Far-out Show (9781465735829) (4 page)

As they drove Krinkle explained, “We have to
stay alert for signs of Reggie. That’s interference I’d be happier
without, thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

They drove another block in silence before
Jones asked, “What’s a reggie? Is it a kind of car?” Like an Audi
or a veggie? No, wait, veggies aren’t cars. Are they?”

Krinkle gave no sign that he found any of
that amusing or odd. He simply replied earnestly, “I mean Penelope
Regimentator. She’s the nasty problem I want to avoid. If that
frustrates her and pisses her off that’s okay.”

“Why does she piss on what you do?”

Krinkle decided that fit with what he was
thinking even if it twisted what he said a bit so he opted not to
straighten it out. Instead he answered the question. “She knows the
kinds of things I’m interested in so it’s likely she’s looking to
follow me around today. She hopes I’ll lead her to any very foreign
visitors so she can sell photos and the story about it to the news
people before I can. In fact I’d rather keep it secret at least for
a time to have a chance to find out about the visitors and maybe
learn useful stuff from them.”

“Did you call her and tell her you were going
alien hunting and she’s not allowed to know about that?”

“No, I haven’t talked to her for a long time.
But I have seen her tailing me a couple of times when there were
UFO type stories in the news. She knows I’m interested in those and
do my homework to know about the latest rumors and any facts,
although there aren’t usually many of those,” Krinkle said.

“Does she read your mind about those
things?”

“It’s not quite like that. She flirty
flip-flopped me and I just can’t forgive her for that. Or ever
trust her.”

“Okay,” Jones said simply.

Even though it seemed Jones wouldn’t ask
about that Krinkle said, “I should explain that. Reggie’s always on
the lookout for people who might do something important that she
can slip in and steal out from beside them in whatever way is
possible. For me that means find out what I’ve discovered and
report it to those willing to pay her for that scoop before I can
tell the world about it myself. This is hard for me to talk about.”
He stopped and took several deep breaths.

“You don’t need to.”

“Yeah, sooner or later I’ll maybe have to
tell others these facts so I need to start with you to get me
through it. Fact is that to get me relaxed enough to talk about my
interests and what I have already discovered she once flirted with
me.”

“Is a flirty girl a bad thing? My mom won’t
talk to me about stuff like that.”

“It was bad this time for me because I made
the mistake of telling her about what I’ve learned and what I hope
to find out and about my dream inventions.”

“Is that the machines you dream about in your
sleep and then make when you wake up? Like the things on the back
seat?”

“Exactly right, Zippedy.”

“They’re neatsy-petesy and awe-filled up
stuff.”

“Thank you for agreeing with me about that.
She however wasn’t impressed because none of it was stuff she could
see a way to make money off right away. Also...uh, let’s just say I
thought we had become boyfriend and girlfriend so I... Uh, anyway
she got flustered and laughed at me and called me a nerd and a
loser.”

“That wasn’t nice to say even if she thought
it.”

“Since then I won’t have anything to do with
her the several times she’s made half-hearted moves to get friendly
but still stay at a distance from me. So she stalks me. I’d bet a
dollar that when she heard the news reports about a local man
reporting the object near the moon she immediately assumed it was
me and is trying to tail us to scoop me.”

“That’s why you’re watching out for her?”

“Righto. If it won’t take me too far off the
trail I’ll misdirect her and let her flounder around and miss the
story. I won’t attack her, but I’ll barricade the road.”

“Or barracuda it? I heard that word someplace
and it sounds neat but I don’t know what it means,” Jones
admitted.

“You’re right that there’s something fishy
about it, Zippedy,” Krinkle said and allowed himself a quiet little
chuckle. “Look, I’ve been driving in a pattern to see if I can spot
Reggie following me but I don’t see her so I’m gonna pull over here
for a few minutes in case that might fool her. Also to check for
developments on the news programs.”

Nerber checked that his wig and hat were
firmly in place and that his feet were entirely inside his big
shoes. “These pains to my feet are necessary to pass but I will be
so happily ever after to be rid of them as soon as this competition
is done and gone. Is this one approaching us acceptable,
Wilburps?”

“The entity moves about on its own so we
should assume it could be one of the ruling species. We know what
they sound like but since we have never had good picture reception
from here until too recently for the techs to have updated me about
that we cannot be certain. The technicians are only now using the
images I am sending to see how to adjust the visual decipher
programs so they can go back and reinterpret the signals on which
our assumptions about how things are on this planet are for truly
since it is clear they are different than we expected. You are not
only a pioneer, you are an explorer, Nerber. One who goes on
adventures to discover information and treasure.”

“I like the sound of treasure.” Nerber picked
up Wilburps and slung him over his shoulder like a backpack. “We
will start off with leaving you exposed so you can record the full
range of visuals as well as voices. If you attract too much
attention I will have to return you to the cloth bag
appearance.”

“Understood. We are both explorers, every
move we make is a test since we know nothing much about what
happens here and the social expectations, if there are such
things.”

“No, they assured me that they have learned a
lot about this place and its inhabitants,” Nerber objected.

“They assured you about much but I have in my
memory bank what is actually stored to use in any encounters with
inhabitant creatures and there is not much there. Starting with
what the dominant or at least any intelligent kinds look like.”

“This which I am proposing to approach is not
known to us to be one of a type with high intelligence?”

“It’s status and intelligence rating is not
known to us for truly sure. Its kind are often found with another
kind we want to check out. You are the first to actually assess it.
Go, be a pioneer.”

“This is not truly how I imagined first
encounter to be.”

Nerber walked confidently to where a male dog
was sniffing a tree trunk. He stopped several yards from the animal
and said to it, “Greetings and nice to meet yous. I am friendly so
you are too, yes?”

The dog glanced at him but continued its
scent exploration.

“A feline, whatever that is, has taken your
tongue? Is that a joke, no?” Wilburps translated for Nerber. The
voice the animal heard actually came from the zerpy while Nerber
moved his lips but those moves didn’t correspond to the sounds
coming out.

The dog lifted it leg and urinated long and
productively on the tree trunk.

Nerber moved around awkwardly trying to
figure out how he could do the same. He said to Wilburps, “They did
not prepare me for this social behavior. I do not think I can do
that without problems but I want to meet the challenges.”

The dog walked on down the street without
giving this stranger another look.

Wilburps reported, “New inputs indicate that
that was not one of the dominant life form types so you should
ignore it. Wait, there, the no-sound transmission system between us
should now be operational.”
To avoid extra complications we will
still have your thoughts that are not directed exclusively to me
verbalized if that is satisfactory
.

Sure. That makes things easier than pie,
whatever pie is
. “Does the new information give us a better
idea of what I am seeking for or five or whatever they say on this
planet?”

“Yes. Revolve one time”, Wilburps
instructed.

Nerber revolved at a fast rate.

“Krimplerpunt! Uh, slowly please,” Wilburps
cued.

Nerber slowed as prompted.

“Suitable target spotted. Proceed to the
left.”

“Your left or my left?”

“I always adjust my directives to fit your
positioning.”

“Right.” Nerber walked off down the block to
his left.

“The inhabitants must walk into walls all the
time because their language has them turning the wrong way,”
Wilburps said.

* * *

Down the block Jake Billings, seventy-seven,
a casually dressed retiree wearing glasses and hearing aids in both
ears, had come around the corner and stopped without noticing
Nerber.

Nerber stopped near the man and placed
Wilburps beside him - where it hovered a foot off the ground.
Nerber waited for some social signal from Billings but the man was
too distracted checking his pockets and muttered to himself to
notice anyone.

Nerber finally shrugged and said, “Is this a
nice day, yes?”

Billings mumbled, mostly to himself, “Old age
ain't for sissies. Head's full of holes and what I'm doing keeps
falling out.”

Nerber whispered to Wilburps, “Your
translation is received but can it be anything like for real?”

What he said makes no sense to anything in
my data banks
.

Nerber asked Billings, “Are you in need of
medicinals for your holey head, mister sir?”

Billings looked around, startled. He moved
his glasses a bit trying to see Nerber clearly. “Huh? Who's there?
Prissy?”

Use caution. That might be an insult but
since this is our first true encounter with one of them I am not
for certain sure
.

“Are you disking me, mister?” Nerber asked
Billings.

Billings fiddled with his right ear hearing
aid then asked, “What? Darn thing's not worth ten cents some days.
You're not my neighbor Priscilla are you? I don't always recognize
her so if that is you, Prissy, I'm having trouble with my new
lenses. Nothing works right.”

“Your lenses are a trouble so you do not hear
well, yes?”

Billings had been checking his pockets again
and not paying much attention to the stranger. “Huh? I was gonna
pick up a few things at the convenience store on my daily
constitutional but I can't remember what those are.”

“I am new here so your talk-talk is much for
me. Why is it you do not find it convenient to go to most
stores?”

After a moment Nerber said, “Never the mind,
new download makes me sensible about that, thank you.”

Billings said, mostly to himself, “I think I
made a note but I can't find one so maybe I did or maybe I didn't
or maybe it's on the table.”

“May I back off a step please,” Nerber
requested politely. “What do you constitutional about? This is not
known to me so can I learn?”

Billings gave Nerber a look but quickly shook
his head and tapped a finger on his left ear hearing aid. “Which is
worse, to not hear or to hear what you know is gobbledygook? Have
to take these things in for another adjustment.” Then he took out
his wallet and searched in it for a note or a shopping list.

“This gobbledyness is a noise of big
you-eat-it-up thing with what you call fetters, no? Can you do that
noise for me to hear and be amazed?”

“Not in there either. Time was I didn't need
notes, I'd remember just fine. Now I'm a sad mess.”

Nerber opted to proceed with a standard
greeting ritual he had prepared for this venture. He said, “I am
most pleasured to meeting with you, mister sir. We can make nice
social talk-talk, no?”

“Huh? No what? I was thinking about whether I
need toothpaste. What did you say if it was important?” Billings
looked around as if surprised at his location.

“I am visitor here being nice and to make
friendly with you,” Nerber persisted.

“I know where I am but why am I here? I
probably started out to do something but I don't remember what?” He
took a pair of eye glasses in a case from his pocket and switched
those for the ones he had been wearing.

He laughed as he looks around in the new
glasses. “Okay! These are a lot better. Wonder why I didn't put
them on earlier? Maybe I'll never know so no benefit to think more
about it.” He noticed Nerber standing there and stared at him,
asking, “Have I met you, Stranger? You don't look like anybody I
know unless I do but don't recognize you.”

Recommendation, Wilburps?

Be polite but move on. You will not be able
to complete the challenge with this one - or any of them if they
are all like this.

Nerber turned to say something more to
Billings but the man was wandering off down the street, Nerber
forgotten.

“Okey-my-dokey - or should it be my donkey?
Any which the way, that was easy. We need to get better at my
sorting out what not to bother saying before you vocalize it for me
or you need to make my speakifying less interesting by screening
out all the not necessary bits. This translation stuff does be a
problem. Anyway, the first challenge on the list is to
get
physical with
a local of the most advanced species I can find
so I am nowhere but at least I am not damaged or discovered.”

“The show designers deliberately did not
define the terms so you can adapt to what you find on any alien
planet. That one who was here sounds like what the long-distance
recordings say the dominant creatures sound like - but if he is one
of the most advanced type here, we have the wrong idea about this
planet.”

Nerber started down the street saying,
“Moving along, I have an idea of what I take
get physical
with
to mean - but not with one like that. This is maybe to be
going on as a bigger thing than I thought about. Maybe is craziness
to continue.”