Fast Forward (6 page)

“Come on in the kitchen. We’ll talk there.”

I followed her and saw that she was right in the middle of making gingerbread cookies. There were little brown men everywhere, all over the counters and table. “What’s all this?” I asked.

“Your mother loved gingerbread cookie men,” she said, as she leaned over and peeked in the oven. “She told me you did too, so I thought I’d surprise you and make a few for tomorrow.”

“What’s tomorrow?” I asked. Duh?

“Your birthday,” she said, bringing a wire rack covered with cookies to the table. She sat down and looked at me. “Come on. Have a seat and tell me this dire news.”

“I don’t know about dire, but it’s—yeah—I guess dire is a good way to describe it. Since school started I haven’t been doing so well. I’m behind in my classes, and I been kind of getting in some trouble.”

She picked up a small tube of icing and handed it to me. I squeezed it, and a thin stream of white sugar poured out onto my finger. I tasted it. It was heavenly. I watched as she picked up another tube and a cookie, then began decorating. I did what she did. “Go on,” she prompted.

“I got ISS, in-school suspension, for three days. Then I got into an argument with a teacher and then a couple of fights.”

“You were fighting?” she asked, looking up from her busy work. I nodded. “Okay, what else?” she asked.

“The school gave me one more chance to act right and I did. I did all my current assignments and even began doing the past work, but then I got in another fight.”

“Same girl?”

“No, somebody different. She thinks I want LaVon back, and I don’t. Remember, I told you about all that. She’s pregnant.”

“Oh, your friend, what’s her name?”

“Chili, and she’s not my friend anymore.”

“That’s good to hear.”

“Anyway, she pushed me and I punched her. We fought.”

“I see, so tell me, what does all this mean?”

“It means that I got expelled for the semester. I can’t go back until next semester. I’d have to take an entrance exam at the end of October. But right now I have to find someplace else to go. Dad wants to hire a tutor for me for the next two months, but I think I just want to go to Penn Hall.”

She looked up again. “Penn Hall?” she asked. I nodded. “Do you know anything about Penn Hall High School?”

“No, I saw it a few weeks ago. Why?”

“Do you think you’re up to going there?”

“It’s just a high school, right? No big deal.”

“Penn Hall is not just a high school. It’s very different from the all-girls academy you attended. The rules are different. You’re going to have to be alert every second. Now, did you discuss this decision with your father?”

“No. He stayed out all last night, and he wanted me to wait until he got in today. But I wanted to talk to you and see what you said about all this.”

“Well, I say you need to stop all this foolishness and fighting. If you came here for sympathy and pity, you’ve come to the wrong place. I don’t agree with anything you’ve done, and I don’t appreciate you using your mother’s memory to act out. I understand you’re still angry about your mother. Lord knows you have a right to be, but ruining your life is no way to keep her memory alive. You need to talk, fine. Talk to me or Jade or your friends or your father. You got a lot of anger built up inside you and you need to find a way to release it,” she said.

“You find you want to talk to someone neutral, fine. I’ll find a counselor for you. But you need to grow up and stop acting a fool. You’re not the only one who lost someone. I’ll tell you like I told your mother over and over again—the choices you make now will follow you in the days to come.”

“I know. You told me before.”

“Well, apparently you weren’t listening, were you?”

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“No you’re not, so don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. You’re sorry you messed up and got caught. You’re not sorry about what you did. That’s going to happen later.”

“Later? What do you mean?”

“Oh, you can pretend to be contrite all you want young lady, but your day is coming. One of these days you’re going to have to step up and stop thinking only of yourself. Now have a cookie. We’ll get you registered at Penn Hall Monday morning.”

I bit my gingerbread man’s head off. He was delicious. My cell rang while nibbling on his leg. It was Terrence. “Hey,” I said.

“Lecture over?” he asked.

“Yeah, for now I think.”

“Good, come out back.”

I stepped out onto my grandmother’s back porch and saw lawnmower guy standing with flowers in his hand. He gave me the flowers then moved aside. I smiled and laughed at the sight. He had arranged these white pieces of paper all over the grass to say happy birthday. “Aw, that is so sweet. Thank you,” I said looking at the block letters. I gave him a huge hug and then kissed him. I stopped when my grandmother came out onto the porch.

“Grandmom, look what lawnmower guy did for me.”

“I see. This is so sweet, Terrence, absolutely adorable. Now both of you, get down there and pick that up off my freshly cut grass.”

We started laughing. My grandmother will never change. And I guess I don’t really want her to.

Terrence and I spent the rest of the day hanging out together. I talked to Jalisa and Diamond and told them what I was gonna do about school. They weren’t all that happy, but I knew they’d come around eventually. My dad
called a couple of times, but I wasn’t in the mood to ruin my day and didn’t answer his call. I figured he’d call again on my birthday, and I’d deal with him then.

So after going to the movies, getting pizza and walking home, Terrence and I sat out on the front steps talking. “When are you going back to Howard?”

“Tomorrow afternoon. I have some studying to do before Monday morning. I have a huge exam and about ten chapters to read for another class.”

“That sounds extreme.”

“It’s about par for college. They hand out a syllabus at the beginning of the semester and expect you to do the reading and keep up. There’s nobody around to make you do the work. You just have to do it.”

“What about your other classes? Don’t you have assignments for them as well? How are you expected to get everything done?”

“You just do. Professors don’t really care about other classes. They expect you to have their class assignments done.”

“Do you like going to Howard?” I asked him.

“Yeah, I do. And it’s not all about homecoming, although that’s pretty nice, too. It’s the culture of being there that I like. Since I’m pledging this year, it’s a lot harder and that adds to the drama.”

“I still can’t believe you’re pledging. How long will it take?”

“Eight weeks. I’m already four weeks in.”

“Eight weeks! That’s two months. That’s forever. You have to keep your head shaved like that the whole time?”

“Yep, eight weeks.” He reached up and rubbed his head.

“I don’t know if I could do that.”

“Sororities don’t usually do the shaved head thing,” he said. “Remember the Spike Lee movie
School Daze?
”

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“Well, pledging is a lot like that movie.”

“For real?” I asked. He nodded. I said to myself right then that I was gonna buy that movie to watch it again.

“So, are you ready to experience college life?”

“You mean go to Howard?” I asked. He nodded. I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I should start doing something. I’m in eleventh grade so I hear the college clock ticking. Funny, I used to think my future would be perfect. I’d graduate from Hazelhurst, go to college then have the perfect life just like my…”

“Your mom?” he asked.

“Yeah, like my mom. But that’s not gonna happen.”

“You put too much emphasis on the perfect life. What’s perfect for one person isn’t perfect for another. You need to chill and relax with all that. Everything you want will happen in time. You gotta be patient, that’s all.”

“How do I know I have time? My mom didn’t,” I told him.

“Your mom was a nice person and I liked her, but she had problems. She had issues that she needed to deal with and maybe she couldn’t. That’s why she took the pills. Maybe if she talked to somebody about what was going on.”

I nodded. He was right. She should have talked to somebody. She should have talked to me. I was right there
the whole time. Why couldn’t I help her? “I think mom still felt guilty because of Jaden, my sister Jade’s father. He was hit and killed by a drunk driver. He pushed her out of the way saving her. They were right in the middle of an argument when it happened. She never got closure. I don’t think she ever forgave herself for that. But there was nothing to forgive. It was an accident. Then I came along with my dad and more drama. She held on to all that drama.”

“But people hold on to things all the time. I know I held on to the fact that my little brother was killed for seven dollars and fifty-three cents. I should have been there, but I wasn’t,” he said softly. I gazed at him seeing that he was still feeling it. “I had a test and I was studying. I heard the sirens, and I knew right then something was wrong. I ran down the street, but it was too late. I still feel…”

“That wasn’t your fault, Terrence. It was that stupid fool’s fault, the one that killed your brother. You couldn’t have changed anything.”

“Still…”

“Yeah, I know,” I said, then reached over and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around me, and I felt protected, safe, like the world was fine again even though I knew it wasn’t. We sat there a while just like that, holding each other feeling good. I started crying, I guess about everything we’d talked about and everything we didn’t.

I leaned back and looked at him. He wiped a tear from my cheek then kissed me sweetly. “What am I gonna do now? I messed up so bad.”

“You got expelled, fine. So now you take steps to fix it. You make it right.”

“That’s why I’m here. I’m getting my grandmother to get me into Penn Hall for the semester.”

“Penn Hall? Why there? Can’t you go someplace else in Virginia, like another private school?”

“I could I guess, but I don’t want to. My dad wanted to hire a tutor for me for the next two months, but I didn’t want that either. My mom wanted me to try Penn Hall, so I’m doing that.”

“Penn Hall isn’t fun and games, Kenisha. It’s nothing like the place you went to.”

“I know. No big deal. No uniforms, metal detectors, yeah, I get it. I’ll be fine. You just jealous, that’s all. There are guys at Penn Hall,” I said finally smiling.

“Yeah, I’m jealous, right,” he said playing it off.

“Yeah, lawnmower guy, I know you like me,” I said bumping my shoulder to him and smiling like crazy.

He smiled and his dimple peeked out like it always did. He was so cute when he smiled. His light-colored eyes brightened. My stomach fluttered as usual. He made me feel so warm inside. Actually, it was more like hot inside. I knew he was gonna be my first. I just hadn’t decided when we were gonna do it.

But it wasn’t like he was asking or pressuring me like LaVon used to do all the time. We never really talked about sex. It just sort of never came up. “So tell me about the girls at Howard,” I said.

“Uh-huh, now who’s acting all jealous, all up in my business?” he said laughing.

I laughed, too. But inside I was feeling kind of funny. He went on to talk more about college life and I listened,
but I was still thinking about the girls there. Terrence was a really nice guy and a seriously good catch. Any girl would be crazy not to want to hook up with him. They were there with him all the time, and I wasn’t. He was seventeen and I was sixteen tomorrow, but since he’d skipped a grade in elementary school he was like light years ahead of me. How was I ever supposed to fast-forward to him? And now that I wasn’t at Hazelhurst anymore, I need to stay on top of my game grades-wise or I’d lose him like everybody else in my life.

“Hey, you know what time it is?” he asked me.

I reached for my cell, but he took my hand instead. I looked at him just as his lips touched mine. Usually when we kiss it’s soft and sweet, but this kiss was different. It felt real, whatever that was. But I liked it. He was holding me, and I wrapped my arms around his body and leaned in. I pressed close, wanting him to do more, but he didn’t. We just kissed and kissed and kissed. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I did the best I could to keep up with him. I swear I had no idea what I was doing, but seriously, it was nice. When the kiss ended he leaned back and smiled. “It’s exactly twelve o’clock and two minutes. Happy birthday.”

BFF

I went
to bed swinging on cloud nine. Terrence kissed me to ring in my sixteenth birthday. So somewhere between eleven fifty-nine and two minutes after twelve, I was being kissed. Not bad. Actually, as a matter of fact it was pretty good. I was still smiling.

So now I’m getting dressed. It’s Sunday morning and I go to church with my grandmother. Since Jade is back in school and my mom wasn’t there, I decided that it might be a good thing for me to go. I don’t mind church. I actually believe in God. I just have a lot of questions to ask Him. Yeah, my mom dying like that was definitely the first one. So I’m dressed and I get to the bottom of the stairs and Terrence and my grandmother are standing there waiting for me. I was stunned.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Manners,” my grandmother reminded me sternly.

“Sorry. Good morning, Grandmom. Morning, lawn mower guy,” I said, using my favorite name for him.

My grandmother opened her arms and pulled me in tight. “Happy sixteenth birthday, baby girl. Oh, I guess I’d better stop calling you that, huh? Happy birthday, sweetheart.”

“Thanks, Grandmom,” I said, then wrapped my arms around her small frame and held her tight, wishing I was hugging my mom. Tears started to build in my eyes, so I quickly let go and stepped back.

“Happy birthday, Kenisha,” Terrence said as he stepped up, kissed me quick, then hugged me.

“Thanks, Terrence. So what’s all this? You’re going to church with us today?”

“Yes, I am,” he said.

“Tight, we’d better go or we won’t find a parking space,” I said.

Terrence opened the door and Jalisa and Diamond and Jade were standing on the front porch. “Surprise,” they yelled. I staggered back and almost fell out. I had absolutely no idea they were gonna be here with me. “Happy birthday,” they called out.

I started laughing. “What are y’all doing here?”

“It’s your sixteenth birthday. Where else would we be?” Jade said as I stepped outside. I hugged her hard and long. She was my sister, and I loved her fiercely. I tried not to, but I started crying—not for who wasn’t here with me, but for who was.

“Hey, happy birthday,” Jalisa and Diamond said in unison.

I hugged them, too. My girls, best friends forever. I looked around at the smiling faces and felt so good. After everything, I have family and friends around me. I was just about to say something when the horn sounded. “Oh, no you didn’t,” I said, seeing the stretch Hummer limo parked out front.

“Come on, we don’t want to be late to church,” my grandmother said, locking the front door.

We all piled in the roomy limo. Ty, my sister’s fiancé and mega superstar singer, was already inside the limo. He gave me a kiss on the cheek. “HB, little sis.”

“Thanks, Ty,” I said.

The limo drove us to church, then it was sitting there when we got out. Ty and Jade took us to breakfast at this super fancy restaurant in D.C. It was closed to everyone except for us. Then we drove around dropping everybody off. Grandmom went first. Then Jalisa and Diamond were next. They both got out at Jalisa’s house. Her mom and sister, Natalie, were already standing out front waiting for us. Jalisa had called them. There were also a few girls I knew from Hazelhurst standing waiting. I got out first and received birthday hugs. Everybody else got out. Ty was, of course, an immediate hit. The girls from school were going nuts. They were getting his autograph on CDs and were asking for pictures with him. He agreed but insisted that all pictures with him include me, the birthday girl. Cell phones and digital cameras came out from everywhere.

Everybody was too impressed. I guess maybe they would be. Ty
was
a superstar. I suppose I was just too used
to seeing him hanging around with the family. We left after I got birthday hugs, some cards and presents.

Next, the limo dropped Ty off at the airport. He was still on tour, but he took time off to be with me on my birthday. Now he had to get back to Atlanta for a sound check and concert that night. We said goodbye, and we waited for Jade, who walked into the private plane lobby area with him.

When she got back in the limo, we dropped Terrence off at his dorm at Howard. I swear as soon as he got out, girls were circling him like he was a superstar. They were looking at him like they could eat him up. So I jumped out to say goodbye. I kissed him in front of everybody. He understood and hugged me tight. “Hey, you got me, okay?” he whispered in my ear. I nodded assured. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks, call me,” I said, then watched as he turned and crossed the quad headed to his dorm building. Girls were still checking him out. But for real, that suit did look good on him. So I got back in the limo. Jade was staring at me.

“What was all that about?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I said, slightly embarrassed now. I looked out the window seeing that the driver was headed out of the Howard University area. “You’re not getting dropped off here?” I asked.

“Trying to get rid of me?” Jade asked.

“Yeah, definitely,” I said, knowing exactly why she was hanging around. “Okay, let’s get it over with.”

“Grandmom said that you got in trouble at school.”

“I got into a couple of fights.”

“And?” she prompted.

“I got expelled until next semester. I can go back after I take a test to make sure that I’ve kept up with my studies. But I don’t know if I want to go back there. Grandmom said she’d enroll me at Penn Hall.”

“Yeah. That part I heard,” Jade said.

“You know mom was always talking about me going there at one time. I think maybe she’d be okay with it. My dad was talking about getting me a tutor for two months, but I’m not seeing that. I’ll do Penn Hall. Mom wanted it, so I’m doing it.”

“Kenisha, it’s not about what Mom wanted. It’s about what you need. Mom is gone, and nothing we can do will bring her back. The only thing we can do is respect her memory and be the best people we can be. And that doesn’t mean fighting and getting kicked out of school.”

“I know I was wrong to fight, but that’s in the past. There’s nothing I can do about it now.”

“You’re right. There isn’t. We have to go from here. You’re still grieving. You’re angry. I get that. Hell, I’m angry, too. What you need to do is talk to somebody. Talk to me. I’m right here. That’s what big sisters are for.”

“But you have school and Ty and…”

“And I also have you. Part of growing up is venting anger the right way. Fighting isn’t it. Dance. You’re good, so get better. When you get mad about something, go to Freeman and kick it out.”

I thought about what she was saying and realized she was right. I loved to dance, and it always made me feel better. “Okay, I will. And the next time I feel like slapping somebody, I’ll call you.”

“Excuse me,” she said jokingly.

“You know what I mean,” I said laughing. She laughed, too. So the driver dropped us off at our grandmother’s house, and we chilled the rest of the day. I waited for my dad to call me, but he never did. I guess that was it for us.