Read Far-out Show (9781465735829) Online
Authors: Thomas Hanna
Tags: #humor, #novel, #caper, #parody, #alien beings, #reality tv, #doublecross
“I need a good spa bask.”
“No time for that. There’s work to be done,”
Ackack said.
“What should we do?”
“It’s our job to figure that out and get it
started.”
Gopgop and Uldene sat in the Power Players
office facing the blank view-screens. Gopgop said, “I don't usually
enjoy the shows but today I can't even watch them to distract
myself. This last group of intercepts worry me. We've seen what the
A.D.U. guys saw and it's garbage. It's so broken up and full of
static they'll have to make up half of it to fill in the gaps to
make it useable.”
“Last week it wouldn't have been a problem
but with the focus now on showing only accurate stuff that can be
verified it's hard to see what they can do with it,” Uldene
agreed.
“I still hope they can figure out how to fix
it. It would really draw and hold an audience if it's believable.
They know enough to play up the choppiness as the result of the far
away confusion and the technical problems but with even the good
cleanly recorded stuff they've shown now being questioned it's hard
to predict the reaction of the masses.”
“Can you image what good recordings of that
stuff would be worth on this planet now? Wow. Fantasy stuff.”
“But it’s nightmare stuff with so much doubt.
Let me say it since it’s roiling my insides, I'm ready to get out.
Carpan's polling data isn't absolute but it convinces me that
things are headed downhill.”
“I brought in Elfwip to worry for me for a
while but he had to leave, he was too upset to stay. Bad omen. I'm
edgy too but I'd like to know what, if anything, A.D.U. sees to do
with their new material before I make a final decision. Our inside
guy at their office reports that the governors are near panic with
concerns.”
“Let's set up another off-the-chart meeting,”
Gopgop said.
“Agreed. And sooner is better.”
A harsh tone sounded. “That signal never
means good news,” Gopgop said. He checked the monitor on the
control console. “It’s our insider with a special coded message.”
He brought up Techim’s recorded message on the view-screen.
She said, “This is big. The show’s a lot
smaller than the producers have admitted until now – and even now
the word only leaked out so they probably don’t know anyone but
them knows it. There is only one contestant and his zerpy on that
planet. The others balked and couldn’t be cajoled into risking the
transport system to continue. End of this message.” The screen
blanked.
“Whoa, now that changes a lot of things!”
Uldene said. “The A.D.U. guys just learned that too so it’s
scramble time all around. How do we play this? Knowing what they
think is their secret would usually be fun but this could suck them
under and, since we’ve been backing them, ruin us too,” Gopgop
said.
“It was good business to reassure the
doubters.”
“Who could have predicted that saying we knew
all there was to know so we could be trusted when we said the show
is all good stuff could come back on us? Well yeah, the worriers,
but we pay them to tell us stuff we intend to ignore. We have to
protect ourselves - and fast.”
“Focus, self. Who needs to know about this
and who do we want to not know it for as long as possible? The
governors need to know. If it eventually comes out looking like a
deliberate cover-up, which it was, the audience might decide they
were treated like fools, which they were. There could be large
scale civil unrest. That answers the other part of my question, the
fact must be kept from the audience as long as possible,” Uldene
said with a decisive flap of his feet.
“At the very least until we’ve prepared our
excuses and have things ready to focus all blame on others.
Ninxy
, it’d be such fun to hassle the A.D.U. guys about
something like this but it’s too late to do that without making our
situation worse.”
“How do we warn the governors about this when
we shouldn’t know about it? How we know will be sure to come
up.”
“The A.D.U. guys found out because of a
misdirected signal so we can say that’s how we heard of it too.
They can’t safely claim they knew about this until now so they
can’t afford to make a fuss about how we heard the rumor,” Uldene
said.
“We’ll help our relationship with the
governors if we go in ready to suggest ways to distract the masses
long enough for this change in things to be aired and become old
news with no more than a minimum of active outrage. What can we
suggest?”
“Public executions would usually seem worth
considering but if this does lead to riots we’ll be on the list of
those expendable to be the subjects of such entertainments.”
“This is good. Let’s think bigger though,”
Gopgop said, smiling at what was going through his head.
“Are you
spifgrez
? Are you going
self-destructive?”
“No, I’m being a leader. The executions of a
few guys here would distract the mobs for a while but I’m thinking
that the loss of the whole bunch of deceivers at a far away spot
would fascinate them and satisfy the destructive wishes. Without
being too blatant, we let the governors know we can activate the
self-destructs on the whole operation.”
“I see how attractive an out that would be.
It even makes us the heroes because we thought ahead and made sure
that final solution was possible. Whether or not they want the
public to know about our role, the governors will appreciate having
an option that they don’t even have to take full responsibility for
unless they decide that will help them. That’s benefit piled on top
of benefit for them which should mean big benefits like them
protecting us and rewarding us in lots of ways,” Gopgop said.
“We do need to verify what we can do before
we go making promises.”
“At least it’s convenient that we already had
this meeting set up. It’s a nuisance going to him but I recognize
why it’s best that he not be seen coming here,” Gopgop said as he
stood.
* * *
Foxpat sat waiting calmly when they entered
the room in the small non-descript building. It was a different
room, reached by a different door in the interconnected complex,
but was as bare as the one he had used earlier except that it had
three intact chairs.
“You wanted to meet so I suggested a spot
where anyone who noticed you arrive won’t connect you with me,”
Foxpat said. “Which of your many problems do you want to talk-talk
to me about?”
“Who said we have any problems, much less
many of them?” Gopgop asked defensively.
“Let’s not waste time on the obvious,” Foxpat
said.
“We activated Zink,” Uldene said while he
watched closely for any reaction, sensitive to the response.
“Good for you. You paid to be able to
do.”
“But you already knew we did that, right?”
Gopgop asked.
“Really? Well, if you say so,” Foxpat said
flatly.
“We can send signals through Zink to set off
any self-destruct units we decide need to be used, right?” Gopgop
asked.
“You can send those signals, yes. If the crew
or an accident hasn’t turned them off, those units will do what
they were designed to do, yes.”
“You make it sound like there are doubts,”
Uldene noted.
“Exactly those I mentioned. Surely an alert
crew of techs will be checking themselves and the ship for nasty
surprises like those and analyzing how to deactivate them when they
find them,” Foxpat said. “That’s basic self-preservation. I have no
information about the status of the self-destruct units so I’m
honest enough to hedge my assurances accordingly.”
“Since you’re being honest tell me, are we
the only ones who paid you to sneak a zerpy onto
Whizybeam
?”
Uldene asked.
“No.”
“Who else did?” Uldene demanded.
“None of your business.”
“Unacceptable answer,” Uldene shouted.
Foxpat smiled calmly and said nothing.
“How many zerpies did you put aboard?” Gopgop
asked, hoping to get enough information to draw conclusions this
way.
“One device that has several independent
channels. Each channel can be set to monitor and/or take control of
those ship’s systems that were specified when it was paid for.”
“Therefore someone else can find out what
we’re checking on and maybe interfere with us taking control if it
comes to that?” Uldene asked, his tone making it clear how
unacceptable this was.
“Very unlikely but if they’ve been changing
things on the ship it’s not possible to say totally impossible,”
Foxpat said.
“No, we won’t allow this. We paid for an
exclusive zerpy. Tell us how to turn off any other channels except
our own,” Uldene said.
“No.”
“No is not an acceptable response,” Gopgop
insisted.
“If I were willing to do what you’re
demanding you’d already have been cut out of the system. We
dergigged
on an agreement. I would provide you with access
to monitor and maybe control certain of the ship’s systems without
the crew knowing that was being done or how. You have that ability
so you have no valid complaint. If you want to make legal claims
against me I’m ready to answer those before the appropriate
authorities.”
“You owe it to us to tell us who and how many
other groups are using channels on the hardware.” Gopgop said.
“No, I don’t.”
“We can make trouble for you if we’re not
satisfied,” Uldene said.
“Same goes for me. But I can do more damage
to you and do it faster and in more quarters than you can even have
nightmares about so threats aren’t a prudent way to go,
Uldene.”
“Right now we have the access we paid for,
correct?” Gopgop asked. “Nothing that we’ve said here has changed
that.”
“So far nothing I agreed to in meetings with
you two, together or separate, has changed,” Foxpat said. Only with
difficulty did he keep the smile off his face as the others
processed those implications.
After a long moment of silent consideration
Gopgop and Uldene each decided not to follow that up at least for
now since that would expose things he didn’t want the other to
know.
“You stay up to date on that area, what’s the
very latest in zerpy development, Foxpat?”
“They’re getting smaller, more versatile, and
the newest ones have a huge amount of built-in data storage. I
won’t even admit to knowing any details about any new devices the
governors have available. I hear there are some things but they’ve
been declared off-limits so I respect that,” Foxpat said.
“Is there anybody who does know about such
things and might share a little information for a good price?”
Uldene asked.
“I only know one guy who might, emphasis on
the uncertainty of that,
might
know something. He’s sneaky
but generally has the goods and has a reputation for being
discrete. I don’t have any dealings with him precisely because he
has a reputation in certain closed circles for taking more risk of
upsetting the governors than most of us want to do,” Foxpat
said.
“Can you tell us how to contact him?” Gopgop
asked.
“No. Too dangerous. He’s called Ritrup,”
Foxpat said.
“That’s not his real name?” Uldene asked.
“I don’t know and I have no interest in
checking it out. I’m clear of him, only know him by the whispers,
and I intend to keep it that way,” Foxpat said.
* * *
A short time later Gopgop and Uldene sat in
another room in the same complex with the guy who went by the name
Ritrup. He was tall, thin, had only three back-to-front rows of
short, round-topped head spikes, and red feet that looked
suspiciously like they were doctored in some way to make them
conspicuous but wouldn’t be this shade of red anywhere but here and
now.
“This is faster than we expected,” Uldene
said.
“I was in the area and someone who knew
someone who knew someone heard you wanted to meet,” Ritrup said.
“It’s prudent to meet in a place like this. Not many know me but
those who do would want to know why I visited your office.”
“What do you know about Sproingy?” Uldene
asked.
“A sort of pet name a certain someone has
given a very powerful new zerpy model. An amazing device,” Ritrup
said.
“Have you seen one?” Gopgop asked.
“I can’t risk saying that I have but if I
blink three times real fast it might mean yes,” Ritrup said. Then
he blinked three times real fast.
“I’m only asking as a hypothetical question
since I know you won’t answer but have you ever held one?” Uldene
asked.
Ritrup blinked three times. Then he patted
his pants pocket.
The others silently registered their
surprise.
“Here? Now?” Gopgop gasped.
Ritrup nodded yes - and patted the pocket
again.
“For sale?” Uldene asked, hardly daring to
whisper it.
Ritrup nodded yes but then added a shrug.
For a moment the others were caught between
surprised delight and confused doubt.
Ritrup whispered, “Are you recording this
meeting?”
“Yes, but if it will make you feel safer I’ll
turn off my zerpy,” Gopgop said. Turning a bit in his chair to let
him get the device from his pocket he gave Uldene a quick wink.
“It’s small but an old model so it only records.” He pushed
controls and placed the small zerpy on the floor. As proof it was
turned off it laid there rather than hovered.
“Yours too,” Ritrup said to Uldene.
Uldene hesitated, considering arguing, but
then shrugged and placed his own, apparently turned off, small
device on the floor too.
Ritrup took the latest model mini-zerpy from
his pocket but the others were momentarily distracted because
Uldene’s device exploded with a distinct pop and turned to dust on
the floor.
“Seems it wasn’t turned off after all,”
Ritrup said.