Family Dynamics (Pam of Babylon Book Five) (11 page)

A
fter Steve Marks so kindly drove Carolyn Fitzsimmons back to her home in Queens, she made it up to her room before her mother and father came out of their apartment. The feeling that she was a teen again and not a middle-aged woman approaching seniorhood made her nervous and angry. If her mother dared to say anything to her about going out after work last night, she wouldn’t hold back. She needed some privacy if she was going to get on with her life.

Saturdays were always a crap shoot for Carolyn. She was supposed to have her boys until Monday morning. However, they often didn’t want to see her. June would call, which really pissed Carolyn off; it was something Frank should do. She debated telling her lawyer to address it. So June would call first thing in the morning and say something like, “Scott has a soccer game this morning, and of course you’re welcome to come, but he wants to go to Six Flags afterward” or “Danny has friends here from a sleepover last night. It would be rude if he left.” If Carolyn refused, she’d be the mean old mom who thwarted the amusement-park plans or ruined their sleepover. Seening her children was getting to be such a problem she almost stopped. But she was afraid that if she allowed them to get away with it, soon there would be a petition from the court that stated that since she didn’t take advantage of her visitation, she was in danger of losing it. She thought about what the day would be like if she didn’t have to worry about the boys. She’d be free to run errands without arguing with them to come with her. If they showed up on her doorstep, she’d have to plan something for them to do; there was the competition to keep things as exciting at her house as it was at Frank’s. Often, they would get to the house, run up to their bedrooms without greeting her, and slam the doors if she tried to follow them.

Then the phone rang; it was Frank’s number.

“Hello, Carolyn,” June said.

Grrrrr
, Carolyn thought.

“I know today’s your day, but Danny wants to go into the city for a kite-flying contest at the park later.” Carolyn thought about what it would be like to go into the city on a Saturday so her boys could fly kites. They could get lunch from a food cart, which they loved. She might even invite Steve to go along. She liked flying kites and hadn’t done so in a while.

“Well, tell Danny his mother is taking him to the park, June. Get the boys here by nine or I’m calling my attorney. Don’t tell me again they aren’t coming home on the weekends.”

She waited for a second or two, and then June said, “OK.” She didn’t argue or say the boys would be mad. Carolyn was pleased with herself. She quickly got a shower and dressed in casual, summer clothes appropriate for kite flying and impressing men. As she carefully applied her makeup, she realized she was smiling at her reflection.

Fifteen minutes later, she heard doors slamming. She approached the hallway just as her boys were running up the steps, preparing to move past her without a hello or a hug. She grabbed both of them as they attempted to get by.

“Oh no, you don’t,” she warned. “No more disrespect in your mother’s household, do you understand me?” Danny struggled a little, but Scott stopped, looking at his mother, surprised. “Come with me,” she said as she dragged them by the arms into her bedroom. She pushed both boys down on her bed. She was pleased they hadn’t tried to resist her yet.

“I know you like staying at Dad and June’s on the weekend. But it’s too bad. The court gave me your weekends, and I’m your mother. I’m not going to let you hurt my feelings anymore by not coming here. Every weekend, unless it’s prearranged, you are coming home. Is that clear?” Scott nodded his head, but it was taking Danny longer to accept the fact. He was looking at his mother, mulling over her “hurt feelings.” He was fourteen years old. He knew about hurting people, and he was sorry he’d hurt his mother. He stood up and hugged her.

“I’m sorry Mom. I like staying in bed on Saturday mornings, that’s all,” he said.

Carolyn thought the solution might be as simple as having them come home Friday night; she’d talk to Frank, not June. And if he resisted, she’d threaten a lawyer consultation that would come out of his pocket.

“Apology accepted. Let’s get ourselves fed and ready for some kite flying,” she prompted. They went down the stairs to the kitchen, and it felt like old times, sort of. Frank’s empty place at the table glared at her.
Guilty
, it said.
You drove him away with your granny panties and your chubby knees. Wait until you see June’s midriff
. She’d get the opportunity, later in the day, when the three of them would run into June and Frank as they walked to their car on Fifth Avenue. How was it that in a city of eight million people, they’d cross paths with the slender, youthful June and her older boyfriend?

And sure enough, they did.
Frank looks awful
, Carolyn thought. His skin was pasty, and he was almost skinny. Age was not kind to him. He seemed tired.
June might be too much for the old boy
. June was wearing a short top that showed her trim waist and taut skin. Carolyn was suddenly conscious of the peasant top she had on to help hide her thick waist.
Oh, tough! I am what I am
.

Frank had the decency to appear embarrassed. He introduced June to Carolyn, not sure what was correct—“Meet my wife, my ex-wife, my girlfriend, my lover”—so he simply used their names. They knew who they were. June was nice enough; she didn’t gloat or cling to Frank. And then, strangely or surprisingly, she asked Carolyn if she would have dinner with them. It was as natural to her as if she were asking her best friend to join them.

“Come over to the house,” she said. “I’m grilling on the deck. I’d love to have you.” Carolyn was sorry the request had been made in front of her boys because it would appear that a refusal would be deliberate and angry. But then she remembered that Steve had asked them to his place in Greenwich Village for pizza, and they were excited to go. The boys loved the hip, artsy-fartsiness of the neighborhood. Carolyn decided she could afford to be gracious to this woman who was, after all, kind and caring to her two boys.

“Thank you, June,” she replied. “It’s very generous of you to invite me. But we have plans for dinner tonight. A friend from work invited us for pizza in the Village.” The boys were fidgeting, trying to get the trunk open so they could put their kites away, and in doing so, had popped open the gas cap, turned the windshield wipers on, and done everything but open the trunk. Carolyn laughed out loud. “I’d better get moving here before there’s a wrestling match.” Neither boy moved to say goodbye to their father and his girlfriend. Although it did give Carolyn a twinge of satisfaction, she was determined to rise above pettiness. She knocked on the window and told them to say goodbye. “Hey, you two, show some respect.” Maybe Frank would get the hint and reciprocate. He was looking at her with—was it renewed admiration? She couldn’t read it but saw that June noticed, too, and began pushing Frank toward their car. He’d lingered just a little too long for her comfort. They said goodbye, and Carolyn got into the driver’s seat, Saturday traffic in Manhattan taking all her attention. Frank and June watched them pull away from the curb, and Carolyn thought she might have detected just a hint of regret on Frank’s face.
Well, he can regret it while he is humping his girlfriend
, she thought.

“Let’s go to Steve’s, OK?”

In chorus, the boys said, “OK!”

In a different village, across the East River in the Village of Babylon, Pam Smith was sitting at a café in town, having breakfast with her new attorney, Dan Chua. They were doing more laughing than eating.

Pam had had an iffy morning, talking to Dave about her plans. She decided that, although they didn’t usually spend Saturday morning with each other, she owed Dave an explanation about what she’d be doing in case someone they both knew saw her having a meal with a handsome, single guy.

“I wanted to tell you because it might seem odd if I didn’t,” she explained. Dave was jealous of her relationship with her gay friend, Jeff—what would he say about her young lawyer?

“Why a new lawyer?” he asked. Pam didn’t tell Dave much pertaining to Jack and was sure the news about a wrongful-death lawsuit was among the things she’d keep from him. It was just easier that way. She didn’t like being put in the position of defending her late husband.

“I have some work that my current guy doesn’t handle,” she lied. “Why not join us?” Her heart started pounding in her chest because what if he accepted? He never liked going for breakfast with her but might change his mind.

“Why would I go to a business meeting with you? No, go meet your ‘lawyer,’” he said with just the right tone of voice so that Pam would understand he was not happy.

Now she was sitting across from this great-looking man who was obviously very interested in her. She knew she had to make the AIDS speech happen that morning. They’d spent the previous afternoon working out together at the gym, and Pam hated to have to end it. She and Dave had spent each evening having dinner together for the past year, and she couldn’t be gone when he called her. She felt so guilty now because it was evident she’d been super-comfortable with him and fell into a pattern of needing to see him for the companionship, but little else. The small physical attraction she’d had for him had waned and finally disappeared. She thought it was her own faltering libido due to age and poor health. But now, sitting across from this handsome guy who exuded sexuality yet didn’t seem to be aware of it, she realized she may have been selling herself short.

Pam decided to see where it was going, if anywhere, before she sprung the AIDS card on him. She wasn’t sure yet if he was really interested in her as more than a client, but she was willing to wait and see.

When they were done eating, he was the one who made a move. “Do you want to work out together today?” he asked. “I wasn’t sure if you go daily, although you look like you do.” And then he winked at her. The sensation his winking at her initiated began with her cheeks getting numb again so that she was afraid she’d be unable to speak when she went to answer him. Then her palms began sweating.

“I do go to the gym every day,” she answered when she realized she could talk. “And sometimes twice a day. I would love to.” Was she kidding herself that working out with him didn’t mean anything? In the next breath, he could start talking about his wife or girlfriend. She had no idea if he was attached or not. She decided not to probe; that wouldn’t be allowing nature to takes its course. “How about letting our food settle and meeting at the gym in two hours?” It would give her a chance to talk to her kids before they began their day.

“OK, two hours it is. But don’t try to get out of it,” he teased. “I know where you live.” They got up together, Dan picking up the bill as they walked to the cash register together, still chatting up a storm. Dave was always so good about bringing food from the grocery store for their meals that Pam got used to picking up the tab when they went out to eat. She reasoned that Dan was trying to be a gentleman, so she didn’t offer to pay. Maybe next time. She remembered the entitlement she had felt when Jack was alive. It never crossed her mind to not buy whatever she wanted, and since it was never anything outlandish, she just did it because she was used to it, and his money always felt like hers. He never said anything to make her think differently. Would she ever feel like that again, as though she belonged to someone totally and what he had was hers? Stifling a laugh, she thought of all the garbage she’d discovered about Jack since his death. Who had she really belonged to? It would appear she had been alone the entire time.

As she and Dan turned to exit the restaurant, he placed his hand lightly on her back as they navigated through the crowd of people waiting to get in for Saturday breakfast. She found the gesture endearing, its suggestion of his possessiveness of her, his protection of her. It gave her a school-girl thrill, the feel of his warm hand on her back lingering long after he removed it.

“Do you want me to come home with you to wait?” he asked, trying to keep the eagerness out of his voice, but failing.

“Well, I have to call my kids, who are both out west. My son is in Pasadena, and my daughter’s in Oahu. They will just be getting up, and I wanted to say hello before they began their day.”

“How old are your children?” he asked. “You don’t look old enough to have kids living on their own.” She turned her head so he couldn’t see her smirk. If he was trying to flatter her, it was working.

“Brent just turned twenty-four, and Lisa is going to be twenty-two. It seems like yesterday they were born, and now they are grown up.” It made her sad, and she was fighting not to allow her voice to break while she spoke. “Lisa will be finished with school next June. I thought she would return to Long Island when she graduated, but now I’m not so sure.” She glanced up at Dan. He was watching her, studying her face.
Oh Lord, he’s trying to figure out how old I am
, she thought.

“I’m fifty-something, by the way. Is that what you were wondering?” she asked lightly, smiling. She didn’t want him to see her self-confidence dwindling. She was so happy she’d taken the time to have her chin waxed. “You don’t need exact numbers, do you?” What happened next happened so quickly, she almost fell backward. He grabbed her upper arms in his strong hands, and in broad daylight, in a crowded beach-town parking lot, he pulled her to him and kissed her. He kept it closed-mouth or she would’ve pushed him away, but she felt her body responding to his touch, and she wanted more. She didn’t want to have to tell him so soon; hadn’t she just come to the conclusion in the restaurant that she didn’t need to “out” herself that quickly? And now it looked like she had better because he was showing her how interested he was in her, and she was feeling the same way. He let go of her arms, and she wound them around his neck, laying her head on his chest.
What now?
she thought. Hopefully, they’d go to the gym and work out all of the sexual tension between them. He was rubbing her back while they stood there, and when she noticed someone walking toward them, she moved back from Dan.