Dr Davis was definitely taking advantage of more than just the chicken dinner. And from the sound of it, Liz was enjoying every minute of it.
Ugh
.
Claire put the headphones back on and turned the music way up, just to be sure she didn’t hear any part of that. It didn’t really help. And it made her fidgety, angry, worried, frustrated … in all kinds of ways, actually.
Shane hadn’t called. Why hadn’t he called? She checked her phone, and yes, the battery was still good. Everything was fine.
She angrily stripped the headphones off and, driven by a mix of emotions she really didn’t want to examine too closely, selected his number and pressed call.
And this time, he answered. ‘Claire?’
He sounded … he sounded close. And out of breath. As if she might be able to reach out and touch him, just … collapse in his arms and let all this go away for a while. Make everything right again. And she wanted it, wanted it so so much. So much that for a long, shaky moment she couldn’t even make her voice work right.
‘Claire …?’ His voice was softer now, almost a whisper. ‘God, please talk to me.’
‘I’m here,’ she whispered back. Somehow she didn’t want to raise the level of her voice; it sounded intimate this way. Close. Personal. ‘I called you. You didn’t answer.’
‘I know. I’m sorry. Please – it doesn’t mean that I don’t care, I just—’ He moved, and she heard his breath catch. And she heard that his voice wasn’t quite right, either. ‘I just couldn’t call you back.’
She sat up straighter, because all her alarm bells were ringing now. ‘Shane, are you all right? What happened? Are you hurt?’ Because he was. She could hear it, especially when he tried to laugh.
‘I’m fine.’
‘You’re not, don’t even try to tell me that. What happened?’
‘Got my ass kicked,’ he said. ‘It’s not exactly breaking news. Except oddly enough it had nothing to do with vampires, can you believe it? Well, it did, because a vampire saved me from getting stomped to death. So there’s that. It’s a fun story. I’ll tell it to you sometime.’
She wanted to cry, it hurt her so much not to be with him. To not take care of him when he needed her. ‘You don’t sound good. How badly are you hurt?’
‘Cuts, bruises, a pretty nice concussion that rang my bell. Nothing broken, which is a miracle. I’ve had worse. Hell, Claire,
you’ve
had worse. Don’t worry, I’m all right. I really am.’ His voice lowered again, into that low purring whisper. ‘Are you? Okay?’
‘Yeah,’ she whispered back. ‘I miss you. I miss Eve and Michael. I miss home. Is that bad? It’s probably bad. You’re going to think I’m whining like a little kid.’
‘No. I—’ She had the weird feeling that he was about to confess something too, but then … then he sighed. ‘I think you’re amazing. And I think it’s good that you’re doing this. It’s your dream, Claire. I wouldn’t want to stand in your way.’
‘Do you think you did? You didn’t.
I
was standing in my way. And … I’m not so sure that this is my dream after all. It’s turning out to be … kind of a nightmare.’ A particularly loud moan came up through the floorboards, and Claire buried her head under her pillow with the phone cradled close to her ear. ‘I really hate living with Elizabeth. And she’s getting it on with a skanky professor right now.’
‘Right now?’
‘One floor down. It’s gross. I can’t even tell you how gross it is. There are no words.’
‘Okay, then listen to my voice,’ he said. She closed her eyes, and fell into the sound of his breathing. ‘You don’t have to listen to anything else, just talk to me. Tell me what’s going on in your life.’
‘I’m just—’ Her voice choked, and she told herself very firmly that she would not, absolutely would not cry. She cleared her throat. ‘My professor and I are working on the thing I brought. You know? But it’s not like it was back home. I feel as if I can’t really trust anyone here. I don’t know if anyone has my back. There’s Liz, but she’s turned out to be a total flake; honestly, I don’t even know if I like her at all any more – I mean, I feel for her, she’s had a rough time of it and all, but we’re nothing alike, Shane. Nothing. My professor – I don’t even know. I don’t know if I can trust her or not. Sometimes I know I can, and then …’
‘So, really, no different than your last job, right?’
She laughed a little, but it felt wretched. ‘And I don’t really know anybody, and the people I do know, the people I want to fit in with – I just don’t, and I can’t. What’s worse is … I don’t matter here, Shane. I feel like I just don’t matter. Stupid, right?’
‘No,’ he said. He sounded so gentle it broke her heart. ‘It’s how most people feel most of the time, Claire. You’ve grown up being special, and this is how most people live their lives … alone. On their own. Unnoticed. And they get used to that feeling. It’s just new for you.’
‘Yeah,’ she whispered. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t complain. That’s really selfish and I don’t mean it that way, I don’t …’
‘Shhh.’ The breathy sound he made gave her chills, and she curled up tight under the covers, imagining the warmth of him next to her, imagining his hands sliding down her arms. Comforting and sweet and tender, and safe. So safe. It was hard to think he was so very far away when she needed him so much. And he needed her. She could feel it coming out of the phone like a fever heat. ‘Don’t do that. You’re the least selfish person I’ve ever met, Claire. You teach me every day how to be a little bit better. And I miss you, you know that? I can’t stand not seeing you, not touching you …’ His voice was soft, and it was shaking, and she felt shivers now in deep, secret places. ‘I love everything about you. Did I tell you that before? Everything.’
She managed, somehow, a fragile little laugh. ‘You’ve had a concussion for sure.’
‘No, I mean it. Claire, I – look, my life is one long series of screw-ups and bad decisions, and I know that. I own that. But you … I just want you to be happy. And it cuts me when you’re not.’
‘I’m happy with you,’ she whispered, very very quietly. ‘And I love you. Leaving Morganville wasn’t about you, you know that. It was about me. And maybe I’m finding out that all these dreams I had … maybe they’re not really what I want after all.’
‘Yeah?’ She heard the smile in his voice this time. ‘So what do you really want? A storybook life in Vampireville, with your life on the line every day and a half?’
‘I’m considering it.’
‘Good,’ Shane said. ‘That’s good. So … are you saying you’re pulling up stakes? Coming back?’
God, she was tempted.
So
tempted. ‘I – look, you know how I am, don’t you? I don’t like quitting. I don’t like running away. And I’m not sure it’s a good time to leave Liz here alone.’
‘I thought you didn’t like her.’
‘Well … I don’t, but it’s still pretty cruel of me to run off and leave her with a giant rent payment when she’s got a stalker after her.’
‘Stalker?’ His voice sharpened. ‘Tell me.’
‘No. Because you’ll just come charging to the rescue.’
‘Claire—’
‘No. It’s fine. We can handle it.’ She managed to sound firm, and after a long silence, he sighed, and she took that as surrender. ‘Tell me about your day,’ she said. ‘Not the getting beat up part. What you did. Normal stuff. I want to know.’
‘I’ve got a job,’ he said. ‘I know, what are the odds, right? It’s okay. Hard work, but I’m not afraid of that. Long hours, low pay, but nobody’s coming after me with a knife or a gun or fangs so far, so it’s a step way up. Also, I don’t have to clean out sewer blockages. Remember that job? That was fun.’
‘You lasted thirty minutes.’
‘Which was twenty-nine minutes more than it deserved. So, what’s your favourite thing about Cambridge?’
‘The people,’ Claire said. ‘They’re quirky. I like them. MIT’s full of awesome nerdy people and I feel at home with them. It’s just … everything else. I feel like I’m some kind of fugitive here, like I’m hiding from something. Maybe myself.’
‘See, I thought you were going to say your favourite thing was the beans. Don’t they make baked beans in Boston? Who doesn’t like those?’
‘And pizza. They make good pizza.’
‘Now we’re talking. You know how I love a good pizza.’
‘You should come up here.’
He hesitated for a long, long moment, and said, ‘Do you mean that?’
‘I don’t know.’ She curled tighter into a ball; suddenly, the room felt cold, and she pulled the covers around her. ‘If you did, I don’t know what that would mean. I couldn’t let you stay in the apartment; Liz would freak out. Again.’
‘This is the same Liz currently banging her professor downstairs?’
‘Okay, fair point. But I’d be at the lab all day, and you’d be—’
‘Out of place,’ he finished for her. ‘Excess. Yeah, I get it. You don’t need me hanging around and making things awkward, with my non-MIT-ness.’
‘No, no, I didn’t mean—’
‘Claire, it’s all right. You wanted space, I’m giving it to you. When you’re ready for me to come there, I’ll be on your doorstep faster than you can imagine. But not until you’re ready. I promised you that, and I’m keeping the promise.’
‘Okay.’ She took in a slow breath and let it out. ‘Is Michael looking after you? Making sure you don’t have any kind of brain haemorrhage or something?’
‘Oh, I have people watching me like hawks. I can’t even get up to pee without an escort. It’s super fun.’
‘Good. I’m glad they’re taking care of you. Please take care of yourself, too. I wish – I wish I could be there.’
‘Wish you could, too. Want to make it up to me?’
‘Yes.’
‘What are you wearing?’
She smiled in the darkness of her little pillow cave. ‘Footie pyjamas and a chastity belt.’
‘You know that’s not playing by the script, right?’
‘I thought you said you loved everything about me.’
‘Not the chastity belt. Listen, I’d better—’
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘Yeah, I know. Get some rest. Heal. Shane – I love you.’
‘I love you too,’ he said. ‘Watch your back.’
He hung up first, but it didn’t really matter by then; she felt he was so close to her that he might as well have been right there in the room.
She carefully took the pillow off her head and listened.
Blessed silence. Maybe Professor McCreepy had already departed, but if he hadn’t, at least the gymnastics were over.
She fell asleep with the phone in her hand, held close to her heart.
Elizabeth didn’t come out of her room the next morning when Claire knocked; she got a muffled, tearful ‘go away’ through the door, and Claire shook her head. Yeah, she’d seen that coming. Professor Douche Bag had almost certainly had his way and told Liz not to call him again; he’d have plenty of other college-age girls to charm. Claire had met a few older professors like him, and they had made her feel more than a little ill. It might not be illegal, but it felt badly wrong.
And it might have been nothing but coincidence, how he’d landed on the subject of vampires, but it still creeped her out.
‘Can I get you anything?’ Claire asked. ‘Liz, are you going to be okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ Liz said, and burst into more wet tears. So, the only injury was probably to her heart, and her ego. ‘I’m sorry. I should have known better, shouldn’t I?’
‘Everybody makes mistakes,’ Claire said. ‘You won’t make that one again.’
‘No.’ Liz made a strangled gulping sound and blew her nose. ‘I’m never
looking
at another man again. Ugh. They’re all evil. Evil!’
Claire knew some who weren’t, but this wasn’t the moment to disagree. It was the required Friend Solidarity moment. ‘All evil,’ she agreed. ‘Can’t trust them. Look, are you sure you’re okay? You’re sure he didn’t hurt you or anything?’
‘He
ripped my heart out
!’ Liz cried, and more blubbering ensued, and Claire assumed that meant a no, at least in the physical assault sense. ‘You go on. I’ll be fine.’
Liz said that last in a theatrical, heroic whisper. Claire rolled her eyes, because she knew that her role was to insist on staying, make her some breakfast, dry her tears, listen to the story of the Great Failed Romance over and over again, get her chocolate, and not say anything that wasn’t total agreement. She’d done it with Liz before, in high school, and she just couldn’t face it. Not today. Not missing Shane the way she did.
So she took Liz at her word and said, ‘Okay, then, I’ll see you tonight! Are you going to class?’
‘No!’ Liz wailed.
Claire escaped while she could.
She was halfway toward campus when her cell phone gave a chime, and she checked the message. It simply said, DON’T COME IN 2DAY. Not Professor Anderson’s phone, weirdly enough; it was some unknown and blocked number. Probably, Claire realised, Jesse’s … which maybe wouldn’t be associated with Professor Anderson, and therefore not monitored. More intrigue. It made her head hurt.
Well, on the plus side, she had a free day, since Anderson had demanded she devote all her credit hours to independent study. Not a bad thing, really. But no way was she going to stay penned up in the house with Liz, either. She knew how that day would go, and she really wasn’t up for rewatching
The Notebook
and getting sugar-blitzed on ice cream.
Instead, she spent a completely stress-free afternoon of wandering the campus, buying coffee, hanging out at the cafeteria and surfing the ’net … and running into Nick.
He was sitting by himself, studying, and as she walked past him with her mocha she didn’t think he’d seen her … until he looked up and smiled.
She stopped. It wasn’t a decision, exactly, more of an instinct she couldn’t control. He had a very sweet, and slightly unhinged, smile. Like Myrnin’s actually. ‘Hey,’ she said. ‘What’s up?’
‘The opposite of down is the dumbest possible answer I can come up with,’ Nick said. ‘Or, you know, nothing. Which would also be true.’ He kicked out the chair across from him. ‘Need a seat?’
She hesitated, as if she was committing to something, even if it was just sharing a table. ‘Sure,’ she finally said, and settled. She didn’t relax, though. Nick nodded, and kept his expression completely neutral – she supposed he was afraid he might scare her off. Which was true. If he’d done anything else, she might have just picked up her mocha and bolted. ‘Are you studying?’