Everything (9 page)

His soft tone soothed Angel instantly, and she started her friendly face-slapping routine. Leo chuckled, letting her explore his whiskers and dip her tiny index finger into his barely there dimple.

I followed behind them, still feeling numb, hating myself for falling apart.

Hating myself for wishing that Stefan had pulled me into his arms, kissed away my tears, and told me he’d been a fool to ever let me walk away.

Chapter Seventeen

Jody

Leo bought me a latte, and we strolled along the pier sipping quietly. Angel fell asleep a short while into our walk, but Leo still hadn’t asked me who that guy was. I reached the dregs of my coffee, wishing for a few more mouthfuls.

“Here, I’ll throw it out for you.”

With a weak smile, I handed Leo my cup and watched him jog over to the trash can. He came back with an easy grin, and the words just tumbled out of me.

“That was Angel’s father.”

“I thought as much.” He gave me a sympathetic smile.

I looked away from it, keeping my eyes on the ocean as we walked up the steep hill, away from the pier. He guided the stroller to the upper pathway and we ambled along the winding route.

“He didn’t hurt your arm, did he?”

“No.” I rubbed the spot and shook my head. “Thank you for getting him to leave me alone.”

“I didn’t like the way he was talking to ya.” Leo’s frown was sharp, his anger obviously still on simmer.

“I kind of outed him to his fiancée. He was pretty pissed. I don’t think she knew about Angel.”

“Well, that’s his problem, not yours.”

I shrugged. “I guess.” Tears sprung onto my lashes before I could stop them.

For goodness’ sake, Jody! Leo’s going to think the only thing you’re good at is crying!

“Hey.” His voice was soft as his hand landed on my lower back, rubbing slow circles.

“I’m sorry, it just feels so unfair some days. He’s living the life I was supposed to have. He’s in a show and it might go to Broadway and that’s what
I
was training for.” I slashed at my tears. “He told me I could make it and I believed him, because he was right.” I stopped and leaned against the fence. “I could have made it, Leo. All my teachers said so...and I let them all down. You should have seen their faces when I admitted I was pregnant. Having to move back home and give it all up.” I shook my head, fresh tears breaking free. “The thing that kills me now is that I made this huge decision to keep her, probably on impulse, because that’s what I do and it felt right at the time, but seeing Stefan and what he’s doing, I can’t help questioning myself. I was confident in my old life, and now I’m totally floundering. I’m a terrible mother who yells at her child, gets in fights with her father, and ignores her crying. And I’m a useless housekeeper,” I whined, not even caring that I sounded like a six-year-old.

“Hey, don’t say that.” He put the brakes on the stroller and leaned against the fence beside me, his arm pressing into mine. “Your house might be a little messy.” He cleared his throat, a smile playing with the edge of his mouth. “But, Jo, you are a wonderful mum. You love your daughter. That’s half the battle won right there.”

“I can’t help feeling like she deserves better some days. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Yes, you do. You are talented in more than just singing. You were born for more than a stage. This life you’re living now is proving that. Leaving wherever you were and branching out on your own, that took courage.”

A smile flittered across my face.

“And you’re not failing. Angel is a happy, gorgeous girl who is being fed, watered, and loved.” His hand ran down my back again. I liked the feel of it, that soft pressure that reminded me I wasn’t alone. “I know it’s not what you had planned, but this is a phase. Angel will grow, and you’ll get your shot at the stage.”

“Yeah, right.” It was impossible not to be sarcastic.
Like I would ever make it now.
I’d missed my chance, sealed my fate when I locked myself into an eighteen-year parenthood plan.

He was nice enough not to reply to my swift shoot-down.

“I miss that life. The rehearsals, the buzz before a performance. That elation when people applaud you.” My brow crinkled. “I miss him.” I sucked in a ragged breath. “He was mad that I didn’t come back, said I threw it all away.”

“Yeah, I heard that part,” Leo muttered.

“Do you think he’s right?”

“No!” Leo looked incredulous as he jerked to face me. “If anyone’s thrown anything away, it’s him. What a bloody moron!”

My chuckle was dry. “A bloody handsome one. I hate that he’s still so gorgeous. I hate that when I look at him, I want him to kiss me again and hold me and tell me that he made the biggest mistake of his life letting me go. Why does he have to be so beautiful, Leo?”

“He’s not beautiful. Not in here.” Leo tapped his heart. “At the end of the day, we’re all going to be old and wrinkly. Looks are fleeting.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“You don’t want to be with a guy who turns his back on his own daughter. He didn’t have to love you, but he should have been there. Any guy who turns his back on his kid...” Leo shook his head, a disgusted frown marring his features. “Ugly heart.”

He stilled, his eyes bulging as he touched my arm. “I have the perfect song for this moment.”

I couldn’t help a cynical smile. He laughed at me as he pulled out his iPhone and unwound the earplugs around it.

“Pop this in.” He handed me one and I put it in my right ear, while he shoved his into his left. I watched him open up Spotify. “Close your eyes, you really need to listen to these lyrics.”

I did as I was told, smiling as the cheerful guitar rift started in my ear. I knew this song. “Ugly Heart” by G.R.L. My smile faltered as the lyrics began, speaking the words I needed to hear. I could feel my expression pinching as my emotions warred with the happy music versus the lyrics that wanted to eat at my soul.

Stefan was pretty, but Leo was right; he did have an ugly heart. As the second verse started talking about the guy getting married, my eyes flew open, and I caught Leo’s gaze on me. I forced a smile, my chest still feeling tight and suffocating.

The second chorus kicked in, and it was near impossible to keep my hips still. My body moved of its own accord, and I had to clamp my lips together to keep from singing along. I didn’t want to be dancing and singing. This song was painful to listen to, but it also made me feel better in a weird kind of way.

The slow chorus kicked in, and I felt the sadness sweep through me. I hadn’t wanted to lose my virginity to a guy like that, but I had. I’d practically thrown it at him and I couldn’t change it.

And I’d been wasting all these tears on him, pining for him, missing him when the truth had been staring me in the face.

I looked at Leo with my crestfallen expression as the singer’s voice dipped away and then my boss totally surprised me. Leaning back with his eyes squeezed tight, he opened his mouth and hollered the line, “An ugly heart,” with enough gusto to scare the people behind us. His arms flayed dramatically as he stayed with the line, leaning forward like a total pop star.

Giggles erupted from me before I could stop them. He looked hilarious.

“Sing it with me, Jo!” he shouted.

I laughed, standing tall and belting out the rest of the chorus, taking the top line and releasing the tension within me on those powerful notes. The song came to an abrupt end and by some miracle, Angel was still asleep.

Leo grinned at me, touching my shoulder lightly.

“You feel better?”

“Yeah.” My smile was so broad it actually hurt. I didn’t know what it was about this Australian man, but no one else had made me laugh this hard and smile this big since...I couldn’t even remember when. “Let’s listen to it again.”

“Alrighty then.” He pressed play and we swayed our hips, singing along to the entire song. His voice wasn’t bad. Not Broadway good but still a nice, rich sound that was pleasant. My spirits lifted as I sang, feeling the words and aiming each one of them at Stefan. It felt good to let him go somehow, like a coil releasing inside of me and flooding my body with a sweet perfume.

I didn’t think there’d ever be the right words to tell Leo how truly grateful I was.

He had been exactly what I needed in that moment.

Chapter Eighteen

Leo

Seeing Jody go from tears to laughter had been pretty triumphant. I couldn’t stop smiling. We’d strolled back to the apartment together, “Ugly Heart” leading into a bunch of other songs I had in that playlist. She’d started teasing me about my girly music collection.

“Hey, it’s from my niece. She sends me her faves each week, and the list just keeps on growing.”

“I love Spotify.” She’d grinned.

Yet another thing to like about her.

I frowned, walking to the stereo and pumping up the volume on “Go” by Boys Like Girls. I was a little addicted to ‘follow your dreams’ type music. It kept me focused, kept reminding me why I’d broken my mother’s heart and flown all the way over here. I had to keep my eye on Broadway.

I couldn’t let one afternoon with a blonde beauty, eyes like the sky on a perfect day, stop me from following where I had to go.

Stepping into the kitchen, I hitched up my sweats, still too hot after my scalding shower to put on a shirt. I didn’t know what to do with my evening. Part of me felt like composing, but I knew if I overdid that it’d end up hampering my creative flow, which was why I’d forced myself out for a walk earlier in the day and thank God I had. I’d wanted to rip that guy’s arm off, the way he was towering over Jody like that, ignoring Angel’s crying.

What a dickhead.

I hated the idea that he’d been with Jody. I could tell by his smarmy expression as he skulked away that he was all about the charm. He’d probably wooed Jody in with a few smiles, and she’d been putty in his hands.

Gripping the edge of the sink, I sucked in a calming breath and poured myself a glass of water, chugging it back.

“Now what are you going to do?” I wiped my bottom lip and gazed around the empty apartment, missing Gerry for a fleeting minute. I didn’t know why. Our marriage had been cold and detached. I felt just as lonely the day I left as I had over the two years we were married, but still...it’d been a presence in the house.

“Maybe I should get a dog.”

A rap at the door made me turn. Wiping my hands on my pants, I walked to the door and swung it open without bothering to check the peephole.

“Oh, hey.” My smile was way too big. I tried to tone it down but couldn’t quite do it.

Jody was standing there in the cutest PJ pants I’d ever seen. They had cartoon foxes all over them and a drawstring my fingers were itching to pull.

I pinched the door, taken aback by my thoughts. Where the hell had they come from?

Her cheeks were a little pink as she licked her lower lip. She seemed awkward, which I found strange after the easy-going day we’d shared.

Pushing a plate of cookies toward me, she cleared her throat and bobbed on her bare toes. Purple nail polish. Nice.

“I baked these for you, to say thanks.”

“For what?” I took them, trying not to cringe when I noticed how burnt they were around the edges.

“Making me feel better today. Giving me that song.”

“I’m glad it worked.” There it was again, that puff of triumphant pride. I loved the idea that I was responsible for making her feel better. “Music always does the trick. I didn’t want you wasting any more angst on a FIGJAM like that.”

“Fig jam?” Her nose wrinkled, her ponytail resting on her shoulder as she tipped her head.

“You don’t know that expression?”

She shook her head, her blue eyes dancing with anticipation.

I grinned, scratching the back of my neck. “It means, ah, Fuck I’m Good Just Ask Me.”

That melodic giggle of hers sprung free, dancing all over me before it was cut short by her crumpling expression. “Oh my gosh, Stefan is such a FIGJAM!”

“Yep, total arrogant shithead.” My voice grew sharp and snappy, making Jody’s eyebrow quirk. She pressed her lips together, fighting a smile. I cleared the venom from my throat and muttered, “‘Ugly Heart’ could be his theme song.”

Her smile grew as she nodded. “Your mom’s right, you know. You do have a song for everything.”

“I try to.” Damn. I was blushing; I could feel it. I tried to pretend I wasn’t, but I couldn’t believe she’d remembered me saying that. “Music and lyrics can teach us so much about life and love. I like to let music guide me.”

Jody’s blue gaze grew warm, her lips curling with a grin. “Let music guide your love,” she murmured. “I like that.”

I captured the words, letting them dance through my brain, my smile growing in time with my nod. I had to write that down!

Jody crossed her arms, pushing her breasts up without even realizing it. The shoestring tank top that accompanied her PJ pants was powder blue and doing things to my body that were kind of out of my control. I hoped her gaze stayed north, because this would be bloody impossible to hide when going commando in sweatpants.

Thankfully her eyes stayed on my face, her top teeth lightly brushing over her lower lip.

Geez, I was going to have to slam the door in her face in a minute.

Pull it together, Leo!

Jody’s head dipped, her high ponytail dropping over her shoulder. “You don’t have to tell me, but have you ever had your heart broken before?” Her cheeks flushed. “I probably shouldn’t even be asking you, but I keep thinking about today, and you were just so sympathetic and sweet and I just...” Her shoulders rose. “I couldn’t help wondering.”

Not loving the line of questioning, but appreciating the deflating effect it was having on my body, I decided to answer her. “Yeah, I was...married.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Wow, okay.”

“Never really wanted to, but..." I rubbed my fingers through the stubble on my chin. "That’s partly why I came over here. I just needed to get away from everything. I signed those divorce papers and felt like such a loser, so I decided I needed to figure out what I really wanted.”

“So, you didn’t want to get married, but you did anyway?”

I sighed. “I did say I was a loser.”

Her lips pursed, her left shoulder hitching. “Sometimes it’s hard not to give in to the pressure around you. It takes courage to stand up and fight for what you really want.”

“I just hate that I dragged her down with me.”

Jody nodded, giving me a sweet smile.

“So, what do you really want?”

I hesitated for only a second. If anyone was going to understand this dream, it’d be her. “I’m writing a musical to sell to Broadway.”

Her eyes began to sparkle like fairy lights. “That is so cool.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I hear it?”

“Ah, no.” I chuckled.

Her lip popped into a pout.

“Not until I’m finished.”

“Okay.” She nodded.

I wasn’t quite sure what to say to her then. My throat had kind of swelled up with the idea of having to confess that she was my muse. I was worried if she heard any of the songs, saw me playing them for her, that she’d know in a heartbeat.

Her lips flirted with a shy grin before breaking past the emotion. She crossed her arms again, and I had to hold in my groan.

“Well, not to sound like a totally selfish bitch, but I’m kind of glad you understand that feeling of loss and heartache. I really appreciated that you got it today. You’ve never judged me or made me feel like an idiot for keeping Angel, and I know cookies and a thank you will never be enough.”

I grinned, lifting the plate in my hand. “It’s enough, Jo.”

“I hope you make it...to Broadway.”

“Me too,” I whispered, her sweet sentiment scratching at the edges of my heart.

Our gazes met, an intense connection that I could tell unnerved us both.

Jody stepped back from my door. “Okay, well, have a good night.”

“You too.” I tried to keep my gaze on her face, but my eyes just had to travel down her fine form one last time.

My body responded instantly. Thank God she turned away, because when I looked down I wasn’t hiding anything. You could bloody camp out underneath that tent!

Rolling my eyes, I closed the door and headed back to the stereo, cranking it up one more notch and reminding myself why I’d come to America in the first place.

“New York, mate. Stay focused!”