Authors: Liann Snow
Even if he hadn't have brought that up it could have been embarrassing. I can imagine him just sitting there staring, trying to read our relationship from our body language. Then, when he thought he'd had got us sussed (Heaven forbid!) he'd have asked all sorts of questions – maybe the wrong ones. Pearl would have just sat there too, but probably not staring. She would sit in silence until I made her giggle. Then she would have done that for a while, very prettily, of course. Then she'd have gone home – probably early. Leaving me and Don and Joan in some nightmarish sort of triangle.
Oh! I should probably count myself lucky it didn't happen after all!
Monday, March 21
"Did your get-together go off all right, Faith?"
"For what it was, Pearl. Thanks for asking. I was sorry you couldn't make it, though." Pearl didn't respond, but then she doesn't always, unless asked a direct question. "I expect your husband talked you out of it." (That was as direct as I was prepared to get.) Pearl still said nothing. "They do that kind of thing, husbands. It may be what they're for."
Pearl hid her broad smile in a sudden cupped hand, and disguised her quick giggle in a short sharp bark of a cough. Her delighted laughter was visible though, in her glittering eyes and trembling shoulders.
"Well, never mind, " I said. "Perhaps another time."
Tuesday, March 22
First thing Tuesday morning. Faith and Pearl have just finished stacking a batch of loaves on the shelves. Faith is standing in the lurid glow of the hot snack cabinet packing it with sausage rolls. Pearl is in position behind the counter. They are expecting Mr. Owen at any minute. Both are wearing freshly pressed white overalls.
Eva sweeps into the shop, a whirlwind in slate blue gabardine. "Don't look so surprised, Faith. You knew I'd turn up in the end. We're neighbours after all, aren't we? I've come to ask you to meet me for lunch – no, not today, you may have other arrangements – tomorrow, I'll pick you up. Say about noon? Right! Oh yes, and Happy Birthday for Saturday. I'm sorry I missed your party. Must go. See you tomorrow. Bye."
"You look shocked Faith," said Pearl quietly into the silence. "I'm thinking you were not expecting her visit."
"You're quite right, Pearl."
"She also did not attend your celebrations."
"She wasn't invited, Pearl."
"No?"
"That's my sister-in-law. Eva!"
"The one you've been telling me about? Oh. She's a handsome woman."
"Right again."
Wednesday, March 23
Eva and Faith are sitting in a pub near Hampstead Heath. Horse brasses hang from the low ceiling, their glowing surfaces reflecting the flames of the fire that flickers in the grate.
Eva and Faith sit opposite each other, their half-full glasses, and their elbows, on the heavy dark wooden table between them. Eva gazes at Faith. Faith looks flushed.
Eva breaks the silence. "What happened to your hair, little one?"
"I cut it."
"It was much longer when I saw you last. Longer than mine."
"That was two years ago. People change."
"No, no, a month ago. You had long hair then."
"How do you know? Anyway, I can cut my hair if I want. Don't you like it?"
"I didn't say that. Quite the little butch now, aren't you?"
Faith went a bit red at that remark. How was she to know what she is? She had been hoping someone would tell her. Perhaps Eva was doing just that. (
Butch
. She would know, I suppose. Maybe I should wear lipstick again. Maybe I'd be
bitch
then instead!)
"Where did you see me a month ago?" she said coolly, "Tesco's I suppose, where everybody sees everybody. It's like Piccadilly Circus in there. What is it they say? If you stand by Eros long enough you'll see everybody you ever knew."
"A romantic idea," said Eva. "A bit scary, too. The God of Love controls us all. Even in Tesco's"
"No male controls me. I've given that up!"
"Poor Donald."
"He doesn't suffer. Look, where did you see me? You haven't said."
"Well, at home of course."
"At home?"
"Popping a letter in the door. A Valentine card. 'To a beautiful blonde from a mystery admirer'."
"Oh, God! And you knew it was me! Why didn't you say? Things could have been different."
"I don't like to interfere with Fate. The mysterious ways of Eros."
"Maybe you should have."
"You might be right, Faith. I'm not sure. Please, will you do something for me on your next day off?"
"That'll be tomorrow. What?"
"Will you come and see me at the flat?"
"You want me to?"
"Please."
"What time?"
"About twelve. Would that be convenient?"
"It can be."
"Thank you. I do appreciate it."
~ ~ ~
What's going on? Is Joan going to be there? We didn't even mention her name. I don't think I would want to see them both together. I should think I've got a right to see my sister-in-law if I'm invited, though. I can't see how that would be wrong. Why do I feel guilty?
Thursday, March 24
"I want to know what right you think you had to tell Joan about my mother."
"I only told her the truth."
"What right did you have to get involved?"
"I thought she had a right to know."
"You shouldn't poke your nose in. You don't know the result of doing that kind of thing."
"I didn't realise you'd asked me here to complain about my behaviour, Eva. I didn't expect to be shouted at."
"What did you expect, Faith?"
"I don't know. Not this."
"You think I'm being a bit harsh. Maybe I am. Look, d'you want a drink? Sorry, I should have said before. Didn't think..."
"I don't drink that much. Anyway, I'm going now."
"You had a drink with me the other day."
"That'll do me for weeks. Thanks anyway."
"So, you only drink on special occasions. Christmas, weddings and funerals, visits to gay bars, reunions with long-lost sisters-in-law. Is that all? Come on, Faith, there must be something that does it for you! If it's not drink, what is it? Dope? Coke?"
"No, nothing. I'm not an addict."
"Oh, you aren't? You needn't be so smug. There's always something, a trigger for everyone. Maybe you don't know what yours is yet. What fun you'll have finding out! Will I be there when you do?"
"You will not!"
"Don't suppose I will. Pity."
"I can't keep up with your moods, Eva. I shouldn't have come."
"Why not? You're not being loyal to Joan, I hope. She's not being loyal to you."
"Don't be silly Eva, it's not like that. No one's possessive of anyone else."
"People are different with different people."
"That's true."
"How would you be with me?"
"I have no idea."
"Would you like to know?"
"I don't need to."
"You only do what you need to do?"
"Sometimes it's best. Look, Eva, I don't want to talk like this."
"You must have been really horny for Joan. You must have needed her. Needed it with her. I can imagine that."
"I wish you wouldn't."
"All right, I won't Faith. I'll respect your privacy. I won't imagine you fucking with Joan. Not yet, anyway. Later perhaps, when I'm alone."
"I'm going now."
"It'll be sooner rather than later that I let my thoughts run free."
"As you like."
"Goodbye for now, Faith. I think you'll be back."
"You won't be here."
"I may be. Come call on me, when you've half a day to spare. I'll take time off specially."
"Don't hold your breath!"
"I might. You never know."
"You're crazy and I'm leaving.
"Till next time."
Friday, March 25
Oh, my God! Now what do I do? I went through work today like a sleepwalker. I've got to pull myself together. I'm sure Pearl was talking to me and I didn't answer. I caught her looking at me very strangely.
Eva's got a nerve! How dare she treat people that way, and then take it out on me as if I'm rocking the boat or something. Why should I feel guilty about telling Joan or for sleeping with her? She's a grown up person, she can make her own decisions.
Don's off again tonight and I'm going to the club tomorrow no matter what! If I see Joan, I do; if I don't, I don't. I'll just take it as it comes.
= CHAPTER 8 =
Saturday, March 26
God! She's a different woman! Came in, came straight over and bundled me out of there like an angry parent. She is angry, I can feel it – but not with me. With Eva?
"Joan, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. Can't stay there! Can't stand the place."
"I thought you liked it.
I
quite like it. Still, I don't mind. Where are we going?"
"Home, of course. Damn these stairs! Bad enough when I'm sober."
"Shall we get a bus, Joan? Cabs cost so much."
"Don't worry. I've got money. No problem."
"I'll pay part."
"I'll pay, I said!"
"All right, Joan. As you like. Is she calling us a cab?"
"Yeah. She knows the drill. It's what she's paid for."
"Well, I hope we don't have to wait. It's draughty in this passage. Wish they'd shut that door."
"It's so we won't miss the cab. It'll be here soon. Look, come here! I'll warm you up." She folded me in her arms – surprisingly strong for such a small person.
Oh, she smells a bit of beer. It's not that bad, though. Hope she doesn't kiss me – not in front of the doorwoman. She's glaring a bit, as it is – probably jealous. Nice and warm now, though.
Sunday, March 27. AM
.
She had been unexpectedly heavy, and beery too. So now I know I don't like the smell of lager on a woman any more than on a man. Still, she was nice, just like before. And better in the morning, and cleaner. And after she'd cleaned her teeth, she didn't smell at all.
I was pleased when she climbed back into bed with me, even though we fell immediately into heavy conversation. Turned out she'd been drinking before she got to the club. She hadn't meant to go to the club anyway. Just
found
herself there. "Faith, I know this is going to sound stupid. But I wanted to believe her. She blamed it all on you, she said she didn't know you; she said you lied about her mum – "
"I know the name of her husband. That proved it!"
"Yes, but I didn't! She never told me. You could have made it up."
"You could have tested her with that –"
"I wasn't trying to test her. I'd just had a big shock. When you love someone and you find out they lied to you it's a shock. You want reassurance from them. You want to trust them again. You don't want to test them."
"If I found out Don lied to me, I'd have his guts for garters!"
"You don't love him, then."
"I'm not a masochist, Joan. That's all I know. No one walks all over me and gets away with it. It's like a contract, no one should break it. If they do, that's it!"
"You say that, Faith, but – anyway, she said I could go with her to Manchester, well she sort of said, and then just left as usual as if nothing had happened. That really hurt. That's why I went up the pub."
"Why not the Scene?"
"I told you, I was avoiding you 'cause I thought you'd make me see she is telling horrible lies to me."
"Is that why you didn't phone me or come to my party?"
"She told me you were mad and a troublemaker."
"She's telling me awful things now, too."
"Oh, no! Don't tell me you're seeing her on the sly! Fucking get out, Faith! Get out of my bed!"
She virtually tipped me on the floor. I couldn't believe it. "You're the one that's mad, Joan. You're both bloody mad."
"Why don't you fuck bloody off, then. You are a bloody troublemaker!"
"Don't blame me, Joan. None of this is my fault. I've never lied to you!"
She was sitting up in bed staring at me, her teeth clenched and her eyes popping. I gave up any attempt at reason.
"I'm going!"
"Bloody go! Who cares? Don't go sniffing around Eva again or you'll regret it."