"Yeah, so did we," he purred. "You said yes.
Usually after a proposal, people follow it up with a dress and some
vows." He kissed me once more before climbing off me. "Maybe even
some cake and lingerie…"
"Really?" I asked in a playful tone. "I had
no idea."
Shaking his head, he grabbed his keys and
smiled at me ruefully. "You drive me fucking crazy with your
indecisiveness."
"Just so you know," I said as Kyle opened our
bedroom door. "I was never undecided about you."
He raised his brow as he smirked at me. "Oh
yeah?"
"Yeah." I nodded returning his smile. "You
had me at
you wanna take a shot with me, sweetheart
."
His face broke out in a huge smile. It was a
rare smile. It was an awesome smile. "Well, you sure fooled me." He
shook his head in amusement as he opened the door. "Be good,
princess."
****
"Come on, sweetie," I said to Hope when I
heard the front door slam. Bending down, I picked her up and winced
when a sharp stab of pain ricocheted through my back and hips.
"Mommy's very unfit, Hope," I groaned as I carried her out of our
room and down the stairs. The heat that flared through my joints
intensified with every step I took on the stair case. "Maybe we
should make a slide for mommy," I mumbled when I reached the bottom
step. "Or buy a Zimmer frame." Hope beamed up at me with such an
innocent expression that I felt a twinge of remorse for feeling
sorry for myself.
"So, what's our plan of action while daddy's
away?" I cooed as I carried her into the lounge and lowered myself
onto the couch before sitting Hope on the floor between my legs.
The house was eerily quiet without Kyle's larger than life
presence. This was the first time he had left us on our own in the
new house and I was already having a weak moment, wishing we'd gone
with him when he asked. I'd wanted some freedom and Kyle was giving
it to me. I should be happy. I shouldn’t feel so…lost.
"Grow up, Lee. You can do this," I muttered
to myself in a bid to calm my flailing nerves. If I couldn’t handle
a couple of hours on my own without him, what hope did I have?
I was too dependent on Kyle and that worried
the life out of me because…well, because a potent part of my mind
was convinced Kyle would change his mind about me–and an even
bigger part of my mind wondered why he hadn’t already…He was
successful, strong and driven. I was needy, plain and boring. We
were arguing all of the time again. Nothing went smoothly for us.
We never seemed to get anything right. We had fallen into this
relationship head first and eyes closed. He didn’t know much about
relationships and I knew even less. His response to fear was to
control me. My response was to run…
That picture of Derek and Cam popped into my
mind and I cringed. They were so in love. Their relationship–before
it went to hell–had been one of unambiguous equality. Just thinking
about how in sync Cam and Derek used to be made the fears and
doubts I had about me and Kyle rise to nerve-raking levels. I would
never admit it out loud, especially not to Kyle, but in my eyes I
could only see one reason for him loving me, and that reason was
sitting on the floor, babbling happily. He was so young, had so
much on his plate and I was another weight on his shoulders. A
burden.
No, you know he loves you. Stop freaking
yourself out.
But how long would he love me? If we weren’t
able to move past the obstacle that was my mother, would Kyle leave
me? I knew he was disappointed in me. I saw it in his eyes the
other night. He couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to have
anything to do with Tracy…and I was awful at trying to explain my
feelings. I loved him. Oh god, I loved him so much, but if he left
me…if it became too much from him, where would I be?
Pulling my phone out of my jeans pocket, I
sent Kyle a quick text before sliding off the couch to sit on the
floor with Hope.
Faith.
I needed to have some faith…
****
Kyle
"How did it go?" Derek asked me as he opened
the front door in his boxers. I'd come straight from my attorney's
office to check on him. This trial was hanging over us like a
goddamn raincloud. It was a messy ordeal. One I wished we could get
the hell away from. I'd be happy if they dumped her ass in a jail
cell for the next sixty years. That would suit me just fine. I only
wished they took away her letter privileges. She kept fucking
writing to me. I received another one this morning. She sent me one
a week, but I'd only read the first letter. It came about three
weeks after her arrest and the crazy shit she had spurted had been
enough to make the blood in my veins turn to ice. I remembered one
specific line in the third paragraph.
'He's going to get her, Kyle. You won't be
able to save her this time. It's already happening and you have no
idea…'
Logically I knew Rachel was just trying to
mess with my head. She was the only one who held a grudge on Lee,
but I still hired a private investigator to ease my nerves. After
weeks of digging he'd found nothing. Not one piece of evidence to
back up Rachel's claims. Since then I brought all of her letters to
Kelsie unopened. I didn't want Lee knowing Rachel was in contact
with me and getting any notions. She was insecure enough and I was
the one who had made her that way. She didn't need the unnecessary
worry, certainly not about where my loyalties laid. I had my heart
set on her. I had my whole future banked on her…
My attorneys had advised me to say nothing to
the cops and let her write as many as she wanted. She wasn't
sending anything to Lee, so I was able to handle this without her
knowing. Rachel was pleading not guilty to all charges–based on the
grounds of diminished responsibility– and with every letter she
sent me, she was becoming more frantic and closer to
confessing.
I couldn't be more relieved that she'd
decided not to plead guilty on the grounds of insanity. It had been
a major concern for me. It would have been a fucking crime in
itself to abuse the system by allowing that woman to use insanity
as her excuse. She wasn't insane. She was evil. Mental health
wasn't something that should be mocked. It wasn't fair to the
people who truly suffered and it wasn't fucking fair to the
families of victims who were seeking justice from the judicial
system.
Kelsie was sure Rachel was cracking and it
was only a matter of time before it all spilled out. If we could
break her down, we might get a full admission out of her and avoid
a trial. We were playing dirty, but she'd started it and I was
taking her down. I wasn't depending on anyone else to do it for me.
As it stood I was sick to my stomach over the fact that she was
getting a trial. She fucking did it! Why the hell anyone had to sit
in a courtroom and discuss her reasons was beyond me. There was no
reason, NONE, that made it okay for her to take away another
person's life. It didn't matter that she
didn't mean
to kill
Cam. She fucking meant to kill
Lee
. That should be
enough…
"Same," I muttered, walking past him to the
kitchen. The only good piece of news I'd received today was the
text message Lee had sent me this morning.
*I love you, Kyle Carter.*
I'd sagged in relief when I read it and
thanked god she was over the whole mother thing. I'd texted her
back a smiley face and couldn’t fucking wait to get home…
"You fix things with Lee?" Derek asked,
stirring me from my thoughts. "I assume that you had something to
do with her calling me at twelve-thirty at night. Crying again,
Kyle. Upset
again
."
"It's sorted," I snapped in annoyance.
"Hope so," he mumbled. "Girl doesn’t need any
more stress in her life."
"She's fine, Derek," I said in a warning tone
as I glared at him.
"Fine," he answered as he raised his hands in
defense. "Only tryna help you out here, dude."
I stared long and hard at him for a moment
and had to force my hands to stay by my sides. He was fading away
in front of my eyes and it made me sick to my stomach to have to
watch it. Derek had always been a muscular guy. He'd built up his
form by slaving away at the gym for years and eating well. Hell,
he'd played more sports in high school than I'd known existed and
kicked my ass at just about every sport we'd ever played. The only
advantage I had was that I could run faster and hit harder. I
figured that was down to how we were raised. Derek had decent
parents, a stable home life and after school activities growing up.
I had myself and my fists.
I'd been to his hometown of Addyston for
winter break of freshman year. I'd seen the photos, awards and
trophies draped around his bedroom. The guy was as close to a
physical machine you could get. It seemed hard to believe that the
lean framed guy standing in front of me was the same Derek...
Opening the fridge, I started to unload the
groceries I'd bought for him. He looked like death warmed up and if
he didn't get rid of that wild animal look he was sporting on his
face soon, I was going to break in when he was asleep and do it for
him. "Here," I muttered as I tossed a packet of disposable razors
in his direction. "I can't talk to you when your face looks like an
old lady's vagina."
Catching the packet mid-air, Derek smirked.
"How would you know what an old lady's…?"
"Go shave," I ordered as I handed him the bag
of clothes I'd brought over. "Shower and put some clean clothes on.
I'll cook something and then we're both gonna sit down and eat a
meal."
"Jesus Christ," he snapped. "Why the fuck
can't you just leave me alone and go order Lee around instead? I'm
not your problem, Kyle. I want to be on my own."
"Sorry, dude," I said as I turned on the gas
and grabbed a skillet. "I've already reached my
piss Lee off
quota for today. It's your turn."
"Pain in my ass," he growled as he retreated
with his bags.
"Don't forget to wash behind your ears,
sunshine."
****
Twenty minutes later, Derek returned to the
kitchen looking more himself. He still looked like a bag of bones,
but at least I could see his face again. "Sit down," I told him as
I placed two bowls of mac and cheese on the table.
"Comfort food," he mused as he slumped in his
usual chair, closest to the door. "That cooking class during the
summer served you well, man," he muttered as he took a bite of
pasta. "Your roux is getting better." He licked his lips and
stabbed his food with his fork. I sagged in relief at seeing him
eat.
Thank god…"
A little less flour next time should thin it
out."
"Yeah," I chuckled as I sat in my spot and
grabbed a fork. My dish was a poor substitute for Derek's. None of
us could cook like him. Seriously, the guy could serve up food
worthy of a five star restaurant. "Why didn't you go further with
it, Der?"
"Further with what?" he asked as he hoofed
another forkful of food into his mouth.
"Cooking," I replied. "You're awesome, man.
Better than most of the chef's I have on my books."
He lowered his fork and stared straight ahead
for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "The family business
is construction." He said it as if that was an answer in
itself.
"So?" I muttered as I pushed my chair back
and went in search of a clean glass. "Isn't your brother…what's his
name again…Jake?"
"Jackson," Derek mumbled as he swallowed some
food.
"Yeah, isn't Jackson helping your dad with
the business?" Rinsing two glasses, I filled them with water before
heading back to the table. "Is construction something you're even
interested in? You've never talked much about it."
"Is the hotel business something you're
interested in?" he countered as he took the glass from me, his eyes
boring into mine.
"Fair point," I mumbled, feeling a little
burned. The hotel business was definitely not something I was
interested in. It was something I was
in
. I didn't have a
choice…
"Look, Kyle," Derek said wearily. "Sometimes
we gotta do what we gotta do." He stood up and moved to the fridge.
"What I did for a living was never going to be what I was–who I
was. It was just a means to have a good life…"
"And now?" I asked as I watched him open a
can of beer and chug it back.
Derek sighed heavily. "And now…." He stopped
speaking. His eyes flickered to the floor and I watched as he
flinched and scrunched his eyes shut. "There's no now. There's only
then. Now is full of regrets."
"Derek." I shook my head and made to stand
up, but he held his hand out to ward me off.
"No," he whispered as he backed out of the
kitchen. "Just…just go away, Kyle. Please."
I dropped my head in my hands as I listened
to sound of his footsteps retreating down the hallway and then the
sound of the front door slamming.
What the hell was I going to do with him?
How could you help someone who not only
didn't want your help, but they didn't want to help themselves?
Standing slowly, I grabbed the hoover and set
about cleaning the dump that once upon a time had been my
house.
****
Lee
I was closing out Hope's bedroom door, after
putting her down for the night, when I heard the sound of a car
engine revving outside. I made my way down the stairs cautiously,
freezing on the bottom step when the front door opened inwards.
"I'm so fucking sorry I'm late, princess,"
Kyle grumbled as he stalked into the hallway, his hair drenched
from rain. Dropping his messenger bag on the floor, he proceeded to
strip off his jacket and tie. "I know I said I'd only be a couple
of hours, but I stopped by to see Derek, and he…and time got away
from me." I watched him undo the top two buttons of his shirt as he
prowled towards me with a look of hunger in his eyes. "I missed
you," he purred, coming close enough to wrap his hands around my
waist, and even though I was standing on the step above him, my
forehead barely reached his nose.