“What is this?”
“Does it matter?”
I drank it. It was like water, and I held my glass up again. “More.” I needed more than more. Tonight I wanted to get drunk. All the pain needed to stop. I wanted to go back to being numb. Life was so much easier then.
We didn’t talk. Logan took my glass from my hand and went into the living room. When he went to turn the light on, I cried out, “Don’t.” He heard me this time and let the dark remain. I sat on one couch, and he took a chair across from me. The large windows were behind him and moonlight shone inside; no curtains restricted it. It felt warming to me. I had no idea why, maybe if the lights were on then I’d have to face reality. If the lights remained off, I could still hide.
If that was the case, I never wanted to turn the lights on again. I wanted to hide from this. I wanted to run, but I couldn’t, so I asked for another drink. That’d be my escape for the night.
It wasn’t until my fourth drink that I began to feel the alcohol. I drew in a shuddering breath. It needed to work faster. I thrust my glass out and leaned forward. “Again.”
Logan raised an eyebrow, but he filled it. Leaning back, he tipped the bottle and drank straight from it. His glass was left forgotten on the table beside him. As he finished and tucked the bottle into the seat beside him, he asked, “You want to talk about it?”
“No.” Yes, but not with him. I sighed and gave in. “Did he fuck her?”
“Not that I know.”
“What do you know?”
“That he did it all to protect you.”
I shook my head. That wasn’t good enough. He was with her and not me—he was kissing her, touching her, tasting her—my stomach rolled over, and pain flooded back in. I couldn’t get the images out of my head.
“Sam.” Logan leaned forward. Resting his arms on his legs, he dipped his head down and waited.
I shook my head again.
He didn’t look away.
I waved my hand at him instead.
Still nothing. He gave me a faint grin. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You did,” I choked out. “You both did. You left me.”
“That was for you—”
“It wasn’t.” It so wasn’t. They did that for them. “You could’ve texted me or called. You ignored my calls.” I was left out of the loop. Didn’t they get that? No, Mason wasn’t there. Didn’t Logan get it? There was complete silence from them and no warning that it was going to happen.
My chest constricted. It was like before. David dropped me. So did Garrett. I had them or I thought I had them and then nothing after that. I drew in a painful breath. I couldn’t go through that again, and I thought I had. Mason still wasn’t here. He was still with her.
So much damn pain and Logan had no clue how it felt.
“You’re lucky, do you know that?”
He frowned, but leaned back in his chair again. The bottle was lifted for another drink. His eyes were lidded, but I knew he was going to let me talk.
“Your parents would do anything for you.”
Logan snorted.
My eyes jerked to his. “What’s that mean? Your parents would. Your mother moved back here for you guys.”
“Yeah and she did that because my dad’s choosing his new psycho over his sons.” He stared right back at me, without pausing or breaking stride. His tone was cool. “And my dad doesn’t love your mom. You have to know that, don’t you? She’s his pet project. It’s like he’s trying to make up for all his past fuck-ups by fixing her. It’s pathetic. No, Sam. We’re not that lucky. We’ve got a messed-up parents just like you.”
I drew in a breath. “Did yours slap you around?”
“Did yours tell you to fuck a colleague’s daughter because she was fat and lonely?” Logan laughed to himself. His eyes were hard. “The guy didn’t even care that she’d be hurt later. He said the one time would be enough for her to hold onto through college. He said he had no hope for his daughter finding a guy, and one good screw could help her out.”
“You know who your parents are.”
“So do you,” he threw right back. Lifting the bottle again, he drank from it and tucked it back in place. “What are you doing, Sam? Tit for tat? Are you trying to make me feel sorry for you? Mason’s not with her because he wants to be. He’s with her to protect you.”
“How?” It ripped from me. “He gave her what she wants. She won, Logan. Don’t you get that? She beat me up, tried to make my friend dump me, and she didn’t even get in trouble for it. That’s not right.”
“She got ISS.”
“In-school suspension is not good enough.” I shot forward.
So did he. “Stop. Your ribs, Sam.”
“I’m too drunk to feel it.” But not drunk enough to stop the other pain. Those images kept flooding in. I couldn’t get rid of them. “Why didn’t she get in more trouble? Why wasn’t she arrested? She should’ve been arrested.”
Logan sighed. “You want the truth?”
It was my turn to snort. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted. No one tells the truth anymore.”
“Kate’s uncle is a cop. That’s why she didn’t get arrested. When Principal Green was going to expel her, he got a visit from her uncle and some of his buddies. They twisted his arm so she only got in-school suspension, and he can’t let the ringleader off and expel the other three, so all four got ISS.”
“It’s bullshit.”
“Yeah.” He didn’t hide from it. “That’s why we don’t bother with reporting shit. We learned long ago it doesn’t do a thing. We settle things our way now.”
Their way? “Screwing the enemy? Is that how you do it?”
“No, Sam.” He stood. “Is that all you can think about? Look, Mason didn’t want you to know about it. He’s protecting you again so that you’re not a part of it. I know you’ve had a rough ride, but what have we done to lose your trust?”
“He’s fucking her,” I cried out and pushed up from the couch. Then I swayed. The alcohol made me sluggish, but a sudden sharp stabbing had me falling to the side. Grabbing my side, I bent over again.
Logan cursed, but caught me. “Sam, stop. Sit down.”
I shook my head and pushed him away. Then I regretted it. He was sturdy. He was strong. I needed his support at that moment. “Logan.”
Everything crumbled inside me. A sob escaped me, but then he was there. He sat on the couch beside me and pulled me into him. A hand went to my head, pushing it down to his chest, but then it didn’t matter. I was clinging to him as more and more tears racked through me.
The image of Mason with her wouldn’t stop. It repeated over and over.
“Logan.”
“Shhh.” He began running a hand down my back and smoothing down my hair. “You can cry, Sam. You can always cry. You just can’t let it stop you from fighting. That’s the only thing.”
He was touching her. He was kissing her. I couldn’t think about it. Shaking my head against Logan’s shoulder, I clutched his shirt even tighter and pressed into him.
Logan drew in a breath, and he never released it. He had gone from being comforting to being rigid.
I pressed even more against him. Mason was still touching her in my mind. Her hand gripped his hair, and she was moving over his lap in a seductive rhythm. A growl burst from me. I hated it. I hated her. “Logan.” I shuddered against him.
“Sam.” His voice broke and he quieted.
I clambered to get closer. Lifting my legs onto the couch, I kneeled beside him, pressing into the couch so I was almost on his lap. His hand swept down and caught one of my legs. He lifted it with me, and I let out a ragged breath. I needed his comfort. That was all I needed. Slipping my arms around him, I hugged him. My cheek went to his shoulder, and my eyes closed.
“Sam,” he murmured again. His hand began rubbing on my thigh where he gripped me. “You need to stop. Your ribs can’t take this.”
He was right. I tried to get closer to him.
“You’re going to fracture them again.”
I was, but Mason was still touching her. His lips were on hers. He wanted to slip inside of her, and she let him. She savored it. I could tell. That was my place. She had replaced me. “Logan,” I whispered now.
His hand smoothed my hair, running down and over my back to circle up and repeat the caress. His other hand was rubbing over my thigh.
I paused.
A small trigger went off. Mason. He was close. I felt his presence how I always felt him, but that wasn’t true. It was in my mind. He was with her. Kissing her. Stroking her.
It was like his hand went into my chest and grabbed my heart. He squeezed it with every memory. He was with her. I needed it gone. Now. Anyway I could, and I felt Logan’s hand then. It touched the side of my face and I turned back to him. Mason moved to the back of my mind.
“What the fuck?”
But he wasn’t. I turned. Mason was standing right there. He wasn’t in the back of my mind anymore.
Logan’s hand jerked away, like it’d been burned. He lifted me off his lap to the couch and stood up. “It’s not what you think.”
Mason was there. The timing struck me, and I started laughing. He was there now, and
that
was all he had to say. Neither of them said another word. Both were silent and I couldn’t stop laughing. No. I was crying now. The booze wasn’t helping. I was still feeling everything, even the pain from my ribs were hurting me again. I tried to stop laughing, but I couldn’t. The couch had imprisoned me. I curled to my side and stopped laughing enough so I could draw in a deep breath.
Shit. My ribs were really hurting.
“Is she drunk?” Mason asked now.
That struck me as even more hilarious. High-pitched laughter peeled from me. Then I begin giggling in between, alternating between the two with a sniffle every now and then. Nope. I sobbed now. More laughter, giggle, sobbing. I couldn’t stop.
Logan’s voice lowered. He was cautious. “She saw you and Kate.”
“I know,” Mason whipped at him.
The rage was there. He was barely holding it back. I recognized it, but I couldn’t say anything. I was able to stop the laughs so only giggles came from me, but then I realized I didn’t want to stop. It would hurt again once I did. He’d been touching her.
“Sam.”
I held a hand out to stop him and buried my head into the couch. It muffled some of my hysteria.
“What the hell did you do to her?” he growled.
Logan snapped back, “What do you think? She saw you with Kate.”
“I told her—”
“She saw you, Mason! You’re ready to beat me up because I was
comforting
her. You were
making out
with another girl. Put two and two together.”
“I am.”
“You’re not. She’s hurting, like a lot, and not just from seeing you and Kate. She’s drunk as hell, but her ribs have gotta be killing her.”
Mason cursed.
My laughter had subsided to soft chuckles now, but I still couldn’t stop them. So much damn pain was slicing through me. I couldn’t move so I stayed there, curled into the couch, my head pressed against the cushion. It hid the tears that I couldn’t stop either.
I was a mess.
But they were there. Both of them. This was what I wanted. I needed to know they would come back. Someone sat beside me and the couch shifted underneath me. Another burst of fresh pain went through me. This time it was like a knife had been stuck deep into me. It was pulled back out and back in, over and over.
“I’m sorry, Sam.” Mason touched my arm now. It was so gentle, so tender. It brought a new wave of tears. He tugged on me.
“Be gentle with her.”
“Can you leave us alone?”
He wanted to talk to me, but I couldn’t talk to him now. What had I done? No. What had I been about to do? Another image of Kate straddling him flared again and I stopped crying.
“Sam,” he murmured again as a door shut somewhere in the house. His arms slid underneath me on the couch, and I was lifted in the air a moment later.
I froze. He was going to jar everything again, but he didn’t. He moved me in the exact position I was in. No new pain went through me. Then I was lifted to his lap instead. It felt wrong. All of this was wrong. Gritting my teeth, I pushed past the pain and stood from him.
“Sam.” He stood with me.
“No.”
“Yes.”
“NO.” Everything was muddled in my head, but he touched another girl. That wasn’t okay with me. “You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Sam.” He reached for me again.
Slapping his hand down, I seethed, “You shouldn’t have. You fucked her.”
“I didn’t.”
“You did.” He must have. That was how she was kissing him, as if they had …
“I didn’t. I swear.” The disgust was clear in his voice. “I only touched her when Roussou people were around. I had to, Sam. I had to do it. It saved you, and it hurt her. It will. I didn’t cheat on you.”
“You were kissing her.”
“Because I had to,” he ground out. “I had to. Don’t you see that? He had to know about her. He was looking for you the whole time. It was only a matter of time before your name was slipped. I couldn’t let him hurt you. I couldn’t.”
I stopped to breathe. One moment, that was all I needed. My head was pounding. A stabbing pain kept overwhelming me, over and over again. I held a hand out for him to stop. I needed another moment.
“Sam,” he choked out.
“Stop.”
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“NO … no.”
“Mason,” it left me in a whimper. He went away for only one night and day. That was all it took for me to become a mess, for my world to crumble. I swung my gaze to the couch. I’d been there before with—I shook my head. Standing there, I was hurting and all I wanted was to be in his arms. I wanted all of it to go away, but it wouldn’t. I shook my head. It wouldn’t. I knew too much. “What’s he going to do to her?”
“I don’t know.”
“Couldn’t you stop him some other way?”
“Not Budd Broudou. He hates me, Sam. He’s going to hurt me the worst way he could, and that’s through you. Do you see what I was doing now? He wanted my girlfriend, so I gave him a girlfriend. I spent an entire week with her touching me, but it wasn’t until last night that I kissed her. I swear. He had to be there, and he needed to see us tonight, too.”
“Is it going to be enough?”
He lifted his hands in a helpless gesture. “I hope. Once Budd sees something for his own eyes, he doesn’t go against it. He won’t trust what other people tell him. Besides, something tells me that there are people close to him who won’t let him know about you.”