Every Day is Like Doomsday (7 page)

“Seriously? His name is Napoleon?” asked Elliot in
disbelief.
“No. His name is Amov. We just call him Napoleon
because it fits,” Innya replied.
The teacher whom Elliot could now only think of
as “Napoleon” was writing some dates on the whiteboard
when Innya and Elliot snuck in and took the closest
empty seats in the top row of the lecture hall. Hardly any
of the seats were filled. Elliot noticed Red, Ventriloquist,
and Sonic sitting a few rows down from the top and to
their right.
“And so who can tell me when the religion of
G.O.D. was founded?” asked Napoleon. His voice was
pinched and slightly nasal and he had long, straight
brown hair that hung in a limp ponytail between his
shoulder blades. He wore his boring usual: a navy blue
corduroy jacket, a blue plaid bowtie, and tan slacks. And
he was short, probably only five feet tall.
Elliot leaned over and whispered,“The name makes
sense now.”
“Hey, Prof, you have some tardies!”called out a voice
from behind them. Elliot whipped around and nearly
broke his nose on the wall because they were in the last
row. His cheeks flamed and when he turned back around
Innya rolled her eyes at him. He really needed to be more
on guard at this school. Red burst into laughter, which
his cronies echoed. Ventriloquist threw her surprisingly
girlish giggle around the room.
“Enough!” shouted the teacher and the noise died
down immediately. She felt Elliot stiffen beside her but
she felt nothing.The teacher screamed at them in virtually
every class so she had gotten used to it. Elliot obviously
was not used to having truly evil teachers.
And then Napoleon turned around. Innya should
have told Elliot about the incident with the explosive
chalk that had severely disfigured him and left him furious
at the world. The teacher’s face was a grotesque mask of
twisted flesh, with misshapen lips that turned downward
on the right side, no eyebrows, and a nose that drooped
like melted wax. And to top it off he wore a black eye
patch encrusted with diamonds, which seemed to only
enhance the hot mess of his face. Nope, she decided, it
was worth not sharing the information just to see Elliot’s
brain try to process what he was seeing: a Picasso painting come to life.
Napoleon scanned the classroom with his one good
eye and finally settled it on Innya and Elliot. Innya didn’t
move. She imagined herself as a rabbit holding very, very
still so that the snake won’t attack it. Elliot fidgeted. He
had no poker face, yet one more thing that would probably get him killed.
“You two,” said the teacher.
“Yes, there are two of us here. Very good. Do you
teach Evil Math, too?” asked Innya. She didn’t really feel
like provoking the teacher but she wanted to show Elliot
that he needn’t be afraid of authority figures unless they
had a weapon pointed at his head. And even then, if he
stayed calm he might be able to talk his way out of it.
“Who are
you
?” he asked, suddenly turning his
attention to Elliot.
“He’s the New Meat,” called out Red.
“New meat?” asked Napoleon. “New Meat has the
gall to be late to his very first class? This will not do. So,
New Meat, tell me quickly what G.O.D. stands for.”
“General Omnipotent Deity, of course,” said Elliot.
As if that first question had been a valium Innya felt Elliot
relax beside her. He was in his element. If this was how
Napoleon planned to take Elliot down she could relax.
He had it covered.
“And the V.R.C.?”
“Villains’ Rights Cooperative.”
“And who founded the V.R.C?”
“The Church.”
“And which important political figure was instrumental in the founding of The Church?” Napoleon asked
and Elliot paused. Innya knew that he knew the answer
and was just toying with the teacher. She actually felt
some measure of pride at his handling of the situation.
Of course the answer was Senator William Vane.
Not many people on the outside knew how involved the
Senator had been in crafting every last detail of the Church.
Obviously the Villains knew this and Elliot knew because
he had been there, growing up in the thick of it.
“That would be my father, Senator William Vane,
wouldn’t it?” Elliot asked cockily. Innya smiled on the
inside: perhaps she could make a Villain out of him yet.
Napoleon smiled. Or at least his deformed face did
some strange contorting thing that may have passed as a
smile. “Interesting. What’s your power?”
Elliot blinked,flustered once more.“I don’t know yet.”
“As a first year you have time but don’t wait too long
to figure it out.”
“Um… I won’t?”
Napoleon stared hard at Elliot with his one good
eye until Elliot looked around nervously. Innya wanted to
smack him on the back of the head for even thinking for
one moment that he might get any help from his peers.
It showed a weakness that was unbecoming in a Villain.
Then she looked over to where Red and Ventriloquist
and Sonic were sitting to see how they were taking all of
this and they were just staring at Elliot agape, their faces
flushed with jealousy and she beamed on the inside.
“Very well. Class dismissed. And remember, you’re
all morons.”
The teacher waved his hand to dismiss the class and
the twelve or so students present walked out. Innya stood
up and walked past Elliot and muttered, “Suck up.”
“Am not,” said Elliot as he followed her out of the
classroom. “Why are you in such a hurry?”
“We’re going to be late for meditation hour. They
only give you about five minutes between classes.”
“I know this campus isn’t that large, but that sounds
inhumane. At my other school we got at least got 10 minutes to go between classes. Why only 5?”
“Because it’s inhumane. This school is run by, and
peopled with, Villains, the real kind, not the ‘oh my goodness, my teacher is so mean he’s positively evil’ kind. I’m
talking the kind who will actually kill you as soon as look
at you just for breathing the same air as them.”
“I’m not an idiot. I’ve noticed the difference and
I’ve gotten a concussion already today to show for it,
thank you very much.”
“Good. Then you’ve learned your lesson for today.
So come on and you can meditate on it.”
“If you’re so evil then how come you’re worried
about being on time or even showing up?”
“It’s a nice, quiet time to tinker with my plot for
world domination.”
“So what happens during Meditation hour?” Elliot
asked, hurrying to keep up with her.
“Just what it sounds like. You pick a mat, you lie on
the floor, everyone is head to head and foot to foot and
I’ve heard that that’s because there were some unfortunate brainings when people were head to foot. They turn
off the lights and play some music and you lay there for
about an hour.”
“Sounds dull.”
Innya actually smiled. “It is. That’s the point. But
that also why you have to have something else to focus
your mind on or else you just fall asleep and then you’re
up all night long.”
“And you focus on plotting to destroy the world.”
“No, I don’t want to destroy it… well,” she thought,
“Maybe a little. But mostly I just want to control it.”
“Gotcha,” said Elliot as if he finally understood
everything.
Innya halted and Elliot stopped with her, confused.
“What’s wrong?”
And the frown was back. Elliot was letting himself
get far too comfortable with her and she didn’t appreciate
it. It had to be stopped. “You really think you ‘got me’,
New Meat?”
“Um, no?”
She stared him down a few more seconds and then
walked away faster than she had been going before. Elliot
kept pace with her, seemingly determined to not be left
behind and she liked the idea of him trying to keep up
with her. When they reached the gym and got in line to
go through the doors Elliot looked away for a moment
and Innya melted into the crowd. She stood a few bodies
away from him so that she could watch his reaction to
her disappearance. He turned and opened his mouth as
if to ask her a question and then seemed confused when
she wasn’t where he had thought she was. He glanced
quickly at the people around him but didn’t look any further, as the line was moving again. She watched him file
in, quickly take a mat, a pink one, and she rolled her eyes.
He really was a moron.
The teachers guided the students to their places so
Elliot was about as safe as he could be while still within
the walls of the VA. Innya scanned the crowd and spotted Red and his cronies a few rows away from Elliot and
not looking in his direction, but they wouldn’t try anything during meditation. She lay down just as the lights
started to dim and silence swept through the gymnasium.
As the last echoes of conversation faded she closed her
eyes and went to her happy place: a world where she controlled all creatures great and small from her perch on a
throne made of naked men, not because it looked sexy but
because it made her look powerful and kind of scary. She
smiled as she relaxed and didn’t pay any attention to the
voice guiding them deeper into a meditative state.

Elliot could not relax.He was surrounded on all sides
by about fifty or sixty Villains and though most of them
looked like normal enough teenagers some of them looked
truly unique and it made it hard to forget where he was. It
had been such a strange day that his mind was about as far
from relaxation as it could get. Even as the lights dimmed
and the soft,spiritual music started he was very uncomfortable in his own skin. It didn’t help that he had somehow
run off the only person who had been nice to him. Now
he wasn’t even sure he would make it through the hour
without someone trying to make an attempt on his life.

In response to this line of thinking his stomach
growled angrily. At least Elliot thought that it was angry.
He imagined his stomach was yelling at him for getting
knocked out before giving it a real meal and he tried to
think apologies to it. It only growled louder. Someone to
his right ‘Shhhh-ed” him. Apparently, contrary to advertising claims, when one is living in a constant state of
fear and multiple attempts are being made on one’s life,
Snickers did not satisfy.

His stomach growled again. So to avert his impending demise at the hands of the angry, non-meditative
Villains, Elliot started thinking about home. He thought
about his old school. He wondered what his friends were
doing, if they missed him as much as he missed them. He
imagined sneaking out and walking up to Sarah’s house
and when she opened to door, taking her in his arms and
kissing her like they do at the ends of romantic movies, quickly and seamlessly and with perfect confidence.
He tried to ignore the rational part of his brain that kept
insisting that he would probably drop her on her head if
he tried to dip her. No, I wouldn’t, he told himself. I’ve
been through too much to mess that up, as well.

For an hour he stewed, getting angrier and angrier
that he was stuck in this stupid school with these stupid
Villains who wanted him dead apparently for no reason
other than that he was the new kid, and wishing that he
had ever opened that stupid gate in the first place. By
the time the music ended and the lights came up halfway
Elliot was a man on the verge.

As he stood up he looked around and noticed that
the faces that had entered the gym darkened by murderous intent and teetering on the edge of insanity now
looked somewhat serene. He even thought that he saw a
few smiles and almost everyone looked relaxed. He heard
someone mention the cafeteria and dinner and he started
to fall in behind them.

The sky was already dark with winter night and
the sickly yellow phosphorous lights came on as they left
the gym. He glanced around once more for Innya, not
expecting to be able to pick her out of the mass of bodies
surging toward the cafeteria. He even less expected to see
a broken chain link fence stretched between two sections
of high brick wall.

Maybe this was how Innya had gotten out last
night, he thought? Elliot slipped to the edge of the column of hungry Villains and then stepped out of it and
into some bushes. He waited for a bit just to make sure
he wasn’t being watched but no one seemed to care that
he was no longer in line and he felt silly thinking that
anyone would give a damn about him. When most of the
students had passed him he headed back to the broken
fence. His heart was pounding, his mouth was dry and
his breath was suddenly coming in gasps even though he
wasn’t exactly exerting himself. He even felt a little lightheaded and he couldn’t think of another moment where
he had felt more alive.

He assessed the fence from the dubious protection
of an overgrown tree. It looked as though the edge of the
fence was curled up a bit, as if someone had been using
it as a gate and had tried to cover his or her tracks. He
could deal with a chain link fence. It brought to mind the
night that started all of this fiasco and then he thought
about Sarah and Adam and then he thought about his
dad and then he got really homesick and before he knew
what he was doing he had rolled up the fence and crawled
through to the other side.

And then he was outside, alone at night in an area
he had always avoided before. In one direction he would
have about a fifteen minute walk to his house and the
center of town. In the other direction was the town line,
which was marked with a ridiculous red, spray painted
line across the highway. Since his town had the VA the
laws were a little different, and those laws and everything
that went with them ended at the edge of town.

Elliot considered going back to his dorm room,
gathering the rest of his belongings and then crossing that
town line. He considered it for only a moment though,
because he could see no point in being on the lam for the
rest of his life when, if he could just survive for a little
while longer he’d be given his choice of countries to move
to and the means to take care of himself. So no, he told
himself, you can’t leave now.

But his heart was not so conflicted about the other
option. He missed his dad and his friends terribly. And so
without even giving it much thought he started to walk.He
had no friends at the VA, no one who would come looking
for him.And even though his stomach was still growling at
him he felt the hunger for a familiar face more acutely than
the hunger for actual food.Besides,no one would probably
even notice that he was gone as long as he was back in time
for Innya to escort him to his first class tomorrow.

Before he knew it he had reached the street where
he lived, or rather, where he used to live. He still wasn’t
used to thinking of the house where he had grown up in
the past tense. He paused in the tall, square box hedges
below the front porch to catch his breath and plan his
next move. What the hell am I doing, he asked himself ?
And then he answered: I’m going to see my dad, shut up.

He peered over the edge of the porch to the glass
French doors where he could see the crystal chandelier
blazing. The porch light was on and many of the downstairs windows were lit as well. Through the beveled side
windows he saw the formal dining room table loaded
with food, including a gorgeous roast turkey. Thanksgiving wasn’t until the following week so the lavish spread
seemed strange.

Elliot realized as he watched some strange man in
a light gray suit enter the dining room and start to make
up a plate that he hadn’t really thought this through. That
he had been hoping to find his father alone was just poor
planning on his part. But now that the house was full
of people he couldn’t very well just go through the front
door and announce himself. So he made his way to the
backyard instead. Luckily there was no fence to scale.This
section of town was very open and there were few fences
separating the front yards from the back yards or neighbor from neighbor.

He trudged across the perfectly-manicured lawn and
as he was about to round the corner he heard music and
a lot of voices and he fell back. His heart pounding once
more, he peered around the corner and saw that despite
the cold November night the back deck was full of people
in fancy clothes. Another look told him that his father
had installed a series of heat lamps along the outside of
the deck, which explained the thin dresses on some of the
girls and the lack of jackets on some of the men.

He chanced another look onto the deck and tried
to locate his father among the milling party guests. A
lot of the men looked slightly sinister, though that could
have just been the inborn American simultaneous lust for
and distrust of money and those that have it. The women
who were present were exponentially too beautiful and
far too exposed for both the weather and the men whose
arms they clung to. It made no sense. This was a small
town and a lot of the people knew each other. Even if
these weren’t locals Elliot had certainly met most of his
father’s supporters through different campaign rallies and
such. So who were these men?

Elliot crept back toward the front of the house and
around to the other side where his father’s office was. He
thought that perhaps that was where his father was and
he could tap on the window and get his attention.

Elliot found the window.The office light was on and
he peeked in to see his father standing facing a portrait of
himself shaking hands with the president. In one of the
chairs facing the desk sat a woman with long, brown wavy
hair and long, lovely legs. She was not dressed as provocatively as the other ladies, but in a simple black cocktail
dress. She was quite beautiful. And she was smiling. Then
she said something to Elliot’s father and Elliot couldn’t
make out exactly what was being said but the sounds of
the language were all wrong. She wasn’t speaking English. And then his father answered in the same language.
Elliot’s eyes widened. He never knew his dad spoke anything other than English and some French he had had to
learn, he told Elliot once, to impress Elliot’s mother.

The woman laughed and stood up. Elliot’s father
put his arm around her waist and escorted her out of the
office, leaning over once to nuzzle her neck. Elliot sighed
and pulled away from the window. So I’m gone for a day
and my father is already dating, mused Elliot. So much
for fatherly love.

He turned around and bumped into Craig. Craig
exhaled cigarette smoke slowly into Elliot’s face and
asked, “What are you doing here?”

Elliot coughed out his answer. “I want to talk to
my dad.”
“Not possible.”
“I’m not leaving until I talk to my dad.”
“Ok. Then stay right here.” Craig reached into his
pocket and pulled out his phone.“Just wait a minute while
I call the police first. I’m sure they’ll be very interested to
know how a Villain escaped from the school and is now
coming after his own father.”
“You wouldn’t dare,”said Elliot but he wasn’t so sure.
Craig held out his phone so that Elliot could see
him dialing 9-1-1. Without thinking Elliot snatched
the phone from Craig’s hand and took off running. He
clutched the phone so tightly his fingers started to ache
but he told himself as his arms and legs pumped for all
they were worth that his theft was completely warranted
given the current situation. If Craig didn’t have the phone
he couldn’t call the police, so it made perfect sense for
Elliot to take it from him.
Elliot kept running all the way out of the residential area and into Fort Rose’s small commercial district,
which was set up around a mid-sized mall. He limped
up to one of the side entrances and then leaned over and
put his hands on his knees, sucking in air like a man just
saved from drowning. Elliot had run track for Fort Rose
high for four years but he couldn’t remember a single race
when he had ever been so fast. He wiped the sweat from
his forehead with his sleeve and wondered idly if he had
broken any of his personal records but there was no way
to know.That was when he realized that he was still holding onto the stolen phone.
He studied it for a moment, wondering if he could
still consider himself to be a moral person if he blatantly invaded someone else’s privacy by going through
his phone. On the other hand, he told himself, if that
other person is a horrible human being then perhaps he
deserved anything he got. Elliot’s mind was made up
when he wondered if he’d be able to call his father using
Craig’s phone.
With shaking fingers, Elliot pressed the home button on the bottom of the phone and waited for the screen
to light up with some terribly boring or completely tacky
wallpaper which he could then mock with impunity.
But nothing happened. He pressed it again. Still nothing. He pressed the button on top, thinking that perhaps
his tenacious squeezing of the device during his run had
accidentally caused it to power off. Nothing.
Elliot sighed and tucked the device into his inside
coat pocket to deal with later. Maybe it just needed a
charge. He looked around. The mall was still open, which
meant the food court was still open, which meant there
would be at least one place offering samples. It was a Friday night, after all. His stomach growled loudly as if in
support of his decision. He went inside.