Authors: Dakota Madison
Maybe not. Because when Aaron looks down at our entwined hands, his eyes grow wide and when he looks up at us, it’s like something clicks inside. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Keira,” he manages to say but he seems uncomfortable.
“Have fun,” I hear Roxie laugh as Evan pulls me toward the front door.
“Is it really necessary to hold my hand like we’re a couple?” I complain as we head toward Evan’s car. “Especially out in the open in front of everyone.”
Evan stops and stares at me. “You mean in front of Aaron?”
I gulp. He knows me so well it’s scary. “Yes, in front of Aaron.”
“It is necessary,” he says as he pushes me against his car and slams his body against mine.
His erection is already so hard, I gasp.
“That’s how badly I want you,” he growls. “You feel how hard I am for you?”
“Yes,” I moan.
Evan slams his lips to mine and attacks my mouth with such force, it’s a little painful.
“I’ve got to get you to my place,” he says. “I need to be inside you.”
And I completely agree. I need to feel him inside me as much as he needs to be there. I want him so badly, I ache.
As soon as Evan’s front door closes, he grabs my ass and pulls me up so that I’m straddling his hips. He pushes me against the first available wall and presses me against it with his hard body. Then he slams his mouth into mine. We’re a tangle of lips and tongues as he devours me in a frenzy.
“
Keira,” he says breathlessly. “I want you.”
Evan’s hands are everywhere, my stomach, my breasts,
my neck. It’s like his hands are just as hungry for me as his lips and tongue.
“I wish you’d worn a skirt,” he says. “I’d lift it up and fuck you right here.”
His words send a surge of desire through me that’s so strong, I’m nearly undone.
Evan quickly undoes the buttons on my
top then removes the garment and throws it to the floor. He’s just as quick to get my bra off and the urgency he seems to have with getting me naked is contagious. I feel so hot and bothered my clothes can’t come off quickly enough.
Evan attacks my nipple with his mouth, sucking and ni
bbling until it is hypersensitive. “I miss your taste,” he declares as he goes after the other nipple with equal ferocity. Evan has always been a skilled lover but I’ve never seen him this completely ravenous. I feel like he can’t get enough of me.
Evan locks his mouth to mine then grabs my ass and pulls me close. He carries me into his bedroom and lays me down on his bed.
“I love seeing you lying on my bed,” he states. “The only thing that would make it more perfect is having you completely naked on my bed.”
There is a mischievous glimmer in his eyes as he looks me up and down. Even though I’m still half clothed in my pants and underwear, the look of pure desire in his eyes is
arousing.
As I look at Evan, I am overwhelmed by his sheer masculin
ity, and not just because of his size, which is ample, there’s something about his demeanor, about his very being, which is so completely alpha male that it takes my breath away.
“Yes,” Evan says. “You definitely need to be naked.”
Evan gives me a little half grin as he kneels between my outstretched legs and pulls my pants down. My underwear quickly follows. When he stands and inspects his work, he nods. “That’s much better. Now it’s playtime.”
Evan joins me on the bed and I’m a little disappointed that he’s still fully clothed. Evan has an incredible body and just looking at it is usually enough to send a wave of heat right through me. As Evan moves his index finger down my chest teasing and caressing me with the lightest of touches, I shiver in response. For someone so big, Evan can be extremely gentle and because it’s so unexpected, it’s even more of a turn on.
When Evan lightly caresses each of my nipples with his finger, I suck in air as I’m struck with another wave of delight. “Evan,” I mutter mindlessly as he continues working his way down my chest toward my belly button. Evan knows my belly button is ultra-sensitive and he seems to be teasing me as he moves his index finger lightly around the edge of it.
“Let’s see how turned on you are,” Evan teases as he moves his fingers between my legs. I can already feel how wet I’ve become and as Evan moves his fingers inside me, the slickness of his movements confirms my suspicions.
“Oh, Baby,” he says. “You are definitely ready for me.”
“Yes,” I murmur with a little more desperation that I want. The ache growing deep inside me is almost unbearable.
When Evan pulls me close and devours my mouth again, the need for release begins to reach a desperate level. I pull away and reach for the buttons on Evan’s shirt but he shakes his head. “I’ll get those. I want you to watch.”
Evan rises from the bed and stands directly in front of me. When our eyes lock, he says, “Tell me what you want.”
I swallow because I’m so worked up I’m not sure any coherent words will come out. “You,” I manage to squeak out.
Without taking his smoldering eyes from mine, Evan unbu
ttons his shirt and allows it to fall to the floor.
I lick my lips as I take in his full form and his glorious, mu
scular chest. “Like what you see?” he teases and I nod in response.
Then he slides out of his pants and underwear, letting loose his substantial erection. Evan stands naked in front of me and I have to admit, he has the most beautiful body I’ve ever seen.
As he continues to stare at me, I realize there is more in his eyes than just desire and pure carnal need. Evan wants me. At that moment, I realize it’s much more than sex that he’s after. He doesn’t just want to possess my body; he wants all of me: body, mind and soul.
And it scares the shit out of me.
I think Evan will reach for a condom but he doesn’t. He lowers himself onto the bed and straddles me. “Are you ready Keira? Tell me you want me.”
I gulp.
“Condom?” I manage to mutter.
He shakes his head again. “I haven’t been with anyone else.
Only you
, Keira.”
I’m not sure if I’m more shocked or scared by that comment. Evan the
Conqueror has suddenly become a one-woman man. It doesn’t seem possible.
“I don’t want anything between us,” Evan says. “I want to feel you. Is that okay?”
I want to feel him, too, but the implications of us being together without protection and the unspoken agreement that we will not have other partners is overwhelming.
Before I can stop myself, I shake my head. Even though Evan has just told me that he wants to only be with me, I don’t feel like I can make that same kind of commitment and definitely not in the heat of the moment.
I can see disappointment flood Evan’s face but he’s quick to recover. He doesn’t hesitate to reach over into his nightstand drawer and grab a condom.
Once he sheaths himself and lowers himself back down the moment doesn’t seem quite as energized but after
he
consumes me with kisses and makes his way over to my earlobe for a few nibbles, my engine kicks back into overdrive.
When Evan pushes himself inside me, he’s so turned on, he completely fills me. As he continues to thrust, his actions become
more urgent and hard and he seems desperate to possess me—to make me his, even if I’m not sure yet that I want to be.
It’s not long before I feel myself moving quickly toward the edge of the release.
“Evan,” I cry as I explode into a wild firestorm of sensation.
Evan’s release quickly follows. He folds me into a tight e
mbrace as we both enjoy the momentary oblivion that follows our orgasms.
After a few moments, Evan withdraws and hops from the bed to dispose of the condom and clean himself up. When he returns, he wraps me in his arms and gives me a light kiss.
As Evan holds me tight, his words echo in my head:
Only you, Keira
. I suddenly feel trapped under his hold and I have the overwhelming desire to make a quick escape.
“I need to pee,” I lie because it seems to be one of the only ways he’ll let go of me and let me out of the bed. It’s either that or I have to tell him the apartment is on fire and I know that lie won’t hold up.
Evan narrows his eyes and looks at me with so much intensity, I feel like he’s looking right through me. “You’re not going to try to escape are you?”
How does he know me so well? Sometimes I feel like he knows me better than I know myself. He always seems to be one step ahead of me anyway.
When Evan releases his hold on me and I’m finally able to extricate myself from him and his bed, I hurry into the bathroom and shut the door.
I don’t know what I was thinking coming to Evan’s place and having sex with him again. I was horny and needed release but I also know that Evan wants more. Now I’m afraid it’s
much
more.
Then it occurs to me that I’m not sure whether I don’t want to be in a relationship with Evan or I don’t want to be in a relationship at all. I wonder if I would feel differently if it was Aaron in the next room instead of Evan
. Would I still have the urge to run away.
It’s not a
matter I even want to consider right now. All I want to do is get the hell out of Evan’s apartment because I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe.
I flush the toilet even though I haven’t even used it. I want to make it at least sound legit.
When I walk back into Evan’s bedroom, he’s lying at the head of the bed still naked. He pats the side of the bed next to him in a join-me gesture but I just stand there staring at him.
“I’ve got to go,” I say but Evan doesn’t look surprised. It’s like he was half expecting me to utter those words.
Evan’s eyes roam my body. “You’re beautiful, Keira,” he states to my surprise. He’s not one for compliments like that. “You know how I feel about you, don’t you?”
I swallow. I’m not sure I want him to answer the question or that I even want to acknowledge it. Maybe because I’m not sure I want it to be real. “I can call a cab,” I state as I pick my clothes up off the floor.
Evan shakes his head. “I’m taking you home.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
He frowns. “Maybe I want to take care of you. Maybe I want to give you more than a good time in bed. Why won’t you let me?”
I can feel myself fill with anger even though I’m not exactly sure
what I’m angry about. Before I can stop myself, words spew from my lips, “I don’t need you or anyone else to take care of me. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”
Evan actually laughs. “It’s easy to take care of yourself when you’ve got daddy’s money. But I’m not talking about that. We both have so much money from our families neither of us has to work a day in our lives. But that doesn’t mean we don’t need someone to take care of us emotionally. Don’t you want someone to be there for you? Don’t you want someone to love you?”
And there it is—hanging in the air like the heavy pollution that hangs over the city—the L word. The exact thing I don’t want to hear.
“Now I really have to go,” I say as I feel the walls of the room beginning to close in on me and the air slowly escaping my lungs.
Evan gets up from the bed and walks up behind me. He grabs me and wraps me into his arms. I try to protest and wriggle free but he holds me tighter until I melt into his arms.
“I love you,
Keira,” he whispers into my ear. “And if you’re ever willing to accept my love, you know where to find me.”
“But why?”
I ask. “Why do you love me? I’m not loveable in any way.”
“You accept me for who I am, even the parts of me I have a hard time accepting. We’re two flawed people,
Keira. Some would say we’re both very flawed but somehow we still fit together.”
He gives me a soft kiss on the temple then releases me. “Get dressed and I’ll take you home,” he states and I waste no time getting ready.
Seven
People’s hearts are like wild animals.
They attach their selves to those that love and train them.
~ Ali
Ibn Abi Talib
As I make myself a cup of black coffee, my mind is still reeling from all the crazy shit that happened with Evan.
Evan the
Conqueror, the guy who no one expected to ever settle down, the guy who slept with enough freshman girls to win a freakin’ car, has declared his love for me, Keira Whitley, otherwise known as the Queen of Mean.
How fucked up is that?
Of course, my phone rings and I can see from the call display that it’s my mom. Great timing! I know the reason she’s phoning is to hear all about my progress snagging Aaron and breaking up his engagement to Rainy.
“Mother,” I say as I answer my cell.
“How’s my darling daughter?” my mom asks although it sounds more like a rhetorical question so I don’t bother to respond.
She continues. “I saw Aaron’s mom at a charity luncheon ye
sterday and she was just wondering how things were going.”
By
things
she means my plan to break up Aaron and Rainy.
“I’m still working on it,” I lie because I haven’t really been working on it very much at all.
“You know Aaron’s mom and dad will be eternally grateful for any assistance you can provide.”
Eternal gratitude
is a euphemism for political and/or financial favors when I need them.
“I know, Mother,” I state as coolly as I can
, even though I’m starting to feel that pressure again—like the walls are closing in on me and I can’t breathe.
“You’re a good girl,” my mom says as a way to reassure me that what I’m doing is
in everyone’s best interest. Well, everyone except for Rainy. “Aaron will be lucky to have a wife like you.”
And that’s when the air completely evacuates me lungs. “I’ve got to go,” I manage to get out as I hang up on my mother and drop the phone on the counter. I slide down onto a kitchen chair and try to catch my breath. I can feel my heart beating a mile a minute and it makes me even more anxious.
Am I having a heart attack? I’m too young for that, right?
When I’m finally able to calm myself down and
inhale a full breath, all I can think about is getting a hug from Evan because I know he would do anything to make me feel better.
How stupid is that?
I obviously can’t think about Evan, even though my thoughts always seem to come back to him.
I have to keep my mind focused on my mission. Too many people are counting on me and I can’t fuck it up. Can you imagine how screwed I would be if Aaron’s mom and dad were pissed at me and decided to ruin my career? They could squish me like a bug. And I know my parents wouldn’t do anything to stop them. The
Donovan’s are too important and my parents care too much about remaining connected to their precious social circle.
I would be like a lamb to
the slaughter.
Time to up the stakes and get busy breaking up Aaron and Rainy.
***
A few seconds before class ends, I see that Aaron gets a text message and based on his smile, I assume it’s from Rainy. As he hurries out of class, I grab his elbow and try to link mine with his, so we’ll be arm-in-arm as we exit class. It seems like the perfect position for me, especially if Rainy is waiting for him outside.
Linking elbows with Aaron is something I’ve done a million times and he’s always played along. So when he stops dead
in his tracks and jerks his arm from mine, I’m completely startled by the gesture.
Aaron turns and glares at me. His face holds a combination of disappointment and revulsion. Aaron being disappointed in
something I say or do is nothing new but he’s never shown revulsion towards me and it stings.
“What are you doing?” Aaron asks disgusted. “Aren’t you with Evan now?”
The words hit me like a slap in the face and I don’t know how to respond.
Am I with Evan
? Everyone around me, including Evan, seems to think so.
But I’m
supposed
to be with Aaron, aren’t I? That’s what our parents think anyway.
“He’s my friend,
Keira,” Aaron spits out. “Don’t fuck around with him.”
Another slap in the face.
Aaron thinks I’m going to break Evan’s heart and he’s right. I may have already.
When I don’t respond to anything Aaron says, he shakes his head in disgust. “I’m meeting Rainy. I’ll see you later.”
He turns and heads out the door and I follow him. I’m not sure why. I don’t have anything to say. I’m still in shock from Aaron’s harsh words. He’s never been that way with me before. He’s always let me do or say anything and never pulled away.
Rainy is waiting for him by a huge oak tree and when he sees her his face lights up. I feel like a voyeur watching them but I can’t pull away. I can just barely make out what they’re saying. They’re so wrapped up in each other that they don’t even see me.
“Dr. Griffin had to go out of town for a conference,” I hear Rainy say. “She’s so thrilled with my work and the progress we’ve made on the book, she gave me a few days off. And the best news—the publisher accepted our proposal, so I’m one step closer to being a published co-author!”
Aaron looks at her with such adoration and reverence, the air is nearly knocked out of my lungs. And not because of anything
that has to do with either one of them.
It’s because I’ve seen that look before—on Evan’s face, when he’s looked at me.
“We’ve got to celebrate,” Aaron says as he picks Rainy up off the ground and swings her around.
“Should we go to our favorite Chinese restaurant for lunch,” Rainy asks.
Aaron responds with a grin that is so wide, it looks like it’s straining his face. Could two people be happier? I want to punch both of their faces.
As the two of them join hands and walk away, I’m immob
ilized. I can’t stop thinking about how much Aaron’s interaction with Rainy reminds me of the way Evan is with me. It makes me ache all over.
I realize for the first time that if Aaron treated me the way he treats Rainy, with so much adoration and devotion, I’d probably
feel the same way I feel when I’m with Evan—like I want to run—and escape.
My stomach begins to twist and churn as I realize that I’m utterly and completely broken, maybe beyond repair. Evan loves me and I can’t accept his love. I’ve always blamed it on him not being Aaron. Now I understand that even if Aaron loved me the way he loves Rainy, I’d never be able to accept it.
Deep down, I don’t feel worthy of being loved so completely, totally and unconditionally.
“Why’d you run out of class so fast?” I hear a shrill voice b
ehind me.
I turn to see Roxie standing there with her arms on her hips.
“I tried to catch up with Aaron,” I say as nonchalantly as possible.
She raises an eyebrow. “When I was in LA last week, they gave me the green light on a new reality show. I’d love for you to be one of the stars of the opening season. Project Get Aaron would fit right in. All I need is
for you to say yes.”
I think about it for a minute. I’m almost broken beyond r
epair anyway. Is there a chance that I’ll ever have a normal relationship with a guy who loves me? Probably not. I may as well do what I do best. Play the Queen of Mean and fuck everyone over.
Besides, my mom and Aaron’s mom are expecting results and far be it for me to disappoint them.
“I’m in,” I say before I can change my mind. “If I’m going to do this thing, I may as well do it right.”
Roxie’s face lights up. “We just need to set the date.”
“Let’s do it at our next study session at my place,” I suggest.
“Sounds like a plan,” Roxie says and I can already see the wheels spinning in her eyes.
***
After more days of being without Evan
than I want to count, my hormones are working overtime I’m so horny. I may explode. I need a little release and my vibrator just isn’t cutting it. I need to spend some time with a real man.
I debate phoning Evan. I know he would fuck me in a hear
tbeat but that would probably come at a price. I am not in the mood to cuddle, or deal with his attachment issues (or mine). And I definitely don’t want to have to rip off another Band-Aid.
I haven’t gotten to know any of the other guys in our class well enough to phone for a booty call
. That would probably take another month or so at least.
Then I remember that well-built bartender I met at the h
otel—the one who looked like he boxed in his spare time. He seemed like a fun, no-strings attached kind of guy. I decide to make another trip to the bar to find out if he’d be into going a few rounds with me in the bedroom.
I decide to wear something a little tighter and sexier than what I was wearing the last time he saw me. Maybe that way he won’t just think of me as a princess.
When I arrive at the bar, I’m wearing an extremely low cut white blouse with a black form-fitting mini-skirt and fuck me heels. I’ve got on a little more lipstick than I normally wear and its a few shades darker red than my usual color.
It’s early so the place is empty, just the way I
was hoping it would be. I take a seat at the end of the bar and I can see the bartender’s face light up in recognition.
“Hey, Princess,” he says as his blazing blue eyes meet my gaze.
I give him a sexy little half smile.
“So, where’s your big boyfriend
?” he asks.
“I told you I don’t have a boyfriend,” I correct.
“Yeah, that’s what you said.”
He grabs a bottle of Maker’s Mark from the shelf and pours me a glass before I even ask.
“You remembered my drink,” I say before taking a small sip.
“You’re hard to forget.” He looks right at me and when our eyes meet, there’s an exchange of electricity that’s so intense my breath catches.
Any doubts I have about getting laid tonight completely fade away.
“So what time do you get off?” I ask.
He raises an eyebrow. “Are you propositioning me?”
“Maybe,” I respond coyly.
“I’m done here in about an hour. I’m not sure about getting off though. That’ll be up to you.”
“Do you live around here?” I ask.
He laughs. “I can’t afford to live on this end of town. I’m a Southie.”
I nod as if I know what being a
Southie
means but I actually have no idea. I just know that I don’t want to
do the dirty deed
at my place because I want to be able to fuck and run. If we go to my place, I’ll have to wait for him to leave. What if he wants to stay all night? It could be unbearable.
“I take it you want to go to my place? Don’t want to bring any strays to the Princess Palace?”
“Something like that,” I admit.
“I get it,” he says as he eyes me. I wish I knew what was g
oing on in his head. He’s extremely difficult to read. I always know what’s going on inside of Evan’s head. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve known him so long or if it’s because we’re so much alike. But with this guy, I don’t have a clue.
He leans his elbow o
n the bar and I take in his muscular arms. He’s wearing a tight black tee shirt that accentuates his ripped chest and muscle-bound arms. He’s not quite as big as Evan and not quite as tall but he’s close.
“So what’s your name?” he asks.
“I like it when you call me Princess,” I reply.
“You are that,” he chuckles.
“And what should I call you?” I prod.
“People call me Loose,” he states.
“Loose?” The nickname strikes me as odd. “As in loose change?”
“There’s lots of ways to be loose, Princess.”
His look says that I’ll be finding out very soon just how
loose
he is in the bedroom.
“Want another?” he indicates my drink which is still half full.
I down the remainder of the glass. “Hit me.”
He shakes his head. “I like a girl who can drink.
Especially the hard stuff. I have a feeling you’ll be pretty loose, too.”
I haven’t had anything to eat all day and the liquor is hitting me hard. I’ve definitely numbed any pain I had and I’m easing into
loose
territory.
Only one other patron comes into the lounge, an older man, maybe in his mid-to-late 50s. He sits at the other end of the bar and orders a beer on tap.
Loose serves the older man then wipes down the rest of the bar with a wet cloth.
“Drink up,” he says when he looks at my half full glass. “My replacement will be here any minute.”
I eye Loose then down the remainder of the drink as he watches.