Fat Girl (50 page)
“Look at me, Dee,” I say, wanting her to know that everything would be okay…that we’d fight our demons together—that, having battled my own addiction, I understood hers.
She finally slides her gaze over to mine. Her face falls. “I thought it would be gone.”
“What?”
“The heat in your eyes. It’s not there anymore.”
“Jesus, Dee,” I say, thrown by her accusation. “You’ve just told me another hell you’ve been through.”
“And you told me nothing would change.” She drops her hold on the pillow and unfolds her legs. “I don’t want your pity, Mick, or for you to be with me because you think I’m broken and need to be fixed.”
“I want to take care of you. Not because you’re broken, but because I love you.”
“That’s not enough.”
“Then what the hell is?” I ask, raising my voice in frustration.
“I need your love, Mick, but I also need your desire. It’s that powerful combination that breaks down my fears and insecurities. After what I’ve told you, I need to know you still want me with the same passion, with the same vital force that pushes you past your limits. That makes you take me as if you might die if you didn’t. I need to see that heat now. To know what I do to you.”
I shove down my underwear. My cock springs to attention. “This is what you do to me. Always.”
In an instant, Dee pounces. A surprised
oomph
leaves my chest as she pushes me back onto the bed. Her towel comes undone, and pressed flesh-to-flesh, her mouth treats mine to kisses the stuff of wet dreams.
“Does this mean you’re not mad anymore?” I groan against her lips.
“I wasn’t mad.” She slides her hands down my upper body. “I was feeling vulnerable.”
“This is vulnerable?”
“No, this is me on fire.” Her fingers trace the line of hair below my navel as she kneels between my legs.
I sit up to watch Dee kiss my lower abs and wrap her hand around my cock. Her eyes smolder with female pride. “You feel hard and huge.”
I drink in air like a drowning man. “Never doubt the power of your impact on me.”
She leans forward and her hair falls across my thighs, blocking my view. I gather the curls in a fisted ponytail, and my eyes follow the tip of her pink tongue swirling around my swollen head, licking the underside and sliding down to the root.
I rally to hold on to my control and endure the sweet torment. But that doesn’t last long. The beast of lust claws inside me with sharp, raking talons. “Dee,” I growl, “suck me!”
She takes me between her lips and moves her warm, wet mouth down my throbbing length. She draws on me. Slowly at first and then increasing the pressure with a hard, fast suction.
“Yes…just like that.”
Dee closes her eyes and murmurs soft hums of pleasure when she’s the one pleasing me. Knowing she enjoys going down on me turns me on even more. My control hanging by a thread, my fingers knot tighter around her curls, not enough to hurt, but enough to let her know she’s blowing my fucking mind. From this angle, I have a tantalizing view of her tight cocoa-brown nipples and her breasts jiggling as her enthralling mouth works me up and down.
I try not to push her to take more than she can handle. But my will is quickly slipping and the deeper she takes me, the more I want. When I feel my head graze the back of her throat and she cups my balls, rolling them gently, it’s enough to launch me into orgasmic orbit.
My hips lurch off the bed and I thrust into her mouth. Swallowing most of me, Dee grabs onto my flexing hips, meeting my thrusts, her body rising and falling, her mouth relentless for my climax.
“Open your eyes,” I rasp, wrecked from the impending force of release. “Look at what you do to me.”
Her amber gaze finds mine.
And that does it.
I roar from the ecstatic pleasure rushing through my blood, and Dee stays with me, her mouth steadily working until I’m drained of every drop.
Surrounded by a warm afterglow, I reach for her upper arms and pull Dee on top of my chest.
“I thought about this the other night,” I say, running my fingertips along her spine. “Having your sexy mouth on me.”
She laughs a breathy chuckle that blows across my skin. “You seem to have a one-track mind.”
“I have many tracks, but they all lead to you. What you told me, Dee, changes nothing about the way I feel or how much I want you.”
“I know you want me, Mick,” she murmurs, drawing lazy figure eights on the left side of my chest. “That was to show you how much I want you, too.”
“It’s not just about sex, Dee. It’s always been more between us.”
“I know that, too.”
“How can I help you? Not fix you, because you’re perfect just the way you are. But to be there for you. Tell me what you need.”
“I’m still figuring that out. Therapy helps. Deep breathing helps. Pilates and exercise help. Understanding my triggers helps, too. But it will always be a struggle.”
“You can’t warn me off,” I say. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“I don’t want you to go anywhere. But I also don’t want you disillusioned. I’m not perfect. I’m a woman who has issues with food and insecurities about her body.”
“Will you do something?”
“What?” she asks, flattening her palm on my sternum and resting her chin there to look up at me.
“Every day, tell me one positive thing about yourself. Starting now.”
She scrunches her nose. “That feels conceited.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about an inflated ego. I could list at least a hundred things, but I know it’s not the same as you seeing them for yourself.”
“I’m smart,” she says confidently.
“That you are. But tell me something you like about your body.”
“Oh, well,” her voice goes smaller. “That’s more difficult. I’ll have to think about that.”
“Come on, Dee,” I urge, hoping she’ll come to see herself as I do…as she is. “One positive thing.”
She hesitates and then her mouth tilts up in a half smile. “Okay. My boobs, I guess. I thought they looked pretty good in that push-up bra.”
“And out of it, too.” I slide my hands under her to give them an affective squeeze.
“Mick.” My name morphs into a moan. “What about going to Darlington?”
I’d forgotten about that. “Would you mind skipping it? We could go next weekend,” I offer as consolation.
“Oh.” Disappointment settles in her voice. “I thought you wanted to go.”
Tell her why. Tell her about O’Malley,
my roaring
conscience demands
. You owe her that after all she’s trusted you with. Maybe she can handle this. Maybe she won’t run.
But maybe she will. Dee’s self-protective instincts have been honed since childhood.
I look into her pretty eyes awaiting my response. As wrong as it is to lie to her by omission, I stuff down the guilt with the rationalization that I have plans in place to handle O’Malley.
If keeping that to myself makes me a selfish bastard, then fine. I love her too much to let anything get in the way this time. So I give her a partial truth. “I’d rather wile away the day making love.”
“Hm…shopping for a desk or making love with you. Let’s see,” she ponders, but the gleam in her eye tells me there’s no contest.
“I’m going to feed you lunch first, and then we’ll work on christening every room in the house.”
She reaches up and kisses me with her heart. “You asked how you can help. You’re already doing it.”
“How?”
“By desiring and loving me as I am. By encouraging me to accept myself. That’s the very best therapy, Mick.”
I hold her close for a little while longer, letting her words soothe my soul.
I walked into her office more than a week ago, intent on helping Dwayde, and I ended up with much more than I had bargained for.
I found a world again where love shines and kisses taste like honey. A place where the jagged edges become smooth, old wounds heal, and scars fade into nothingness.
Where fresh starts begin like a sunrise.
The ghosts of the past have all been silenced.
And it’s quiet and peaceful.
At least for now…
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
- What do you think of the title,
Fat Girl
? Discuss why the author might have chosen this.
- The characters Dee and Mick are simultaneously strong and vulnerable. How do you see these traits manifested in their relationship—both their teenage relationship and their adult one?
- Food and body image are central themes in
Fat Girl
. Discuss what you think influences Dee’s dependence on food and her negative self-perception.
- Considering how self-conscious Dee is about her body, how does Mick affect her insecurities and inhibitions? Why do you think Dee allows Mick to strip her naked in the light of day?
- Mick has lived in the spotlight for most of his adulthood. Why do you suppose this way of life no longer holds any appeal?
Discuss how fame might affect a person’s fulfillment and happiness.
- Prior to her friendships with Lexie and Jordyn, Dee was mostly a loner. What is it about these characters that allows Dee to trust in their friendship?
- Given how much Dee loved Mick and her foster family, how could she have kept her secret from them and left without a trace? Discuss what you think of Dee’s actions, Victor’s resentment of her, and Mick’s struggle with his feelings for Dee before he learns the truth.
- Dee is hired to represent Dwayde not only because she is the best child advocate but also because she can relate to him. Discuss the ways in which Dwayde and Dee are similar and the possible reasons.
- Dee and Mick have a strong sexual relationship. Why do you think sex plays such a pivotal role in the way they communicate?
- How would you describe Dee’s view of herself and how that view changes throughout the book? Discuss her journey and key milestones along the way.
