Everything I want: Will Alfie and Lily's love survive?... (15 page)

He spun around to face me. “You think? She knows the deal. She just doesn’t know that you’re the
one.”

My mouth hung open. “You told her you love someone else, and she’s with you an
yway?”

He nodded. “Things are rarely what they seem, Lily. You should know that about me by now. Zoe knows the score. I’ve never lied to her. Our relationship is built on sex.” I stood up and walked out of the bedroom to my front
door.

Grabbing the handle I flung it so wide, it creaked loudly on its hinges. “Get
out.”

He folded his arms. “Why? Is it because I’m having sex with
Zoe?”

“No Alfie, it’s because the poor girl has fallen for your ‘fuck buddy’ lines, except this time, you’ve used me as the excuse why she shouldn’t love
you.”

His hand reached up to his mouth, and he began pulling at his bottom lip, as he thought about what to say next. “Nope, not the same… and Zoe…she doesn’t lov
e me.”

I crossed my arms and hugged myself. “Listen, we could do this all day, Alfie, but I’d rather
not.”

He smirked. “I can think of better things to do with you instead, as well,” he quipped, smiling so widely his dimple was sho
wing.

Sighing wearily, I said, “Just go, Alfie.” He walked over to the couch and planted himself down heavily, thrusting his hands deep into the pockets of his leather jacket and shook his
head.

“Nah, I can’t do that, Lily. This might be my one shot at making you see sense and getting you back.” He smirked, and I could tell he wasn’t about to l
eave.

I took a seat near him, the front door still wide open. He stared at me, and I stared right
back.

We had reached a stalemate, and I didn’t know what to do next. Alfie’s voice broke into the silence. “You’re so fucking stunning. I know you’ve heard me say that before, but right now? Damn it, Lily. I’m blown away by you. You get more fucking beautiful with every year that passes.” I watched him talking about me, and recognized the hooded lust filled eyes. I was turning him on just by sitting
here.

He was a master manipulator. Alfie was breaking down my defenses. He was so close, and my heart ached for
him.

He was the only man I’ve ever known who made me want to kiss his soft lips whenever I saw
them.

My mind flew back to the first time he kissed me in the long grass on campus. My fingers automatically stroked my lips. I didn’t realize I was doing it until he sat forward on the couch, drawing himself nearer t
o me.

“You want me to kiss you?” My eyes closed. He knew what I was thinking, and I wanted nothing
more.

My eyes flicked to his lips, then to his eyes. “No.” My voice was barely a squeak. I cleared my throat, but I didn’t get to speak before he
did.

“I want to kiss you, Lily. I want to kiss you so fucking badly. I want to kiss you everywhere. I want to feel your fabulous ass in my hands as your pubic bone grinds against me, and your heels and nails dig into my butt in your effort to draw me closer. I want to strip you bare and lay you down in front of me. Look at you until I’ve teased myself so much that I can’t keep my hands off of you. I want to taste you, devour you. I want to tease and pleasure you, until you’re screaming my name and pulling my hair, while you drag those same fingernails down my
back.”

He swallowed hard, and his voice this time was a thick whisper, so low I could barely make it out. “Most of all, I just want to be with you and love you and for you to want to be with me and love me
back.”

I couldn’t stay passive any longer. I pulled myself forward on the seat and pushed myself to stan
ding.

For all our flaws, Alfie and I did love each other desperately. There was no doubt in mind about
that.

I knew if I touched him, it would be like igniting a passion, so fierce inside of us. We’d be powerless to ever extinguis
h it.

Chapter 15
– Last Chance

I
pushed Alfie back against the couch and straddled him. His hands skimmed up my tank top and cupped my breasts as his mouth crushed mine. “Oh. God… God,” he growled, his body vibrating with want fo
r me.

His hands dropped to the hem of my tank top, and he pulled it clean over my head, tossing it behind him, while his hands went back to give attention to my bre
asts.

His head leaned in as he took one in my mouth and sucked, deeply, greedily, as he looked up into my eyes. The passion in them was indescrib
able.

Seeing him there, sucking on my breast and looking up at me, sent my hormones into overdrive. I was so desperate with need for him. My hips gyrated in small circles over his huge solid mass, pressing hard into my wet pan
ties.

He moved me in one smooth motion, pinning me on my back on the floor. The weight of his body crushed me, squeezing the breath out of me, until he took his weight on the forearms that were tightly drawn against my
head.

He gazed longingly into my eyes, and I knew that whatever happened next would be something I would never be able to burn from my me
mory.

I had completely surrendered to the feel of him on me. I couldn’t believe that I had denied myself this for so long. Once I admitted that, I knew it was impossible to live without feeling like
this.

The bands, Zoe, Luca, and the complications of our love didn’t matter at that moment. What mattered was us, being honest, belonging together. I had been in denial for years now. Not now. Not when the connection between us was so strong. We had to find a way. We’d regret it forever if we di
dn’t.

Alfie kissed me hungrily, fervently at first, before it slowed to a less breathless pace, but just as passionate. When he broke the kiss he asked, “Do you know how much I wanted to do that to you earlier in the club? I wanted to wipe that fucking guy’s taste from your m
outh.”

Swallowing hard I said, “Don’t…” His mouth crushed mine again, and he dragged his tongue across my teeth, first the top, then the bo
ttom.

“I hate that he’s tasted what’s
mine.”

I struggled to free myself. “
Stop…”

Alfie pulled back, but his stare was just as intense. “Tell me you’re mine, Lily. I need to hea
r it.”

His face was only inches away from me. His forehead dropped to rest on mine as our eyes locked. At that particular moment a wave of peace washed over me, settling the turmoil I’d been in for so long. I didn’t want to live life without Alfie in it a moment longer. “I can’t be yours until Zoe i
sn’t.”

Alfie closed his eyes and slowly bobbed his head. He took my hand and smiled slowly. “Anything, I’ll tell her tomorrow.” Just like that, she was sur
plus.

“So, what? You go home for one last fuck and tell
her?”

Alfie rolled his eyes. “You might not believe me, but I told you, I haven’t had sex with her since I kissed you at the launch party. I haven’t even kissed her. I’ve been putting her off and was going to tell her I couldn’t have her around anymore.” My lips formed into a line on my face, taking in what he was tellin
g me.

“You need to take care of her, A
lfie.”

He smirked. “I already
did.”

I bunched my brows. “You
did?”

Alfie tilted his head back to face me and scowled, “Don’t I always face my responsibili
ties?”

I had to hand it to Alfie. His previous history with Kara, his deceased soldier friend’s girl, was proof of that. “What does that mean for
Zoe?”

He shrugged his shoulders. “She already has a place. I set her up when she decided to come on the road wit
h me.”

I watched how unaffected he was about letting Zoe go. “She’s also had a monthly allowance paid into her account, so she could walk away whenever she wanted. I don’t think she’s ever drawn a penny on that the whole time she’s been with me. She puts her clothes and anything else she needs on my card account. Zoe worked in retail and brought in minimum wage when she met me. So she was happy with the set-up between us. She knew it wasn’t forever. This just means she can get on with her life a little quicker is
all.”

I didn’t like how easily Alfie could discard Zoe, but it told me that he really didn’t have an emotional tie to her. I pushed him to the side and sa
t up.

I fished around for my tank top and pulled it back on. “Time to go, Alfie. Call me when your relationship issues are resolved.” I pointed to the door, and Alfie stood sl
owly.

“You mean it? We’re going to be toge
ther?

I nodded. “Zoe,” I said, my head nodding in the direction of the doorway for him to l
eave.

“We’ll talk tomorrow. I’m going to need a lot of convincing, but you have bought yourself a hearing,” I said as I pushed him outside the apartment into the hallway and closed the
door.

I was way too hyperactive to sleep after Alfie’s visit. At least I didn’t have sex with him. I needed some kind of reassurance the band wouldn’t be affected by anything I did. I owed them that
much.

I showered and changed into some yoga pants and a little red tank and sat eating cereal. I was so apprehensive, but excited, about being with Alfie again. Above all, I prayed I was doing the right t
hing.

I needed my sounding board, so I pulled my cell from my purse and sent a text to
Jack.

Lily: you are never going to believe what I’ m thin
king.

It was 3:45am, and Holly wasn’t here, so I knew they were probably still at the
club.

Jack : no fucking way…don’t do it! I’m coming home
now.

Lily:
huh?

Jack : you’re thinking of sleeping with Alfie…is he there? He disappeared about an hour after you
did.

Lily: I’m not sleeping with him, he’s not
here.

Jack: I’m glad about that, but we should talk. Don’t make any irrational decisions, it’s men that think with their dicks, Lily, and as far as I know, you don’t have
one.

Jack: This, I’m assuming, is your saving grace when making decisions about A
lfie.

I sat back smirking, tapping my cell on my chin. I knew Jack was going think that I was letting myself down. He had no idea how incapacitated I felt when I wasn’t able to be with A
lfie.

All of my friends were going to go ballistic when they heard I was going to give Alfie another
shot.

At 5am Jack, Rosie, Holly, and Brett showed up at the apartment. I was still buzzing and couldn’t wait to see what the next day bro
ught.

Holly told me that Alfie had left, and she couldn’t find her keys to the apartment. She had reported it to the front desk, and they were taking care of it, having new locks fitted tomo
rrow.

I couldn’t tell her that Alfie had let himself in here with them. She would hold herself responsible if Alfie had got back with me, because she had left her keys unattended. Depending on how this works out with him, I might hold it against her in the future as
well.

Jack had called it just right but knew better than to talk about it in front of Holly. I knew as soon as he got me alone, I would have to give him the edited highlights of Alfie’s visit here ear
lier.

There was an entirely new set of issues to deal with at play here. I had to somehow make it all okay with the band, get the executives to agree to let us support Crakt Soundzz, and make that okay with my XrAid band members; not a short o
rder.

My cell bu
zzed.

SEXPERT : I can’t wait to see you today. What time, w
here?

Pink Lady:
Zoe?

SEXPERT : Drunk, Des has her in his apart
ment.

Pink Lady :
Des?

SEXPERT : I sent him a text telling him she wasn’t coming back to my place a
gain.

Pink Lady : When things are resolved with Zoe, contac
t me.

Jack tried to force my hand. “Who are you texting with Lily?” I smirked. Jack could be a sneaky bastard somet
imes.

“Another, musician, why?” I smi
rked.

He shook his head. “No reason, just curious.” He rubbed Rosie’s back, and she turned and kissed him chastely. Jack smiled at
her.

“Okay Rosie, as Lily won’t let me snuggle her butt when you’re here, I suppose you’ll have t
o do.”

I was annoyed with him. “Jack, please, that’s not f
unny.”

I looked at Rosie apologetically. Rosie smiled at me and winked. “Well, Lily, Jack thinks he has to perform when he snuggles with me.” She stared at him. “State he’s in? I’m betting he’s going to feel a tad pissed at himself when it’s just not happening down t
here.”

She stared at Jack’s groin. “Guess he doesn’t have any pressure to do that with you, huh?” I smirked at Rosie’s comeback, she was learning to deal with us, and I felt sure she’d only get better at dealing with us with
time.

Everyone was slightly drunk and tired and turned in for the night. Jack and Rosie went to bed in the spare room, and I went back to
mine.

I was lying in the dark when the door cracked open. “You still awake, Lily?” Jack’s smooth voice cut into the darkness. I sat up as Jack’s silhouette stood in my doorway and started toward me, but disappeared when he closed the
door.

He pulled the sheet back and climbed in beside me, placing me in the crook of his arm. “You’re not done with that revolving door that Alfie has you in,
Lily?”

“Jack, please…don’t give me a hard time. I’ve been fighting this for over two years and really…I think I would be fighting it for the rest of my life…like alcoholism or something.” Jack took a deep breath and held it, then kissed the top of my head before exha
ling.

“Lily, I’ve never seen anyone fall harder for someone, like you have with Alfie, and deny themselves at least a chance with
them.”

I nodded looking up at him, barely making Jack’s face out in the dark. He smoothed my hair and tucked a strand behind my
ear.

“If you do this Lily? You have to be sure this is what you want. I’m saying this because I love you, not because I don’t, someone has to. You can’t keep turning the passion on and off around Alfie. It’s not fair, you’re playing with some pretty heavy feelings that he has for
you.”

I felt really annoyed. I stiffened, and Jack squeezed me tight, and I relaxed again in response. He was talking about how Alfie felt. I had been through some rough times in the past couple of years with
him.

Jack sighed. “I know what you’re thinking Lily. You can stop that right now.” I moved away from him, plumped my pillow, and leaned my head against the headb
oard.

“You know what I’m thinking now?” Jack snickered and tried to uncross my arms from my chest to take hold one of my hands, but I resisted and pulled it
away.

“Sure I know. You’re thinking I’m taking Alfie’s side blah blah…but I’m not. Think about it. How many times have you got back with him and left again? It had to have made his life hell. He’s done all the running, and you’ve shot him down so many times, it’s a wonder the poor guy can stand at all
now.”

I’ve never seen it that way. He was definitely the one that did all the running, but at the same time, I was the one that said he didn’t want to have a relationship wit
h me.

No wonder I was so confused by him. Jack’s voice broke into my thoughts. “What about his girl? What happens to her now?” He was thinking like me. The last thing I wanted was to see someone homeless because her boyfriend wanted to walk
away.

I explained what Alfie had told me, and Jack sat still, listening to the story about their arrangement. “Well I’ve heard stranger things, Lily. I still think you’re gonna get a rough time from all the guys in both bands about you both trying to make this thing work a
gain.”

I could feel tears welling again, and I was done shedding them about my love for Alfie. “I’m really scared Jack.” There I said it. “I can’t see this having a happy ending for an
yone.”

Jack scooted up and leaned against the headboard next to me. He crossed his legs and slid his arm behind my neck then cupped my shoulder pulling me into his
side.

He sighed heavily and sat silently for a moment. “You’re scared to try because it might not work? Don’t you think you’re overthinking things all the time, honey? What happens when people
date?”