“This is great! I just got myself in the middle of a struggle for my soul between ‘It’ and you, huh?” I said, trying to provoke a reaction. “Just to make it clear, ‘It’ refers to God, am I right?” I asked.
“No, there’s no struggle,” she answered.
I stopped laughing, turned serious, and let my true nature show. “There’s no God,” I whispered.
“Indeed,” she whispered back with a devilish smile.
I held my head high, looking down on her. “So you’re saying that you are afraid to lose to an imaginary foe?” I asked
She stopped smiling. “I’m offering indulgence,” she said very slowly.
“I think that you’re in way over your head,” I stated.
“I think you may be considering my offer,” she replied.
“Perhaps,” I said.
“I’m the only key through this door. Use me, or risk finding out if what I’m offering is true or not,” she said, walking slowly toward me, and then stopping inches away. “You’ll never know what it’s like to enjoy a walk under the sun one more time, to enjoy a full meal, to make love as a mortal again, to make love to . . .” She let the sentence hang.
I widened the distance between us, all the while looking into her eyes. Very uncharacteristic of me.
“Two days,” I said.
She gave me another of her wicked smiles.
“I want two full days. We’ll meet tomorrow night at the beach. I’ll bring my immortality, and you will give me two full days as a human,” I proposed.
She stayed silent. I observed how the spark of life was completely absent from her pupils.
She broke her silence: “I will wait for you tomorrow night at the beach. If you come, you’ll get to enjoy two days as a mortal.”
I nodded. “Tomorrow night at three o’clock. Just be there, and I’ll find you,” I confirmed.
“Then from this Wednesday night until all eternity, your soul will be mine,” she affirmed.
“Whatever,” I said.
Still keeping her eyes on me, she walked backward, and then elegantly turned and disappeared around the street corner where I first saw her, leaving me alone.
“I’ll be waiting, Gitano,” the omnipresent voice whispered in my ears.
I stood in the middle of the street, still amazed by what had just happened. I was contemplating the possibilities and the reality of the alien force that I just met. I had tried to read her thoughts several times, but it was like trying to go through the thickest of walls. No human had that power over my abilities; but again, this was no human. This was a messenger, sent to tempt me with the perfect bait. A force that did not hide its knowledge of every detail of my existence, and came to me to offer the impossible.
“Being mortal again,” I said to myself, feeling joy.
I turned around and walked away, my hand inside my pockets, feeling stronger than before; and for the first time in centuries, I spent the night dreaming about the future.
*******
March 9, 2005, 2:24 a.m.
Miami
“
NO
PUEDES
HACER
ESO
!” Frank shouted. “You cannot do it! And let me make a shocking suggestion, from one killer to another: If you do enjoy taking a life as much as you swear you do, why not murder the thing, or at least the body it possessed? Just drain her as soon as you can!” the old man added.
It was remarkable how annoying his voice was. I figured that his numerous victims were somehow relieved just before their deaths knowing that at least they would never have to put up with his voice again. I knew it was a mistake to tell him about my encounter with the woman, but I had my doubts; and quite frankly, I needed to hear an opinion, even if it came from a creature like him.
I stood there and watched him pacing about in his living room like a lion inside a cage, until he suddenly stopped, turned, and looked at me.
“I want you to get inside my mind. I need you to feel what I felt when I tried to reach for it, when I felt its power,” he said.
“I don’t need to. I already met with it,” I said.
“Don’t play with me! There’s no time for that here. You do realize that it is clever enough to be counting upon your evil nature in this little scheme?” he asked.
Evil nature, what does he know about evil? Why do most killers think they are evil when killing is natural in every species? I thought.
“It handpicked you for this deal, just as it did with that poor woman’s body. It knows what you crave deep inside. It knows your will, your curiosity, and your fearlessness. Besides, it can fairly well assume that you won’t listen to a damn word of warning from me,” Frank continued.
Necessities. In the end, we come back to that very first principle in all of us.
“Interesting. What else do you know?” I asked.
“¿Qué más necesitas saber?” he replied with another question. “What else you need to know?”
“I want to understand this,” I said bluntly.
“We are talking about giving up, willingly, all your gifts and your immortality,” Frank said, gesturing with his hands.
“I know,” I replied, trying not to think much in my own words.
“You can’t do it! You have sacrificed too much! All would have been in vain!” the old man shouted.
That was it! Enough with the drama. Less from a drunken bastard like Frank. That was the notion going on inside my head while I looking outside from one of his windows.
“Hold that thought. Forget about draining her. It’s better to smash her skull. Take her by surprise and see to it that you smash her cranium as you might do a raw egg,” he said loud enough for me to hear.
I turned to him. His face was covered with sweat, and he was breathless.
“If it’s not too much to ask, take me with you when you do. I would like to watch,” he added, this time almost shyly.
His wicked fiber made me smile.
“Has been awhile since I see you this worked up, old man. I almost like you this way,” I confessed.
“That’s because I know your thoughts, and I know you are thinking of going on with this deal. This stupid deal!” he shouted.
I saw his red, disoriented eyes sinking in alcohol.
“No, you can’t read my thoughts. But yes, so far, yes,” I confirmed.
“No, it can’t be. I don’t believe it. You’re so desperately fond of being you,” he continued.
“I have been alive for over two centuries, and yet I have never felt more dead than when that thing talked to me of the possibility of being a mortal man again,” I said, more to myself.
Frank was quiet.
“Maybe there’s a way, a trick to learn something that can be offered to those that no longer want this,” I continued.
“Estás hablando acerca de alguien más,” the old man said. “You’re talking about someone else.”
His words made me angry. Suddenly, it seemed as though everybody had enough authority to make an opinion on my life. But I was not going to let a drunken fool upset me.
“I go to go,” I said, turning toward the back exit of the house.
“You must understand how destructive and vicious this thing is. You can’t give up your powers to it. Listen, if it was only you who wanted to be a mortal man again, I will still be against it. What’s so great about being human anyway? Nevertheless, don’t surrender your powers and your soul to an evil force so far more cunning than yourself,” the old man pleaded.
I smiled, stopped, and turned, looking at Frank over my right shoulder.
“I’m the cunning evil force,” I said.
The old man breathing was becoming more difficult and his heartbeat more irregular.
“Give up your powers, and we’ll see,” Frank said with difficulty.
I turned again walking toward the back door.
“Please stay. Let me try to talk you out of this. You owe me as much!” he shouted.
I was determined to see the woman again, to find out if it was true that she could grant me a life as a mortal. Yes! I was going to accept the offer.
I reached the door and briefly stopped and turned to look back at Frank one more time. The old man instinctively stopped following me and took two steps backward. I saw the alarmed expression on his face. No doubt, my vampire eyes scared the living night lights out of him.
“I haven’t fed well, old man. Don’t make me stay any longer, or you will witness how destructive and vicious I can be,” I said, as slowly and as clearly as possible.
The old man swallowed hard.
“It is deceiving you, Gitano,” he warned.
I stare at Frank knowing that his words were driven by ambition and coming from a very dark place inside of him.
“It is a liar. It will double-cross you,” he continued.
“I’m an immortal. Even if it is true, and it can give me two days of mortality, the only way to get my so-called soul is by giving me my immortality back. Who cares to whom my inexistent soul belongs to when I will go on living forever?” I replied.
“Not even you know that,” the old man whispered.
“I’m almost convinced that there’s nothing that can kill me, not even the sun,” I said.
Frank paused and sized me up, keeping his distance. “Why don’t you try it for a few minutes this morning and find out?” he suggested.
His attitude made me smile for a moment. He didn’t know it then, but the thought had crossed my mind.
“Mine is the blood of the first, the one. There’s no other keeper out there but me,” I reminded him.
“And you’re giving it all up,” Frank said with sadness.
“You live in fear, old man, and I don’t have more time to give you,” I said, turning my back to him and walking away.
I didn’t have to turn around to know that he was looking down, defeated as he always was after an argument with me.
As soon as I walked out of the house, I felt the cold morning breeze hit my face.
Without any effort, I jumped up to the heavens, leaving the old man behind.
As I flew over the city, I focused my attention on the dark horizon. I was aware of the good common sense behind the old man’s fears, but it had been so long since fear had stopped ruling my decisions that I simply could not agree with him.
Know thyself. Necessity is the basic motivation, the driving force in everything we do.
Fear is what necessity is transformed to when we don’t know what we are worth.
I know I am unique, and I am confident that whatever the outcome, I will deal with it. No, I am not afraid to let go of my immortality. My necessity is to become just a man, to find out if I can learn how to turn immortals into mortal beings again. If I can only learn that trick, maybe I can find her and undo what I have done.
I am willing to gamble my existence for that prize, and nothing can change my mind.
*******
March 9, 2005, 5:05 a.m.
Miami
It was almost sunrise when I landed on the balcony of the apartment. I didn’t know how long I kept flying, but my body was almost frozen. I walked into my room, seeking the comfort of my bed and blanket. I lay down and couldn’t stop thinking of the woman and the things she said. It was obvious she was not like me; still, her energy was unlike anything I had experienced. If I was dealing with a so-called divine creature of some sort, all my conclusions about gods and demons would prove worthless, which didn’t bother me at all. The only thing I couldn’t get was why.
Why me, and why now?
With my head filled with unanswered questions, I witnessed the dawn behind the window curtains. I remembered the words of the old man, and I felt like maybe getting up, opening the window, and finding out if I had truly become a god; but instead, I closed my eyes, putting aside my curiosity for another night, another time.
Chapter 56
Immortality
March 9, 2005, 7:23 p.m.
Miami
I went over the entire conversation in my head for the tenth time. It had been decades since I was this anxious. I had wanted to go to the beach since the moment I woke up, but convinced myself not to be the one waiting. What would it be like not being able to fly, to experience life the way only a mortal can? After so long, the idea was inexplicable to me. I had a vague recollection of a previous life as a simple man; but somehow, it played like someone else’s dream instead of my past.
I couldn’t make up my mind about what I would do first once I became mortal again. Then it hit me. I would go and see Lucy. I would have a full meal. A salad with sides included. All the things that people take for granted and sometimes get annoyed by, I wanted to do them all with her. We would go to a club and dance until we broke a sweat. It had been so long since the last time I actually sweated, and I won’t deny that more than once, I felt jealous of the mortals just because they could.
I was going to call her first thing in the morning and ask her to spend the day with me. I wanted to walk over Ocean Drive and sit at one of those tables with big beach umbrellas and order breakfast. I would let her drive me everywhere she wanted—to the park, downtown, to Coral Gables, anywhere.