Authors: Kasey Millstead
NOW
“Is Daddy coming over today?” Elody asks as she shovels a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
“He sure is, baby. Are you excited?”
“Uh-huh,” she mumbles, smiling. A dribble of milk exits her mouth and she promptly wipes it off with the back of her hand.
“Don’t speak with your mouth full,” I chide. “What shall we do today?”
“Can we go to the park so Daddy can push me on the swing? Darla’s daddy does that to her all the time,” she replies.
“Sure, baby. Let’s ask your dad when he arrives.” I plaster a smile on my face but inside my heart breaks a little as I realize another thing my daughter has missed out on. All those small things for her are equating to one big heartache for me.
“Go brush your teeth, Elody,” I tell her when she has finished eating. I do a quick tidy up and wash the dishes as I wait for her. It’s been two weeks since Elody and Brock first met each other and during that two weeks Brock has been nothing short of amazing. He does his best to come by around or after dinner time, that way he can stay until Elody has to go to bed, which means he can tuck her in and kiss her goodnight.
After that we usually have a coffee and talk. I tell him all about the little triumphs and milestones in Elody’s life he has missed so far, and he listens intently, genuinely interested to hear all the tidbits I share. When it’s time for him to go, he always gives me a hug and kisses my forehead, despite the internal and sometimes overwhelming craving I feel for him to crash his lips to mine. He never oversteps his self-induced invisible boundary, though, no matter how much I silently beg.
The nights he hasn’t been able to make it over, he has called her on the phone. When he is done speaking with her, she always hands the phone to me and then I chat with him for a while. It has been wonderful.
The doorbell sounds and I move to open it. Brock smiles and my heart flutters.
“Morning.” It’s way too early on a Saturday morning to be this chirpy, but I can’t seem to contain myself.
“Mornin’, Cassi. You look beautiful,” he rasps, taking in my tight white jeans, and hot pink, off the shoulder tank.
“Thank you. You don’t look so bad yourself,” I quip back. He looks incredibly handsome in his pair of black jeans, boots and button down shirt that he has left un-tucked. His hair is damp from his shower and it looks like he has simply run his fingers through it and left it. My own fingers itch to follow his path.
He touches his thumb to my cheek and strokes downward. I’m sure he feels the tremor that moves through my body, but he doesn’t comment on it. Thankfully.
“Come on in. Elody’s just finishing getting ready.” I move aside and let him, simultaneously loving and hating the way he looks so good in my home.
“Is my daddy here?” Elody cries, running down the hall.
“Morning, sweetheart.” She runs to him and he opens his arms wide, catching her as she flies into him, colliding with his chest. He lifts her up and places a kiss on the side of her head.
“Hi, Daddy.”
“So, what are we doing today, girls?”
“Park!”
“You want to go to the park?”
Elody nods her head quickly. “I want you to push me on the swing, and we can go down the slide. It will be so much fun!”
“Okay, sweetheart,” he says through a chuckle. “The park it is.”
I lock up and then we walk over to my car. Elody climbs into her booster and Brock holds his hand out for the keys.
“I’m driving,” he states.
“It’s my car,” I rebuff.
“A man always drives his girl. His girl doesn’t drive him,” he responds, giving me a pointed look.
I bark out a laugh. “That’s ridiculous, Brock. Move out of the way. I’m driving.”
“Cassidy,” he warns. “Pass me the keys. I’m driving.”
“Fine, you freaking caveman,” I huff, slapping the keys down in his palm. He grabs my elbow as I try to move away. Tugging me close, his hard body comes flush up against the side of mine. “Was that so hard?” he growls into my ear, sending an eruption of shivers throughout my body.
I swallow hard. “No.” My response is breathy and I can hear the arousal in my voice.
“Good. Now, go climb in.” He slaps my ass as I walk away, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t like it.
When we arrive at the park, it is almost empty, save for a few dog walkers. Elody runs straight toward the swing set with Brock chasing her close behind. I dawdle behind them both, watching them, loving the sound of my daughter’s laugh, reveling in the feelings of complete and utter joy that are consuming me right in this moment.
I choose a spot on the grass and sit down to watch them and to let them have a little one-on-one time.
“Push me, Daddy,” Elody screams. “Higher,” she screams again, giggling her little heart out. I can’t help but smile.
THEN
I thought the first two days were hard, but this, the third day, has been the worst so far. I’m so sad. So depressed. So utterly sore and feeling broken. I grab a tissue and blow my nose, tossing the used item in the trash with the other hundred I have used today. My eyes are blotchy, red, and swollen, my nose is tender and raw. I’m tired, and my breasts are so incredibly pained, it’s indescribable.
The nurse visited me yesterday. She said what I am feeling is completely normal. The
three day blues
, she called it. I hope today is the last day I feel like this. I have a beautiful little girl who means the world to me, yet I’m so sad I can’t enjoy the time I’m spending with her.
Elody is a great sleeper. All she does is sleep, eat, and poop. She rarely cries or fusses. She’s the most perfect child ever born. Of course, I’m allowed to be biased.
I wish Brock were here. That’s the crux of my sadness, I believe. I just wish we were experiencing this together, and that I had someone to lean on, someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay.
But, that can never happen. Brock will never be here. He will never meet his daughter, and I will never be able to tell him just how deep my feelings for him run.
I wish I wasn’t so alone.
So lonely.
NOW
“Mommy, can I get an ice-cream?” a very tired Elody asks me.
“Okay,” I sigh, like it’s a hardship, causing her to give me a sleepy smile.
She’s so cute.
“I’ll get them. Do you want one?”
“Yes, please. I’ll have a scoop of white chocolate and raspberry.”
“And, what do you want, Princess Elody?”
“Chocolate,” she gushes.
“Chocolate it is.” Brock walks off to order and I can’t help but watch his gorgeous ass, toned and firm, as it moves beneath his jeans.
Delicious
.
He returns moments later with our ice creams and I notice immediately he got chocolate, just like his daughter. He winks at her and they knock their cones together and chant, ‘cheers’. Elody giggles as if it is the funniest thing ever, and as a result, Brock chuckles and I can’t help but smile.
This is the best day.
“This is the best day ever!” Elody sighs.
“My thoughts exactly,” I murmur to myself.
Brock leans over and kisses Elody’s head before leaning back and kissing me in the same spot.
Now,
it’s the best day ever!
*~*
“I want to talk to you about something,” Brock states.
I hand him a glass of wine and take a sip of my own, enjoying the cool, crisp, fruit flavor as it slides down my throat.
“Okay,” I say hesitantly.
We are sitting out on my back porch, the sun has set, and Elody has crashed out, sound asleep in her bed.
“Do you work each day?”
“Yes. I’m on a set roster, so I work five days a week, eight a.m. till five p.m.”
He nods thoughtfully. “Can you get a sitter for Elody one night this week?”
“Uh, I guess…why?”
“I want to take you on a date. I realize it’s important for the three of us to spend time together, but I also want to spend some alone time with you,” he explains.
“Okay then.” I feel giddy inside. I haven’t been on a date. Period. Yes, ladies, that’s how sad my love life is. I’ve never been on an actual date.
“Good. Seven-thirty, Wednesday. I’ll pick you up. Let me know if you can’t get a sitter for that night, and we’ll reschedule.”
“That should be fine, but I’ll double check. Elody should be able to spend the night at Darla’s house. If not, I’ll see if Marnie can sit for us.”
“Darla?”
“Her best friend,” I clarify.
“Right, then.” He stands and takes my hands, pulling me upright and into his arms. My head rests against his chest, the rhythmic beating of his heart fills my ears and my body relaxes into his. My arms wrap around his waist while his hold me securely at my lower back.
I look up at his face, and his chin tilts down so he can meet my gaze.
Kiss me.
My breath hitches and my eyes flutter shut.
Kiss me.
My lips pucker slightly, awaiting his touch.
Kiss me, dammit.
His thumb strokes across my lips, and of its own accord, my tongue darts out to taste him. He growls, low and rumbling.
“Careful, Cassi,” he warns.
Kiss me, please.
He sighs softly and then places a quick, soft kiss to my temple.
“We’re going to do things right this time, Cass,” he says softly.
My eyes slowly open and my shoulders slump slightly.
“I’ll see you Wednesday, okay?”
“Yes. I’ll walk you out.”
As he climbs into his car, I give him a quick wave and quickly close and lock the front door. I need a cold shower and a full glass of wine. Maybe a tequila shot.
Damn
that moment was intense!
NOW
“Come on in, Marnie. It’s good to see you.”
“Hey, Cassi. Hey, Elody.”
Marnie is Renee’s younger sister. She’s in her final year of school. She has watched Elody for me a couple of times in the past when I have had a night class.
“Okay, so Elody has already had her dinner and bath. I’ve got a packet of popcorn on the counter for you both and there are some other treats there as well. Bedtime is eight p.m.”
“We’ll be fine,” Marnie assures me.
“I know,” I say with a smile. “Be a good girl, Elody, and listen to Marnie, please.”
“I will, momma.”
“Marnie, help yourself to anything you like, sweetie. I know you’ve got my number in your cell, but I also left it by the house phone.”
“Gotcha.”
The doorbells rings and I quickly slide in my earrings as I walk to answer it.
“Hi,” I say, suddenly feeling shy. Brock looks incredible. He’s wearing a pair of black pants with a deep cranberry-colored shirt. His hair is slightly messed up, and the cologne he is wearing is intoxicating in the best way.
“Come on in, I just have to grab my purse.”
“Just wait a second,” he says, gripping my elbow to halt me.
“What’s up?” I ask in confusion. My gaze finds his, and my breath catches in my throat when I see the fire burning in his aquamarine depths.
“You look,” he pauses to sweep his eyes down my front and back up again, “fucking amazing,” he growls. His fingers press into the bare skin of my back, leaving behind a trail of burning heat.
“Thank you.” I can’t help the smile that tilts my lips.
I’m wearing a black dress, that, from the front, actually looks quiet demure. It’s cut high at the front, coming right up over my collarbone and into a halter behind my neck. It fits me just perfectly before it ends just above my knees. But it’s the back I love most. It’s completely backless, except for the big drape of fabric that pools around the base of my spine, just above my ass. On my feet, I’m wearing a gorgeous pair of black sandals with a peek-a-boo pink sole, and one pink strap. My clutch is also pink, matching my shoes.
“Daddy!” Elody comes tearing through the room and slams into Brock’s legs. “I missed you,” she says, giving him a squeeze.
“I missed you too, beautiful,” he replies, stroking her head. I roll my eyes; they only saw each other yesterday. It’s cute they miss each other though. It makes my heart feel full and fuzzy.
“Are you taking mommy on a date?” she questions, grinning broad and proud.
“I am,” Brock confirms, offering her his own grin.
“See, he
is
the prince,” she exclaims, turning to look at me.
“No need to give him a big head. Give me a kiss, and be good for Marnie. I’ll see you when I get home.”
“Okay, Momma. Love you. Bye.”
I give her a kiss and a big squeezy hug. “Love you, baby.”
Brock kneels down and she goes into his waiting arms. He kisses her head and she plants her lips on his cheek.
“Love you, Daddy,” she mumbles against his face.
Oh shit
. Tears prick my eyes, threatening to ruin the perfect job I did with my mascara. It’s the first time she has said those words to him, and I know it isn’t lost on Brock. His tone is gruff, hoarse with emotion, when he replies.
“Love you, sweetheart.”
Oh shit.
I think my heart might explode.
*~*
Brock drives us in his car to the restaurant. The radio plays low in the background, and besides the occasional small talk, we sit in comfortable silence for most of the way there.
Pier 7teen
is a really beautiful restaurant. I haven’t eaten here before now, but I have heard some of the girls at work gush about it, and apparently the food, service, and décor is divine.
Brock takes my hand and leads me inside the glass doors. He gives his name to the hostess and then we follow her to our table in the back corner. There is a slight privacy screen in place, and it all looks very romantic. There is soft lighting and candles placed strategically throughout the room. The walls are a beautiful ivory cream, and the deep burgundy window dresses give it a really romantic, loving feel.
“Wow, it’s really gorgeous here. Thank you for bringing me.”
“It’s my pleasure,” he replies warmly.
The waitress comes by and we order our drinks and meals. I choose the garlic prawn pasta with crusty bread, and Brock orders the steak with vegetables and pepper cream sauce.
“How was your day?” he asks.
I swallow my sip of wine before I answer. “It was good – hectic, as usual, but fun. One of the dads fainted during delivery and required three stitches in his head, though.”
“Jesus,” he mutters.
“Yep,” I say through a laugh. “You never know what to expect. That’s why I love it so much.”
“Your face lights up every time you speak of your job,” he observes.
“I guess it’s because I really enjoy it. I never knew it was what I wanted to do until after I had Elody. Then it just hit me, I wanted to deliver babies.”
“So you made it happen,” he finishes.
“Yes, I made it happen.”
Our food is served. It smells heavenly. The aromas are enough to have me salivating, and it looks absolutely delicious. I take a bite and groan around my fork as the creamy garlic sauce explodes on my taste buds.
“This is so yummy,” I moan.
I look over to Brock to see if he is enjoying his meal, and notice he hasn’t eaten any yet.
“Is everything –,” I stop short when I see the fire blazing in his eyes.
“Take another bite, Cassi,” he demands softly.
Twirling my fork in my pasta, I bring it to my lips slowly, parting my lips seductively. My eyes flutter shut as the flavor bursts on my tongue. I lick my lips to gather any remaining sauce, before gradually opening my eyes to look across at Brock.
“Fucking stunning,” he murmurs. “You’re so beautiful, Cassi.”
I watch as he tastes his own food for the first time. How is it possible a man can look so tempting, just by eating?
By the time we’ve finished our meal, I’ve consumed three glasses of wine, and I’m feeling a warm buzz from the alcohol.
“I think we need to speak about
us
,” I suggest, hoping the nerves I’m feeling on the inside, aren’t displaying on the outside.
“I’m listening.”
“Oh, um, okay then. Well, uh,” I flounder. I wasn’t expecting him to let me take the lead, so I’m unsure where to start. Taking a deep breath to gather my bearings, I finally pull it together. “I’m concerned about a few things, actually. Primarily those being where you think we’re headed, and what you expect of
us
? Uh, and then, of course, there’s the issue of our family, and, uh, everything that’s involved there…” I trail off.
“Right. Well, let’s start at the beginning, shall we?”
“Yes.”
“We’re in the beginnings of an adult relationship – an
exclusive
adult relationship. Being that we’re both adults and can do as we please, making our own decisions and suffering the consequences of those decisions should they arise, I don’t believe our family has a say in anything regarding our relationship. As for what I expect, I would like to see where this goes, Cassi. I can’t tell the future, but I do know I’ll try my hardest to make this work, and I’m loving being a father to Elody. I strive to be the man both of you count on.”
That sounds amazing.
“I can’t help but look into the future and wonder about things like Christmas and family celebrations, though, Brock. If you generally spend them with Celia and your father, I hope you won’t expect Elody and me to be part of those times.”
“Absolutely not. My main priority is now Elody and you, and concentrating on building our life together. We will cross those other bridges should we come to them.”
I let out the breath I had been holding. “Okay.”
“Try not to worry, okay? Everything will work out.” He squeezes my hand across the table.
I hope he’s right.
I nervously tap on the table, unsure whether or not to broach the next subject with him.
“What’s on your mind?” he asks, startling me from my contemplation.
“I…there’s something else I wanted to ask you.”
“Go ahead.”
“Okay, well, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but, uh,” I stall.
“Cassi, just ask,” he says, humor evident in his tone.
“I know it was years ago, but I can’t help but still wonder – did you ever sleep with Peyton?”
He pauses, the silence stretching between us like the Pacific Ocean.
“I did.”
I swallow the hurt that is threatening to choke me. “Okay,” I whisper brokenly.
“It was a long time ago, Cassi, and it happened before I met you,” he explains.
“It did?” My brow furrows.
Before he met me?
“Yes. It was one night, one time at a party. I had been drinking, I think she had too. It was a couple of weeks before you moved in. Why?” Now he sounds confused.
“Oh, it’s nothing important. Just something that happened a long time ago and I wanted confirmation.” I wave it off like it is no big deal, and in the grand scheme of things, I guess it isn’t.
We leave the restaurant and decide to walk through the park for a while. The night is still young, the air is warm, and there aren’t many people around.
Brock slides an arm around me and holds me close to him as we stroll.
“Are you cold?” he asks when a shiver ripples up my spine because his fingers are skating awfully close to the underside of my breasts.
My cheeks turn pink with embarrassment and I manage to shake my head.
We follow the path around, over the bridge with the pond beneath and through the weeping vines, which create a magical atmosphere.
“Would you like an ice cream?” Brock asks as we pass a vendor selling the creamy goodness.
“Mmm, yes please.” My stomach is full from dinner, but who can pass up an offer for ice cream?
“What flavor?”
“Caramel toffee crunch,” I say, spotting my choice.
Brock orders mine plus a Rum ‘n’ Raisin cone for himself.
“Delicious,” I say, licking the frozen treat.
“Have you had a good night?” Brock asks as we make our way back to his car.
“I’ve had the best night,” I tell him honestly.
“Good. Then, perhaps we can do it again?”
“I would love that.”
“I’d like to take both you and Elody out as well, though. The circus is coming to town next week. Do you think she’d like it?”
“Oh, yes! She would love that.”
“Good. Climb in.” He holds the door open for me, and when I slide into the seat, he closes it with a soft
thunk.
Then he rounds the hood and folds himself into the driver’s seat.
“Thank you for tonight, Brock. I really did have a wonderful time.”
“So did I, Cassi. So did I,” he murmurs, taking my hand and resting it on his knee as he drives us back to my house.
The house looks quiet and peaceful, with only the front porch light illuminating the path.
“Do you want to come in for coffee?” I offer.
“Of course.”
I turn the doorknob softly, letting us in. Marnie is lying on the sofa, watching a DVD. When she hears us, she stretches out and stands.
“Hey, how was your night?”
“It was great, thank you. How was Elody?”
“A joy, as usual.”
“Good.”
I take out some cash and pay Marnie, and then she leaves, despite my offer of the guest bedroom.
“Drive safe,” I tell her.
“I will. Bye, Cassi. Bye, Brock.” She waves as she’s leaving. I wait until she’s reversing down the drive before I close and lock the door.
*~*
With a steaming cup of coffee in hand, Brock and I curl up together on the sofa. I idly watch the DVD Marnie had on, but I’m too distracted with Brock’s hard body pressing up against the side of me. His large, long fingers flex around his coffee mug and I watch from the corner of my eye as he brings the drink to his plump, full lips.
I wish I were a coffee cup.
His arm goes around my shoulders and he strokes the bare skin of my shoulder lazily. Goose bumps break out over my body.
Feeling bold, and quite frankly, turned-on, I shift on the sofa so I’m looking directly into Brock’s eyes.