Eternally North (27 page)

“What?” he asked
shocked, still perched on his knees in the middle of the bed,
agonising over our unwritten future.

“What? I’m not
going to sit here and dwell on
why
we will not work out. Worry
about
what
can go wrong,
if
we will make it. Instead,
I’m going to get ready and we are going on that walk we had planned
before you burst through the door, fucked the brains out of me and
made me your ‘exclusive’ girlfriend. Now come on, man, pull
yourself around and be ready in fifteen minutes, and
don't
let
what Gage said affect you like this. We will be just fine. Have
faith, babes.”

I walked into my
bathroom without a backward glance, hearing a relieved sigh coming
from the direction of Tudor, his out-of-left-field meltdown
dissipating into a low simmer.

After I had shut and
locked the door, I leaned against the hard wood and slumped to the
floor, thinking about what Tudor had said. I already liked him too
much, and I didn’t know him that well at all. I mulled over what
that little episode was all about, what it meant. On the one hand it
was heartwarming at how highly he thought of me, how much he
obviously liked me. But on the other hand, what had caused him to be
so needy, so possessive, so scared? What were those pesky demons he
had mentioned before in the hot tub? There must be many more pages to
that story. By the looks of things, it was
War and Peace
-length
and not a sweet little novella.

I must keep the
faith.

I was sure Tudor would
confide all of his problems when he was ready. It was funny: the
thought of not having Tudor caused me pain in my soul even at that
early point. How could I feel that way about someone after only a
short amount of time? But I did and I had to be patient with him. He
obviously needed me – he had made that very obvious.

Keep the faith.

I came out of my
bedroom slightly over fifteen minutes later to see Tudor hooked on
whatever was on the TV. I was heading to the closet to grab my coat
and gloves when I heard his name being mentioned by the glamorous
female presenter on screen, who was surrounded by pictures of him at
various premieres on a plethora of LCD screens around her.
Heavens
above!
He looked amazing in his formal wear.

I walked over to the
sofa and sat down, trying to see what had him so enthralled. He was
watching the entertainment news, the headline across the bottom
reading, ‘
Where is Tudor North?
’

His tense eyes were
fixed on the screen, his knuckles white from gripping the arms of the
sofa.

I looked at him,
confused, then focused back on the programme to hear what had got him
so worked up.

‘
The question of
the month is, ‘Where on Earth is Tudor North?’ The notorious,
muscled bad-boy of the big screen has fallen off the celebrity grid
over recent months, and questions are being asked as to where he is
and why he’s keeping himself so hidden?

We know that Tudor
hails from around the Vancouver/Victoria area in Canada, so has the
superstar gone back to his roots? Tudor was a firm fixture on the
party scene in LA a few years ago, but after a drink-fuelled twelve
months, seemed to take a step back from the limelight to focus on his
burgeoning movie career. Well folks, he hasn’t been spotted in
about six months around Tinsel Town and we are anxious to know, why?
Has he grown tired of the fame, or has he fallen in love and settled
down? He has been linked to several starlets over the years, and we
ran into his ex, and some say current, flame, Raquel Banks at the MTV
Movie Awards, and this is what she had to say on the subject of Tudor
North,

“…
Tudor is
doing great, we speak all the time. He just needed to get out of the
media for a while to rest before the next installment of the ‘Blade
Reaper’ franchise. Tudor and I have history, and let’s just say
that the flame is still brightly lit, it always will be. I can't tell
you where he is, but when I visit him and his family in the next few
days I'll tell him you were all asking about him, he'll appreciate
the concern. I'll even give him a big kiss from all his fans out
there who miss him too!”

‘
So is he taking
time away to rest, and is he still very much involved with the
beautiful blonde Raquel? Tudor Chicks – listen up, we have a
mission for you. It is your task to find him and let us know! The
lucky fan will win a pair of tickets to the premiere of his next
movie and a whole stash of goodies. So, go scout him out, dedicated
Tudor Chicks. Are you ready? Set. Go….’

I took a deep breath
and slowly rose out of my seat without looking at Tudor. I needed
fresh air. I made a dash for the patio, and with each step felt
myself suffocating in self-doubt, roles reversed from only minutes
earlier.

Is he still with
her? I didn't even know he was linked to anyone famous. Oh my God!
She’s beautiful, what is he doing here with me? Does he still speak
to her? Is she the reason for his secrets? Is she why he fought our
attraction so much? I can’t breathe.

I realised I was
falling into an anxiety attack, my chest grew tight and I began to
shake. I heard the patio door open, and Tudor moved in front of me
and crouched on his knees. “Tash, breathe,” he soothed.

I looked up and saw the
anguish in his eyes. I managed to speak in a rushed tone. “Was all
that true? Are you with that woman?”

He began pacing. “No,
I’m not! She was a fucking mistake I made once a couple of years
ago and she has clung to it ever since! She’s never been my girl
and never will be.”

He took a calming
breath and moved back to me, taking my hands in his. “Tash, look at
me, please.”

I did what he asked,
staring him straight in his eyes looking for any dishonesty. I
couldn’t tell.

“I am not with her,
have never been in a relationship with her. She was a one-night stand
ages ago. She was the biggest leech of them all, selling the
much
exaggerated details of our night together to the highest bidder.
Please, don’t let this stop us from happening. Talk to me, say you
still want this, want us.”

He was edging to panic
mode again too…
What a pair of crazies!

“I-I… don’t know.
Is she the reason you have all the secrets?” My voice sounded
strained, even to me.

He shook his head,
moisture misting his eyes.

I let out a bitter
laugh as I compared the two of us. “Why the hell would you want me
when you’ve had that? Do all of your exes look like her? What have
I got myself into? You must have been repulsed sleeping with me last
night, seeing me beneath you, on top of you!” I threw my head into
my hands.

He groaned loudly and
pulled my hands away. “Are you fucking kidding me? You’re
beautiful and funny, smart and sexy as hell. You have me numbered and
don’t take my shit. You are worth a million Raquel Banks’ and for
the last time I. Am. Not. With. Her.”

I surveyed him
skeptically. It actually would have answered some questions if he was
with the girl – the secrets he wouldn’t talk about, the weird
behaviour, why he pushed our attraction to the side-lines – it
would make total sense.

I guessed he could read
the doubt on my face. “Believe me, okay, I need you to trust me.
These channels fuel gossip and ninety-nine per cent of the time it’s
untrue. This time it’s one-hundred per cent untrue. I want you,
Tash, but this is the life I’m in. You have to decide if I’m
worth it to you, because you certainly are to me! I know since we've
met we have managed to avoid the celebrity shit, but it’s there and
as much as I wish it wasn't, it is what it is and it’s not going
anywhere. But I want you to try. I need you to be able to handle all
the crap that comes with being with me… please.”

He laid his head in my
lap, his arms tight around my back. We stayed that way for several
minutes.

He
had
told me
in advance that being with him wouldn’t be easy. He was right, but
it had been easy to forget that he was a public figure. I had met him
in Calgary while he wasn’t shooting a film, I’d never even seen
him act and I’d let myself pretend he was normal for a while, but
he wasn’t, was he?

I was fully aware that
our relationship was moving faster than a fat lass out of a slimming
club, but then, like they always say, when you know, you know, right?
There was nothing in the past several months of my new crazy life
that I would deem as ‘normal’, so surely falling for a massively
famous, troubled, tattooed ‘Bad Boy’ could just be part of this
parallel universe I had found myself in. For the first time in my
life I wanted to be impulsive, I wanted to embark on this
roller-coaster ride with Tudor, and I wanted to continue to seize the
day.

Tash, just go the
hell with it.
After all, to live a life with no regrets was
surely better than thinking on what could have been,
should
have been. Nobody ever gets to the end of their life and thinks,
‘I
wish I had lived more cautiously’, ‘I’m so happy I never tried
something new’ or ‘I’m glad I let the potential love of my life
go because I was too scared to take a chance’.

So here was the new
Tash, the girl who would put her trust in her heart, not her head,
and the one that deserved to be loved and gave her love freely to
someone who would treasure it. Some people might think it rash and
even stupid, but roles reversed, can you honestly say you wouldn’t
do the same?
Especially
if it meant that you got to ride Tudor
North’s very talented love-pole for the rest of your days? Multiple
orgasms can be a very persuasive factor when deciding to give a guy a
chance.

A whisper of a smile
reached my lips as I remembered the ‘real’ side to Tudor, the man
and not the celebrity, and the way he cared for me when I was ill.
Didn’t he deserve a chance? Didn’t
we
deserve a chance?

Carpe Diem it is!

I lifted Tudor’s head
from my lap; his eyes were shut and his body tense, obviously bracing
himself for my rejection. I put a hand on either side of his face and
drew him to my level. He huffed out a breath and opened his eyes
cautiously.

“You can trust me,
Tudor, and I will trust you, and in time we can trust each other
enough to disclose everything. Now, how about we take that walk?”

He looked at me warily
for several seconds before his mouth lifted into a lop-sided smirk
and he leaned in to kiss me. He touched his forehead to mine, relief
pouring from his wide grin.

“Tudor?”

There was one last
thing I needed to tell him, bearing my soul. “Please don’t hurt
me,” I whispered.

He pressed a soft kiss
to my lips. “I won’t, I promise, I couldn't live with myself if I
did.”

He stood slowly, taking
me with him, and led me back into the warmth of the apartment. He
picked up my coat and gloves that had been discarded on the table and
helped me into them. Walking to the closet, he reached for his jacket
and car keys and held out his hand for me to take.

We began walking
towards the door, when he stopped. “Hang on for just a second,”
he said, and darted to my bedroom.

A few moments later, he
came back holding his scarf that he had retrieved from under my
pillow. I blushed as he wrapped it around my neck, praying he didn’t
think I was a stalker, and he kissed me on the tip of my nose,

“You made me yours
and I made you mine, we will work if we try hard enough.”

I nodded in agreement,
and he took my hand and led me out the door.

We drove over an hour
out of town to the beautiful Kananaskis National Park. Tudor didn’t
want to go somewhere busy or local as he wanted to spend all his time
with me and not deal with the public. He apparently had just the spot
that he wanted to take me, Forget-Me-Not Ridge.

On the journey he never
let go of my hand and kissed me at every stop sign, every red light –
basically every possible opportunity. He was demonstrating his
unrivalled affection towards me after the cluster-fuck that was the
lies sprouting from the mouth of that bitch, Raquel Banks.

Arriving at Tudor’s
chosen location, we climbed out of the car and strolled in silence
for what seemed like hours, hand-in-hand, enjoying the peace and the
togetherness after the emotional drama of the morning.

He led me to the top of
a hill overlooking the Forget-Me-Not pond, and I almost cried at the
stunning view of the surrounding snowcapped Rocky Mountains. My
appreciative gaze drifted over to Tudor; his eyes were closed, head
back, breathing in deeply while clutching my hand to his chest. He
was smiling. It was perfect. Tudor and me, and no-one getting in the
way, not even skinny blonde actresses with a penchant for Tudor-based
delusions.

When Tudor finally let
me take a break from walking, we took a seat on a bench at one of the
isolated vantage points. Snuggling into the crook of Tudor’s arm, I
drew together all my courage. I needed answers to some questions. I
realised I had said yes to Tudor and a relationship very quickly,
ignoring all of the times he had dismissed me and upset me. A
twelve-hour, mind-blowing sex session can kind of do that to a girl.
I probably let the feminist movement down somewhat with my acceptance
of Tudor’s affections after being treated so badly. I knew he was
sorry, his actions more than made up for that, but I needed to talk,
to help me figure it all out in my head.

I turned to my new
boyfriend, who was already staring at me, rubbing his lips together
in worry. I was startled to see him already waiting for me to speak.
It was like the boy could read my mind.

“You have an
expressive face, remember.” he announced sadly.