Exquisite Betrayal (13 page)

“
I hope that’s a good
thing.”

“
Hmm, yeah. Very good.”

We’re quiet for a while with me settled on
top of him, touching him everywhere my fingers can wander. I love
burrowing next to his neck where I can lick and taste him, yet also
smell him. There’s a tiny part of me that wishes I could find one
imperfection on him, just something that would make him look less
like a sex god and more like a human, but I can’t.

“
So?” he asks.

“
Huh?” I’m completely lost, deep in my
thoughts. I pull myself back to him.

“
The challenge?” He nudges me with his
nose.

“
Oh, yeah. That was good, too.” I cup
his face with my palms and rub his scruff. I love that bit of
scruff he wears.

“
No better?” He acts
surprised.

It makes me laugh. “Ryland, now I find that
funny. Both times were spectacular, but that thing you did with
your tongue, well, that defies description.”

He flips me so fast I find myself
staring at him as he hovers over me. “Wait, are you saying you
think I’m better with my mouth than I am with my
d
—
”

“
Wait! No, that’s not what I meant at
all.” I think I just insulted him by the wounded look in his deep
green eyes.

“
Because if that’s what you think, let
me disabuse you of that notion right now.”

Dear Lord.

He’s nudging my legs apart and I feel his
erection against me. Wait, amend that last thought. It’s now
pushing hard against me as I strain to get closer; I want him
inside me now, so I let him know.

“
Yeah, Ryland. I want you again…
now.”

His eyes widen slightly and his lips part as
he sucks air into his lungs.

“
How can you do this again? I thought
that… well, that you couldn’t so soon after…”

Her question makes me stop and think.
“I thought so, too, but apparently, my body has different ideas
where you’re concerned.” And my body
is
reacting to her in many ways that surprise
me. My mind flashes back to a place I don’t want it to go and, for
a moment, I see Iris’s face before me. Then a thousand images fly
passed and I can’t keep up with any of them. I push them away and
bring myself to the present.

“
No condom?” I need to be sure before
we continue here.

“
No.”

Ah, fuck. One word from her in that husky
tone of hers makes me want to groan.

She’s all hot and sweet, but fiery at the
same time. It’s all I can do not to release right then. What the
bloody hell?

I press on home and hit heaven. Jesus, how
can a woman feel so damn good? I hook my arm beneath the crook of
her knee and lift it high as I continue to pound against her hips
with mine. Ah, she’s so tight; I can feel every nuance, every
movement of her. And I want to crawl all over her. Those eyes of
hers suck me into their smoky depths and I end up in a hazy dream
of her. One where she’s all mine. When she calls out my name, well,
bloody hell, doesn’t that just make me go all to pieces in her?

That mouth is calling my name and I don’t
want it to stop that sweet music, but I have to taste her, I need
to have that tongue of hers against mine. I feel her warm breath
rush into my mouth as our lips come together. I don’t remember ever
loving kissing this much. It’s like fucking crack, not that I know
what crack’s like, but whatever. Then I can feel her coming and it
pushes me off the edge.

“
Holy wow, Ryland. Why the hell did I
ever stay a virgin so long?”

My eyes grab hers, and I say something that
surprises us both. “It’s not always like this, Fallon.” And it
never was before… not with Iris… not with anyone.

She’s trying to puzzle me out while my belly
is doing backflips and somersaults like crazy. She affects me. Only
Iris has affected me like this, or at least, I’ve tried to convince
myself she has. What’s going on here? Suddenly I feel like I can’t
breathe, like the world is shifting too fast and I’m losing
control.

I have to move before something happens,
before I say something I’ll regret. I look at her sadly and then
push to my feet.

“
Ryland? What’s going on?”

I can’t speak; my voice is jammed in my
throat. What the hell is wrong with me?

I turn and look at her with a smile.
“Nothing at all,” I mumble. Then I scramble out of there before I
do something crazy. I make it to my room before the panic hits.

The vise around my neck is cutting off my
air, yet luckily, I’m able to talk myself through it and stop the
attack before it takes over my entire body. What the hell
precipitated that? I haven’t had one of those in years, ever since
Tilly found me. I didn’t even know I had an issue with them
anymore. Now how am I going to face her? What will I say?

I don’t have to worry about it for too long
because, moments later, there’s a pounding on my door and I hear,
“Ryland, open the door, and let me in or I’m coming in anyway.”

Shit. Here we go. “It’s open.”

When she stomps in, her eyes resemble a
thunderstorm getting ready to unleash its savage power on me.

“
What was that all about?
What
—
do you think you can
just fuck the hell out of me and then walk away? Huh?”

Words escape me and all I can do is stare at
the red-haired, gray-eyed beauty that has every right to hate me at
this moment.

“
Then, let me
disabuse
you
of
that
notion, mister. You just
succeeded in making me feel like a fucking whore, so thank you very
much. If that’s what you intended, well con-fucking-gratulations! I
certainly hope it made you feel like a big man. Now I understand
why I stayed a virgin for so long and I wish to God I still was
one!” She turns and marches right out of the room.

I feel the finality in her words. She’s not
just marching out of my room; she’s marching out of my life. All
because I had a rotten panic issue for some unknown reason. No,
that’s not exactly true. I can lie to myself, but what purpose does
it serve? I know why I had that attack. It goes back to Iris and my
fears of getting emotionally entangled with anyone else.

A million reasons flash through my mind, and
then there’s that small matter of her finding out who I really am.
So now, I’ve done the very thing I know will push us apart and
solve everything for us. I won’t have to worry about getting
involved with her and she’ll never know the truth about me. No harm
no foul.

***

Two days later Fallon’s replacement credit
card arrives. We aren’t speaking. At all. I feel like a shit and
every time I look at her, my guilt threatens to eat me alive. It’s
become a living, breathing thing… a giant beast that destroys my
sleep at night and ruins my work during the days. It resides in my
gut, my mind, my bed and everywhere else I turn. Every time I think
about speaking with her, the words get jammed in my throat and I
freeze. What the fuck is wrong with me?

My office offers no haven because, every
time I go in there, I picture her and how she looked when she held
my books in her hands. The deck is no better, for I have graphic
images of us having passionate sex out there and on the table, with
her moans driving me fucking mad. The kitchen isn’t safe because I
see her helping me assemble those damn kabobs. I can picture her
hands skewering the pieces of fish, and I feel as though it’s my
heart that’s getting pierced instead.

We avoid each other, or rather, she avoids
me is the more accurate description. If she sees me even coming
close at all to her, she diverts her course and oftentimes, she
simply stays in her room all day. I’ve noticed how haggard she
looks with the purple crescents beneath her eyes and how puffy they
are all the time. I’m the schmuck that made her look like that and
doesn’t that just make me proud? What would Tilly say if she could
see us now?

So it was that, late one morning, my
dear sister decides to pay a surprise visit on me. Since I haven’t
returned any of her phone calls, texts or emails for the past week,
so she takes it upon herself to make the drive from San
Francisco
—
where she
lives
—
to my place.

Fallon was walking out of the kitchen and I
was in the main den, which was unusual, when she barges in.

“
Ryland Thomas, where have you been?
You haven’t answered any of my calls…” She stops when she sees
Fallon standing there.

Fallon stares at Tills as though she’s seen
a ghost.

“
Fallon! What a surprise!”

“
R.T. What are you doing
here?”

I have to hand it to Tilly. Her shock is
masked immediately by a smile. “Well, Ryland and I go back a ways.
We knew each other back in London. He does some freelance work for
me and I also have him write a lot of my press releases. We’ve been
friends for quite some time.”

“
That’s right,” I add.

“
Oh. Well, it’s nice to see you again.
I’ll just leave the two of you to talk then.”

Tilly eyes her as she climbs the stairs.
Then her eyes turn to me and I know I’m in for it.

We move to my office and the barrage of
questions begins. “What the hell, Ryland Thomas. I’ve been trying
to reach you for days! You are an ass.”

“
Yeah, well, get in line. There are
plenty of others who think the same.”

“
What’s going on?”

I shrug.

“
Ryland Thomas, I’ll camp out here
until you tell me. I swear I will.”

Knowing Tilly, she will do just that, too.
So I dive in and give her the story, minus all the gory
details.

“
Jesus, Ryland Thomas. What the fuck
are you doing to the poor thing? Scarring her for life? I’m
surprised she hasn’t taken a knife to your bleedin’ heart while you
sleep at night. Damn, you’re a rotten bastard.”

“
Yeah, well, I couldn’t help
it.”

“
Liar.” She turns, heading out the
door.

“
Where are you going?”

“
To tell that girl just what kind of
fucked up asshole you are, that’s where.”

“
What about me?”

“
What about you? Listen to me, you
butthole. You don’t have crazy sex with a girl, who was a virgin
before you got your damn hands on her, and then get up and walk
away from her the way you did. That’s worse than a slap in the
face. You pretty much told her she wasn’t even worth that. At least
a slap is an emotion. What you showed her was nothing. Emptiness.
You’re a rotten fuck, you know that? I used to feel sorry for you.
I don’t anymore.”

She’s right. I am a fuck. A mountain of one,
too.

***

Now there are two women staying with
me that won’t speak to me. At all. Tilly won’t even look my way.
One afternoon I overhear them talking. Fallon wants to know how
Tilly got away with just moving in here and ignoring me. Her
explanation is that we’ve been friends ever since university; we’re
like brother and sister. All I could think of is,
Oh what a tangled web we
weave
.

When Fallon’s replacement driver’s license
finally arrives, Tilly arranges to drive her to the airport in
Reno. She makes me pay for her plane ticket home, but tells Fallon
she’s the one that paid. Fallon argues about it, however she
finally accepts it because she recognizes she has no other choice.
She promises Tilly she’ll pay it back as soon as she can.

When I tell Tilly how much debt Fallon is
in, Tills nearly faints. She can’t speak for a very long moment and
then she says with a glint in her blue eyes, “Well, Ryland Thomas,
you need to do something about that.”

Now what the hell am I supposed to do about
it? Sometimes I think Tilly is losing her mind.

As the day arrives for Fallon to leave, my
heart feels like someone just pulled it out of my chest and stepped
on it. I wish I could figure this thing out.

Tilly has discreetly disappeared, leaving
Fallon and I alone in the den. We look at each other and I’m so
taken with her, I want to tell her not to go, but the whole idea is
preposterous. She hates me and I don’t blame her. I’m the asswipe
who treated her like shit.

I want to come up with something clever to
say, something she’ll remember forever, yet my tank is empty. So
instead, I merely say, “Fallon, I’m sorry things turned so wonky
for us. Take care of yourself back there in South Carolina.”

Her eyes gouge into mine and I flinch. She
doesn’t say anything, just nods. Then she spins around and walks
out of my life.

I knew when I met her that she was special,
and it’s been becoming increasingly clearer to me just how special
Fallon is. Because right now, watching her leave, I feel like my
life has just been steamrolled. I can’t breathe for a very long
moment. I had hoped, but now…

I hear Tilly’s car roar to life before the
noise of the engine fades away. I climb the stairs and walk into
her room. Looking around, I hunt for something, anything, she may
have left behind. I’m crushed when I find nothing. Only the
remnants of her scent linger in the air, so I plop on the bed and
let them fill me. It’ll be a long, long time before I can forget
Fallon McKinley.