Etiquette and Vitriol

ETIQUETTE

AND

VITRIOL

THE FOOD CHAIN
AND OTHER PLAYS

NICKY SILVER

THEATRE COMMUNICATIONS GROUP

Copyright © 1996 by Nicky Silver

The Food Chain
copyright © 1993, 1995, 1996 by Nicky Silver
Pterodactyls
copyright © 1994, 1996 by Nicky Silver
Free Will & Wanton Lust
copyright © 1990, 1996 by Nicky Silver
Fat Men in Skirts
copyright © 1988, 1993, 1996 by Nicky Silver

Etiquette and Vitriol: The Food Chain and Other Plays
is published by Theatre Communications Group, Inc., 355 Lexington Ave., New York, NY 10017–0217.

All rights reserved. Except for brief passages quoted in newspaper, magazine, radio or television reviews, no part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying or recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Professionals and amateurs are hereby warned that this material, being fully protected under the Copyright Laws of the United States of America and all other countries of the Berne and Universal Copyright Conventions, is subject to a royalty. All rights including, but not limited to, professional, amateur, recording, motion picture, recitation, lecturing, public reading, radio and television broadcasting, and the rights of translation into foreign languages are expressly reserved. Particular emphasis is placed on the question of readings and all uses of these plays by educational institutions, permission for which must be secured from the author's representative: George Lane, William Morris Agency, Inc., 1325 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10019, (212) 586-5100.

Excerpts from Bertolt Brecht's “Ten Poems from a Reader Who Lives in Cities,” found on page 112, are from
Bertolt Brecht Poems 1913–1956
, copyright © 1976 by Methuen.

Silver, Nicky

Etiquette and vitriol : The food chain and other plays / Nicky Silver.
Contents: The food chain—Pterodactyls—Free will and wanton lust—
Fat men in skirts.
elSBN 978–1–55936–760–8
I. Title.
PS3569. I4712A6
1996
812'.54—dc20 96–35078
CIP

Cover design by Chip Kidd
Book design by Lisa Govan

First Edition, November 1996

THIS VOLUME OF PLAYS IS DEDICATED
TO THE GENEROUS ACTORS AND
ACTRESSES WHO, OVER THE YEARS,
HAVE BROUGHT MY PLAYS TO LIFE.

Introduction

Acknowledgments

The Food Chain

Pterodactyls

Free Will & Wanton Lust

Fat Men in Skirts

As I write this there is some debate going on as to what I should call this collection. The publishers would like me to call it
The Food Chain and Other Plays
. Their thinking is this:
The Food Chain
, being a commercial production currently in the seventh month of it's Off-Broadway run, is the most recognizable of my titles. Do they expect this volume to just fly off the shelves and give Stephen King a run for his money? I'm skeptical. I mean who buys play collections anyway? Theatre students, actors and playwrights' families, I assume. (If they really want to sell some copies, they'll take my advice, stop worrying about the title and put some naked people on the cover.) Besides, naming the collection after one play seems a slight to the others. And plays, after all, are like children. Should I inadvertently offend one it will, no doubt, grow up to hate me, use vulgar language in public and spend years in therapy.

I liked the title
Etiquette & Vitriol
, which comes from the play
Free Will & Wanton Lust
. But friends tell me it sounds snooty. As if all of a sudden I'm putting on linguistic airs. I also like the title
Stop Talking! Four Plays by Nicky Silver
. But I know that sounds negative. (It's like naming a play
This Play Stinks.)
The title conundrum has me stymied. I find I can't sleep at night. I can't concentrate on other things! I break out in spontaneous sweats! Perhaps, I should just let it go for now.

. . .

All I ever wanted was to have
“a life in the theatre.”
It didn't matter how I got there—playwright, director, actor, designer (lighting technician was out because I have a neurotic fear of heights, electricity, tools, ladders and work boots). I don't remember ever wanting anything else. I
also
don't remember any early magical event, any epiphany that turned me into such a single-minded fiend. I
do
remember, as a small child, my parents took me to see
The Fantasticks
. I don't know how old I was, but apparently I was too young to sit still. I got crabby and had to be taken for a walk. It was years before I saw plays I liked. I think it was my eleventh birthday when my father let me pick a play I wanted to see. We drove to New York from Philadelphia and I picked
Equus
. I thought it was great! A play where people talked to the audience! A play NOT set in a living room! A play where actors played horses! And naked Peter Firth masturbating to orgasm as an Act I finale! It was swell! My father was less enthusiastic.

In any event, I started to read plays and found I loved them. I waited impatiently for high school to end, and when I could wait no longer I left, after eleventh grade. I'd enrolled in NYU, early admission. (That's a program where you skip twelfth grade and go straight to college, thus avoiding all of your requirements like chemistry, geometry and gym.) For a while I just went nuts in New York, dyeing my hair very unattractive colors and enjoying my freedom. (This was the seventies after all.) I went to Studio 54 a lot, despite being underage, and wore over-priced, demented clothing such as hard vinyl pants and tunics made from Twister boards. I was in some plays, saw a lot of plays, read a few plays and thought about writing plays.

I was in a special part of NYU called the Experimental Theater Wing, ETW. The idea of ETW was to expose its students to various aesthetics in hopes that they'd develop their own. There were only eight or nine people in each class and they all ate alfalfa sprouts and drank mung bean extract. I never fit
in. I ate Snickers bars and took my clothes off a lot. But I must admit, I adored ETW and I got to work with people whom I considered heroes. My whole final year I was on independent study, which meant I got to sleep very, very late. At night I worked on my first play. I'm not going to tell you the title. It was very bad, both the play and the title—but, suddenly, I knew what I was going to do with the rest of my life, how I'd get
“in.”

I wrote a few plays right out of college. My second full-length was called
Bridal Hunt
. David Copelin was the director of script development at the Phoenix Theatre and he seemed to like it quite a bit—enough to option it after a reading. It was a mean-spirited, funny, vulgar play and he couldn't raise the money. Instead he produced
The Foreigner
and I got to check coats on opening night!

Shortly after that I lost someone to whom I was very close, to AIDS. This was the very beginning of the epidemic, so early in fact that it wasn't called AIDS when he was diagnosed. In any event, looking back, I realize the powerful effect this had on me. I didn't write anything for at least two years. I went to work (waiting tables), came home, watched TV and went to bed. Then one day I was walking down the street, honest to God, and someone said to me, “Did you write a play called
Bridal Hunt
a few years ago?” “Why do you ask?” I responded, wanting to know if he liked it before I fessed up. He liked it. He had a theatre company and they were looking for a play for six actors, all in their twenties, on a bare stage. He commissioned me for about three hundred dollars. And let me tell you, he got exactly three hundred dollars' worth of art. The play stunk.

They put it on at the Sanford Meisner Theatre, a tiny, tiny space on Eleventh Avenue. No one came. But the man who ran the theatre asked if I'd like to write some more. Robert Coles operated the Vortex Theater Company and he offered me a
space, complete freedom, real encouragement (which was rare at the time) and no help whatsoever.

Here's how it worked: when he couldn't get someone to rent out the theatre he'd call me. I usually had four weeks to write a play, then four weeks to rehearse. I paid for the rehearsal space with money from my day job. I used my friends in the plays whether they were right for their parts or not.

I directed most of the time, not because I thought I was brilliant or anything, but at that economic bracket the options are slim. We rehearsed for four weeks, in the evenings. Then on Sunday, at midnight, the set designer went to the theatre (another show, some rental, performed at eight—but they had to be out by midnight). We built the set overnight, painted it in the morning, rehearsed once, Monday night, to set lights and opened on Tuesday. Usually we'd have eighteen or twenty people in the audience on opening night. We worked so hard! We were so young! I was so thin!

I worked that way for five or six years, putting on plays with no money for very small audiences comprised mostly of my friends. (We even did a performance of a play called
Wanking 'Tards
on the Fourth of July for an audience of one!—the stage manager's mother. I didn't attend.) I wrote a lot of plays and some of them were just awful. Others, however, weren't too bad.
Fat Men in Skirts
was the third play I put on in that space and I have to admit, I am as proud of that production as anything I've ever done. The cast, particularly Chuck Coggins and Stephanie Correa, was wonderful.

There was virtually no set, but what there was, was simple and clean. The text calls for a beach. Well, we couldn't afford sand—how sad is that? I think the budget for the set was about three hundred dollars. I wanted something natural, from the earth. And yet it had to be cold and sterile in Act III, which is set in a mental hospital. My solution was marble. Well, if we couldn't afford sand, obviously we couldn't afford marble. But we could afford a feather and some paint. I remember quite clearly sitting with my feather in the middle of the night, marbleizing
the entire set! By hand! It took hours, I had terrible cramps in my hands and literally couldn't stand up straight for weeks. But it's astonishing to look back and realize that this play, which cost about four hundred dollars to produce, got no reviews, was seen by just a handful of people and dealt with such charming topics as incest, rape and cannibalism, went on to have quite a life. It was produced two years later at the Woolly Mammoth Theatre in Washington D.C. and was a big success. Since then it's been done all over this country and in several others. The last production I worked on was at Naked Angels, directed by Joe Mantello. Marisa Tomei played Pam/Popo and was swell. She'd just won the Oscar so the audience was jammed with celebrities every night. If it sounds like I'm bragging, I don't mean to, honestly. But as I said, plays are like children and look how far this, this runty, odd, disturbing, child went.

Another play that I wrote while working for the Vortex Theater Company. Again, my friends Chuck and Stephanie were wonderful, despite the fact that he was way too old for his part and she was way too young. Frankly, they were seldom right for their parts, but they're talented actors and they understood my writing. They saved many evenings from total disaster.

What's interesting is this was the first play I wrote
in response
to something. I'd read
The Vortex
by Noël Coward and was really fascinated by it. But I also felt that Mr. Coward was constrained by the morality of his time. How's that for presumptuous! I'd claim I was drunk but I don't drink. I can only claim I was young.

Free Will
was also produced at the Woolly Mammoth. Again, a play that started in a showcase grew up to be a hit—and this time it won the Helen Hayes Award for best new play.
Fat Men
had been nominated, but I lost to Athol Fugard. I remember telling a reporter that I was “glad for Mr. Fugard as his
career clearly needed the jump-start an award like this could provide.”

A word on awards. I've been nominated for a few and won a couple. It's a strange phenomenon. I arrive feeling quite above the fray. I, personally, NEVER think I have the remotest chance of winning, so I adopt an “artists shouldn't compete” attitude. Within five minutes of the evenings commencement, I start to think . . . “What the hell, I could win. You never know.” By the time my category rolls around I'm in a white-knuckled frenzy of competitive zeal, ruthless to win the damn thing! “Let me at MY statue and why is everyone clapping for Terrence McNally!” (By the way, Mr. McNally, Congratulations.)