Eternal Spring A Young Adult Short Story Collection (28 page)

“I just love him so much, Jen. He’s so adorable. I’d like to
try the bottle with him to see if he’d take it. I won’t push you. I know it’s
totally up to you, but he’s just so cuddly.” I’m sure Ella’s coworkers would
kill to hear how she speaks when she talks to Danny. Normally, my sister is all
business, but not when it comes to her nephew.

I look at Danny sleeping peacefully still in his stroller
and nod. “Okay, you win. I’ll give Shannon a call and maybe if you’re lucky,
I’ll meet her for a coffee.” I head down the hall to my bedroom. I swear to
God, my sister almost jumped for joy. Obviously we both need to get out more.

I give Shannon a hug the minute I see her. She squeezes me
back and then punches my arm.

“Why’d you do that?” I slide my butt onto the worn leather
seat. We’re at a greasy spoon so I wouldn’t be out long, in case Danny doesn’t
take to the bottle my sister eagerly got ready.

“You didn’t tell him.”

“Tell who what?” I ask, pleading ignorance.

“Don’t play that game with me. Charlie’s in town. He just
called me to say he ran into you. He didn’t mention anything else. So, I’m
guessing you didn’t tell him.”

Shit
. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to her. She’s never
been good at keeping secrets. I stare hard at her. “Listen, how was I to know
I’d run into him? He’s busy. I told you, this is my burden.”

Shannon looks at me like I’m nuts and maybe I am, but it’s
my call. She doesn’t know Charlie like I do. If Charlie knew I’d been pregnant,
he’d never have gone into the army. He’d never get that opportunity to do what
he wanted with his life. No way was I going to be the anchor around his neck.
Especially after he told me straight up how he grew up in the projects. What’s
that expression? If you love something enough, set it free. Well, hell, that’s
exactly what I promised myself I’d do for Charlie. My love for him gave him his
independence.

“That’s not right, Jen, and you know it. Charlie deserves to
know about Danny. That’s not a secret you hide from his father.”

I’m tempted to stand up and leave. I don’t want to have this
conversation. Especially since I’m feeling vulnerable. Seeing Charlie today
knocked that barrier I’ve built down a bit. I spent the rest of the day
reminding myself why I did what I did.

I lean across the table to stress my point. “Shannon, this
hasn’t been easy on me, but you’ve got to trust me. The decision I made is the
best thing for Charlie.”

She sits back and studies me. God, I hate when she does
that. Shannon’s been my good friend all my life and the one thing she knows is
when I lie, my eyes twitch. I feel overly conscious of my facial movements.

“You’re full of shit. You still have feelings for him. Jen,
tell him. What if someone else does?”

“What? Did you tell Eje?”

She shakes her head. “No. I promised you I wouldn’t, but I
hate that. Eje and I don’t have secrets between us. We promised each other we
wouldn’t after all that happened and honestly, this…this is killing me.”

“Don’t you dare tell him, Shannon.”

“Then you tell Charlie. He deserves to know. Trust me,
you’ll hate yourself if you don’t. Listen, Eje’s going to be in town tomorrow
night. I’m giving you twenty-four hours before I spill my guts to him, and you
know how tight they are.”

This is blackmail. I can’t believe Shannon is doing this to
me. After everything I’ve endured, she’s going to ruin it. I’m so mad at her it
takes me a full minute to realize I’ve got tears in my eyes.

Shannon takes my hand in hers and gives it a squeeze. “This
isn’t fair to you. Charlie’s done his basic training. Didn’t he tell you he’s
been stationed here in Halifax? Tell him. He might surprise you.”

I wipe the tears from my cheek and remove my hand. “The only
surprise is how much he’ll hate me. I can’t tell him. It’s too late. Just leave
it alone. Please stay out of it.”

“I can’t. Either you tell him or Eje will. I think news like
this should come from you.”

Her words haunt me all through the stupid meaningless meal
we have. I practically race back to the apartment, needing more than ever the
feel of Danny. Telling Charlie might be the right thing, but deep down I know
it’s going to be more painful than childbirth.

To say I was surprised Jen called me is an understatement.
After our awkward talk on the street I thought for sure I’d never lay eyes on
her again. I walk into Linda’s Diner and I’m so glad someone invented bacon I
can’t help but grin. My stomach grumbles loud with pleasure. The military has
bacon, but one bite is all it takes for you to never touch that stuff again.
You’d swear it was made from real leather and not the swine type. The smell
reminds me of home.

I’m early, so I cop a seat near the door to watch for Jen. I
order coffee and tell the waitress I’m expecting someone. I see Jen a minute
later. She’s brought the kid again. I guess her nanny job must be full-time. I
get up and hold the door open for her as she hauls the stroller awkwardly into
the small restaurant. “Thanks,” she says.

She looks terrible. She’s got dark circles under her eyes
and it looks like she’s been crying. If her father’s been yelling at her again,
I’m going to say something. Jen’s home life hasn’t been easy and while she
might have a fancy house in a good neighborhood, her father is an asshole. Most
cops are.

“Everything all right?” I take her jacket and hang it up on
the peg beside our table.

She accepts a coffee from the waitress and attempts a smile.

She still hasn’t answered my question. I try again. “Jen, is
everything okay?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” She gives me a pleading look that I
don’t understand. She blows on the hot coffee and then asks without looking at
me, “Charlie, you really like the army, right?”

“Sure, I do. It’s great. I get to study and get paid. I’m
saving up for a house for my mom and me.”

Jen sputters on the coffee she’s attempting to sip. “Wow,
that’s great. Your mom must be so proud of you.” She sounds even more not like
herself. Jen’s always been the optimistic, perky one. Today, she’s definitely
off.

“She is. You know it’s not easy being a single mom,” I say.

“Trust me, I know,” says Jen, her voice so low I almost
missed it.
What
the heck?

I lean closer to her. “Jen, what’s up? And don’t tell me
nothing
. I know something is. Tell me.”

Her eyes dart nervously to the stroller, and then it hits
me. Christ, the kid in the buggy is hers. Instantly I feel angry. The thought
of Jen with another guy hurts like hell.

“Jen, are you telling me that baby’s yours?” I’m clenching
my fist under the table and hope she’ll deny it.

Emerald eyes full of tears stare at me. “No, Charlie. I’m
telling you he’s ours.”

Ours
? An army truck could have creamed through the diner and for
the love of God, I wouldn’t have been able to move. Ours? The word rings loud
and then louder as the reality of what she’s told me hits me.
What the fuck
?
Frantically I recall the two times we made out. Both got heated fast and we
hadn’t used condoms. I am such a fucking idiot. More than that, I’m furious.
I’m so mad I can’t speak. The waitress comes over and automatically we order.
The normalcy adds to the surreal moment.

“Are you sure?” Instantly I regret asking that question.
Jen’s eyes narrow and a red blush of embarrassment
curls
from her pale neck to her freckled cheeks. “Trust me, I’m sure.”

I lean closer to her. I want more than anything to yell and
scream at her but I force myself to be calm. “Jen, why didn’t you tell me?”
Moving my head my eyes dart to the stroller. I’m dying to see the baby. What
does he look like? Christ, I’m a dad. I don’t even know his name. I have a
thousand thoughts zinging through my mind and can’t focus. One minute I’m angry
and the next I’m overwhelmed.

She takes a sip of coffee and picks up the sleeping baby. I
want to hate her but she looks so damn hot and sexy holding him, my son, that I
can’t pry my eyes from her. “Charlie, if I told you, I was sure you wouldn’t
accept the army.”

“You got that right. I should have been here for you.” My
voice has a bark to it I’m finding hard to control.

“No, that wouldn’t be right. The army is your way out. You
said that yourself a hundred times. I really did want to tell you. I read all
your letters and wrote back a dozen times, but I couldn’t get the nerve to mail
them. When you texted me, I had to erase them. Please, don’t hate me. I’m okay.
He’s okay. And more importantly, you’re okay.”

What the fuck? I’m okay. This isn’t about me. This is about
her and our baby. She made a decision…a decision I should have been involved
with from the start, but she left me in the dark. I force myself to take a sip
of coffee to calm down.

“What’s his name?” I find myself leaning over the table to
get a better look at him. My son.

Jen smiles. “Daniel.”

My heart flips over. I look at her hard for a long moment.
Silently she holds him out to me. Without a word I take my son into my arms.
“You remembered.” My voice cracks with emotion. That rush of being overwhelmed
hits me like a bullet—hard and piercing straight through my heart.

For the first time since she walked in Jen, cracks a smile.
It transforms her instantly into her beautiful cheerful self. The girl I fell
in love with. The girl I still love. “Trust me, that tickling session I
remembered.” Jen leans across the table. “I wanted him to have a piece of you,
Charlie.”

I’m drowning with the emotions cascading through me. Was it
only ten minutes ago I was pissed at her for not writing to me? Shit, the
thought of what she’s endured in the last year makes me feel sick. I want to
stay mad at her, but holding the baby, my son,
our child
, in my arms is doing something
to me—it’s unraveling a piece of me I don’t want to examine too closely.
Knowing she named our son Daniel, which is my middle name and my father’s
name— keeping a piece of history tied to him—isn’t helping me stay
angry. And right now I need to be in control. I have the right to be mad. She
didn’t tell me. In fact, when I think about it, she downright lied to me. Liars
are people I can’t stand, I remind myself as I gaze for the first time into the
face of my son.

I feel sick. There’s a part of me that’s acting calm, I can
feel that—it’s that frozen part I locked away months ago when I realized
the only person I could rely on was myself. I had to be strong for my son.

“Jen, he’s so beautiful,” Charlie chokes out. He’s gazing at
him with love shining in his eyes.

I wonder what he’s thinking, holding his son in his arms for
the first time. Does it feel totally overwhelming? Like the best instant love
you’ll ever experience? That’s exactly how I felt when I gave birth to him.
“Yeah, he’s beautiful and he’s a good baby. Only cries when he’s hungry, which
might be soon.”

Charlie’s gaze turns from our son to look at me. “Can I give
him his food when he wakes up?”

I’m now fighting back the tears and grabbling with
embarrassment. Danny objected to my sister’s attempts to give him a bottle
yesterday, so I’m back to nursing him. I love feeding him. It feels natural and
keeps me connected to him. I’m trying to figure out how to tell all that to
Charlie. I see Charlie’s doe-brown eyes turn heated as he processes what I’m
not saying. See, that’s the thing with Charlie. He can read between the lines like
a pro and it’s always been something I’ve marveled at.

“Ah, you don’t give him a bottle, do you?”

I shake my head. His cheeks turn slightly red, which adds to
how adorable he looks nuzzling the top of our son’s head. I know what he’s
trying to do. Inhale that sweet baby scent of him, because it’s something I do
all the time.

“Okay, let me just add to the awkward moment and say that’s
really hot,” says Charlie, a grin spreading across his face. He throws in a
wink to disarm me.

I smile for real. This is the Charlie I came to love. Not
only is he fast on his feet and academically a freaking brainaic,
but
his wit will blow you over like a cyclone. You either
like it or hate it. I fell in love with it on day one when he and a bunch of
other so-called high school delinquents showed up at my paddling club for an
afterschool program. I’m not sure what the overall objective of the program
was, but for Charlie and Eje, who’s still hooked up with my best friend
Shannon, the program reinforced their desire to escape where they live.

Charlie’s not very good in a kayak, but he knows his way
around a weight room like a heroin addict—all hype and ready to show
everyone the joy of lifting weights. Trust me, there’s no joy in pumping iron,
but I’ve never told Charlie that.

“Trust me, Danny—I call him Danny—likes his
food.”

“Life father, like son,” says Charlie with ease.

Once again I have to remind myself not to fall for his
charm. That’s not easy. Charlie was stud material before the military whipped
him into shape. At six-foot one, with light, curly brown hair cropped even
closer to his head, mocha skin tone and brown
eyes, he’s
brash and bold. Charlie was a lot of muscle before he joined the army but now
all that muscle has been evenly displaced to the rest of his body. Plus, he
looks more confident. Oh, he pulled off cocky with swagger and I’m not saying
that’s gone, but he’s a guy with a purpose and he’s on the right path to
achieve that. Me, what’s my purpose? It’s a question I don’t want to examine at
the moment.

Charlie keeps looking at
me and Danny
.
“He’s got your nose. Thank God.” He chuckles.

I laugh. Charlie’s always hated his wide nose and used to
curse his no-good father for that genetic marker. “He’s got your eyes,” I add.