Faith and Fidelity (35 page)

And then she went upstairs.

Don't give us someone else to love if they're going to leave.

He couldn't agree more.

When Evan was done with his beer he dropped the bottle in the recycling and spent a few minutes cleaning up the kitchen. He made school lunches and filled the dishwasher. It was all so incredibly normal after what could only be labeled UNnormal. A good reminder that life wasn't going to end because of how he felt.

The phone seemed to loom large; Evan itched to call Matt, tell him how things went. But he wanted to wait until the morning, see how the kids were when they woke up.

Plus there was the nervous factor.

He wanted Matt to come over.

He missed him more than he thought possible and now with it potentially becoming serious again? It was hard not to dial his number.

Seven days and it was growing tougher every day; Evan called and left a message, just to let Matt know that things were being discussed and things were okay and he would call soon.

The coward's way out, sure, but if they actually spoke and connected, Evan was pretty certain there would be an invitation made. Accepted.

Not yet.

Matt went through his daily grind, through the new grind of school. He jogged. He pondered buying a fish. He heard they lowered your blood pressure and his was starting to climb.

The message from Evan helped and hindered this thing he was doing wherein he pretended to have a life.

A few fleeting times he considered ducking into a local bar; just a few drinks. Maybe get his flirt on. Maybe get laid. And yeah, then he was back to the fish and watching movies on HBO like a boring old man waiting for the phone to ring.

Maybe he should get a cat.

Evan's next meeting was with his sister-in-law; Elena suggested they have coffee at her apartment and he agreed, nervous and tense and hopeful at once. If Elena was completely on his side...

The apartment was dark and a little grim— not that Elena was much different. Since Sherri's death, she'd seemed to sink further into her quiet self, speaking little unless she was around the children. Evan couldn't remember the last actual conversation they'd had.

Elena walked out of the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. Evan thanked her, took the cup and sat down on the soft green velvet sofa.

“So... Miranda mentioned to me that you'd met someone new.” And Evan's entire plan of easing into this quagmire was shot to hell.

“Uh, yes actually.” Evan tried to judge Elena's tone, tried to read her sallow neutral expression. “I didn't expect... honestly, Elena, I never expected to feel something for anyone after Sherri.”

Elena nodded sadly. “I know. I know you loved her. But you have to move on, Evan. You don't want to end up like me.”

That raised eyebrows. His. He didn't know... Elena had lost someone? Elena had been in love? She'd never even brought anyone over to family gatherings so long as he'd been around.

“I didn't realize... Sherri never mentioned... ”

“Oh, she didn't know. It was while I was at college. It was very serious but... but I knew my parents would never approve.” Her eyes dropped to her lap and Evan felt a surge of fear/hope that she would intimately understand his problem here. “I mean, he was... ” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Black. They never... I couldn't bring him home. He got upset and I ended it.”

“Sherri and I would have loved to meet him, Elena, Jesus Christ.” Evan's hands shook. “You never had to hide someone from us.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was small, her eyes damp. “He... he's called me a few times since he heard about Sherri.”

“Call him back.”

“Oh, Evan... ”

“No, seriously. Is he married?"’

“N-no.”

“Call him and get your second chance, because, Elena— you can't let that pass you by. You just can't.” He was clearly passionate about this one.

Elena wiped at her eyes with her free hand. “We're here to talk about you.”

“In a way, we are. I almost let someone out of my life for ridiculous reasons... I mean, ridiculous because it's other people's problems— not mine. Not... his.”

Now he had Elena's attention.
All
her attention. The flabbergasted expression on her face produced a nervous damp laugh on his part.

“Yeah, so— bring a guy home who's a different race, Elena. I got you beat in the shocking department.”

“So Dad, when is Matt coming over?” They were Kathleen's words but Evan got the distinct impression that there had been a discussion previous to her “innocent” question.

“I was thinking we'd have him over for dinner next Saturday.” Evan tried to be nonchalant as he dished up chicken and potatoes for everyone.

“He should come over Friday and stay the whole weekend,” Danny announced as Miranda elbowed him in the head.

“Shut up, Danny.”

“Don't say shut up, Miranda.”

“I think that's a good idea!” Elizabeth decided, racing for the phone. “I'll call and ask!!”

“I think we should vote,” Miranda snapped and Kathleen tossed her ponytail triumphantly.

“We did vote, you lost. Ha.”

Before Evan could put the plates down, Elizabeth had already started dialing.

Matt folded his laundry on kitchen counter, one eye on the Rangers game and one on the pot of boiling water on the stove. Another fabulous night at the Casa de Haight.

The phone rang and he reached out absently to get it, not bothering to check the caller ID. Maybe it was a nice telemarketer who wanted to chat for awhile.

“Hi, Matt!” a sweet little voice blared in his ear and Matt almost dropped the cordless in the middle of his socks and underwear.

“Hi... Elizabeth? Everything okay, honey?”

“Everything's great! Hey can you come over Friday night and sleep over? We're going to have dinner and rent some movies and we can go to the park and stuff!”

“Uh... wow, Elizabeth, that sounds great. Is your dad there?” he asked weakly.

“Yeah, hold on! See you Friday!” There was a muffled conversation, some phone wrangling and then Evan's embarrassed, amused, breathless voice.

“Hi. Sorry about that.”

“No problem... especially if the offer was genuine,” Matt said, trying to sound casual and most likely failing miserably.

“It was. It is.” Evan laughed. “There was a vote.”

“How did you vote?”

“I think that's obvious.”

“So I should bring my toothbrush?”

“Yeah,” he said slowly and Matt grinned ear to ear. “Bring your toothbrush.”

So the week for Evan went like this— work, teasing from Helena, work, “looks” from Vic Wolkowski, work, “looks” from Miranda, work, Elizabeth asking if it was Friday yet, work. Sleeping fitfully and smiling unexpectedly. He called up the counselor at Danny and Elizabeth's school to make an appointment; he did the same at the high school. He talked to his therapist. He crossed his t's and dotted his i's.

He kept checking the calendar to see if it was Friday yet.

Matt showed up at seven on Friday night with ice cream, presents for the kids, and his overnight bag. He waited on the stoop, breathing deeply until he got the balls to press the bell.

When the door opened he was dive-bombed by the twins, both talking over each other like it was a competition. He got that they were glad to see him and they'd rented
Transformers
. There might also be pizza and was that ice cream in the bag and
oh, were those presents for them?!

He really couldn't love them more.

“Let the man
in
,” Kathleen yelled, exasperated, grabbing a twin in each hand (by the collar) and pulling them off of Matt. “Sorry, they're like puppies. I'm asking Dad for a taser for Christmas.”

Matt smiled and winked, stepping inside and kissing her on the cheek. “Thanks for the assist.”

“I'm super glad you're here and... stuff.” She blushed a little and looked down at her scrapping siblings. “It's just... good.”

“I agree.” Matt didn't push, just stepped over the kids and into the living room where Miranda sat on the couch, not looking at him.

“Oh, hi, Miranda,” he said casually, passing the bags of gifts to Kathleen. “You can figure out who gets what. The pepper spray is yours.”

Kathleen smirked then tossed her big sister a look. “I hope you got Miranda an orange jumpsuit.”

“Shut up, Kathleen.”

“Shut up, Miranda.”

“God, enough with the shut ups, please,” Evan said, walking down the stairs looking good enough to eat (at least to Matt).

“
Dad
, Matt
is here
!” Elizabeth announced, diving into the bags of goodies.

“Thanks, honey.” Evan was rubbing the back of his neck, looking as shy and awkward as Matt felt. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Matt held up the bag of melting Ben & Jerry's. “I uh... this belongs in the fridge.”

“I'll make room.”

“I'll follow.”

“I'll vomit,” Miranda muttered but her mood was blown when Kathleen took great delight in asking “Why she's got that stupid smile on her face?”

Oh God, Matt had missed them so much.

Evan opened the fridge, moved one pack of Hot Pockets, and turned expectantly to Matt— who was standing there with a shit-eating grin on his face.

“Hi. I love your kids.”

“Make me an offer.”

“Yeah, no. I'll just visit in their natural habitat.” Matt could feel his face getting stretched out of proportion.

He wanted to kiss Evan, but for all the warm welcomes, he didn't want to tip the scales into something weird, anything that messed up this new beginning.

The ice cream got tucked away and then the swarm of children came to the kitchen; there were presents to show off and pizza to beg for and even Miranda wandered in with an air of “whatever"— and sat next to Matt at the table.

“You're not gonna kick me under the table are you?” Matt whispered, passing garlic knots in her direction. Miranda snorted.

“You should have told me sooner. I'm practically an adult.”

“Yeah, true. I mean— you already have a record... ”

“Matt!”

“No whispering over there.” Danny didn't like being left out. Especially if it might concern the divvying up of garlic knots.

“Sorry, Danny. Grown-up business,” Matt said, without sarcasm.

Danny considered disputing this but instead reached for the aforementioned garlic knots. “Yeah, whatever.”

There was limited conversation as they chowed down. Matt asked about school and sports and everyone contributed; his eyes drifted over to Evan's face now and again, both of them clearly enjoying this domestic moment.

Before had been wonderful, but this? This without a lie? This was perfect.

Transformers
was loud and Matt enjoyed it, sandwiched between the twins, who had called dibs before the table was even cleaned off. Matt pretended to be exasperated for about twelve seconds and that was a stretch of his acting abilities.

Eleven o'clock came and went with Danny and Elizabeth sent up to bed. (Elizabeth declared tomorrow needed to be Pancakes by Matt for breakfast and he promised.) Kathleen followed a few minutes later and Evan had to remind her that “texting beyond midnight is against the law.”

Miranda decided to bust some balls and lingered for a while, watching
The Daily Show
and
The Colbert Report
and flipping around in the TV Guide to see “what's on next.”

“Yeah, okay. I'll give you twenty bucks to go upstairs,” Matt said finally and Evan made a shocked sound. Possibly grateful, mostly shocked.

“Thirty.

“Twenty-five.”

“Miranda!”

“Deal. Good night.”

“Good night.” Smugly she flounced up to Matt, hand held out.

“Yeah, you'll get it tomorrow after I'm sure there'll be no further interruptions.”

“I'm vaguely grossed out.”

“Now you know how I feel when you bring dates over,” Evan threw in drily and now Miranda fake-gagged.

“Yeah, okay, going upstairs to write in my diary about how scarred I am,” Miranda mumbled. She drifted upstairs, throwing a few concerned looks over the banister before she disappeared.

Matt looked over at Evan, sheepish. “Sorry, I didn't mean to go the bribery route but uh... ”

“Yeah, it's okay.” Evan unfolded himself from the armchair and gave the upstairs another glance. “I don't know if I should go up... make sure... ”

Matt shrugged, amazingly calm. “Go ahead. I'm guessing you'll be a lot more relaxed once you do.”

“You want me relaxed?” Matt liked that half smile.

“Yes, yes I do.”

Matt cleaned up the living room while Evan was upstairs. He dug around in his overnight bag, pulled out some sweats and a T-shirt, changed in the downstairs bathroom. He was amazingly Zen or in shock, not quite sure which at that point. He just wanted Evan to find the kids in... whatever state he needed to find them... then come downstairs and see... see if it still worked between them.

Evan checked on the younger children; straightened Danny's covers, shut off Elizabeth's bedside lamp. Reminded Kathleen that at the stroke of midnight her phone turned into a pumpkin. He almost chickened out going into Miranda's room, but she was the one he was most concerned about so...

“Yeah come in, Dad. Jeeze,” Miranda called. Evan could hear the eye roll in her voice. He ducked his head in.

“I just wanted to... ” Evan's voice drifted off awkwardly as he straddled the doorway.

“It's fine, Dad, really. It's weird, but it's fine.” She picked at her bedspread. “I like him. So it's okay if you do too.”

“But?”

“But... what happens when people start noticing?”

“We're not... we're not going to be hanging out at PTA meetings, Miranda.” Evan's face got warm, and he refused to trip down that dangerous road of “what-ifs” again.

“Maybe we should move.”

“Miranda... I'm not taking you guys out of school. I'm not going to make you start over somewhere else so close to graduation. It wouldn't be fair.”