est (24 page)

Read est Online

Authors: Adelaide Bry

step further.
What
est
does is alter people's experience of their belief systems,
beginning with their experience of reality and ending with an experience
of the self's potential to know and to be. Relating that to our daily
human predicament, what it does is transform dissatisfaction, confusion,
emotional pain, and physical distress into health, happiness, love,
and full self-expression -- What
est
calls "aliveness."
You might say that's what psychotherapy and religion have been trying
to do all along. True, but there are millions who have never embraced,
have rejected, or haven't changed as a result of, therapy and/or religion.
Although I see
est
creating a revolution in the practice of
psychotherapy (and perhaps in education and religion as well) by
transforming those involved,
est
's impact goes far beyond
providing people with ways to deal with their personal problems. Its
most far-reaching effect will undoubtedly come from the issue of
responsibility, specifically the notions of self-responsibility and
of being at the cause of our lives. This will be seen in
all
areas relating to the human condition -- politics, economics, ecology,
family relationships, war, peace, health, creativity, to name just a few.
We have seen in this book only a hint of what we may expect. If, after the
training, prisoners in the maximum security ward of a federal penitentiary
take full responsibility for their crimes, then it is conceivable that our
increasing crime rate may actually be reversed.
If, after the training, children stop blaming their parents for the
problems in their lives, then we can create a future where they learn,
grow, and run their lives out of choice rather than coercion. It is not
surprising that where trainings have been held in elementary schools,
the schoolwork and leadership abilities of the graduates (aged 7-11)
show an immediate expansion.
If after the trainings adults experience their body sensations, their
feelings, and their aliveness for the first time in their lives, then we
may create a future populated by awake, aware, and alive people instead
of the mechanized automatons most of us still are.
If, after the training, men and women come to grips with their relationships
and deal in honesty instead of subterfuge, and reality instead of belief,
then perhaps divorce might decline, and millions of children be raised in
a loving, accepting environment.
A colleague of mine who took the training with Landon Carter, a young,
handsome, and dynamic graduate of Andover, Yale (where he was a football
star), and Harvard Business School -- a Kennedy type -- had a flash
of him running for office. Imagine a politician who was committed to
keeping his agreements and who took responsibility for his actions!
It has long been a dream that mankind could be ethical and loving, as
well as creative. I think that we are closer to that dream today than
ever before.
Unquestionably
est
will continue to expand; the demand for what
it provides is phenomenal and will probably increase. There is always the
possibility, of course, it could get bogged down like other institutions
in its forms and become removed from its experience. If Werner's intention
persists, however, I feel the future holds great promise for
est
and all its graduates.
For myself, having been on a consciousness-expansion trip for twenty years,
I find that I am closer to my tears and to my laughter, experiencing myself
right here, right now, not so often thinking about the past or the future.
I find that I have an added clarity in experiencing others. I am there with
them, being with them, in a way I was not before.
Werner says, "When you have experienced yourself, you will know it
because it will take you out into the world. Not into a cave. Not into
a monastery. But out into the world. And the way you go into the world
is with compassion. Being out in the world is compassion itself."
If all of us who have experienced
est
go into the world with
compassion, and if we bring with us the awareness, the creative power --
and the love -- that we each have rediscovered within ourselves through
est
, then we will be a mighty force for a new way of being.
I know that with my heart. And I got it at
est
.
Dennis
Dennis, at twenty-seven, is an ebullient
young man with laughing blue eyes and
curly hair. He works as a travel agent in
New York.
I'm a happy guy and I still have some things that bother me.
I don't think I ever noticed before what communication was all about.
I mean, really paying attention to someone else. I listen now.
I know I am the center of my universe. When I operate from stuff in the
past, I'm not seeing what's happening right now. Sure, I can still choose
to react the way I used to. Or I can be different.
Recently my Dad and I were together in the car and I was driving. He
began his stuff. "Listen, Dennis, you're driving too fast, turn here,
do this, don't do that!" Throwing his shit at me. It used to make me
furious, but I either didn't say anything or I let it go.
This time I took a look at what was happening. I saw that this was my
father's way of saying he loves me. He can't come out and say that but
he can tell me how to drive and how to run my life. I can deal with it
now. Maybe I'll talk to him about it soon.
When you go through
est
, you learn that getting stuck on something
just keeps it from working. When you let go, it can work.
I let go last week of wanting to travel, which was the reason I wanted
a job in a travel agency. I said to myself, "OK, I won't travel." On
Monday, my boss called me in and told me that I was going to Italy to
lead a group.
I've been in the job eight months and all this time I've been stuck on
traveling. When I got off it, it happened.
What I'm getting to look at now that's really important for me is the
way I relate to female bosses. 1 get furious at the women I work for at
the slightest provocation.
The woman I'm working with now blew up at me the other day because I
didn't leave a phone message on her desk. Usually I would freak out at
something like that.
I saw that it wasn't the message she was especially angry at. She was
just upset that day. But, still, I became nervous. I could feel my face
start to twitch, my heart was pounding, my head was spinning. And I had a
silly smile on my face. It is only since
est
that I get in touch
with my body feelings when I'm upset.
My boss looked at me peculiarly and asked what I was laughing at. "I'm not
laughing," I said. "I'm just smiling." She told me she thought I had a
warped sense of humor. That was what really made me aware of my nervous
smile and the silly contortions on my face.
I took responsibility for her reaction to me. Before
est
, I would
have been stuck on that incident for days, running it through my mind
over and over and letting it take over my life. Now I acknowledge to
myself that it happened and that I might bring it up again. After the
first day of looking at it from every possible angle, you know, rerunning
every aspect of what happened, it simply disappeared.
Another thing. I had never, ever told my mother that I loved her. On
Mother's Day, I called her and told her just that. I just said, "Mom,
I love you." It felt terrific.
Shorthand: A Glossary
"I am willing for you to have space to share
the way you got how you run your racket
and I have considerations. . . ."
-- An est volunteer
Werner is deeply concerned with communication. The training gives
considerable space to it -- what it is, what it isn't, the way to do
it, the way not to do it, plus a lot of opportunities to actually
communicate. The Communication Workshops were created to transform
peopie's consciousness regarding communication. And the language of
est
was created as a tool to facilitate true communication.
Werner says, "Anything you can communicate about, you can be with --
at choice." He explains
est
talk as "incredibly useful and actually
important when you are describing something that can't be contained in a
person's belief system. What it does is allow people to know that you're
not describing what they think you're describing." Considering there's
a lot that's new (to the West, if not to the East) in
est
, it's
not surprising that Werner is reportedly working on a new dictionary
because he feels the existing ones are inadequate.
What follows is a compilation of words and phrases -- the
est
shorthand -- used in the training and by graduates. They're in two
categories -- words you can use and words you can use but which get you
in trouble.
I should note that Werner looked these definitions over and stated that
they were inaccurate if understood as the definitions he intended.
I totally respect Werner's desire for perfection and at the same time I
want to give the reader some sense of
est
's special use of words,
as I experienced getting them and as I have used them in this manuscript.
So these definitions are mine, with a little help from my
est
graduate friends and colleagues.
A. Words you can use and what they mean:
acknowledge: A recognition of one person by another.
act: As in "getting your 'act' together"; your front to
the world.
agreement: A mutual understanding or arrangement
about which it's understood that you're going to do what
you say you're going to do. est places importance on
choosing to be responsible for keeping agreements. If you break
an agreement with est, you are expected to look at what
is in the space between you and fulfilling your agreement. An
est maxim is "Your life works to the degree to which
you keep your agreements." Also, agreement is that by which
you know, for example, that it is dangerous to walk in front
of a bus; the way you know the physical universe.
and: Used in est to avoid invidious contrast; replaces
the word "but," which is hardly ever used in est
(see but, section B).
asshole: What everyone is before he or she knows what is real
and what isn't.
assist: Aid to another person, coming from the assumption that
the other person is responsible and at cause. Contrasted in
est to "help," which put the recipient at effect
(see help, section B).
barrier: What's between you and experiencing your
own perfection; the something inside you that
prevents you from seeing what's going on both
inside and outside you.
belief: A nonexperiential way of knowing, which often
prevents you from experiencing and thereby accepting what's so;
a preconception, usually a misconception, that you once learned
and which keeps you from seeing what's going on right now;
used in the expression "belief system," which is a whole bunch
of beliefs on a particular subject, such as "love," "success,"
"Mother."
buttons: As in "pushing your buttons," triggering automatic
behavior; reacting in a predictable way to certain stimuli and,
especially, to things that relate to deep feelings such as love,
anger, happiness, sadness. (Think, for example, of when and
why you smile.) An unwitting response, accompanied by "reasons"
that are actually rationalizations.
cause: Being "at the cause" of your experience is the direct
opposite of being at its effect"; to create your life,
to make it happen consciously by commission rather than omission:
if we are the cause of our lives, then we create our own reality
and cannot be at its effect (victimized, powerless). A concept
which, once experienced, gives people incredible power over their
own lives.
chatter: As in "the ceaseless chatter of your mind";
means the voices that direct your life from such nonexperiential
knowledge as beliefs, which impose judgments and decisions --
"considerations" -- on things and which distort or put up barriers
to experience.
clear: As in getting clear, clarifying an issue; removing
the debris that prevents you from seeing something cleanly
and sharply; to free from doubt, restriction, and obstruction;
cloudless. Closely related to "belief systems," which are what
often prevent people from getting clear.
considerations: A person's value system; judgments,
decisions, reasons, opinions; barriers to truth because
they get in the way of seeing what's really happening;
a part of one's experience, which is to be acknowledged
before one chooses but which is not why one
chooses; things people use to be right or to justify
their behavior.
effect: As in "at the effect of"; the consequences or outcome
of cause; when one is at the effect of life, one cannot cause
it and therefore feels powerless and victimized. One can move
from being at the effect to being at the cause by choosing to
choose one's experience.
experience: What est is all about; the source of reality.
fabulous: An est acknowledgment of communication
(est synonyms are: great, thank you, marvelous, for sure,
very nice); has no relationship to quality of communication.
get, got: Means that someone realizes the meaning or
significance of a communication or experience; a revelation;
to Heinlein fans: "grok."
intention: Directly related to getting what you want;
you achieve your goals to the extent that you're clear about
your intention; the essence of communication.
love: A willingness for the other to be as he or she is
and as he or she is not; in est, bears little relationship
to the American concept (as portrayed in the likes of Love
Story); a function of communication; (contrary to popular
notion, love is strangled by need).
mind: "A linear arrangement of multisensory total records
of successive moments of now"; what we consider ourselves
to be -- the purpose of which is survival.
observation: The only way to know, besides "natural knowing";
opposed to belief.
on purpose: Going about your business (job, life, etc.)
with intention and with your eye on the goal.
point of view: The stuff that makes you you; your thoughts,
ideas, beliefs, concepts; in order to be able to choose
you must come "off your point of view."
process: What everyone thinks is the secret magical ingredient
of est but which is actually one of several;
according to the brochure, "a method by which a person
experiences and looks at, in an expanded state of consciousness
and without judgment, what is actually so with regard to specific
areas in his or her life, and one's fixed or unconscious
attitudes about those areas. The intended results of doing a
training process is a release to greater spontaneity." (In the
training, you begin a process by closing your eyes and getting
into your space, assisted by suggestions from the trainer. In
life, a process is a learning experience.)
racket: As in running your racket, doing your same old "number";
the behavior that you always thought got you what you wanted before
you noticed that it didn't; your old, and probably useless, patterns.
reality: est says that a test for reality is physicalness,
i.e., dimension, form, and existence in time. That established,
est then says that what we consider reality is illusion
and the only thing that's really real is experience.
running your life: Whatever is controlling or dominating your life;
used to describe events or behavior that you're
feeling victimized by; for instance, "his fear of
sex is running his life."
share: To communicate insights, realizations, or experiences.
source: Where it all comes from, which boils down to
you; thus, you, me, he, she are all God by being God of each of our
universes, which is really one universe.
space: According to Werner, "'From here' is not space,
it is distance. From here to the very edge of the universe is
not space; it is distance. And what the physicists call space is
actually distance. Space is that medium in which distance exists,
actually where everything exists. Space is not measurable, it is
only experienceable." To allow somebody space is to let the other
person be, do, say what he wants freely and without imposing your
own judgments.
truth: That which you experience. Werner says, "If you
put the truth into the system in which you cradled the lie,
the truth becomes a lie. A very simple way of saying the truth
believed is a lie. If you go around telling the truth you are
lying. The horrible part about it is that the truth is so darn
believable, people believe it a lot."
unconscious: What we are most of the time, oblivious,
"out to lunch," unaware; est gives people the "space"
to wake up so they can look at their Lives -- and thus live them.
yama yama: Synonym for chatter, which is the automatic stuff
going on in your brain most of the time.
B. Words you can use but which get you into trouble
(no-no's) and what they mean:
believe: A lousy way to know something; a justification
for what you're doing and thus irrelevant if not useless
(see belief, section A). Trainees are exhorted not to
"believe" est.
but: An archaic concept rarely, if ever, expressed in
est circles and generally replaced by and.
change: An alteration of something in the physical universe;
an alteration in form -- as opposed to transubstantiation (which
is what est is really all about).
help: To aid someone coming from the assumption that he or she
is at effect, i.e., that he or she needs your aid
(see assist, section A).
how: There's no way you can know how to do something;
you can only know the way to do something (all of which is too
complex to diagram here).
no: If it's used, I've never heard it. (It's incredible to me
that sentences can be flawlessly and easily constructed to appear
to say "yes" but actually say "no.")
reason: All the stuff we use to justify why we do things,
which keeps us from feeling alive.
try: We avoid doing things in our lives by trying
to do them instead of doing them, or leaving them alone.
understanding: The booby prize (the prize, of course,
goes to experience -- or getting it).
(John Denver dedicated this song to
Werner Erhard and everyone in est)
"Looking for Space" *
by John Denver
On the road of experience
I'm trying to find my own way
Sometimes I wish that I could
fly away
When I think that I'm moving
Suddenly things stand still
I'm afraid 'cause I think they
always will
And I'm looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know
and understand
It's a sweet sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle and
Sometimes I'm deep in despair
All alone in the universe
Sometimes that's how it seems
I get lost in the sadness and
the screams
Then I look in the center
Suddenly everything's clear
I find myself in the sunshine and
my dreams
And I'm looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know
and understand
It's a sweet sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle and
Sometimes I'm deep in despair
On the road of experience
Join in the living day
If there's an answer
It's just that it's just that way
When you're looking for space
And to find out who you are
When you're looking to try and
reach the stars
It's a sweet sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle and
Sometimes I'm deep in despair
* Copyright 1975 Cherry Lane Music Co. (ASCAP). Used by permission.
All rights reserved.

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