screwed up just about every other relationship in my life, basically ruined my parents’ lives, let my brother down, even hurt Fred by not being able to save Jim. But Zoe was the one person I’d never let down. The one person I had never hurt.

I was going to make damn sure to keep it that way.

***

The day we’re set to go to Cedar Point, I get to Zoe’s house ten minutes early. I was way too keyed up to stay in my apartment for another minute. I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I give her the birthday present.

I know she won’t appreciate me knocking at eight a.m., so I send her a text instead, letting her know I’m outside but she doesn't need to hurry. The front door opens about thirty seconds later, and she waves at me before running down the lawn.

“Were you waiting for me?” I ask after she leans over to give me a kiss hello.

“Just ready to get on the road.”

“So, here’s the thing about that.” I look at her, trying to gauge how she’ll react. “We need to make a stop first.”

“A stop? I thought Fred was all anal about getting down there by the time the park opens.”

“Yeah, but he said it’s okay. Because I have something for you and you might want it before we leave.”

She looks immediately suspicious. “What kind of thing?”

“First of all, I want you to remember that Ellie loves you.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “She told you what day it is, didn't she?”

I grin at her. “Come on, she just wants to make sure you have a nice day.” Her scowl is absolutely adorable, but her eyes narrow at the first sign I’m about to laugh so I try to hold it in.

“I hope you didn't get me a present. I hate birthday presents.”

“She may have mentioned that, too. But it’s okay, because I was actually planning on giving you this anyhow. The birthday thing was just an excuse to get it ready faster.”

“Get what ready faster?”

“Will you come somewhere with me?”

She looks at me for a long moment. Just when I think she’s going to refuse, she relents. “Fine. I’ll come with you.”

As I start up the car, I’m really freaking excited about my surprise. I’ve been working on it almost nonstop ever since I had the idea, sometimes skipping my lunch hours and enlisting both Fred and Everett to help. I hope she likes it. More than that, I hope she accepts it without getting weird about it. It’s a big present, and I know how she can get about things she deems a big deal.

By the time we get to the shop, I’m almost more nervous than excited. My hands are actually shaking as I unbuckle my seat belt, and my palms are slick with sweat.

“The surprise is at your shop?” she asks, looking at me with curiosity. Her eyes suddenly gleam. “Are we about to fulfill your fantasy of having sex on the hood of a car? Sorry, babe. Axle grease really doesn’t do it for me.”

I laugh weakly and motion for her to get out. She follows me to the door of the shop, and I focus on taking deep breaths.

“Seriously, Taylor. What’s going on? You’re acting weird.”

I get the door open and turn to face her. “I just…I really want you to like this. I don’t want you to freak out or anything. Can you just remember that I did this because I want to?”

Great, now she’s starting to look nervous. I take a deep breath, grab her hand, and turn on the lights. The Jeep is sitting in the middle of the shop floor, all polished and gleaming the way I left it. As her eyes scan the room, passing right over her actual present, I realize I should have put one of those huge bows on it, like you see in commercials. Not that I would know where to get a bow like that. But Zoe definitely deserves a bow.

“What is it?” she asks.

Unable to speak, I point at the Jeep, watching as her eyes follow my finger.

She stares at it for a minute, not speaking, then turns to look at me instead. “
What
?”

“I, uh, restored that for you. The Jeep, I mean.”

Her mouth drops open in a perfect little “O.” “Wait. Are you telling me you got me a car? Like, you bought me a car?”

I can’t get a read on her reaction. Is she mad? Overwhelmed? Confused? I decide it’s time for damage control. “Not really. I mean, yeah, I bought it off Carl. But someone had turned it in for parts. It’s not like it was a lot of money or anything. Then I did all the labor. So it’s not really a huge deal—”

“You did the labor? You rebuilt it?”

I scratch the back of my neck, regretting the way I had presented this to her. She’s definitely going to freak out.

“Yeah. Honestly, though, it wasn’t that big of a deal.”

Suddenly she jumps into my arms, and I’m stumbling backwards with the force of her enthusiasm. “Taylor,” she gasps, and I hug her back, caught off guard. “Thank you.”

A wave of relief rushes through me. “You like it?”

Her mouth against my ear, she whispers, “Are you kidding me? This is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. Seriously.”

I tighten my hold around her and rest my cheek on the top of her head. “I was afraid you were going to freak out.”

She pulls back to look at me. “I
am
freaking out. This is incredible.”

I know I have the goofiest grin on my face, but I can’t really make myself care about that. “It really wasn’t that big of a deal. Like I said, I did the labor myself—”

“That’s the incredible part,” she says, and I realize her eyes are wet. “This must have been hours of work for you.”

“I just don’t want you walking around by yourself in the dark anymore. I want you safe.”

She sniffs, and I give a little shaky laugh, feeling like I might cry, too. Which I would never live down. So I wrap my arms around her again and whisper in her ear, “Happy birthday, Zoe.”

Chapter Twenty

Zoe

He got me a car. A car. I literally can’t believe it.

When it first sinks in what he had done, I’m not sure I can accept it. It’s too much, way too much, particularly for a couple that’s not supposed to be all that serious. But I think we passed “just for fun” a long time ago. Still, how can I accept a car from him?

When I actually look at him, though, and see how nervous he is, I realize that I have to. He seems terrified as he gazes down at me, waiting for my reaction. Like he is sure I’m about to freak out. It takes me about two seconds to realize how much work and time he put into it—for me—and that’s all I need to know. As uncomfortable as I might be with a big gift like that, I know it doesn't matter. He did it for me because he cared enough about me to do it. There is no way in hell I am throwing that back in his face.

So instead I hug him and kiss him and thank him, from the very bottom of my heart.

We leave his car in the parking lot and take mine—my car!—to pick up Ellie and Fred for the trip to Ohio. I feel downright giddy about driving us the whole way there. Ellie and Taylor are both very protective of their cars, and neither ever lets me drive. This is going to be so much fun.

And I can use a little fun. It’s been a tough week.

After that first night in the kitchen, I didn't know what to expect from my mom. To my relief, she calmed down a lot the next day. She still stayed up half the night, but she seemed content to read and watch TV. No more scary, manic baking. But the next night I had woken to the sound of the vacuum cleaner at three a.m. I found her, in the living room, standing on the couch with the drapery attachment on the vacuum, cleaning the blinds.

It had gone on like that all week, up and down. Even Jerry seems concerned. I hadn’t seen him drunk once, and he came home after work pretty much every night. I was exhausted and on edge, having no idea what to expect at any given moment. I had almost skipped the trip today. She’d been okay yesterday, better than she’s been most of the week, but I still worried about leaving. The not knowing is always hard. What had convinced me, finally, was my mom herself.

“I was thinking spaghetti and meatballs for dinner tomorrow,” she told me. I was in bed, half asleep, but she clearly wasn’t in a mental place where she was aware of things like bedtime.

“Tomorrow?” I had asked, struggling to catch up with wherever her mind was.

“For your birthday, silly.”

It had been strange, hearing her say those words. The past few years, my birthday had gone unnoticed. My mom had just been too out of it to remember, and Jerry certainly wasn’t going to remind her. Add to that the fact that my seventeenth birthday had pretty much been the worst day of our lives and I had basically stopped caring about the occasion.