Falling for Rain (15 page)

Emily nodded dazedly, a million emotions overwhelming her, shock being number one. She nodded again as Jennifer said goodbye and turned to find Rain holding out her coat for her. She slipped her arms in the sleeves. He freed her hair from the collar, his hand resting for a moment against her bare neck.

“Ready?” he whispered.

She smiled. He took her by the hand and, emerging into the wild night, they ran toward the car. Using the remote, Rain unlocked the doors, and Emily got into the car with relief. They had parked within fifty yards of the restaurant, but already they were soaked. Emily peeled off her coat and, tossing it into the back of the car, was glad to discover her dress was still reasonably dry. She slipped off her wet shoes and curled her feet under her.

Rain too took off his jacket and placed it on the back seat. He put the keys in the ignition but did not start the engine. Water pounded down on the car and streamed down the windows. He turned in his seat toward Emily. Her face was softly lit by the streetlights and, even with water dripping from her hair, she was lovely.
My Emily
, he thought as a tender wave of love washed over him.
My beautiful, beautiful Emily
.

She faced him as if she had heard his thoughts, and for a moment they sat there, eyes locked.

“I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I know you must be angry with me, and I don’t blame you.”

She looked away quickly, not knowing whether she wanted to scream at him or throw herself into his arms. She’d been riding an emotional roller coaster for days now, and her nerves had been stretched to the breaking point. She had left Toronto with a simple plan: to get rid of the farm and her past, only to find that the past still had a hold on her that she no longer wanted to break. Did she love him or hate him for having broken through the numbness of the last ten years? Perhaps it hadn’t been really living during that time, but she had been safe. Now, here was her heart just asking to be hurt.

But perhaps the turning point was Jennifer. As long as there was a girlfriend, Emily was safe. Now that she knew there was no girlfriend, she was in danger of going to the point of no return. It was all happening so fast. What should she do? Throw the last ten years away? Throw herself in Rain’s arms and trust him with her fate, her feelings,
her
very life? Trust that he would love her back and never hurt her?
God, how she wanted to.
But could she trust him after the game he’d played tonight?

In the end, she said nothing. She looked up at him again, and Rain could see the turmoil in her eyes.

“I wanted to get back at you....” His voice broke there; he was treading on dangerous ground. He was about to reveal to her just how much she meant to him, just how much she could hurt him, just how much his happiness depended on her. Could he tell her how much he had longed for her these past ten years?  He had almost convinced himself that he could live without her, until the other night in the barn, when he had looked up and seen her standing there.... “I wanted to hurt you,” he whispered, these words costing him so much to say. How could he want to hurt someone he loved so much? It was only that he had been in so much pain all these years.

He looked away from her feeling as if there were no words to express what he wanted to tell her. Except for maybe
I love you
. And he knew those were dangerous words. Instead, he turned the key in the ignition.

Emily knew how much these words had cost him. All these years she only had been thinking of herself, not the pain of others. She was ashamed. She had no right to be angry with him for this evening, not after everything she’d done. But was she ready to tell him everything yet? “It’s okay,” she managed to say lightly, turning her attention to a couple running down the street, their bodies bent against the wind. “Despite everything, I had a good time tonight.”

Rain nodded as he pulled the car into the street. They would leave it there for now.

Conditions were much worse than when they had driven into town. The windshield wipers were almost useless against the deluge. The nearly deserted streets ran with water, while overhead the wind tore at trees, signs, and electrical wires. A tree had blown down into a major intersection, forcing them to take an alternate route. They drove in silence until they reached the town limits and were heading north to the farm.

"So when did you decide to become an academic genius?" Emily asked finally. 

Rain glanced at her quickly before returning his gaze back to the road. He was surprised at the lack of sarcasm in her voice, only interest. He wondered if they could
really
talk now, could start breaking down the walls that kept them apart. He was more hopeful now than ever that this was possible. And that would only be the beginning.

“What's that up ahead?" Emily asked suddenly, peering through the windshield. Rain had seen it too and slowed the car to a near crawl.  From a distance, they could only make out numerous flashing lights, but as they approached, vehicles began to take shape: a tow truck, a police car, a fire truck. Behind them was a large obstacle. A dark figure encased in a long black raincoat came out from one of the emergency vehicles, and Rain came to a full stop beside him. The figure came around to the driver's side of the car, and Rain lowered the window about six inches.

The man in the raincoat didn't bother with introductions. He shouted hoarse, barked sentences over the sound of the wind, rain, and commotion just ahead. "Tractor trailer overturned.
Blocked the whole road.
You'll have to go back and take the side road."

Emily could just make out the truck, underside exposed, beyond the emergency vehicles. She shivered. She had a special horror for any accidents involving wheels.

"I hope no one was hurt," Rain shouted back.

"No, he was lucky.
Just a few scratches.
You folks drive careful. This isn't going to be the last accident tonight."

"Thanks," Rain said, closing the window as the man stepped back from the car. He turned the car around, taking the first side road that would bring them in the direction of the farm.

"What a night," Rain said. "If I'd known it was going to get this bad, I would have cancelled dinner." He edged around a tree limb that had fallen partially across the road. "I hope we don't find a tree through the farmhouse or the cabin roof when we get back."

Emily agreed before bringing them back to their earlier conversation. “You were going to tell me about your academic career.”

"Oh, yes. I admit I started university to show you I was just as good as you were, but that changed. I enjoyed it for its own sake, and I had a bit of a knack for it.
Three degrees in nine years.
  I had to work, too. And of course, help your dad." He gripped the wheel a little harder. "I not only put myself through school, I put you through, too,” he added quietly.

"What?" she asked in genuine puzzlement.

He had rehearsed this speech many times in his head. He had meant for it to hurt, to be a kind of revenge for all the pain she had caused. But there had been enough hurt; it was time to get on with the healing.  “Your dad wanted to give you everything. He hoped it would make you happy. But he couldn’t afford it, and I had to help out.”  That was enough – the bare truth. He didn’t need to go into the bounced cheques or the calls from the bank while the two of them struggled to pay for everything from Emily’s tuition to clothes and haircuts.

Emily didn’t answer. It was hard for her to get her head around it all. She had lived pretty well those years. Not only had she worked hard at school, she had worked hard at casting off her farm-girl image. She had hung out with the most fashionable and well-off people at school, and that had cost money. And until now she had never wondered where that money had come from.

“How did you do it?” she asked finally. She knew she owed him an apology or a thank you, but now was not the time. She crossed her arms across her chest. It was an unconscious gesture that was meant to give her comfort. Rain, thinking she felt chilled, turned up the heater.

"I worked. For the three years you were in school, I barely slept. Every morning I did the chores, drove to school, came home, did the evening chores, sat up half the night writing essays, got up the next morning and did it all over again. I paid my tuition by working as a teaching assistant during the day and yours by working as a mechanic at the garage in the village on weekends and holidays." He laughed rather ruefully. "So you see
,
I have been a mechanic."

“Why?” she said quietly, although she thought she already knew the answer. All these years she had been thinking of Rain with contempt, and yet she owed him everything. And on top of it all, he was better educated than she was! Rain was right. She was a snob. And to think she had thrown a glass of wine at him for pointing it out.

“Why did I do it?” Rain repeated the question as he pulled the car into the driveway of Maple Tree Farm and parked in front of the house. He turned off the engine, switched off the lights, and sank back against the leather seat. There was a distant rumble of thunder.
“For your father, for one.
I owed him a lot for giving me a home. It was hard for him when your mother died, but when you left....” He broke off, knowing she would get the idea. He looked at her, her lovely profile faintly illuminated by the yard light.
“And for you, of course.
I did it for you,” he whispered. “Because I didn’t know what else I could do.”

Despite the distant thunder and relentless torrent of water, to Emily the silence was deafening. A hundred different emotions swirled, and she didn’t know which one to acknowledge first. They were rushing up on her, and she was feeling the familiar urge to run. But she was also feeling the urge to stay – to stay there in the car with Rain, to let him put his arms around her and hold her. In the confines of the car, wrapped in the intimate cloak of darkness, his closeness was a magnet drawing her toward him. She knew she had to make the decision soon. If she didn’t, she was going to throw herself into his arms. “I’d better go,” she said, the reluctance in her voice obvious even to herself.

That reluctance encouraged Rain. “Come with me to the cabin,” he said. “It has a fireplace. It will be much more comfortable than the house on such a miserable night.” Still afraid of scaring her off and wanting her presence under any conditions, he added, “I’ll take the couch...if you want.”

Emily knew if she went with him to the cabin tonight, he wouldn’t be sleeping on the couch. But as much as she wanted it, she wasn’t ready to let him make love to her. Her emotions were still too much in turmoil. It was all happening too fast, and she was scared.  “No,” she said finally. “I’d better go.”

It was the unmistakable sound of regret that gave Rain the courage to reach out and touch her. He stroked her hair and, when she made no objection, ran his hand along her cheek and traced the line of her mouth. Her lips parted at the touch of his finger. In the faint light, he could see the heady look in her eyes.
This time
, he thought, moving slowly,
she’ll let me kiss her
.

He cupped her face in his palm and slowly brought his face down to hers.  His lips touched hers and sent a wave of heat that travelled to every nerve ending in their bodies, leaving them both dizzy with desire.

It’s too late now,
Emily thought. She should have gotten out when she could. A flash of lighting momentarily bathed them in a wash of blue light, and in his eyes Emily saw a passion that met her own.

“Kiss me,” she whispered urgently and hoarsely against his mouth. It was if the night was inside her now, possessing her with its power – all the rigid self-control over her feelings had no power against the raging storm. She felt beautiful, wild, out-of-control. She curled her fingers in his thick, soft hair and pressed her mouth hard against his.

Rain felt as if his breath had been taken away. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He drank in her kisses, returning them with all the hunger he felt. A tiny voice told him this was too quick, too sudden, but he was powerless to stop it. One hand tangled in her hair, the other one ran down the silky bare skin of her arm. She moaned softly against his mouth, bringing his blood to fever pitch. Hastily she undid the buttons on his shirt and ran one hand up inside his shirt. His skin felt charged under her hands, his muscles hard and taut. She had long stopped thinking about the implications of what she was doing. She had ten years to make up for.

Feeling his hands on her chest, he kissed the soft skin on her neck.  He moved down her throat until his lips found the warm place between her breasts. He felt as if there was no stopping. He wanted her so badly.

But he didn’t want to make love to her here. After waiting so long, he wanted it to be perfect, not just a quickie in the front seat of a car. He longed to lay down with her and tell her how beautiful she was, how desirable he found her.  He longed to murmur in her ear how much he loved her. Not just now, but forever.