Authors: Ellen Hopkins
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Family, #General, #Orphans & Foster Homes, #Social Issues, #Adolescence, #Drugs; Alcohol; Substance Abuse
I NOTICE HER MOM AND DAD
Watching us. Standing
a couple of feet apart,
as if they want nothing
to do with each other.
And I remember. “So,
are your parents back
together?” I know her
answer before she says,
Not really. He claims
he wants to come home
,
but he still wants to work
with … with
her.
His boss. And maybe
the woman he loves
more than he loves
his wife and daughter.
There’s a big alumni
party today. They only
came together to keep up
appearances.
She starts
to tear up again, and
I pull her into my arms.
Kiss her forehead softly.
“It will all work out. I promise.”
WHY DO I PROMISE
Shit like that?
Then again, it
will
all work out.
Just not necessarily
the way she wants
it
to. I look at her
mom, rigid as iron,
suspicion written
all
over her face. And
why not? Her husband
has blatantly
come out
about falling for
someone else. Why
would she want him
back, anyway?
In the
final analysis, their
marriage will forever
be stained. In the long
run, stay or go, it’s a
wash.
IN MY ARMS
Nikki sways, relaxes
just the slightest bit.
I take the opportunity
to repeat, “I love you.”
Love you, too.
Her whisper
is shaky, like aspen leaves
in a bold autumn breeze.
They’re waiting for me.
“I know. But I’ll see you later,
right?” Her answer is slow
coming. Finally she gives
me a lukewarm,
I guess so.
We turn back toward the X
lunch line. My groupies, thank
God, have wandered off.
Nikki’s mom watches us
with relentless eyes, unlike
her dad, who is focused on Montana.
That fact does not escape
Nikki.
God. He’s such a dog.
HE DOES KIND OF LOOK
Like one—a basset hound,
maybe, or a cocker spaniel.
A dog with dopey eyes.
Nikki pulls away from me,
pushes between her parents,
forms a three-link chain.
They start toward the gate
just as the cannon fires,
signaling first kickoff.
Hot dogs in hand, the X fans
disperse, leaving Montana
and me to watch the stragglers.
After a while, Montana turns
to me.
Pretty girlfriend
, she says.
You two serious, or what?
Without my telling them to,
my shoulders hunch into a shrug.
“We’re not, like, getting married
or anything. But I like her a lot.”
Her question was out of left field,
my answer bordering on evasive.
Looked more like love to me.
Meaning, I guess, that she was looking.
Mind if I give you a little advice?
Advice? Who does she think
she is? Dr. Phil in drag? But
what the hell. “Uh, guess not.”
Radio is entertainment, or should
be, anyway. Your jock persona
should feel real to your listeners.
But never forget that it’s fabricated
,
created in the name of entertainment.
Once you start thinking it’s real
,
start taking the fake you too seriously
,
the truly important things in your
life will vanish. Believe me, I know.
I do believe her. But why?
Montana is schlock to the
n
th
degree. “Do you want to elaborate?”
Her smile, sad, makes her pretty.
Maybe someday. For now, I’ll
just say I used to be married.
MARRIED?
Hard to believe.
Divorced?
Even harder.
She’s either
older
than she looks,
or she’s lived
faster
than most.
Probably the latter.
But why do I think
that? To be
honest,
I don’t know her at all.
She could be PhD
smart,
might trump Rick Denio
when it comes to being
witty.
If I dug deep enough
beneath the facade,
who
would I find? Is Corrine
standing beside me? Or
is she
really Montana?
AS I PACK UP THE VAN
I think back to when
I was a kid, trying too
hard to be “just like
everyone else,” when
I felt totally different.
Not an outcast, exactly.
Just different. I tried
so hard to look normal
that everybody noticed.
And bullies pounced.
I entered public school
late to the game, after
a couple of years
of parochial torture.
So I didn’t start third
grade with solid buddies
to back me up. When
someone picked on me,
I crumbled at first. Then,
when I got tired of it,
I learned to push back.
Being about the biggest
kid in my class helped.
But I never wanted to
fight. I wanted friends.
MAYBE CORRINE
Just wanted friends,
and that’s why she turned
into Montana. Maybe she
wanted revenge. Wonder
why her marriage sank.
Stupid question. No way
were people meant to be
monogamous. Not human
behavior. Human behavior
of the nonmonogamous
type is all around me here.
Guys smooching on girls,
obviously “their” girls, yet
checking out other girls
walking by. Girls aren’t
a whole lot better, and this
is only the “checking” out
stuff. The actually “doing”
stuff behind each other’s
backs is almost as bad.