Fangs Rule

My name is Amy. .........er..... OK, my full Vampire name is: Lady Amelia, Mistress of the Night Mare, and Alpha Female from the Family of the Pink Bat. Yes... that is why I prefer to shorten it to Amy Mah (Vampire).

I should point out that I'm a full blood born Vampire not some cold blooded undead turnling. But I grew up in the human world - raised by humans - until I was discovered and adopted into the Pink Bat Family. Being a Vampire in the human world was very difficult. No-one had ever told me how a Vampire should act. Everyone just thought I was a teenage girl with strange dietary needs, anaemic or something, and I rattled from the number of iron tablets I took every day.

What I should do? How I should act? I knew I needed blood but didn't know how to get it, and all the knowledge I had on Vampirism was from human books and films telling all kinds of stuff about Vampires that was just stupid. Like telling me I could change into a bat - I know that's not true because I tried it. And believe me when I say it is not cool to be discovered at school flapping your arms up and down trying to fly, those sort of events kinda follow you about!

So when living with humans I started writing my own little A - Z in my journal, recording what it's like being a teenage Vampire and putting right all the strange stories that are so not true. I know that a lot of it will be very obvious to you if you know anything about real Vampires, but I started it when I knew nothing at all. Even when I joined the Nest I started out being the lowest of the low, with very little knowledge and a rank below that of a cat. Er …… I think the cats probably still outrank me!

As I said, it's just my scribbling but I hope you find it helpful, or at least amusing.

Amy Mah (Vampire)

This is a swear word used to insult another Vampire, and can mean they have two heads or are wearing odd coloured socks. With the fashion police you're more likely to be killed for wearing odd coloured socks than for having two heads.

Vampires can look any age that's younger than their real age, so most go about looking between 20 and 40. You can also stick at an age and not change for years, or powerful older Vampires (like your parents) can slow down your ageing. No, I don't know how. Being a teenage girl is bad enough but being stuck as one for years and years is so not fair. OK, I get older, but I'm still a teenager. I look like a teenager and I act like a teenager, I feel like a teenager, year after year after frigging year! Sorry, I'm getting carried away, but I've had enough of teenage hormones.

Top Vamps, usually oldest family, best teeth in the Nest, and stronger with sharper bites. Er … they rule the place.

Unless you are of high birth you start off as a Beta, if you think you deserve to be an Alpha then you can ask the Council to test you. If they agree then they'll raise your status, otherwise they might just kill you for wasting their time.

Alpha Males get involved in the running of the place, by which I mean all the important stuff like the external businesses, controlling the pets (not just the sex sort) that work for us, and the political stance of the Nest when dealing with outer Nests.

Alpha Females run the unimportant stuff to do with the Nest, like, everything that's not to do with politics and business. Not that we do the actual work, the maids do that, (FAMULA turned human girls the undead vampire that humans think we all are) but we have life of death control of them and they look to us for instruction. They would have originally been very close to Male Vampires (ex-sex pets) but soon learn to take orders from the Females. Knowing that a Male could kill you is fine but as my Aunt says a Female in power can make you wish you were dead.

If the council upgrades your status to an Alpha Female then you have your family brand upgraded by having a circle of gold burnt into the skin around the family brand. Alpha Females have both benefits and disadvantages in life. They have more freedom and more rights than a normal Beta: as a Alpha girl you may not be a Vampire Queen but you can at times get away acting like a spoilt princess. The major disadvantage is that you are prime breeding stock for the greater glory of the Nest, so young Alpha Females sometimes run off and become Renegades if they do not wish to have a family too soon in life.

When dating it is handy to know the code words of what you are doing with each other. Believe it or not others have also done it, and have even numbered it! So what at is 1st 2nd 3rd 4th and 5th base?

OK, this is the one we normally call making out, and unless you are on heat it stops at kissing, hugging and generally grabbing at each other. At this stage you can bite a boy but he is not allowed to bite you back.

Letting a boy feel you above the waist - you know where I mean. For some reason boys are fascinated with boobs, and with plastic surgery so easily available nowadays I don't see why they don't get their own, Something to remember at this stage in a relationship is the golden rule that the only person allowed to touch your boobs with cold hands is a doctor. If a boy forgets this golden rule and laughs as you leap in the air with the first stages of frost bite, you are fully entitled to ban him from touching them or other parts of your body until he learns the error of a misplaced laugh. It is a good idea to also threaten to give him a very painful bite in a place where he can't show his friends.

This is when you let a boy bite you and you can both suck each other's blood - just don't let your parents find out (carry a packet of tissues to wipe away the blood stains).

Home run (er… raising one's tail)

Doing all of the above when on heat, this is called running the bases, it is also called getting pregnant and discovering that you have not just raised your tail and instantly got pregnant! But, due to a bonding contract signed years ago by your parents, you now have a life time Mate!

This can also come as a pleasant surprise to the boy who will be so happy he will wish to leave the Nest as fast as he can to celebrate. He is generally so overcome with excitement that some of your Male relatives may have to knock him unconscious and drag him to a quiet room where they can show him the contract and gently explain to him his new role as a loving mate and father, and also point out how lucky he is to have them protect him from various painful accidents that could so easily happen to him if he did not quickly become a relative.

We like Bats (apart from their toilet habits) and you will notice we have lots of bat like symbols connected to us but I think that this is partly due to the lack of other cave animals. True, we have some very interesting fungus, but having a sickly green and orange splodge of colour as a logo looks like a designer just vomited his lunch up on the design and pretended it was done on purpose.

Urges to bite: We all get those normal urges to bite things, and I must point out it is very normal. Claws are all well and good in a fight but a bite gives the extra advantage of getting a refreshing drink during the fight.

Lots of girls worry about showing their Fangs, but apart from the daft rules of not showing them in public because it is rude, don't be shy, they can be a girl's greatest asset. OK, second greatest asset. If someone is being rude to you, don't snarl at them just bite them! You are a Vampire... why do you think you have sharp teeth and powerful jaws if not for sinking your teeth into someone?

Humans seem to think we always bite them on the neck, whereas it doesn't matter as they are just bags of blood.

Neck Bite: We bite other Vampires on the neck to show superiority but for humans it was due to fashion! In the past a human girl was covered from neck to toe in clothing, boots, thick dresses, corsets and underwear that only a couple of maids and a can opener could get her out of. That meant only the neck was left available. The Neck Bite was also very useful on the dance floor with slow music and a long smooch which turned into a long drink.

Wrist Bite: The most common place to bite and be bitten.

Inner Thigh Bite: This is very good but hard to do without the human girl noticing. True, we have some very progressive dances, but for a Male Vampire to stick his head up a human girl's skirt on the dance floor is just asking for trouble, if not a lot of attention. Or, if tried in error on an unwilling Vampire girl, then it could lead to sudden death.