Authors: L.T. Kelly
I arrived back to find an empty house, relieved because time alone gave me a chance to gather me thoughts.
Wandering to the drawing room, I considered staying here with Thomas and waiting for Marc to return, for surely he would. He was just taking time away to consider what he must do, right? But, how long would he take ‘finding himself’?
I didn’t know if I’d be willing to sit here and merely wait. I needed him; my body ached for his touch. I needed to discover if my love for him was associated to a craving for his blood or if it was honestly
him
that I wanted and needed in my life. I wasn’t going to find that out by sitting here.
I hadn’t discussed my visions with anyone. I’d felt embarrassed and baffled by them. I’d made up my mind that I’d been human in each vision I’d experienced, but I loved being a vampire, so why’d that happened? Every time—which had been a lot—I thought of having sex with Bartholomew it made my skin crawl. Perhaps I’d never come to understand why I envisioned what I did.
I’d promised Alex a trip. Perhaps that would be a good idea? If I’d allow myself to push Marc and the hallucinations to the back of my mind, travelling with Alex may provide me with the answer that my passion was a simple case of blood lust and not true love.
I shook my head with confusion. I did love him. I was certain of it.
That simple action made the clouds in my mind dissipate and I saw what I must do next with total clarity, like the plan seemed clear all along, I just needed to realise some things first to see it.
I whooshed up to Alex’s room, taking full advantage of him not being around, breathing a sigh of relief when I spotted his computer remained on the desk. I owned one myself but I hadn’t taken the time to find out where it had been put when we moved here. Plus, because of the amount of times I’d used the machine, I assumed it’d be slow and most definitely out of date. Alex’s seemed the faster and better option.
I started typing the information into a search engine. Images of a familiar face flashed up as soon as I clicked the search button. I suppose it should’ve been obvious that they’d look the same but the similarity shocked me enough to make me gasp.
No personal information came up, to my disappointment. Only work related press releases and company information. I'd be able to live with that. I’d still be able to find him.
I changed tack, taking my eye off the original idea to try and search for Marc. Maybe he owned businesses in other parts of the United Kingdom or abroad and he’d gone to hide out there?
My attempts were futile so I went to the first search page and wrote down as much information as possible before closing the searches and deleting the browsing history, uttering a silent mantra that I’d taken an interest in computers at some point and gotten Alex to teach me how to use one.
I heard the front door open and rushed to hide the notes in my pocket next to the
Dear John
letter; a stabbing pain shot through my heart as my fingers brushed against the paper.
“What are you doing?” Alex’s voice was icy.
“Researching our trip.” I tried to keep my voice level as my fingers trembled over the mouse pad.
“Really? We’re still going?” His voice tinkled with excitement.
“Yep,” I nodded, grinning at him.
“What happened with Gabriella?”
My face fell in response, recalling how destroyed she seemed. I suppose she assumed that he loved her because he was meant to. They were literally ‘made for each other.’
“Well, he hasn’t taken her with him. That was the whole point of me going to visit her.” My head dropped down, unable meet his eyes, “It would’ve killed me if he had,” I murmured.
I gazed up at Alex after a moment, putting on a brave smile. “I think I’ll be fine.” I waved my hand around. “I’m pretty certain the whole thing was just blood lust. Jealousy and a bit of rivalry drove me to check if he’d left Gabriella behind, too. Seems like I’ve won in a way. So, I can put this whole episode behind me.”
“That’s my girl,” he said with a half smile, His voice contained no inflection. He’d seen right through my bullshit. I was going to have a hard job convincing him. I’d have to muddle through a trip to Europe to make him believe me so I could eventually carry out the tasks I needed to.
“Yes,” I said, flashing all my teeth in an Oscar winning smile.
“Where are we going first?” he asked, nodding at the screen. “Paris? Barcelona?”
I laughed. “Milan?” His face dropped and he narrowed his eyes at me. “Just kidding—let’s
not
go to Italy.”
He pushed up his sleeves and pulled up a chair next to me and shoved me away from the computer.
I managed to convince myself that I actually did want to travel around Europe and got carried away by his animated chat and the pictures of the wonderful nightlife in each of the cities he brought up on the screen.
“Alex, I’m happy to go wherever you want to go,” I sighed before continuing. “I need to talk to Thomas.
“Oh, he still doesn’t know the bond is broken?” He cocked his head and mirrored my downturned mouth displaying his understanding for my sudden change in mood.
“Nope, well if he does he hasn’t mentioned anything. I think I heard him coming in, so I’d better go speak to him.” I gulped, glancing around the room.
Alex nodded slowly, pressing his lips together and patted me on the shoulder.
I got up and headed towards the door, rubbing imaginary sweat off the palms of my hands on my pants.
Hunting him down in the drawing room, I lingered in the doorway without saying a word, just watching his facial expressions change as he connected with the words he read in an old olive-coloured hardback book.
I smiled to myself when I remembered him teaching me to read by candlelight as the snow piled up around our remote home in Montana. The excitement I observed in his eyes and the delight he took from experiencing my progression, he would’ve made an excellent teacher. I was surprised when I found out he’d been a doctor when he was a human.
A pang of regret rippled through my already damaged heart while I stood in quiet contemplation. Thomas hadn’t been able to become a father. He’d been an excellent one to me; imagine the children he’d of made with his own flesh and blood. Fucking bitch, Victoria.
My thoughts were disturbed by his voice. “I know you’re standing there, Teagan.” He said it without even looking up.
I grinned at our familiarity with each other and yet there was still so much I didn’t know about him.
“Aren’t I allowed to look at you?” I asked teasingly.
He laughed and snapped the book shut. “Yes, but you’re not allowed to stare.”
Years passed us by since I’d last seen his smile, and I was glad I got to see it again. The way his deep lines fanned around his eyes made him look handsome. “You should smile more often, father,” I said, walking over to sit on the sofa across from him. He sat in his favourite salmon wingback chair.
“About Marc—” he started trying to pre-empt what I’d come to talk to him about. We’d rarely ever shared each other’s company without a reason. We’d stopped thirty odd years ago when our relationship had started to sour.
I considered for a moment whether I should pretend I’d came to talk about Marc, but our broken bond was going to have to be discussed because I’d made up my mind to go with Alex. If the bond still existed, I wouldn’t physically be able to live with my maker. My desire to be with him would be too powerful.
“I haven’t come to discuss Marc. I’ve come to talk about us.”
He dropped his gaze to the book on his lap and started drawing patterns with his fingertips on the mottled surface.
“Do you know what’s happened, between you and I? Do you feel something missing between us, too?” I questioned, judging that he did by his reaction.
“I’d rather hoped you hadn’t noticed,” he muttered as he brought his face up. I examined his sad blue eyes.
“You’ve done so much for me, Thomas. I’d like to stay here with you, but right now too much pain is welling inside me.” I clutched my hands to my chest, my face crumpled with pain, memories of Marc and I lying naked together in the grass made my head swim. The memory of the taste and effect of his blood made my throat burn with desire. ‘
Where are you, Marc
?’ Would I ever be able to stop asking myself that question?
Thomas flashed across the room to sit beside me, his arm wrapped around my shoulders. “Are you ok?”
“Yes.” I nodded, unsure of whom I was most trying to convince, him or myself.
“Teagan, you’re strong. I have faith in you. You can get through this with or without me.” His voice strangled with emotion as he uttered the last few words.
I leaned over and hugged him, pressing my cheek against his.
“Do you grant me permission to go then?”
“Would you still go if I said no?”
I squeezed him tighter in my arms.
“You’ll still have Victoria and Bartholomew, not to mention all your new pal’s at The Assembly.” I held back the giggle threatening to escape my lips. Thomas sighed with what I figured sounded like dread.
“Talking about Bartholomew. I think it’s best we don’t tell him I’m leaving,” I said, squeezing my eyes shut in silent hope that he’d agree.
“I understand.”
Thomas’ immediate agreement made me wonder what discussions had taken place between Victoria and him, but I didn’t care enough to bother asking.
“How did our bond break?” The question sprang into my head and straight out of my mouth. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought to ask before.
He drew away from me and we dropped our arms from the embrace. He shrugged holding his palms out. “It could’ve been the power of a Werewolf’s blood, or maybe you truly fell in love with him? I just don’t know.”
I nodded. I also needed to find that out.
“Where are you going?”
“We’re going to Europe for a while. You know what Alex is like about travelling. He won’t rest until he’s been around the world and now that he has a travelling companion, I think he feels safer outside America.”
Thomas nodded in agreement. We’d both guessed without having to ask that that was the reason Alex had never left the continental U.S.
“Then after, I think I’ll go back to America for a while.” I slipped that last bit in quietly watching for some sort of reaction on his face that he’d figured out what I was up to. No sign seemed evident. Luckily for me I didn’t think either Thomas or Alex would be able to work out what I had planned because they hadn’t been made privy to the same information I had been.
“Are you ever going to come back?” Thomas asked soberly. “You never wanted to leave America in the first place.”
“I promise I will.” I considered my next question carefully before uttering it. “If he comes back—if he’s looking for me. Will you, you know, call me or, or get in touch somehow?” I tripped over the words.
He nodded once, his lips a pinched line across his face.
“Thanks,” I breathed, looking down and inspecting the pattern on the Oriental rug.
“I suppose you’ll be wanting your crate out of storage then?” He visibly cheered up, I think, for my benefit.
I laughed and clapped my hands together. “Yes, please. I won’t get far without that.”
Alex startled us both by swishing into the room, cradling his laptop in his arms, bursting with so much excitement that it seeped into me so I sensed it, too. Though, he’d obviously been listening in to our conversation from his bedroom, it couldn’t have been a mere coincidence that he managed to arrive at the exact moment our deep conversation had evolved into a light-hearted one.
Thomas threw his head back. “Get that thing away from me,” he said in mock horror.
Alex and I glanced at each other and laughed, rolling our eyes.
“What this?” Alex said, waving the computer under Thomas’ nose. Thomas revered technology in most forms, but he especially detested computers. I shuffled along the couch to allow Alex to sit between us and tell us about the trip he’d started to plan.
I feigned interest as I imagined meeting the man with the familiar face. The man who was going to, unknowingly, provide me with the answer I so desperately needed.
Were my emotions for Marc, love or bloodlust? I hoped I’d be able to find the answer before I spent eternity trying to find my soul again.
THE END
I have fallen to pieces, oh, so many times,
I have felt and heard the deathly chimes.
Time has withered our beckoned souls,
And I sometimes see the death patrols.
I am of the vampire, of centuries past,
My life of darkness was duly cast.
I was the Princess Teagan true,
Until I became the vampire masters due.
Tampering with Gods dying ways,
The vampire is void of his praise.
Strengthened by the believers blood,
The vampire begins to live and love.
I have been hoping for all these years,
That a man could rid me of all my fears,
I have felt nothing, just cold as a stone,
Full of bitter unhappiness, and all alone.
I have met a man that holds me dear,
And emotions are forming clear,
I feel love within my cold dark heart,
As if it wants recharge and start.
Could God have been following me?
Understanding my puzzle and set me free,
Could he truly be returning my soul?
And putting me back in full control.
I have fallen to pieces, oh, so many times,
But now I am renewed, as God defines.
Blessed be the soul of my new true man,
For he has freed me from the devils hand.
By Rik Bertrand