“You don’t command me.”
I headed around the fountain and down a gray pebbled path that I’d traveled for
many years. This was the way to my house. If Ethan and the girls remained in
our home, I’d be there within minutes. Samuel trailed behind me, not making a
sound. The horses followed us. I could only hear the clip-clop of their hooves
over stone as we made it closer to my huge house. It was now painted the color
of sand. It used to be my favorite color, jade.
Why did he change it?
A large smile spread across my face. Tears
leaked from the corners of my eyes.
“Is this your home?”
Samuel asked.
“Yes.” I quickened my
pace. We entered the pathway into my front yard. I passed a flower garden on my
right.
He added a garden.
On my left,
tombstones jutted out of the grassy ground. My relatives had died during the
years of the food shortage and now they lay in those graves. Ethan and I had
buried aunts, uncles, cousins, young nieces, and nephews.
Are
your parents gone too?
Samuel asked in my mind.
“Yes. Both of our
parents died.” I paused as we came to the front steps leading to the porch.
My fingers trembled at
my sides.
Samuel’s hand clamped
on to mine. “Don’t be afraid.”
“What if he did move
on?” I whispered, my lips quivering.
What
am I even doing?
“Once I helped a male
slave escape the castle.” Samuel’s hand tightened around mine. “He’d been
missing three toes on his right foot and couldn’t walk for long periods or run
if there was danger.
I
carried him the entire journey.”
I gave Samuel a weak
smile. “So you protected and guarded him?”
“Yes. But that’s not
the point of my story. I’d told him the whole journey that he had to prepare
himself for the fact that his wife might have moved on. When we arrived in his
town, we went to his house to greet his wife.”
“And? Had she moved
on?”
“No,” Samuel admitted.
“She’d prayed and hoped that one day her husband would break away from the
king. She’d refused to move on and stayed true to him for seven years.”
I exhaled, not even
realizing I’d been holding my breath and waiting for Samuel’s response. “That’s
a great ending.”
Samuel combed his
fingers through his blond-and-black hair. “And that might be your ending.
You’re definitely worthy of it.”
Samuel embraced me and
wrapped his arms around my waist. A weird sensation captured me as he touched
me on my homeland, only several feet from my sleeping husband. But it also felt
so right and natural. It was as if sometime before we were born, a great being
had designed us to be a pair, to only fit in each other’s form and become an
unshakeable union.
This
is the blood talking,
I reminded myself.
Let
it.
Samuel’s smoothing voice slipped inside my mind.
Let’s just run from this town.
“No.” I climbed out of
his arms. My hands returned to shaking. “I have to know if Ethan has moved on
and I definitely have to see my girls. My daughters’ faces and the memories I
have of Ethan are the only way I survived my time in the
Royal Court
.”
His face hardened into
a mask of ambiguity. I didn’t know if he was angry or not. He turned away from
me and climbed the steps to my porch.
“So what’s your plan
right now?” he asked.
“I guess I’ll knock on
the door.” I bit my lip.
“No. I have a better
idea. We should sneak in.”
“You mean break in?” I
scrunched my face up in confusion.
“Yes. If Ethan is alone
in his bed, then I’ll leave you here.”
What?
For some reason panic hit me. The idea that Samuel would be far away made me
form my hands into fists. My heart slammed against my chest.
Shh
,
he whispered in my head.
It’ll be hard
enough to walk away. Control your body’s reaction.
I’m
not trying to react. It’s just what’s happening
,
I thought.
“It’s because you’re my
queen,” he claimed as though it were obvious.
I refused to respond
and kept my mind as blank as possible. He pulled out a crooked black key that
looked just like the one Leeta had in the hotel and winked.
He stuck the key
in the doorknob and twisted it.
A small
click sounded. The door creaked open.
Chapter Eleven
How did you open my door with that
key?
I asked in my head.
I helped an old black mage escape The
Quiet King’s dungeon. He made me three keys like this. These keys can open any
door that isn’t locked by magic. I have two. I gave the other one to Leeta.
I
nervously nodded and followed him in. The aroma of gingerbread hit me. The
sweet scent saturated the dark room. I smiled, happy my girls slept in a house
that smelled so sweet. Surely this was a home of fun things and happy memories.
Samuel
picked me up.
I can move silently
,
Samuel said.
You’ll make a lot of noise
if you walk.
I
heard him inhale.
Are you smelling me?
This may be the last time. I’m near
you,
he said.
Be
happy that’s all I’m doing.
We
moved through the dark room toward a dimly lit hallway. Shadows blurred and distorted
the furniture and images in the picture frames. My body trembled. My heart beat
loud in my ears, so loud I was sure it would wake everyone in the house.
Relax
,
Samuel said as we traveled down the hall.
Colorful
drawings decorated the walls, resembling artwork children would make.
My girls.
I beamed. The drawings had to belong to them. I touched one. Samuel paused,
letting me run my finger against its smooth surface.
Take it,
he said.
I
almost pulled the picture down and stopped.
Why
should I take it? Will I not be living in this house to see the drawing every
day? Are you trying to tell me something?
Blasted woman! I just figured you
would want it
. He took two of the drawings and carried
me farther down the hallway. I knew my bedroom was the last one on the end and
we were currently passing the girls’ room. But that was only if Ethan kept the
house the same.
Samuel
replied.
I can hear tiny beating hearts
in the room that we passed. Two little ones.
I
gasped.
My girls.
Most likely
.
Samuel halted and gazed into my eyes.
Do
you want to see them now or go into the main bedroom to your husband?
How many hearts do you hear coming
from the bedroom?
I asked.
Even if I told you, Brie, you would
still want to see. You would think I was lying.
Would you lie to me if it meant I
would stay with you?
I asked.
He
looked away from me.
Definitely.
I
chewed the inside of my cheek.
Let’s get
this over with. I want to go to him.
Samuel
took me down the hallway. I counted ten steps. His hand went to the bedroom’s
doorknob and opened the door without a sound. I twisted my face toward the
room, anticipating this final answer, one that would alter the direction of my
life forever.
The
window’s curtains were wide open. The light of the two moons traveled in
through the glass. Ethan lay asleep in bed. He’d grown a shaggy black beard.
Gruff snores escaped his lips. A glass of water rested on the table next to
him. I knew he would drink it right in the morning before getting out of bed. He
was always thirsty. It was just one of those weird things I loved about him.
I
drew that love into my heart, needing to hold on to those old memories of our
marriage and all the things we’d shared—our first kiss, the first time we made
love, the night he’d proposed, the morning when I discovered I was pregnant.
Those were the only memories Ethan and I would have now, because on the other
side of him a woman slept, a beautiful lady with dark brown hair and a round,
protruding belly, announcing a new life grew inside.
Please don’t cry
,
Samuel whispered in my head.
I
touched my cheeks, shocked that tears were there. I hadn’t even known I was
crying. I’d been too busy gazing upon the life I’d given away.
Don’t think like that
,
Samuel’s voice sounded threatening, no longer smooth.
Your life is just beginning.
I
rubbed my eyes.
I want to see my girls.
We
arrived at my daughters’ room in a blur. The aroma of gingerbread cookies
captured me. Samuel opened the door and set me down so I could walk over to
their bed. They slept together and clutched cornhusk dolls with tiny pink
clothes. Their auburn hair was everywhere, along with their bodies. Lily had a
tiny birthmark on her right cheek. She lay upside down in the bed with her foot
on top of Rose’s head. I stifled a giggle at the sight.
My babies are so big.
Colorful
drawings covered every space on the wall. Stuffed animals and dolls crowded the
room. A plate with cookie crumbs sat on a huge dresser. I stepped toward it and
spotted a picture within a large frame. It was a picture of Ethan and me
holding hands, but I couldn’t remember taking it. I walked closer and suddenly
realized the woman had brown hair, not auburn. It wasn’t me. It was Ethan’s new
wife. The frame had the words,
We love
you
,
Mom and Dad
written at the
bottom in pink.
I
scanned the room and saw no photos of me, no memory that told my girls who
their mother was. Here I was ready to wake up my daughters and tell them their
mother was home and they probably didn’t remember who I was. And if they did
know about me, clearly this new woman was their mother. She’d been here helping
to raise them while I sat off in the castle. Even worse, once The Quiet King
realized I was gone, he’d come here first. I couldn’t stay here.
Minutes
passed as I gazed at my girls. My heart broke with each second. In one moment,
I was talking myself into running off with them.
I could take them. I could find us somewhere safe. It would be okay.
My
skin moistened with tears as the rational part of me kicked in, the part that knew
what was right and wrong.
So what will I
do if I wake my babies? I can’t drag my daughters around the planet, constantly
keeping them in hiding and always in fear we’ll be caught and killed
. Pain
bit at my stomach.
I have to pretend like
I don’t exist anymore, to keep them safe.
I shook my head. They would never
know I stood above them one moonlit night, sacrificing my wants for their
needs.
Once again.
They’d never
realize that on this massive planet walked a woman who would slice her heart
into tiny pieces so they could have a fruitful life, one without strife and
terror.
You were right, Samuel. I ruined my
life.
You do exist to them. You have a
statue of yourself in the city
, Samuel offered.
I
twisted his way.
None of that matters if
at the end of the day my girls call another woman their mother or my husband
whispers I-love-yous to somebody else.
I rubbed my face with both my hands,
drowning in embarrassment for myself and the choices I’d made.
They probably don’t even know it’s their
mother. To them it could just be some good-hearted citizen.
Stop it. You saved hundreds of
lives.
Samuel gathered me into his arms.
A
hole emerged within my chest. It was like I’d been told someone had died.
But am I selfish to now regret it?
No.
Samuel lifted me, carried me out of their bedroom, and through the house.
You’re human. It’s natural for you to feel
regret.
“And
do you ever feel regret?” I asked once we were outside.
“I
regret taking you inside the house. I didn’t enjoy watching your heart break. I
wanted to take Ethan’s life. I’m still not sure if I won’t.”
“No.
You can’t hurt Ethan. You were right. I couldn’t have expected him to sit in
this house with two young daughters and not want to give them a mother or
experience love for himself.” I went to the steps, ready to leave my home, the
yard with my dead relatives, and all of Zumaya. Samuel grabbed my arm and
handed me my daughters’ drawings and a large photo of them outlined by a copper
frame.
“When
did you take this?” I grabbed them like valuables and held them to my chest.