Fade to Black (The Black Trilogy Book 1) (24 page)

I began wrapping the chain around Josh’s wrist, the ring attached to it. I clasped it and took Josh’s big hand in mine, placing his on my cheek.

“On days I was too injured to get out of bed, this ring, or rather what it represented, pushed me to go on even when I didn’t want to. I had it on when I gave birth to my daughter, and when I finally fought back against Jean-Paul. I give it now to you, so that you may pull on its powers. Alone it is useless, but combine what it stands for with your faith that your spirit is as unbreakable as the circle, and Josh, you will get better. I promise you with all of my heart, I will make this right.”

I lay my head down on his chest, and sobbed.

“Come back to me. Come back to your parents, and Ryan and Roger and Nathan and Sheldon. Come back to Ellie, and watch her grow and witness the life you saved. Josh, please don’t leave me. Please don’t go where I cannot follow you. Please stay and laugh with me.”

My body shook hard, and I felt Ryan’s hands on me. I stayed on Josh’s chest listening to his strong and steady heartbeat. How could something sound so good if it were dying?

Finally, I rose from the bed, wiping my now swollen eyes. Startled by a movement from the door, I jumped seeing Mrs. Logue there. I was unsure how long she had been there. She watched me as I left the room, but said nothing. I could not read her face, as I walked past her. She did not look disgusted by my being there, nor did she seem pleased. Meekly I left her to be with her son.

I did not talk as Titan escorted us out, nor on the drive back to the Plaza. Ryan said very little, but held me, and rubbed my arm as if trying to warm me. Ellie was still sleeping when we return to our suite. I lay fully dressed in the dark with Ryan. The scratches on my arms itched as they healed. I fought the desire to slice them open again. I didn’t cry anymore, but softly told Ryan about the friendship Josh and I always had.

I finally dozed off and woke around noon. I found Ellie and Ryan watching
SpongeBob
together on the couch, happy and content. I kissed Ryan’s hair, and sat with Ellie in between us. We wasted the rest of the day ordering in, and vegging out on the couch. It was blissful as the snow fell all that day.

chapter thirty-two

Going from eight inches of snow, to seventy-five degrees and sunny in one afternoon was a shock, but a welcome one. We arrived in Tampa, Florida, to gorgeous blue skies. I couldn’t look away from all the water we crossed. We drove over majestic bridges across the bay, and ended up in a beachfront mansion.

The small bridge we crossed to reach the house gave us breathtaking views of the surrounding properties. We stayed in the car, as Titan made sure the area met his approval. Ellie ran from the car as soon as the door opened.

The sun was blinding and heavenly. We could see speedboats racing not far off the coast. We had our own boat to use at will.

“We can take it out while we are here, if you would like?” Ryan said, noticing my interest in it.

“You can drive us?” I asked

Ryan chuckled.

“I can do some things on my own, believe it or not.” I playfully jabbed a rib and he said, “Ouch. Watch it now. I can’t show up on set with bruises. The boat is like driving a car by the way, except no brakes. Turn a key, and press the gas. Simple as that.”

I noted the different things he said about the boat, thinking this might be a good idea for what I needed to do. I wiped the thoughts away. I had to save them for when I was alone. Right now, I had Ryan and Ellie. I wanted to enjoy them without the looming prospects of my future.

Ryan and I watched the sunset while Ellie chased seagulls. I made us grilled cheese sandwiches and chips for dinner, and then we played Uno until Ellie started nodding off. I followed Ryan upstairs to her room and watched as he tucked her into bed.

It was strange when Ryan sent for the female bodyguard they called Rhodes. We passed her in the hall, and said good night. Rhodes would stay in Ellie’s room, reading, or watching TV, but she would shoot anyone who tried to enter, as would Titan or the other two guards, Bryson and Kent.

All in all, I felt pretty safe at the moment. Maybe it was my decision and the peace I got from it. Ryan and I showered together, not waiting for the bed to begin making love. When we were alone, it was as if we had always known each other, always loved each other. We collapsed in bed tangled in each other’s limbs, sleepy and satisfied.

“I may be gone when you get up in the morning,” he told me in the dark.

Off in the distance, the moon danced on the water.

“I’ll miss you,” I said.

“Piper?” he said, keeping me awake.

“Hmm?”

“Let’s get married.”

My eyes snapped open.

“What?” I said, maybe a little too surprised.

“You don’t want to?” he sounded defensive.

I sighed, thinking how odd it was for his first thought to be
me
not wanting
him
.

“I’ve never thought about it. I never thought you would…” I stopped short of saying that he couldn’t possibly want somebody like me. Instead I said, “…you would want to.”

Ryan pulled me closer to him. His cool, naked body gave me cold chills and a rapid pulse.

“I do. I want you forever and ever. Would you want me? Even knowing I’m broken in many ways?”

His words shocked me.

“Broken?” I asked, confused.

“You know, the drugs? This twisted way of living with the paps, and the crazy fans? All that is not something I would wish on you, but I’m too selfish to not want you with me all of the time.”

I kissed him, amazed he considered these things issues.

“So, is that a yes? A no?” There was doubt in his voice.

“Ryan, we are currently in hiding from a man who wants me dead. If that were not a factor, I would say absolutely, yes. Without a doubt, yes, But my best friend is lying in ICU because I put him there. My childhood sweetheart is dead, cold in the grave because of me. I cannot, and will not bury you as well. Until Jean-Paul is dead, I’ll never be free to live nor will you.”

Ryan got out of bed, angry now.

“What are you saying, Piper? What do you mean Josh being in a coma is your fault? And what? You’re going to allow this mother-fucker to control you? And no one is dead because of you. If anyone is dead because of you, then I am completely responsible for Molly blowing her brains out in front of me.”

I watched as his chest heaved in the dim light from the bathroom. He was naked in more ways than one. I was not frightened, but mad at myself for saying too much.

“Don’t you love me, Piper? Am I so bad?”

I sat up and got on my knees still on the bed. I put my arms around his neck and nuzzled him.

“I love you, Ryan. Truth be known, I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you.”

Ryan snorted remembering that first moment.

“Okay, the second moment. I never stopped thinking about you.”

I felt his body relax into mine. He was awakening, and I felt his stiffness between us. He rubbed my back, shoulders to bottom, in long strokes like rubbing a cat’s back. Running his fingers up and down, then moving to my sides, then breasts, bending and kissing my neck.

“I love you. I want nothing more than to be with you. Say yes.” Now he had his mouth on my breasts, causing my breathing to speed up. “Say yes, if you want it too.”

Giving in, my mouth on his now, I said, “Yes. Yes. Yes.”

After drowning in each other, and long, light-hearted conversations, I asked Ryan to take me to a tattoo parlor.

“Now?” he said shocked. “But it’s two in the morning.”

I pinched him lightly.

“It’s your fault. You woke me up. Come on, please?”

Grudgingly Ryan had Titan locate an artist, and then take us to a local parlor called Guns and Needles. I was in awe of how easy things were to do when Ryan’s name was used.

After listening to the artist carry on and on about Ryan’s recent movie, and “how fucking wicked” it was, I sat with my back to him, as he gave me my first tattoo. Ryan watched, trying not to chew on his nails.

“Quit fussing over me,” I said, amused at him.

“Does it hurt?” he asked, squinting.

“Not at all,” I said, meaning it. I caused myself pain for many years with cutting, and had endured countless beatings. The tiny needing etchings didn’t bother me in the least.

When the artist was finished, I stared in the mirror at the once ugly, scarred tissue given to me on my honeymoon. It now had delicate writing on top of it.

To thine own self be true…

Through my horrible existence with my mother and Daniel, burying Matthew, Nana, Lana, Papaw, living years and years with a monster that used me as a punching bag, my daddy’s teachings lived brightly in me.

That quote from
Hamlet
was one of my last memories of him. His handsome face and his voice I’d nearly forgotten, yet the words he loved so dearly stuck to my insides.

“To thine own self be true,” he said in his best Shakespeare voice.

“But what does it mean, Daddy?” I asked from my bed.

I watch his mind click through his deep brown eyes, my own eyes looking back at me.

“Well, Piper, it means you can’t ever be who you’re meant to be, like God intended, unless you are truthful to yourself first. Always remember who you are—here.” With a finger, he touched the spot where my heart was.

I placed my hand over my heart at the memory, as it ached at the thought.

“Like it?” The artist asked me, unsure of his work.

Other than the eight-gauge earrings, the man looked like a Sunday school teacher.

“I love it. Thank you,” I said, and hugged him.

Ryan and I posed for pictures with him, and made our way back to the house. I was happy, as I climbed into bed with my movie star. The following day, Ellie’s name would be changed to Knox. Ryan would take us out on the boat for the day after an early morning meeting, and he would begin work on the film that evening. We would at some time file papers for a marriage license.

I said a prayer for my loved ones, saying an extra one for Josh, and slept, looking forward to a future with only the slightest doubt I wouldn’t come out alive.

All I had to do was figure out my next move without anyone getting hurt, or knowing what I was about to do. Before I could move on with Ryan and our little family, I had to go back and do what I should have done before. Isn’t that the way it goes?

You’re walking along, then bam! You’re in a spider web. But just because I walked face-first into the web, that didn’t mean I had to stay there and wait to be devoured.

chapter thirty-three

Ryan ~

It was the middle of March, and filming on
Treasure Island
would end the next day. I had been sober just shy of five months. I lay tired and happy in a chaise by the ocean. My daughter and her “friend” Rhodes were building sandcastles.

Rhodes had been an exceptional choice as Ellie’s bodyguard, and I had faith in her ability to protect my child. Piper was returning from a sand bank where she had been fishing sand dollars out with her toes. I glanced twenty yards behind her, watching Titan keep his distance from her, but never quite out of sight. I knew Bryce was at the house, and two others were stationed somewhere I never knew, for Titan never told us.

“Just rest assured, your family is secure Mr. Knox,” he would say at least once a week.

Josh had phoned earlier, and he sounded stronger every time I spoke with him. We thought we had lost him a time or two, but he surprised even his doctors when he woke and had no lasting effects from the infection. He refused to hear of any of us leaving to come see him.

“It doesn’t make sense, bro. I’m on the mend. Piper and Ellie are safe with you. Let’s keep it that way, okay?”

I couldn’t disagree, primarily because I was selfish and wanted to keep Piper and Ellie all to myself as long as I could. Before I could argue he changed the subject.

“Roger spoke to some feds this morning. Looks like Jean-Paul lost a family member in a shooting off Highway 55, in the direction of Memphis. Just found his body. They think it had to do with what they were hauling.” He said not hiding the disgust he felt at the thought.

“They, and the investigators Roger has working on him, believe Jean-Paul is sticking close to home in Louisiana. Ryan, you know how close you all are to him? Just stay safe, and listen to Titan. I’ll see you soon. Tell Piper and Ellie hello for me.”

We hung up, and since the phone call, I couldn’t wait to get out of Florida. This place had been an escape, but the reality was, Piper was too quiet, and I worried constantly.

Photos of us ended up on a tabloid television show. I watched it, still shocked at how these parasites and their mega-zoom lenses could capture such clear images. This day they caught Piper and me on a boardwalk, then again later that day at Bubba Gump’s, out at John’s Pass. We thought we were being inconspicuous, but the photographer got us, holding hands, and feeding each other. At least it wasn’t the million-dollar kiss.

We looked silly and in love, exactly what Piper and I were. The only thing that bothered me was while in the gift shop looking over the many different Bubba Gump shirts and hats, they took a photo of me reading a sign, and Piper was looking out of the window with that deadened look she sometimes got when she didn’t know I was watching.

It was an empty look, as if she were waiting for something, and as quickly as I saw it, she turned it off and became the light in the room again. I had a bad feeling she was hiding something, something I was sure she knew I wouldn’t like.

“Daddy!” Ellie squealed, running my way with a fistful of slimy seaweed.

She giggled as I acted like I was scared of it. I pulled her up on the chaise with me squeezing and hugging her, leaning back on the lounge.

“Ellie, honey, did you put sunblock on today?” I asked, sliding the strap of her shirt aside to reveal a bright white line.

“Yeah, but Momma says I’m as red as a pickled beet.”

I chuckled.

“What in the world is a ‘pickled beet’? Is that some kind of Tennessee thing? Or is it another way of saying as red as a beetroot?”

Ellie shrugged.

“Tomorrow, I’ll be as brown as a biscuit. Daddy you talk funny sometimes.”

“I talk funny? Ha! Just cause I’m not a country bumpkin doesn’t mean I talk funny.”

I tickled her ribs, and she squealed. She squeezed my neck and returned to the sand.

Piper started my way, and I watched her long legs as she walked. I loved every inch of her. I knew I had a stupid grin on my face, but I didn’t care. Piper was gorgeous, inside and out. I noticed the thin layer of skin glue that covered her new tattoo on the inside of her left forearm.

Since the night of the first one, she began getting different scars covered with words, delicate, small letters, covering ugly reminders of her past. So far Piper had five tattoos. The first was
To thine own self be true
. Then there was the scar under her right breast that now bore the words,
Keep breathing
. That one had something to do with birth.

Then her right hip bore a nasty thick scar she had covered with,
Nana said there would be days like this
. Next on the inside of her left bicep, there was a tiny willow tree. This sat in the middle of several long pink scars. When I asked what they were from she shrugged.

“From my own hands this time,” and I left it at that. I did not push her, knowing it would get me nowhere. Instead, I allowed Piper her space until she was ready to talk.

This last tattoo was my handwriting:
If music be the food of love, play on
, from Shakespeare’s
Twelfth Night
. At first, it was just me goofing off with a Sharpie. I was pleasantly surprised when the following day I learned she had made my script permanent.

Kicking off her flip-flops, Piper sat her bag of shells on the sand beside me.

“What are you smiling at?”

She lay beside me, wrapping her arms around me. I kissed the top of her head.

“I was just thinking of your ink, love,” I told her, squeezing her closer.

“I’m a bad girl,” she teased.

I bent to kiss her full lips, something I couldn’t stop doing when we were together. We lay in the sun, listening to the waves and Ellie’s giggles. It was heaven. The sun. The sea and my girls. I would be sad to leave.

“Are we set to head across the pond tomorrow night?” Piper sat up and watched Ellie.

“Yes.” I touched her shoulder. “You don’t wish to leave?”

“No, it’s not that. I’m excited to see London,” she said, shrugging, the adult version of our daughter. I sat up with her, putting my chin on her shoulder.

“You’re homesick? Missing your mountains and baby delivering?”

Piper giggled and pulled her shoulder away, making my head jerk.

“Your whiskers tickle, but yes, I’m homesick, among other things.” She hesitated, talking in the direction of the waves so I couldn’t read her face. “Ellie wants to go back to school. She brought it up again this morning.”

I leaned back and closed my eyes. The day was setting into my bones.

“You told her she could be schooled with Libby?” I asked, exhausted with the topic.

Ellie seemed to bring up her big New York City school every chance she got. Turning toward me, Piper touched my exposed stomach with one finger.

“Hey, now,” I warned her

“I can’t hide out forever, Ryan. I won’t. As much as I love you, I can’t just sit and wait to be found.”

She turned her face from me again. This had been our only disagreement. Piper felt it would be better if she somehow trapped Jean-Paul. To draw him out from whatever rock he had slithered under.

“I’m not accustomed to being ‘handled,’ Ryan.”

I got up.

“Goddamn it, Piper, the man will stop at nothing to get to you. This time it might mean the death of you. Why must you bring this up again? The investigation…”

“…could take years, Ryan,” she cut in before I could finish.

I stood looking down at her.

“I want you to be happy and healthy. I want you and Ellie to be safe. What could you possibly do to ensure that? How can you stop him hunting you both?” I asked.

I reached to touch her cheek. Turning her head to receive my touch she kissed the palm of my hand.

“What are thinking, Piper?” she said nothing. “I can’t lose you. You know that, right?” I heard the desperation in my voice.

Piper looked up at me. Her expression was unreadable.

“Nor I you,” she said simply, clearly not wanting to continue the conversation.

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I fished it out, recognizing the number.

“Shit,” I said to the phone. “I forgot to tell you I have an interview in the morning with one of the more tasteful magazines. The photographer wants pictures of us together. It won’t be printed for a while, if you would like to be photographed with me. Very tasteful stuff. There’s interest in you, love.” I pulled her up to me and began to dance with her. “I see no problem with it. What do you say? It’ll be a nice album for the grandkids.”

Piper allowed me to dip her and then I brought her back up gracefully.

“Can we negotiate my keeping the wardrobe?” she said in her scary business voice.

I shook my head, smiling.

“I’ll ask.”

…

The magazine people were willing to give Piper whatever she wanted to get the first official photos of us. We were packed and ready to head to England as soon as we finished up. The film wrapped, so it was all fun for a few days.

I had plans, one of which started before the dresses were chosen. Rhodes had taken Ellie to a studio room, and they were playing Mario Kart on a Wii. Once she was settled, I went to Piper’s dressing room. The door was open, and the make-up artist was having a field day with her.

“Oh, Lord, honey, your skin is fabulous. I dream of working with skin such as this.” Catching sight of me in the doorway, the tall, thin, bi-racial man said, “Oh la la, Mr. Ryan Knox! You hit the jackpot with this one here.”

I smiled, knowing this already.

“Yes I did, but Jar Jar? Can you give us a minute?”

Jar Jar, with whom I was very familiar, from dozens of shoots through the years, sighed again, placing brushes and powder on the counter in front of Piper.

“Don’t you ruin my canvas,” he warned me, leaving the room.

“Jar Jar?” Piper said incredulously.

“His nickname, because he talks like Jar Jar Binks. You know, from
Star Wars
?” Piper had no idea. “No, I guess you wouldn’t know, considering you don’t even watch movies in color,” I teased.

Piper stared at old black and white movies like they were lifelines. I enjoyed them, but I was determined to bring her up to date on a few. I shut the door, noticing my palms were sweating. Rubbing them on my pants, I got down on my knees in front of Piper, reaching up to kiss her.

“Oh no no no! You will mess up Jar Jar’s canvas,” she said, smiling.

I chuckled nervously.

“Why did I agree to this?” she asked.

“Because once the market is saturated with your flawless skin, the paparazzi hunt will die down, at least in comparison to what it is now. That, and you need some exposure before we legally change your name.”

She smiled down at me.

“Speaking of which, you are a little naked you know,” I said.

“I’m not wearing this, silly.”

She gestured to the robe she was wearing. I took her delicate hand in mine.

“I meant here. You are naked,” and I kissed the top of her hand. “Piper, will you do me the absolute honor of being my bride?”

I placed a new ring with old diamonds on her finger. I swallowed my emotions, trying not to be so soft, trying instead to be the cool actor I was meant to be. Piper’s rich brown eyes filled with tears.

“The diamonds are your grandmother’s. I had them reset for your ring. Nathan gives his blessing.”

She said nothing as she looked at the ring, tears now sliding freely. I reached for a Kleenex, now unsure of my design.

“If you don’t like it, I can have the diamonds placed back into the original.”

Piper hugged me, and I sighed with relief.

“Oh, Ryan! It’s gorgeous. How did you do this?” She was a little breathless. Pulling away from me she blotted her eyes. “You realize how old these diamonds are? They were my great-great-grandmother’s. You have made me so happy,” she hugged me harder.

Jar Jar knocked on the door. Not waiting to be told to come in, he swung it open.

“Time’s up,” he started to say, then went into an angry Latin rant about Piper’s makeup, or at least, that’s what I guessed it was about. He began nudging me out the door.

“Wait!” Piper said, before the door shut. I pushed it open against Jar Jar’s force.

“Yes,” Piper told me, her hand over her heart.

I was still laughing from nerves and excitement when Jar Jar shut the door in my face.

The photo shoot went beautifully. The photographer, Maximus Bryant, bargained with Piper on this and that, having her change dresses several times. I watched mostly, and loved doing so. Maximus was an artist, and I had confidence this shoot would show Piper in a much better light than over-exposed pap shots, or cell phone pictures taken while we took Ellie for ice cream.

The photo shoot would be a good thing, I hoped. The speculation about who Piper was to me would, for the most part, be made clear. Maximus was a gentleman of his trade, and one of the few photographers I trusted. He was taken with Piper instantly, commenting on the color of her deep brown eyes and ivory skin.