Family for Keeps & Sadie's Hero (16 page)

The accusation cut through the tension that captured Tess and tore at her defenses. “I want children. You don’t. I don’t see a future for us.” She looked away from the anger that sparked in his eyes, wishing their situation were that simple.

“Is that all?”

“Isn’t that enough?”

“I think there’s more to it than just not agreeing on the number of children we would have.”

She bit the inside of her cheek. How could she tell him she would be afraid every day he walked out of the house that something would take him away? “You said yourself you wanted to settle the issue before getting married. Have you changed your mind? Do you want more children?”

His forehead wrinkled in a deep, thoughtful frown. “I don’t know. I’ve been pretty out of it for the past few days.”

“You wanted this discussion. I was willing to wait.”

“To tell me it was over?”

“I don’t see there’s anything to discuss. We want two different things in life.” She swallowed the lump in her throat, determined now that he had started the conversation to end their relationship so she could start healing. The road to recovery would be long, one she wasn’t sure she would ever finish. Her heart ached with wants and needs only Mac could fulfill.

“I want to talk about it some more. I love you, Tess.”

Emotions, all wrapped up in her love for this man, swamped her. But she remembered the terror that gripped her when she saw him in the emergency room, his blood everywhere as the nurse tore his shirt away to reveal his wound. “I just can’t.”

“Can’t what?”

Johnny, Amy and Alice entered the room, saving Tess from having to answer. She fled before she broke down in front of the children. She felt the tears flowing down her cheeks. She saw people staring at her as she rushed toward the elevator. Sounds and smells faded from her consciousness. She focused her attention on one thing—finding a sanctuary.

Without realizing it, she ended up in front of the double doors that led into the hospital chapel. She pushed through them and sank onto a pew. Lacing her fingers together, she bowed her head. Her mind went blank for a few seconds, then the words poured into her.

Dear Heavenly Father, I’m lost and don’t know what to do. I love Mac so much. What if he had died the other day?

The silence in the chapel amplified the loneliness she felt. What would she have if she walked away from Mac?

Please, God, I need You. I need Your help. What do I do? What do You want from me?

“Tess.”

She pivoted in the pew and saw Mac standing in the doorway. He moved into the chapel, his gaze trained on hers, such tenderness and love in his eyes that her heart screamed out the injustice. The pallor of his features and the slowness of his gait attested to the ordeal he had been through, reminding her why she was afraid to commit.

He sat next to her, one corner of his mouth lifting in a smile. “I knew you would be here.”

“How?”

“Because this is where I would have come.”

“Oh,” she murmured, the single word enhancing their bond more than anything.

“Tell me what is really bothering you. Let me help you.”

“What if you had died?”

“But I didn’t.”

“You’re going back to the halfway house when you’re better. It could happen again.”

“Yes, it could.”

Pain stabbed her heart as though a bullet had ripped through her.

“But I could be sitting in my easy chair at home and die. When it’s my time to go to the Lord, I will go, not one minute before. In the meanwhile, I can’t stop living because I’m afraid of what might be.”

“I don’t want you to go back to the halfway house.”

“Is that what you really want? Do you want me to turn my back on my ministry?”

“No—yes. I don’t know.”

Mac cupped his hand over hers. “I will if that’s what you want.”

Confusion reigned in Tess. She wanted to shout no, but the word wouldn’t come out. How could she ask him to give up something that was so important to him? His strong faith and ministry were an intricate part of him and one of the reasons she loved him so much.

“Now, about having children?”

Tess twisted and pressed her fingers over his mouth. “I love Amy and Johnny as though they were mine.” She paused, her throat clogged with emotions. “A family of four is plenty.”

“So, we each give up what we want? You think that’s fair? You think that’s what God wants?”

“I love you, Mac. I’m not sure how this can work. You’re right. I can’t ask you to give up the halfway house.”

“And I can’t ask you to give up your dream of having children.”

“It looks like we’re at a standstill.”

“Then we’ve come to the right place. Our Father will show us the way. We just have to open our hearts and listen to Him.”

She wanted it to be that simple. Could it?

With her hand still linked to Mac’s, Tess bowed her head. She wanted the fear gone. How could that happen when she had lived with it so long? She wanted a family. Could she make the emotional commitment without fear of being hurt?

“Our Father, guide us through this challenge You’ve laid at our feet. Help us to see Your path and to surrender our fear to You. Help us to put our lives in Your hands.”

Mac’s prayer held the key. The words weaved their way into her heart, and she felt the tension slip away. If she turned her life totally over to the Lord and trusted in Him completely, then she would no longer experience the terror she’d had on that mountaintop two years before. Wasn’t that what true faith was all about?

God is with me every step of the way. I will be all right.

Tess angled her head to peer at Mac. Their gazes touched and she realized he felt the same way. A bond, forged through pain, solidified between them as she rested her cheek against his good shoulder and relished the moment of total peace and surrender.

In order to love God, to love Mac, she had to open herself up and let them in with no reservations, no conditions attached. Mac should continue his work because that was part of the Lord’s plan. That was a part of Mac, the man she had fallen in love with.

Mac slipped his arm around her shoulder and she nestled into the curve of his body. “I love you, Tess Morgan. I want you to be the mother of my children. Together we both can let go of our fears. We can put our pasts behind us. You were right about life’s risks. I can’t stop living my life to the fullest because I’m afraid of what could happen.”

“Because we will go to the Lord when our time is here, not one minute sooner.”

“Yes, we both have to learn to risk in order to love. Grieving is an important process in life, but it should never take over as we both were letting it do. It should never control us to the point we turn away from what is truly important.”

“The essence of our faith.”

Mac placed a kiss on the top of Tess’s head and cradled her closer. “That, and our ability to love another totally and unconditionally as we love our Father in Heaven.”

“I do have one condition to place on you continuing your work at the halfway house.”

She looked into his face in time to see him arch a brow. “Oh?”

The smile that graced her lips filled her with such love for the man next to her. “I want to volunteer alongside you. What is important to you is important to me.”

“And I suppose you’ll want me in the delivery room when our first child is born.”

“Of course, holding my hand.”

He bent forward and touched his lips to hers. “I’ll be there every time.”

I want to dedicate this book
to the people who work with Special Olympics
in Oklahoma and to a special coach, Laurie.

S
adie Spencer read the description in the catalog, then looked at the man who was number forty-six. He stood on the platform in a black tuxedo that fit him perfectly. Made for him, she decided as her gaze traveled up his tall length to rest on his face, sculpted in clean, strong lines. She had to agree with the catalog’s description. He did inspire dreams.

“The opening bid for our next bachelor offered on the auction block tonight is two hundred dollars. Do I hear two twenty-five?”

“Two hundred twenty-five,” a distinguished-looking woman in the front row shouted.

“I thought you wanted to bid on him,” Carol West whispered to Sadie.

Her friend’s urgent words focused Sadie on her mission. “Four hundred dollars.”

Everyone turned toward Sadie, and for a few seconds silence reigned in the hotel banquet room. Leaning against the back wall, she shifted from one foot to the other, her throat suddenly very dry. The room seemed unusually hot.

“Sadie, are you crazy? I don’t know why I even bother asking. Of course, you are.” Carol’s astonishment, mixed with her exasperation, was evident in her round eyes and furrowed brow.

“It’s for a good cause—fifteen good causes, in fact,” Sadie whispered, never taking her gaze off number forty-six. “I’ve got to have him.”

“Four hundred fifty,” the distinguished-looking woman countered, shooting Sadie a look of determination.

“Five hundred,” she returned, mentally calculating how much she could bid and still have enough for the next month’s rent. She really hadn’t thought the bid would go so high, but she wasn’t going to give in when she was so close to her goal.

“Five twenty-five.”

Sadie turned to Carol. “Will you loan me fifty? I’ve been trying for two months to get past his secretary. I’m a desperate woman. This plan has divine inspiration—well, not exactly divine, but when I saw his name on the list of bachelors for this auction, I knew my prayers had been answered. I know this will work. Please, Carol.”

With a deep sigh her friend nodded.

“Five hundred fifty,” Sadie said, aware all eyes were on her, including Andrew Knight’s. His cool regard trapped her, momentarily wiping all reason from her mind. She tried to ignore the tingling sensation that streaked up her spine but she couldn’t. Sweat broke out on her upper lip. She resisted the urge to wipe away the sign of her nervousness while
he
watched.

Determinedly she pulled her gaze from him. With a willpower she was beginning to think she’d lost, Sadie fixed her attention on the woman in the front row and silently pleaded for her to give up. She held her breath while waiting for the woman to bid again. If she did, Sadie would be forced to come up with another way to meet Andrew Knight. When the woman shook her head, Sadie relaxed her tensed shoulders.

“Five fifty once.” The auctioneer’s visual sweep of the room seemed minutes long rather than seconds. “Twice.” Another pause, Sadie was sure for dramatic effect. “Sold to the lady in red for five hundred fifty dollars.”

“I realize the man is gorgeous, but it isn’t too late to back out.” Carol’s frown was deeply in place.

“His looks are beside the point. You know why I need to meet with him. His company is perfect for what I have in mind.” Sadie still felt his intense, piercing gray gaze on her and found herself drawn to the platform.

“There are less expensive ways to see Andrew Knight. I’m sure with your vivid imagination you’d have come up with a way to get past his barracuda secretary. You always do think of something in time.”

Carol’s words barely registered in Sadie’s mind. Instead, she felt ensnared by assessing eyes and couldn’t look away from the man her friend was discussing. Much to Sadie’s dismay, she had the impression of being probed, cataloged and filed away in a matter of a few seconds by Mr. Andrew Knight. With a blush flaming her face, she averted her gaze, resolved not to look again. Apparently her vivid imagination was working overtime this evening.

“Carol, school will be over before I get in to see him if I don’t do something fast. I’ve tried to get past that woman who guards his door as if her life depends on it. And perhaps it does.”

“You’re much too melodramatic for your own good. Life indeed!”

“I don’t mean her life literally, but I do mean her job. It’s his eyes and the way he carries himself.” Sadie gestured toward the stage but didn’t dare look at the man. “There’s something about him that’s so intense—almost brooding.”
Or perhaps it’s ruthless determination,
she concluded silently, not sure from where that impression came.

“You need an outlet for that imagination of yours. Have you ever thought about writing?”

“No,” Sadie answered immediately, her smile vanishing.

“It’s got to be in your genes,” her friend continued as if Sadie hadn’t said anything. “Your father’s historical characterizations are great. He makes those people seem so alive and real. That last book he wrote about Napoleon was fascinating.”

The air became stuffy, Sadie’s chest tight with each breath. Standing in the back of the room with the other organizers of the annual fund-raiser, she took the opportunity to slip out the door into the hallway. As she inhaled deeply, Carol joined her.

“Are you all right, Sadie? You’re so pale.”

She waved her hand in the air, dismissing her friend’s concern. “Too many people in there. Our turnout was much larger this year.”

“Since you’re on the board of Children Charities, you’re in the position to get a larger room for the auction next year. Have you decided what you’re going to say to Mr. Knight?”

“Me? Plan ahead? Only when absolutely necessary.”

“In other words, you haven’t the slightest idea how you’re going to sell him on the work project.”

“Of course, I know. I’m going to appeal to his soft vulnerable side, to his love of children. If I can convince IFI to go along with my project, then the other companies in the area will follow like cattle to the slaughter.”

“From what I’ve heard there may not be a soft, vulnerable side to appeal to. I suppose he might love children, but he has been a confirmed bachelor for thirty-seven years.”

“The first twenty don’t count. Too young to marry. Something will come to me when I’m having dinner with him. If not, by the time he takes me to the concert, I should have come up with the right approach.”

Carol’s laughter rang in the silent hallway. “If anyone can come up with the perfect approach, it’ll be you. Come on. We’d better get back inside. It sounds like the auction is over.”

Perfect.
The word stuck in Sadie’s mind as she walked back into the room. All her life she had striven to be perfect because that was what her father had demanded. When she had brought home an A minus on her report card, her father had wanted an A. When she had brought home an A, he had wanted an A plus. She had always come up short in his eyes, never quite the daughter he wanted. Thankfully she had found salvation in the Lord. As a teenager, lost, hurting, she had turned to her church’s youth group for solace when her father had been particularly tough on her self-esteem. Now she couldn’t imagine her life without the Lord’s guidance.

“I’d better pay for this date or I won’t be going anywhere.” Sadie made her way to the table at the side set up for that purpose.

“I see you won our number forty-six.” Jollie Randall took Sadie’s check. “You know, I was the one to recruit him for this auction. Most reluctant, though. Wanted to donate money instead. Don’t scare him off, Sadie. We could use him next year.”

“He could get married.”

“Not likely. I work at IFI, and there have been many women who have tried to snare him, but he doesn’t have the time for a serious relationship.”

Good,
Sadie thought. She didn’t want a commitment, just his okay on her work project. “Then he’s safe for next year.

“I’ll send Mr. Andrew Knight back in one piece and you can save your money for next year’s auction.”

Jollie’s eyes widened, and her mouth fell open.

Sadie felt pinpricks go up her spine. She slowly turned. Her whole face reddened as she stared into the subject of their conversation’s unreadable gray eyes.

“As soon as you two ladies finish planning my future, I’d like a word with you.” Andrew directed his comment to Sadie.

Intense might be too mild a word to describe Andrew Knight, Sadie thought as she continued to stare at him, her mind blank of any response to give him. She was sure her face rivaled her red dress.

His eyes warmed to a dove gray. “About the arrangements, Miss—”

“Sadie Spencer.”

“Miss Spencer.” He extended his hand.

When his fingers closed around hers, she wasn’t surprised at the firm handshake that transmitted confidence and determination nor the warmth that spread up her arm at the tactile contact. For a few seconds she felt surrounded by him, a taut pressure building in her chest. Then he released her hand, and the tension eased, allowing her to breathe again.

“About the arrangements, Mr. Knight. May I have a word with you in private?” There was nothing she could do about the quaver in her voice, which signified the disruption this man caused to her equilibrium. She glanced about the room full of people, all talking at once. “I think there’s a small room off this one we can use.”

“Lead the way, Miss Spencer.”

“Please call me Sadie. Only my students call me Miss Spencer.”

He started walking beside her toward the room she had indicated. “You’re a teacher?”

“At Cimarron High School. I teach students with special needs.”

“That must be very demanding work that requires a lot of patience.” Andrew opened the door for Sadie.

“My job is demanding, like a lot of people’s, but I love working with my students. They’re what make my job rewarding,” Sadie said as she entered the room.

“I’m afraid I haven’t been around any children with special needs. In fact, I haven’t been around many children.” Andrew shut the door, enclosing them in the suddenly small space.

Even though a few feet separated them, Sadie felt overwhelmed by his presence. He filled the room with his intensity. He leaned against a table and crossed his arms. An amused look softened his stern features as several minutes passed and Sadie remained silent, trying to figure out the best way to approach him about her work project. Nothing came to mind except the fact that he’d said he hadn’t been around people with special needs. She needed to change that before approaching him about working with them, or his answer would probably be no even before she had presented the whole work project to him.

“Sadie.” He finally broke into the quiet. “You said you wanted to speak with me in private. Since the hour is growing late and tomorrow is a workday—”

“But it’s Sunday.”
The Lord’s day.

He arched his brow and quirked his mouth. “Some people do work on Sunday. I get more work done on Sunday when everyone else is gone than I do two days during the week.”

“Well, then.” Sadie began to pace, nervous energy compelling her to move. “I have to confess I had a reason for bidding on you tonight.” She stopped and faced him, deciding only to tell him about part of her plan. “I want IFI to help support Cimarron High School’s Special Olympics program. Since you’re the vice president of special projects and human resources, I thought you would be the person to see at IFI. For example, at the school we’re in desperate need of uniforms.”

“Why didn’t you take the five hundred fifty dollars you spent on this date and buy uniforms with it?”

“Because we need continual support, not a one-time shot in the arm. New uniforms will have to be purchased every year as our program grows. Fees to the state games in May paid every year. Some equipment purchased.”

“I see. Wouldn’t it have been easier to contact me at my office?” His facade of cool businessman descended over his features.

“I tried, but your secretary said you’ve been too busy to see anyone right now. Something about being out of town a lot lately on business. So when this opportunity came up, I decided to bypass normal channels.”

He raised one eyebrow. “Have you always been unorthodox?”

Sadie laughed. “I have been accused of that a few times. Since I give to Children Charities every year, I thought it was a brilliant plan.”

“IFI is constantly being approached about donating to good causes. Sometimes Mrs. Fox screens the requests and the people seeking appointments not connected directly with IFI, especially when I’m particularly busy at work.”

“Then you weren’t out of town?”

“No, I was. Since you went to so much trouble, I’ll take a look at your proposal. Write up what you need in the way of support and get it to me as soon as possible. I’ll have an answer for you by the time we go on our date. I assume you still want to go?”

Sadie nodded, aware of the polite distance he was putting between them.

Glancing at his watch, he straightened away from the table. “Would next Saturday night be okay? I have tickets for the concert for that night.”

“Yes, that would be fine.”

“I’ll call you about the time closer to the day.”

His tone of voice conveyed their conversation was over. As Sadie walked toward the door, she wasn’t sure just how she was going to get him involved when he was so busy. Between now and their date she would have to come up with an offer the man couldn’t refuse.

Andrew sat behind his massive desk in his office, staring out the window. The morning so far had been unproductive. He usually enjoyed these quiet times the most, but today he was restless, reflective. He rarely thought about his past because he felt it was a waste of time, something he didn’t allow himself to do. But this morning he had to fight the memories he worked so hard to suppress.