EXcapades (4 page)

I had been so tired lately, and I continued to be haunted by an unsettling sensation that I felt to my core. No matter what I did, or how much rest I got, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. This disturbance occasionally felt like an alarm going off in my head, but I could handle only one apocalypse at a time. I had enough going on with the divorce.

Anyway, sunshine would be my medication for today. Living in the South gave me an abundant supply of radiant heat. But I probably didn’t need the extra brightness today; just looking at Chase warmed me.

I wondered if he could feel my thoughts while I led him through the expansive house to the back veranda. We walked down the stone steps to the lap pool, which was surrounded by fuchsia crape myrtles still in bloom.

After we stepped into the sunlight, he said, “Your long hair looks so pretty in the light. It is so shiny and smooth that I want to run my fingers through it.”

Stunned by his words, I turned toward him, shielding my eyes from the intense afternoon light, and saw him still staring at me. Our eyes held a lingering gaze for an extended moment. Or was that just my wishful imagination?

I handed him a key to the shed, and his hand slowly brushed against mine, stroking his fingers across the tender skin inside my palm. His fingers felt rugged and strong.
What would more of his touch feel like?

I felt startled as Chase’s voice brought me back to reality. “Can Elky play in the yard with me while I work?” And to my astonishment, I watched Elky leap, paws first, onto him, licking his face.
She really likes him.
After Chase pushed her down, I watched Elky wag her tail so hard she almost toppled over onto her side.

“Of course, she would love to play,” I said.
Can I play with you, too?

Chase reached down and picked up a tennis ball and tossed it to an excited, panting Elky, who scrambled to return it. He scratched her neck.

Although I did not think flirting with Chase was the right path to take on my journey of life, it was fun for today.
Watching his muscular arms while he cleaned the pool would help divert my focus. I needed to take his picture to show Jane. Maybe when he was working I could sneak a quick photo, but what if he caught me?

Perhaps
he was the distraction I needed to get my ex-husband’s image out of my head. Nothing Peter told me was true, it seemed. Are trustworthy men an endangered species?
I thought our life was fine. Well, maybe not a perfect marriage, but we fit together comfortably enough. But Peter had been busy creating a new life and family; meanwhile, I did not have a clue.

And when I finally heard about his lies, my entire world was ripped away from me in an instant. It made me sick as if my life had become a scandal. At that moment, I vowed never to trust a man again. Maybe learn to have fun again, but never completely believe the words that I heard.

Behind us was a loud crash. We turned. Elky stood still, wagging her tail and holding the tennis ball in her mouth. Next to her was a terra cotta planter broken on the ground.

I laughed. “Well, I never really liked that planter anyway.”

Chase shook his head. “I’m sorry I got her so excited.”

I smiled at that comment. “I’ll just sweep up the broken pieces while you transform the pool.”

“When I’m done netting these leaves, you’ll be able to enjoy it again.” He wiped his brow. “Today is a scorcher.”

I nodded. “We might have a few more weeks of hot weather.”

I went inside the storage shed to get the broom. The light was broken. I searched in darkness. A moment later, Chase stepped up behind me.

“Oh, my.” I gasped, turning to meet his gaze. My heart began to beat faster.

He grinned at me. “I walk softly, but that’s all I do with a light touch.” He inched closer. I could feel his breath. “I guess you want me to get started cleaning the pool?”

I took a small step backward, bumping into the wall. When I spoke, my voice was shaky. “That . . . might be a good idea.”

He moved closer to me. “Are you sure you don’t need help with other projects first?”

I forced myself to keep my voice steady. “I’m . . . fine.” I hesitated for an instant while I looked down at his tight shorts. And then I pointed to the net and pool supplies. A few seconds later, I grabbed the broom and raced out of the shed.

After refilling Elky’s water dish, I began sweeping the broken planter pieces. At the same time, I quietly watched him. With escalating delight, I stared at Chase’s thickly muscular arms scooping leaves with the net. He was in perfect shape. I used to keep fit until the separation. Then I stopped exercising. I used to work out every day; it once made me feel invigorated.

Before the divorce, I would swim laps in the pool to stay in shape. But depression took over my life; it consumed me, and then I consumed everything in reach. And the scale numbers climbed. And climbed. Looking back on it all, I realized it was not a coincidence that
stressed
written backwards spelled
desserts
. If stress could burn calories, I would be skinny now.

I wasn’t totally oblivious of my increased weight; I just didn’t care. Sure, I could tell my pants didn’t fit the same, so I bought some new ones. Maybe I realized the full extent of my weight gain the day I started doing jumping jacks and heard applause, but when I looked around, I was the only one in the room.
That mental image of my fat chunks slapping together still makes me gag.

And now a year later, I struggled with a different problem. I lost my appetite. Suddenly, I started losing weight. In fact, I had layers of excess skin to battle.

The truth was, it would be nice to be proud of my naked body again, but not that it mattered at my current pace. It had been such a long time since I was intimate with a man. Not being asked out on a date for the past year didn’t help my bruised ego. But I had enjoyed those long romantic walks to the refrigerator.

The sound of the doorbell startled me in the midst of my mental assessment, or more accurately, dissection. Suddenly, I remembered I was standing in a tight bikini a few feet away from a gorgeous man. I quickly excused myself. Then, without another word, I raced inside.

Chapter 3

Before going to the front door, I slipped on a bathing suit cover-up.
Finally, I came to my senses.
I stopped to compose myself. This time, I would look out
before
opening the door. As I peeked through the glass panels, I saw a familiar face.

Seeing my friend and neighbor, Jane, usually cheered me up instantly. She always had a way of just being there when I needed her. I was usually glad when Jane stopped by for a visit, but today I hesitated. I was not sure if I wanted to share Chase with her. Maybe I wanted to enjoy watching him all by myself.

I stood there floundering in indecision as to whether I should open the door, but too late now; Jane caught me looking through the glass sidelights. She waved her arms crisscross in the air at me.
Darn.
I opened the door and Jane greeted me, giving me an embracing hug.

Jane was pretty with a magnificent mane of long black hair, creamy dark skin, and expressive brown eyes. Her demeanor was animated when she talked, and she had an infectious laugh and an effervescent energy.

Jane’s personality was so big and bright that she could light up a room. I felt like a shy wallflower in comparison. Although in truth, I might be only a few shades less vivacious than Jane. I was definitely not quiet. And together we were just silly. The simplest things made us laugh uproariously.

“Hi, Lila, did I miss the show?” Jane bellowed as she walked into the house. She flung her hands in the air in an exaggerated gesture of exhilaration. “I saw a very handsome man driving a truck in your driveway. I can’t believe you didn’t call me right away.” Jane had an excited smile. “I raced over here as fast as I could.”

I sighed in defeat; I would not keep this experience to myself after all. “His name is Chase, and he’s still here. But you better hurry if you want to see him.” Even though we were two middle-aged women, we giggled like teenagers as we raced across the house to the window with the best view.

When we entered the kitchen, I flipped the switch. Prisms of light illuminated the granite countertops. Jane flung her oversized handbag onto the table. A moment later, we stood next to the picture window and pulled the curtains back that obscured our view. We now had a clear angle of the lap pool. Jane gasped and leaned forward to savor the sight.

Chase stood next to the pool, holding a large net and wearing nothing but tight shorts. “Oh, look at him,” Jane said, practically panting. “He’s male perfection like Michelangelo’s
David
. No. He’s more like a male stripper,” she cooed.

She whipped her hands to her chest with dramatic flair. “I really need a pool,” she said with a breathy sigh. She looked at me and gasped. “What are you wearing?”

I pulled the gaping opening of my cover-up apart to reveal my outfit. “What, you don’t like my string bikini and stilettos? They don’t scream sexy?”

Jane raised her eyebrows and looked at me. “It screams something, but sexy isn’t it, girlfriend. Sure, wear that outfit to the club if you want everyone to know you’re having a mid-life crisis.”

I burst out laughing. “Are you telling me my high horse is really a mini pony?”

“If normal is how you see yourself, and if that helps you sleep better at night, by all means, think what you want.”

I teased. “Look at you in your sexy momma miniskirt you chose to wear over here. If it was any smaller, we could call it a bathing suit.”

Jane gave me a twisted smile. “Are you trying to say the expiration date has lapsed on this look? I know what you mean, though. You should have seen me climbing out of my minivan in this tight skirt. My kids had to tug my arm to help me get out of the driver’s seat.”

“Really?”

“Just kidding. Actually, I squeezed into it just to come see this cutie. And didn’t I see a different handsome man drive up earlier? Are you hiding him somewhere?”

This time I let out a full belly laugh, and Jane joined in. “You don’t miss much, do you? That was Chase’s father. He has a separate repair business and will be back tomorrow.”

“Two of them?”

“Yes. I don’t see a sight like that every day. Can I offer you something? Coffee? Tea?” I said, motioning toward the coffee maker.

“You’re having a good-looking man parade. I should’ve brought a flag to wave. No caffeine for me, thanks. But I’ll snatch one of those chocolate éclairs I see in plastic wrap, if you’re offering,” she said.

I pushed the tray toward her. She stuffed a piece of éclair into her mouth and chewed as if in rapture. She wiped the crumbs from her mouth.

“Would you like champagne to wash it down and to help me celebrate the start of my new life?” I asked.

“Tempting, but I better not,” she said.

“You know, as of today, I’m officially divorced,” I sighed in resignation.

“I know. Today is a difficult day.”

“Yes, I have so many mixed feelings. But I need to get over Peter. He has a new baby now. You know, we could have spent thousands of dollars in marriage counseling, and it would not change the course of that sinking ship. Peter was the captain, and he had been in our marriage, too.”

She crinkled her face sympathetically. “You’re better off to chart your own course than follow his,” she said.

I nodded. “He stopped being a team player, for our team at least. And then without pause, he moved from one woman to the next, like he was the baton in a track race.” My voice cracked. “Sadly, I was the last to learn that I was part of the event. It stunned me how quickly he could jump from one life to another.”

“I’m angry with you, and for you,” she said.

“In a blink of an eye, it was like I didn’t know him at all. How’s that even possible?”

Why didn’t he just leave me and then go look for a new life? The coward, he couldn’t be on his own for a day.

“Marriage can give us a false sense of security,” she said. “Chris and I aren’t exactly on a perfect path either. I’m here for you, but I’m no expert.” She shoved another bite of chocolate éclair into her mouth.

I sighed. “I should have seen the warning flag when he insisted on getting married on February 29th, Leap Year. I thought it was his odd sense of humor, but really he only wanted to keep up with our anniversary every four years. And when he filed for divorce, he tried to claim that we were married only five years instead of twenty!”

Jane looked at me curiously. “It took me a moment to realize you were joking. I know today’s a challenging emotional day. Are you okay?” she asked.

My voice choked up. “I know we’ve been over this, but . . .”

“It’s okay, honey. You’re still going through it.”

“Yes,” I said with a tight smile. “It doesn’t seem fair to be left alone after all those years of devotion to him, his business, and our family. I got caught up in his world. And I forgot to live up to my own potential. But I’m ready to rebuild my life into something that’ll make me happy, and not just a life that revolves around his needs.”

“I know what you mean. My two boys and my husband keep me busy from morning to night. It’s easy to get lost in other people’s demands.”

I shrugged. “He always used to tell me to quit arguing with him. But after he left, it occurred to me that he considered my
opinions
arguing. He was telling me to quit giving my opinion and essentially to do everything his way. No thanks, this is my life, too, and I shouldn’t just live it the way he wanted. I guess it’s time to step out of his shadow and let the light shine on me,” I said.

“It is time for you to live for yourself,” she said.

“When he left me for another woman, I begged him, ‘Don’t go, Peter. I need you in my life.’”

Jane looked down. “Okay.”

I laughed. “After I begged him to stay, I said, ‘I’m just joking, Peter. Close the door on your way out.’”

Jane tried to hold back her laughter but couldn’t. “You’re just figuring out what a selfish jerk Peter can be? He needed his ass kicked long ago,” she said, pretending to kick him in the backside using an exaggerated swinging motion with her foot.

I would not want to be on the receiving end of her kick. Jane’s legs had power. She and her husband owned a fitness center. And when her elementary school-age boys were in school, she taught cardio classes part-time. Her husband looked like he could flip small cars with his fingertips. Chris looked like a mirror version of Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Watching them together reminded me what a marriage should be like. They respected each other and worked together.

“At least I got something good from my marriage. Because of Peter, I have Jenny. She will always be my gift.”

“That makes you a lucky lady.” In the next instant, she picked up another éclair, bit into it, squirting the crème across her mouth. She leered at Chase through the window. Jane turned to me, licking the crème off her lips, in a somewhat obscene manner, and asked, “Do you think Chase would like a more mature woman?”

“I’m not sure what his first impression will be like if you don’t wipe that éclair crème off your face.” I grinned. “You and your lascivious nature.”

Jane smiled and spun around with her arms crossed over her chest as if dancing with Chase. “I don’t think he scares that easily.” She continued in an upbeat playful manner. “Don’t even go there with a bad cougar joke. Who came up with that title anyway? So, if we’re called cougars, what does that make Peter?”

I shrugged. “You don’t want to hear me start cussing, do you? Plus, as soon as I start swearing, my phone rings. I’m not sure how she does it, but my mother must have a tuning device that picks up on my misconduct.” We both snickered.

“Your mother is something. Remind me whose idea was it for her to move to Florida?” Jane asked.

“We shouldn’t go there, or the phone will start ringing.” I glanced back out the window at Chase. “He sure stays in amazing shape,” I said admiringly.

“That’s what sexy looks like,” Jane said.

“Your husband is in perfect shape.”

She nodded. “Okay, this one is for you.”

“He’s too young. But maybe one of these days, I’ll date again.”

Jane pointed toward the window and then looked at me. “He’s just a reminder to have fun. You’re never too old to enjoy yourself.”

I paused and watched Chase as he tipped a red soda can to his lips and appeared to guzzle the entire drink. He wiped the sweat from his brow and stared at the kitchen window.

I turned back to Jane, hoping he couldn’t see us. “I still feel too wounded to want to try to enjoy myself. The good thing is that anger has a way of making any unresolved feelings of love go away. Or at least masking them.” I did not meet Jane’s gaze; instead, I looked down at the tea I just poured, using it as an excuse to turn away.

“Yes, it’s true; we can be hurt the worst by the people we love the most,” Jane said.

“Peter should have come with a warning label.”
He needed more than a warning label. He needed a warning tattoo.
I could tell by my wavering voice that I was deeply hurt by him. It was out of character for me even to discuss our relationship. But I was simply relieved to vent.

Jane reassured me that it was fine by saying, “We’ve been friends for more than ten years, and never once had I heard you say anything negative about your marriage until he dropped this bomb on you. I know it still hurts. You need to talk about it.”

I smiled. “Thank you, dear friend. I just feel overwhelmed and confused by my feelings today, since it’s finally over. I can’t let go, but I want to. I have to.”

“You’ll feel better when you do.”

“Really, this divorce is for the best.”

“Yes, the best is yet to come.”

My nod in agreement was interrupted by a sharp pain in my side. The agonizing pain forced me to gasp for air and bend over to find relief. I labored to catch my breath and lifted up slowly as the pain subsided.

Jane, watching it all, was caught off guard by my behavior. “Are you all right?” she asked, startled.

Forcing a smile, I looked Jane straight in the eye. “Oh, yes, sure, it must’ve been something I ate today. Or maybe I’m letting the anger out, like steam.” I tried to joke. But deep down I had an unsettling feeling that something was wrong . . . terribly wrong.

My intuition knew that behind my tired eyes, something else lurked. The sad reality was I had not been feeling like myself lately.

Wanting to change the subject quickly, I asked Jane jokingly, “Ever just want to empty your head of all your memories and start over? Lately, I want to untangle the web of memories in my mind and tear them out. Except for my sweet daughter and my dear friends like you, who I love, I think it would be a good idea to start over with a clean slate.”

Jane turned to me. “Are you serious?”

I smiled warmly. “Am I ever really serious?”

“You have a point there, my friend. You and your quirky personality.”

We both laughed. Just talking about the finalization of the divorce was helping me. I felt slow relief from my frustration, and at last, peace.

My close friends had become my family, but for the first time in many years I did not have a special man in my life. Maybe that was good at this point. “Thank you for always being there when I desperately need a friend.”