Authors: Valia Lind
"Grayson and I are working on my portfolio. When we're done, I'm sending it to design schools and—"
"You're going to take some boy’s opinion over your own parents?"
"I don’t get an opinion! You give me a command." I shout. "You don't ask what I want. You don't care about my happiness."
"Stop being such a drama queen. I'm thinking of your future."
"I'm not a cookie cutter daughter and I will never be. I'm sorry if that disappoints you, but I guess you should be used to being disappointed in me by now right?"
I turn and head up the stairs before he can say another word. It's the same argument over and over. Isn't the definition of insanity doing the same thing and hoping for different results? I guess this means I'm insane because nothing I just said was different from any of the arguments we've had before. Yet, Dad is still not listening.
As I shut my bedroom door, I refuse to give in to any more tears. I've cried enough to last me a while. Grabbing my journal, I make my way to the bed. I don’t want to think about my family or the ever present argument, so my mind drifts to Grayson.
We were about to kiss. I didn't imagine that. I know I didn't. I could feel his body against mine, the same pull in his eyes as I'm sure he saw reflected back at him.
I flip over to my side as my mind runs over the events of the day. The way he sang in his car, the care he took to find a fashion show we can go to and prepare us lunch. How he held me when I told him about my family, about not being good enough. How he told me to be myself, and no one else. He's everything I've ever wanted wrapped up in a package that I would've never expected. I’d be foolish to deny the fact that I care about him, but the extent of my own feelings frighten me.
When I see him Monday what do I say? How do I act?
Have the rules changed?
THIRTY - TWO
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't. - Author Unknown
Grayson has been gone for three days.
That's three whole days that I've spent walking around like a zombie and second guessing everything. He hasn't returned any of my calls or texts. All I got on Monday was a message that read,
Something came up. Talk to you soon
.
That was it. I texted him that night to see if everything was okay and nothing. It's like I suddenly have the plague. Maybe things did change last Saturday, but not in the way that I thought. Not for the first time, I wish Paige was here to guide me through this madness. She's always been so good with guys. Well, except that jerk face Brad, but he was just a real charmer from the beginning. Even smart girls make stupid mistakes for a pretty face. I think I'm about to pass out from all this nervous energy. Are Paige and I more alike than I’ve imagined?
"Brooklynn, are you with us?" Dakota waves her hand in front of my face. We're sitting at our table at lunch, Chance on one side of me and Dakota across. I realize they were talking to me, but I'm spacing so hard I didn't hear a word they said.
"I'm here."
"Well physically maybe," Chance says, popping a few chips into his mouth. "but where is that head of yours?" I see Dakota raise an eyebrow, but she doesn't comment.
"Just thinking." My mind drifts back to Grayson, but I don’t get to dwell on him for long before a noise snaps me back to the present.
"Alright, that is it." Both Chance and I jump at Dakota's exclamation. She stands in huff and motions for me to get up with her hand. "If you’ll excuse us Chance, Brooklynn and I need a little girl time." I glance back at Chance helplessly but he just shrugs his shoulders, giving me a thumbs up. I think I need new friends.
"What is going on?" Dakota demands as soon as we're far enough away from the busy lunch crowd to not be overheard.
"Nothing is going on."
"Seriously Brooklynn, spill or I'm about to shake it out of you. You've been in a funk all week."
I take a deep breath, studying my best friend. She's not budging. There is no way she's letting me walk away from this and I realize I want to tell her. I'm just not sure it's a good idea since she's all team Grayson and I kind of don't know how I feel anymore.
So I tell her. I tell her about Saturday, and what happened after I got home, and the fact that I haven't heard from him in three days.
"Oh. My. Word!"
"Please don't squeal," I interrupt knowing full well she's about to. "It doesn't mean anything."
"You almost kissed, it does mean something! It means everything. I totally told you he was into you. You guys need to get it on already before both of you self-combust."
"Classy Dakota," I roll my eyes at her, but feel my cheeks heat up. "But you’re forgetting that we didn't kiss and he's been ignoring me ever since. What am I supposed to think? It could be all in my head. I could, of course, just drive out to his house and demand an explanation. Maybe then I'll actually sleep at night, but I have no idea if I want to know the answer."
I stop my rant when my friend grows quiet beside me.
"What?" I ask, afraid of the answer already.
"You are driving over to see him, that's perfect. You can talk to him without any interference from people who shall be left unnamed and get some answers. Maybe he's sick or something. Then you can take care of him and he can fall madly in love with you, not that's he's not already, and it'll be all romantic and—"
"Can you please stop? You're freaking me out."
"Fine, but I'm driving you after school."
❧ ❧ ❧
"I'm not going in there."
"Yes, you are."
It's after school and we're parked a house away from Grayson's. I'm staring at the place as if it holds the secrets to the universe, and maybe it does. To my universe that is. We've been here for ten minutes and I still can't make myself move.
"I swear if you don't get out of this car right now I'm literally dragging your butt to that front door." She's been watching me fidget and for a second I'm afraid she'll get out of the car and walk to the house herself.
"I don't know, Dakota, maybe this was a bad idea."
"It's a great idea, which is exactly why you told me about it, because you knew I'd make sure you went thru with it." I kind of hate that she's right. I continue to stare at the house in front of me, my hands shaking in my lap. I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing here. Maybe there is a reason he's not talking to me, like I don't know, that he's done with me? I hate how selfish my thoughts are, but I really can't help it.
"Dakota, just drive. I'm not going in there. It's stupid."
"It's not stupid to worry about someone you care about." I glance at her in shock and see the understanding in her eyes. She knows a lot more about how I'm feeling than I seem to. "Go. Go or I'm getting out," she threatens, unbuckling her seatbelt.
Sighing loudly, I get out of the vehicle and make my way to the front door, all the while trying not to shake like a leaf in a storm. I'm the clingy girlfriend and I'm not even the girlfriend. I knock on the door, half hoping no one answers. I stand there for a few moments, then with a shake of my head I turn to leave. "I can't do this." I mumble, not hearing the door open behind me.
"Brooklynn?" I whip around, coming face to face with Grayson. I haven't realized just how much I missed him until I see him standing few feet in front of me. He looks exhausted.
"I was worried," I finally manage and something flickers in his eyes. Without a word, he steps to the side, motioning me in. I can only imagine Dakota's smug smile as she drives past the house.
Grayson shuts the door behind me, but I still won't meet his eyes. I'm studying the room around me as if seeing it for the first time. Before either one of us can find the words to speak, a loud wail shatters the quiet of the house. I glance sharply at Grayson, but he's already running up the stairs. I wait a moment before following up.
When I reach the cause of the screaming, I find Grayson on the bed next to a thrashing Noah. I freeze in the doorway, unable to tear my gaze away from the scene in front of me.
"Shh, Noah, it's only a dream. Just a bad dream. Wake up buddy. Grayson is here. Wake up." He's kneeling on the bed, his arms wrapped tightly around the little boy sobbing into his shoulder. Grayson strokes Noah's head, murmuring little reassurances and I feel my heart crack at the sight. The gentleness of Grayson's touch seems to calm Noah's fears, his shallow breaths the only noise in the room now. For some reason I wish I had Grayson's camera so I can capture this moment.
"He's been sick," Grayson says over his brother's head, "His fever has been pretty high and he gets these nightmares. I'm the only who can calm him down." I watch as Noah peaks out from under Grayson.
"Hi, Brooklynn," he mumbles.
I move toward the bed. "Hi buddy, what is this sickness? If this is a plan to lure me back into your clutches, it's a little extreme." He giggles at my words, his little face lighting up against the harsh redness of his cheeks. Carefully, I settle beside him on the bed. After a moment, Noah scoots out of Grayson's arms a little to see me better.
"You know, you could've just asked me to come over," I say.
Noah leans closer to me, his face pulled in concentration, as he whispers, "Grayson wouldn't let me."
"What?" I gasp, my hand flying to my chest in shock. "How dare he stand in the way!" The boy bursts out laughing and I can't help but glance up at his brother. Grayson is grinning at me as if I've hung the moon and the stars. "So what do you do for entertainment around here?" I ask, knowing the best cure for nightmares is distraction. Noah ducks his head a little, as if embarrassed, and I have to lean in to hear his answer.
"Grayson tells me stories."
"Stories? What kind of stories?"
"Adventure stories. Like Indiana Jones. I like him a lot. He's brave and he fights stuff and he finds stuff too." I grin at the descriptions, settling a little bit more comfortably against the pillows. I wait as a coughing fit shakes his small shoulders, and after a moment he continues. "I've seen all the movies, even the new one. But I like the old ones better. Do you like the old ones better?"
"Actually, I do." Noah's eyes light up even more and I feel like I just scored a huge point. He shifts a bit, so he's now more next to me than his brother.
"Do you tell stories, Brooklynn?" He looks skinnier than the last time I saw him, his cheeks a lot more predominate.
"As a matter of fact, I do. Would you like to hear one?" The nod couldn't come fast enough. My heart swells at the sight of his little excited face, and I scoot off the bed to grab my bag. "I'm going to tell you a story, but you're going to have to help me okay?" He agrees, almost bouncing on his bed. I pull out my sketchbook and pencils, before settling back against the headboard. Noah is next to me as fast as his little tired body can move. He snuggles under my arm while I open my book to a blank page.
"Let me tell you about a little boy who went on a big adventure," I begin. My eyes drift to meet Grayson's sitting, on the other side of Noah. The intensity I find there is awe-spiring. Overwhelming. Breathtaking. I have to catch myself before I sigh out loud. Focusing on the little boy snuggled into my side, I return to my sketchbook.
Maybe I'm catching the fever Noah has, because my skin is on fire. Everything around me blurs, but for the two boys beside me. I wrap one of my arms around Noah, as he burrows farther into my embrace. I try not to look at Grayson, but I can't seem to keep my gaze away. There are promises in his eyes and those promises are meant for me. I realize, not for the first time, that this boy, this Grayson is so different from what I've ever pictured him to be, I don't exactly know what to do with myself. The thoughts I've been entertaining don't seem appropriate or possible and yet as he watches me tell his brother a story, I can't help but think that they are and it's up to me.
The ball is in my court.
THIRTY - THREE
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.
- Emo Phillips
"You're amazing," Grayson states as we make our way down the stairs.
Noah is fast asleep in his room, snuggled under the blankets, still clutching one of the pictures I drew for him. Dakota texted me about ten minutes ago, saying she's on her way and is beyond sorry, but she has dinner with family tonight so she has to come get me now. I don't mind, mostly. Noah fell asleep, snuggled to my side and it was hard enough untangling myself to leave. Now, Grayson's words wash over me, making me tingly all over again.
Suddenly, I'm in his arms.
He holds me close, his face buried in the side of my neck. The desperation in his embrace makes me lightheaded. I'm helpless to do anything, but hold him tight. He exhales and I feel the air on my skin, sending goosebumps down my arms. We stand there for an eternity that's still not long enough as his body shudders under me. Finally, he takes a step back, but not far enough to let me go, placing his forehead against mine.
"Thank you, Brooklynn," he speaks softly, as if it's secret only I'm supposed to know. "I haven't seen him laugh in days. Thank you."