Falling Softly: Compass Girls, Book 4 (10 page)

He wasn’t trying to trap her, but what other freedoms did she expect?

“Are you going to want to screw other guys? Bring them around our child? Use me, then leave me when you find Mr. Right instead of Mr. Side-of-the-Road? Some guy who can treat my kid like he’s not good enough because he’s not genetically connected?” Viho knew he was losing it because of his own childhood, but he couldn’t stop the pain from venting after all he’d endured. Right when he thought things were going okay, they always took a turn straight into the shitter.

He was tired of the stench.

“That’s not what this is about, Viho.” Sterling closed her eyes. “It’s just that in my family, people marry for love. Not out of obligation. That level of commitment isn’t a simple contract. It has to be more than that to last. We’re not going to do this baby any good if we find out in a year or two that we made a mistake by rushing into things.”

“A little too late to decide that, isn’t it?” he growled.

“I’m going to cut you some slack, Viho.” She stepped back once, then again, picking up speed. “I know what this must sound like to you. And we’re both on edge right now. I think we should say goodnight. You can come over in the morning.”

“If that’s how you feel about things, I’m not sure I want to.”

She flinched, but he didn’t comfort her. Viho had been rejected one too many times in his life. He couldn’t stand another.

So he watched as Sterling Compton, and his child, staggered out of his life.

Probably for good.

Chapter Nine

After several hours tossing and turning in his bunk, Viho gave up all pretense of sleep.

“Settle down, Chief. If you don’t want to get some shuteye, would you mind leaving the rest of us to it? We gotta be up before dawn,” one of the hands grumbled from the other side of the room.

At first, it’d irritated him that they called him the one thing he’d never wanted to be. Bad enough the elders on the reservation had insisted on it. It’d bugged him for about two seconds… Until he realized it was a sign of respect not a generalization, or worse, a slur. The guys around the ranch had come to him, asking him for advice when they realized he was a decent listener, with a calm mind, who’d keep his mouth shut. Either that or because he was twice as old as some of them. Maybe they figured that made him wiser. Either way, he’d kind of come to like it. For the first time, he felt measured on his own merit. A guy they looked to as a leader. Plus, it was a hell of a lot better than some of the nicknames the rest of the guys ended up with—Stumpy, Pony, Slicker or Deadwood to name a few.

“Sorry.” Viho swung over the edge and dropped to the floor with a surprising amount of stealth given his size. He didn’t bother to put his boots on before he wandered outside. Cold smacked him in his chest, making him curl inward against the fall night air. He ambled across the lawn to his truck, which he hadn’t gotten rid of yet.

It might be a piece of shit, but it was all he had.

So he yanked open the door and climbed inside. He splayed, as much as he could, across the bench seat, flinging one arm over his face. The other dangled into the foot well, where it knocked against his duffle.

He’d kept some of his more personal stuff out here. Mostly because he didn’t need it on a daily basis and the quarters were pretty cramped with the ranch hands’ gear, but also because he didn’t care to think of anyone poking around in his shit.

Hell, even he hadn’t gone through all of his mom’s stuff after she passed away.

Most of it he’d donated to charity. Clothes, dishes, utilitarian stuff like that.

But he’d kept the rare pictures she’d had. And her diary.

If ever there was a day he wished he could talk to her, it’d be this one. She’d have been thrilled to hear of a grandchild on the way, considering how often she’d nagged him about his loner tendencies and finding a decent girl to settle down with. She might not have picked Sterling from the crowd given her fierce independent streak, but she would have liked her once she’d gotten to know her.

Viho smiled in the darkness, then rummaged in the bag for the leather-bound book. In the process, a miniature turquoise figurine of a tortoise tumbled onto the plastic floor mat. Good luck, his mother had always said. He sure as hell could use some of that, so he pocketed the little guy before fishing through his meager belongings again.

Got it.
He turned the fat, tattered volume over and over in his hands. Just knowing his mom had held it, written in it for hours, days, years… It made him feel more connected to her spirit.

With a sigh, he reached up and flipped the truck’s visor open, thankful the vehicle’s battery still had some juice in it. The tiny makeup light provided barely enough illumination to read by when combined with the full moon and the host of stars twinkling in the Wyoming night sky.

From his quick perusal when he’d discovered the journal, he’d seen that the final entry in the book had come the day Haiwee returned to the reservation. Pregnant. With him.

Had she felt like he did when he’d gotten the news? Shocked, amazed, giddy and scared shitless wrapped into a ball of excitement?

Playing private-thought roulette, he flipped the pages, stopping randomly on one. Then he began to read.

Jake is by far the best lover I’ve ever had. When he touches me…

“Damn it! Mom!” Viho wrinkled his nose and skimmed a few pages more, peeking through half-closed eyes to avoid another glimpse into her sex life.

He figured the stuff he wanted to know most would be near the end, so he skipped ahead.

It’s a hard choice. Love or security. Family or soul mate. Old traditions or new ones.

I honestly don’t know what I’ll do.

This baby deserves to grow up living his heritage. I owe it to my people—my parents—to continue doing things our way when the rest of the tribes are leaving those ways behind. Our community too. Getting more like the outside. Will this baby be happy without the skills our people can teach him? Like my father asked, how could he be? I haven’t been gone long, but it’s enough to see that the world is so very different out here. It’s terrifying and huge sometimes. Easy to get lost. Like I feel now.

And Jake, my love. He would never survive away from ranching. This is what he was born to do. Is it fair to make him choose between this life and me?

Maybe it would be better for us all if I disappear.

Viho’s stomach turned to lead.

Could she really have thought that would have been the correct answer to her questions? Hell, it’s not like he’d grown up wealthy, or prized. Her family had looked down on her for running away, being disloyal. They’d made an example of Haiwee, sent her to live in a small bungalow on the outskirts of their land when they realized she’d returned home pregnant by an outsider.

They’d never deserved her loyalty.

So, then why hadn’t she returned to Jake?

What had kept her there? Pride?

And what gave her the right to make decisions for Jake? If Sterling had done that to Viho…

He snapped the book shut, afraid to read any more and ruin the memories of the one person who had loved him unconditionally. But maybe his father wasn’t the one to blame in all of this. People in tough situations didn’t always think rationally. And though their hearts were in the right places, they still could fuck up royally.

Is that what he’d done tonight? By pushing Sterling?

Probably.

Unlike Haiwee, he was willing to admit his mistakes. To try to correct them. Tomorrow, he would make it up to Sterling and promise her that he would support their child, and her, in whatever form that took. However much of him she was willing to accept, that was what she would have.

The diary felt heavy where it rested on top of his heart.

Everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours and the revelations he’d had about himself and his place in the universe exhausted him. He managed to doze for an hour or two until the sunlight sparkled through his cracked dash, rousing him. Time for work. At least he was good at that. Manual labor could be exactly the outlet he required to alleviate his frustration.

How could he make things right?

With Sterling.

With Jake.

With the memory of his mother. It was awfully hard to fight a ghost.

Especially one you wanted to hug instead.

Viho didn’t regret his decision to tackle the removal of several stubborn stumps. It gave him a great excuse to hack at long-buried roots, venting the pent up emotions inside him. Wearing himself out more with every swing of the axe, he was drenched in sweat and cursing up a storm when someone called his name.

Jake.

He tossed the axe to the ground, then turned and plopped onto one of the chunks of wood he’d already excavated. Catching his breath, he stared up at the guy he wasn’t sure he was ready to face.

Seemed he didn’t have a choice.

His father glanced around awkwardly before asking, “Mind if I have a seat?”

“It’s not very comfortable. But it’s your ass.”

Jake chuckled as he sat. He winced, then pulled a splinter from his jeans before tossing the offending sliver over his shoulder. “So…”

“So,” Viho echoed as he nodded.

“I guess I first need to apologize.” Jake rubbed his face. “I completely lost my head yesterday. If I could take back everything I said and start over, I would.”

“I don’t think anyone was thinking straight at the time.” Viho shrugged. “It was a hell of a day. In fact, I’m still all fucked up. So we should probably tread carefully right now.”

“Because of the baby?” His father leaned forward.

“Honestly, that’s the part I’m least screwed up about.” He smiled. “The idea is kind of growing on me.”

“Glad to hear it.” Jake seemed genuine. “Sterling deserves a good mate.”

“Well, she hasn’t decided yet if I fit that description.” He kicked at a chunk of wood.

“She’ll come around.”

“Sometimes women never do.” Viho trusted his gut, climbing to his feet and crossing to the shed where he kept his tools. He snagged a bottle of water and his mother’s diary, which he’d wrapped in a rag.

When he returned, he found Jake staring up at him with a puzzled expression.

“It’s Haiwee’s journal. She quit writing in it when she left you but…there’s a lot of stuff in here you’d probably like to read. Or not. Up to you.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to keep it?” Jake cradled the package as if it were made of glass, or gold, or maybe both.

“Nah. It’s not how I want to remember her.” He shook his head. “There are things I read that made me lose some respect for my mom. And I think I should probably say I’m sorry too. That I took her side of things without being objective.”

“You were a kid. It’s not your fault. I’m proud that you were protective of her.” Jake reached out as if he would take Viho’s hand, but he stopped short, then awkwardly tucked his fingers in his pocket. “For the record. If I’d known about you, or even suspected, there’s no way in hell I’d have gone my whole life without tracking you down. Were you happy, Viho?”

“I guess it matters more if I can be in the future, doesn’t it?” He spread his legs and planted his elbows on his knees, clasping his gloved hands in front of him.

“I suppose.” Jake grimaced at the obvious non-answer that was answer enough. “Just one more question about the past, if you don’t mind?”

Ugh. He knew what was coming. “Go ahead.”

“What about your mom? Did she have a good life?” Jake’s voice cracked.

“I guess. She did the best she could. Taught me a lot. But she was lonely. Never married. Didn’t have many friends on the reservation.” Viho stopped short of explaining why. “She never got over you, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“That isn’t what I would have chosen for her.” Jake knuckled moisture from his eye. “All this time I imagined she’d run off with another guy. Someone who could give her everything I couldn’t, you know? The only thing that made it bearable sometimes was knowing she was out there somewhere, happier than I could have made her.”

Crushing Jake’s dreams wasn’t part of Viho’s plan. It figured—after years of hate and immature scheming, he found himself with the power to wound the man he’d despised, yet no will to do it. Things were no longer so black and white.

After a stretch of silence, Jake cleared his throat. “Look, I’m not trying to rush in here with fatherly advice when we don’t have that kind of relationship—or any, for that matter. But I would say that while you’re on the ranch, I’d like nothing more than to get to know you. And if I could spare you—any person I know, but especially my own flesh and blood—the pain of losing someone that means as much as Haiwee meant to me, I would do it.”

Viho couldn’t help himself. The allure of filling the void he’d always felt so vividly was too much to resist. “So what do you think I should do?”

“Win Sterling over,” Jake said in a rush, as if he’d been biting his tongue. “I’ve never seen her like this before. From the moment we rolled up to find you two on the side of the road, Sam and I could tell you had a connection.”

“You mean you saw her shredded panties and knew we’d got it on.”

“Well, I admit, there was a lot of ranting on the ride back to town.” Jake laughed. “But seriously, that’s not like Sterling at all. She’s picky. Knows what she likes and doesn’t settle. She’s fierce and strong and beautiful, inside and out.”

“Sounds like you love her very much.” He tried not to sound bitter, but failed miserably.

“I’m not saying this to hurt you, Viho. Exactly the opposite, okay?” Jake stared straight into his eyes as he said, “Sterling Compton is more like a daughter to me than you feel like my son…for now. And if I think you’re good enough for her, then I sure as hell think highly of you. Your work ethic is impressive, and the magic you’ve cast on these ancient gardens is miraculous. If you can make Sterling bloom like you do these plants, you’re going to be a very happy man.”

“I think I fucked that all up already.” Viho dropped his head in his hands, never imagining he’d have a dad to discuss his love life successes…or strikeouts. It wasn’t easy to admit he’d screwed up, though he was coming to understand that everyone did one time or another. It was how you recovered that counted.

“What’d you do?” It wasn’t an accusation. More like curiosity. Or a willingness to talk through a solution. Weird. And awesome.

“I assumed she would marry me because of the baby.”

“Ah, yeah. I’m guessing that didn’t go over well.”

“Nope.” He flashed Jake a wry grin. “Sure didn’t. But at least she didn’t kick me in the nuts for jumping to conclusions.”

“A distinct possibility with Sterling.” Jake barked out a laugh. “So why’d you do it?”

“Huh?”

“Did you ask her because you felt obligated?”

“Hell no.” Viho stood and began to pace. “I mean, after what happened…to
us
…I have some pretty strong feelings on the subject. But it’s more than that. From the first minute she dared to get out of her Jeep and come up to a perfect stranger on the side of the road and offer to fix my truck…well, yeah, I just felt like…she’s special. If things were different, she could be the one. And now
everything’s
changed in my life.”

Jake steepled his fingers. “You know, I get exactly what you’re saying. I think sometimes it’s like that. You recognize your soul mate right away. I did with Haiwee.”

“Seriously?” Viho raised his brows.

“Yep.” The word was short and simple, but Jake didn’t stop there. He reached beneath the collar of his shirt for a chain around his neck and withdrew it. Threaded on it was a ring. An engagement ring. “I guess I’m nuts, but the day I met your mom I went out and bought this. I’ve been wearing it for damn near four decades. Never did get the chance to give it to her. The pisser of it all is that I’d planned to the night she left. I had it all laid out. Nothing spectacular or creative like the kids do these days, but I cooked a nice dinner, picked a bunch of wild flowers and had a whole speech prepared. Haiwee never showed.”