Even the Dogs: A Novel (24 page)

coroner
: . . . four of you entered the flat by the kitchen window, and stayed there, what, the rest of the day?

laura
: A few hours, I suppose.

coroner
: And what did you do while you were there?

laura
: Stuff. You know.

coroner
: You took drugs?

laura
: (
laughter
) No comment like.

coroner
: I appreciate that you don’t want to create any problems for yourself, Laura, but it is important that we get a clear picture of what happened that day. It is the last time we know of that anyone saw your father alive. So, let me rephrase the question – were drugs taken in the flat that afternoon?

laura
: Yeah. Suppose.

coroner
: Which drugs?

laura
: Smack. Crack.

coroner
: And did your father take any of these drugs?

laura
: No. He never did. Never wanted to.

coroner
: No, as would appear to be supported by the pathologist’s report. But he had no objection to others taking drugs on the premises?

laura
: No.

coroner
: Now. You’ve said in your statement to the police that when you left the flat it was because your father had asked you to buy some food and some alcohol for him, is that correct? And food for his dog?

laura
: Yeah.

coroner
: And he gave you the money for this?

laura
: Yeah.

coroner
: And you’ve said that you went to the petrol station on the city side of the ring road to buy food and drink for him, and for the dog, yes?

laura
: Yeah.

coroner
: All four of you went?

laura
: No, just me and Mike.

coroner
: And the other two?

laura
: They went off to score. To buy drugs.

coroner
: So. You and Mike went to buy the food and drink for your father, but according to your statement, you didn’t immediately deliver it to him.

laura
: (
inaudible
)

coroner
: I’ll note for the tape that you’ve shaken your head, and take that as a no. You say you were, and I quote, a bit sidetracked.

laura
: (
inaudible
)

coroner
: Can you tell me what you mean by a bit sidetracked? Did anyone deliberately impede you from delivering the food and drink you’d purchased?

laura
: (
inaudible
)

coroner
: Laura?

laura
: (
expletive
)

coroner
: Laura, would you prefer to take a short break at this stage?

laura
: (
inaudible
) No. No one deliberately done nothing. I went off and done some gear and forgot about it for a bit. All right?

coroner
: I see.

laura
: We went off to the garage and bought the stuff, and when we came out Mike just done one, just like scattered up the road. Didn’t say nothing and I weren’t that bothered anyway. He does that sometimes. He’s a bit like unpredictable and that. No offence, Mike. (
Inaudible interjection from the court
.) I headed back up to the flat, but I bumped into Danny, and he’d just scored, and I was just suddenly desperate for a bit so I told Danny he could come and use my room at the hostel if he split his share of the gear with me. I was going to take the food up to the flat after but I forgot.

coroner
: And did you regularly take drugs in the hostel? It’s not permitted, is it?

Nothing but questions in that place. In the rehab. Asking questions about way back. About families and. Sitting around in a circle in a room full of books and flipcharts with the breeze blowing through and the beech trees on the long sloping lawn outside. Posters on the wall going all like Today is the first day of the rest of your whatever. Some bloke going Let’s talk about your family now shall we. Are you angry about what happened. Who do you blame do you blame yourself. And what about your mother. How did you feel when her new partner moved in. What was it that made you leave home when you did. All these questions. And sitting there looking at the floor and biting her nails and looking out at the trees and the sloping lawn. Too much to think about. Too much to say. Going How do you think I felt. And the smart bastard going Well, Laura, it’s not about me is it now. Didn’t say nothing that first time. But thinking it over. A lot of time for thinking it over in there. And another day saying I just wanted to see for myself after everything my mum had told me about him. Saying She lied to me about other stuff so I thought she’d been lying about him and about them and about why we left. And another day going I thought he’d make me feel better about myself or something like. And everyone else in the circle mumbling agreement with her. Like they knew anything about. But that’s what it was like. Supportive and that. Patting everyone on the back for going And then he raped me or whatever. When who knew. Looking for answers and that, and the guidance bloke going Mmm I think we’ve made some real progress today. And Laura going When she said her and Paul were going to emigrate and they already had jobs lined up and they wanted me to go with them I was so angry I couldn’t believe it I was so. And someone else in there going What I miss most about the gear what I struggle most with now is I have to think about things I have to remember things. At least before it was all blocked out. I can take the rattles it’s just the dealing with stuff I can’t deal with. And everyone clapping like that was headline news or something. Like a revelation and. Someone else going It’s like when you’re on the gear all your emotions and memories are blocked up it’s like being constipated in a way and after a while it gets more comfortable like that like you don’t even want the shit to come out. And everyone laughing and clapping. And another day Laura going Thing was even though he was in such a state and what my mum had said was true I think I stuck around because at least he was honest and stuff you get me. The others in the circle going Well done, Laura. Looking out at the leaves and the blossom on the trees and the birds on the sloping lawn. A police car coming up the driveway. And then someone asking for her. Someone talking about her dad. And what was he thinking then. Lying on his back with one hand reaching out behind him and the other scrabbling away at the floor. Tell us that. Will you tell us that. Looking up at the ceiling. And did his life. Flash before his eyes and all that or what. What was there to. Sitting in that chair all those. What was he thinking can you tell will you tell.

laura
: . . . on a reducing script since August or something, it was part of my order, and I was like basically clean and that, I was down to like fifteen mil. I was booked into rehab for the New Year, no one else knew about it apart from my keyworker and them lot. None of the others knew only they knew I’d been on the script.

coroner
: But on this occasion you decided to take some, what, some heroin?

laura
: Yeah. I just fancied one last go. And Danny had enough to spare.

coroner
: So you went to your room in the hostel, took the drugs, and forgot to deliver the food until, when, the next day?

laura
: I never took it.

coroner
: You didn’t take the heroin?

laura
: No I mean I never took the food up to him.

coroner
: No, but in your statement you say you remembered about it the next day, and asked someone else to take it to your father’s flat for you?

laura
: Yeah.

coroner
: And who did you ask exactly?

laura
: Ben. I was scared I was going to lose my rehab place on account of doing the gear again so I was running around looking for my keyworker to get it sorted, and I found Ben hanging around by the hostel waiting for someone, so I gave him the bag of food and asked him to take it up there. He said he was going up there anyway. I thought it’d be all right. And I weren’t worried because I thought someone would have been up there by then anyway, I thought like Heather or Jamesie or Maggie or someone would have been up there and sorted him out. There’s always people up there usually.

coroner
: But it seems that no one had been there.

laura
: No.

The men leave and we stand around the silent sealed box. Night passes and the morning. There are eight of them now. Black suits and black shoes and black leather gloves. They slide him into the back of the van. Three of them climbing into the seats in the front and five of them getting into another car and driving out of the courtyard and out through the gates and out along the main road beside the river which leads to the edge of town. We go with them. What else can we. And what about Heather why didn’t she come. Why didn’t she go to the flat to help. Did she. Was she there. Did she really go knocking on the door. Banging on the door going Robert open up the door. Shouting in the letterbox and pressing her face up against the filthy glass. Was she there. And when she went off looking for the others or. Off for Christmas dinner at the day centre. Did she forget to say anything to anyone. Or did she think. What. Something like sort of fuck him or serve him right. Did she. Don’t it matter now. Did it. Where has she. Who. And when we get to the crematorium the men step out of the car and stand around and wait for the previous service to end. The mourners filing out through the wide glass doors into the gardens on the other side of the building and behind them the tall thin chimney begins to smoke. The men slide Robert’s coffin from the back of the van and heave him up on to their shoulders. And not even Laura is here. No one is here. The tall thin chimney begins to. And we could be heaving him up on to our own shoulders but we’re too late for that now. We could be throwing flowers and blowing trumpets and singing low mournful songs as he is carried in through the doors of the chapel on the broad black-suited shoulders of men who barely know his name. But we’re not and no one is and no one will and it’s too late for any of that now. And not even Laura is here. Not even Yvonne is here. But she’s miles away now. They carry him up the aisle to the front of the chapel. And with a count of three they drop him from their shoulders and lower him on to a conveyor belt in front of a pair of red curtains and they turn to leave. We stand in a huddle at the back by the. What else can we. The vicar stands at the front in his robes. Holding the service book open and watching the men walking away and when they get to the door he calls them back. He says Am I missing something. They look at him. He says Can you see anyone else. They look down at their. He says I’m not going to stand here and see this man off by myself. He says Is there somewhere more important you. And they turn and walk back up the aisle and take their seats. And the vicar begins. We are gathered here today. All these people going out of their way to treat him right now. After he’s. When before they never even.

coroner
: . . . seems that neither Ben nor anyone else delivered the food.

laura
: No. I don’t know. I don’t know what happened after that.

coroner
: No, indeed. The police have been unable to track down anyone who did see your father after the time you left the flat, and the neighbour who called them to the premises was unable to recall hearing any visitors after the date she says she saw you and your friends climbing in through the kitchen window. And following your statement to the police, the photographic records of the scene were reviewed and no evidence of the items you described purchasing at the garage could be found. So we must conclude, as we are sadly unable to ask Ben in person, that for whatever reason he didn’t or wasn’t able to deliver the food.

laura
: (
inaudible
) (
expletive
)

coroner
: I think we’ll leave that line of questioning there; it’s unlikely to shed any more light on the cause of your father’s death and I can see it is causing you some distress, for which I can only apologise.

Are you happy for us to continue, or would you prefer to take a break?

laura
: (
inaudible
)

coroner
: Thank you. I have no further questions. If you’d like to return to your seat I shall attempt to conclude our examination of the fourth question I referred to in my introduction.

laura
: (
inaudible
)

coroner
: Did you have anything further you wanted to add?

laura
: (
inaudible
)

coroner
: No. Right then. Thank you. I’ll move on.