Fall of Sky City (A Steampunk Fantasy Sci-Fi Adventure Novel) (Devices of War) (26 page)

The council members looked mildly ashamed.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

He turned to me and leveled me with a hard look. “It’s too bloody early to give up now.”

I raised my chin. Was it?

He turned to my mother. “Ino Nami, I think m’ time would be better spent in plannin’ as this is time sensitive. The faster we get this done the be’er. We don’t know what else Varik has planned, or what he might destroy next.”

Mother nodded and gestured for him to leave.

Haji stood. “How is Varik tracking Synn? How did he know that we were so close? We should be nearly untraceable underwater, cloaked by the
lethara
as we are.”

The man with the pointed beard narrowed his gaze at me but said nothing.

I looked to my mother and murmured, “Could it have anything to do with the compulsion?”

She paused, thinking, then nodded. “It is possible. We should check with Ino Kilak.”

I swallowed, a cold chill running over me.

She raised her gaze to Haji. “You bring up a good point. We will do what we can to figure out how he is tracking Synn.”

Haji nodded and regained his seat.

“In the meantime, if there is nothing else?”

No one spoke.

“Then we have much to do and very little time. Please assist young Joshua in any way you can. Council is dismissed.”

I rose, not quite sure where I would be most needed. I decided to go find Keeley. Granted, I wasn’t very good with chemistry, but if she needed something applied to the
lethara
, my hands were deft enough and fairly useless otherwise.

“Synn,” Mother said, her hand settling on mine. “Stay. I would have a word with you.”

Sabine grabbed Yvette as soon as it was possible and the two walked out arm in arm.

The room emptied, except for the man with the pointed beard.

Mother motioned for him to join us. “Yotaka, I believe you have something you would like to say.”

He bowed low, keeping his gaze level with hers. “The boy needs training. He has had none since his Mark was formed.”

I nodded. “They gave me theory, and Joshua showed me how to call it up. I’ve experimented a little on my own. I could use the training,
sensei.
”

“I would be most honored if Ino Nami
shu
would allow me to instruct him.”

She bowed her head slightly. “It would be my honor to accept. However, there is the issue of compulsion.”

His beady gaze shifted in my direction in interest.

I clenched my hands into fists and looked away.

She tipped her head in my direction. “I would feel much better if you were taught after your head was your own and not that of our enemy.”

I fought to relax my jaw. She was right. “I understand.”

She kept hold of my hand. “Yotaka, I will send him to you as soon as I think he is fit for your instruction.”

He bowed and backed up until he had left the circle. Then he turned and left us in quiet.

She waited until we were alone before moving my hand to her lap. “I am sorry for the distance I put in our relationship,” she said in my language, Adalic.

I didn’t know what to say. “It must be hard for a mother to be forced to give up her child.”

She nodded. “It is.”

“I’m sure that in order to do so, it helped to create the distance.” As she’d done not only with me, but with Zara as well.

“Yes.” Her eyes met mine, not as a leader, but as a mother, as a person whose heart hurt. There was a vulnerability buried deep within that gaze. “So you understand?”

I paused to ensure my words were chosen correctly. “I’ve seen, yes, so there is some semblance of knowing.” I brought the fingertips of my other hand to my head. “But as far as understanding?” I put my fingertips to my chest. “I don’t know yet.”

She ducked her head. “I do not expect you to.”

I held up my hand, shifting in my chair so that I could see her better. “I lost my father, and for many months, I thought I had lost my Family. I very nearly lost my sense of self.”

Her gaze rose and met mine.

“It’s a new day, Mother.”

She nodded, her other hand cupping my cheek. “Are you here to help us, or are you a weapon meant to destroy us?”

“I believe we all hope to help.” I winced. “Unfortunately, we don’t know if we’re going to be a weapon until we’ve become one.”

She closed her eyes and nodded. “This is what I was afraid of when I mated with your father, but—” She smiled, her eyes opening. “He had his ways.”

I smiled with her, remembering him. “He did at that, didn’t he?”

She patted my hand. “You remind me of him. You’re different, of course. Your mood is darker than his. He was never so sullen.”

“Did he have reason to be?”

Her eyes grew sad and distant. “Each lifetime, each generation has its own burdens to bear.”

She didn’t say anything else.

I had no problem with moments of quiet. As a matter of fact, I kind of preferred them. But there was something I had to know. “Mother.” I didn’t know how to say what my heart needed to ask. The heart didn’t always speak in a language I easily understood.

She allowed me time to figure it out.

I took in a deep breath and tried to meet her gaze. I stared at her hand instead. “What if we fail?”

She didn’t immediately answer.

“What if we don’t get the material Joshua needs? What if we can’t build his radar in time?”

“There will be another plan.”

“But when will enough be enough?” I demanded, finally able to meet her gaze.

Her expression was calm.

“An entire city was destroyed because of me. I nearly got my friends killed because I didn’t want to be—” I choked on the words, bowing my head and clenching my jaw. “—her play toy again.”

She didn’t move, didn’t say anything.

“This is all happening because I was selfish, because I decided to run instead of stand up for myself. How much carnage will be too much?”

“First of all,” she said, scooting forward in her chair and taking both my hands, staring into my eyes with a fierceness I almost felt, “no son of Ino or El’Asim is any bitch’s play toy.”

I closed my eyes.

She didn’t allow it for long. “And secondly,” she shook my hands to get my attention.

I breathed, fighting with myself to have the courage to meet her gaze.

When she had it, she continued. “And secondly, we will find a way to keep you safe and away from that vicious woman.”

“But at what cost? What will be an acceptable toll?”

“You said it best when you said that all our actions affect those we lead. Our people know this when they follow us. They understand that we will not be one hundred percent right all the time.”

I opened my mouth to argue.

She reached up and grabbed my chin. “But a true leader understands this as well, and learns to accept it.” She didn’t leave any room for interpretation. “You have to allow yourself to make mistakes.”

I shook my head. Well, at least I tried. She wasn’t really allowing it. I relaxed.

She let go.

“But how does one live with that?” I asked softly.

She sat back a moment, her expression somber, her eyes shaded. “This is what it means to be a leader, to live with the consequences of our errors, the consequences we don’t face, but that others do for us; when others die because we erred in judgment or did not act fast enough. That is our burden. And it’s what makes us better, some of us. It’s what helps us to
be
better.”

I closed my eyes and bowed my head. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

She put her hand on top of my head, her lips following. “Your father said the same thing after you were born and his father died.”

I looked up. “He did?”

“We all doubt. Those that don’t?” She rose from her chair. “They’re the monsters. Keep your doubt, your fear, but learn to move with it, Synn. Only then will you be the leader our people need you to be.”

CHAPTER 23

WHAT HAD I DONE?

Ino Kilak
had quarters on the floor directly below the Family quarters, which made it convenient to meet with her, I guess. She was the Family’s spiritual advisor. Some might even call her a witch.

She was not a joy to be with.

She dug deep into issues I had no wish to touch upon, much less talk to another about. She wanted me to admit things to her, a stranger, someone I didn’t know and didn’t trust. After four days of her prying, digging, reaching, twisting, trying to get me to talk about things I had not admitted to even myself, I’d had enough.

I shot to my feet and headed toward the door.

The air shimmered in front of me with golden heat.

I stopped, my hands raised. I didn’t even know how to use my own Mark to defend myself, and she knew that.

“Synn,” she said, her voice crackling with age. “You cannot run or hide. Your issues are inside of you.”

I spun on her. “I need to get over this compulsion. Nothing more.”

“You gave her the power,” she said with a vehemence her frail body disguised. “Only you can take back what you gave away.”

“I didn’t give her anything!” I shouted.

She leveled a hard look at me, shuffling from the small table in the middle of her room to the larger one along the side wall that housed an odd array of shells, cups and other things. It looked like clutter to me, but I’m sure that they all made perfect sense to her. She was the Family witch after all.

“Isn’t there an herb I can take that will make this go away?”

“Do you want an herb you can take that will make it all go away?”

I nodded, my hand flopping to my side. “Yes, actually, I do.”

“Fine,” she said with a sigh that I couldn’t see from her hunched back. “I will make you a brew, you will drink it and you will be cured.”

I rolled my eyes and walked back into her room. “There is no brew that will cure me.”

“That is what I said, I think.”

I raked my fingers along my scalp, pulling my hair out of my ponytail. Walking to her window, I looked over the glowing, pulsing city. “What am I supposed to do? Just talk about it?”

She snorted and ambled back to the table in the middle of the room. “Talk. No. But I do need to know what you gave to her so that I can help you figure out how to take it back.”

I knew the moment we were talking about. I was fairly certain I’d figured it out. But I didn’t know her, didn’t trust her.

“Trust is a luxury,” she said with a low cackle. “One that you no longer have, young El’Asim.”

What was she doing? Reading my mind?

She cackled again, showing how many teeth she’d lost. “Not quite reading your mind, young man, but your expressions.”

I flung my arm to the window. “I should be out there, helping, not in here talking.”

“Ah, that sounds like a fantastic excuse to continue hiding.” She picked up a wooden plate and scraped something off of it with a spoon. I was afraid to ask what it was. “And what will you do when hiding is no longer an option, when the Hands have found you, cornered you and are ready to take you away with them?”

“If there are too many casualties, I’ll leave with them.”

“So you have the solution already.” She clattered the spoon to the plate. “What do you need me for?”

That was a very good question. I turned and glared at the cityscape. We were deep in the ocean now. There were no more blues in the deeper waters, just black like night, but without our moons, our planet or our stars. I missed my sky.

“Do you want to escape?”

“Where?”

“From here,” she said simply. “Do you want to escape from here and go back to the Hands, back to your queen?”

I spat on the floor. “She was never my queen.”

“And yet she is the one you are hoping to escape to.”

I shook my head. “I am conflicted. I’m—” This was stupid, talking to an old woman. What would she know? How could she possibly help?

She waited expectantly.

I ran my hand through my hair. I had to obtain control, which meant I had to be honest. “I’m at war with myself.”

“Ah, finally, a truth. What parts of you are at war?”

The words choked in my throat, but I needed to start my training, and Mother wouldn’t release me until Ino Kilak approved it. “My mind and my heart. My heart wishes to remain free.”

“And your mind?”

“Is seeking the reasons to return.” I closed my eyes and leaned against the brick wall. “There are too many casualties, there’s too much at stake, too much to lose.”

“At least you are seeing this now. If you survive, you might become a wise leader.”

I snorted.

“But you’re also full of shit.”

I turned on her, indignant. “I am not.”

She waved the spoon at me. “Your mind is using that as an excuse, finding logic in your honor to obey
her
will,
her
command,
her
control. You need to find the source of compulsion so that your logic is yours and yours alone.”

“Do you think it’s okay for me to accept people dying because I’m hiding? Because I’m a coward?”

She threw the spoon at me.

She hit me, too. I batted at it after it hit me in the head and fell to the floor. I stared at her.