His words make my heart sigh and I snuggle into him. Minutes pass and I don’t even notice the crowds anymore. Nothing is apparent when I’m caught up in Andrew’s spell. When I’m in his arms, the world feels right like nothing could hurt us. I want this feeling to last forever.
When we finally emerge to the surface, we’re greeted by the lush greens of Hyde Park. He pulls me closer to his side and stops next to one of the massive trees.
“This is what I want to do this afternoon. I want to have a lazy day in the park with you.”
My heart expands as he runs his hands down my arms, pulling me close to his chest.
“That sounds perfect.”
He leads us down a path lined with lush green trees overhead. He points out the many gardens that line the park until we come across the perfect spot.
“There,” Andrew says, referring to a large shady tree just in front of us. “That looks like a good place.”
We walk to the tree and he gently pulls me down between his legs as he props himself against the large trunk. My arms drape over my knees, pulling them to my chest. But then I’m pulled back as warm arms wrap around me, anchoring my body to his. He’s holding me like he never wants to let me go.
“So this is what you wanted to do the most with me today?” I ask, craning my neck to the side to get a good look at him. He leans into me, kissing my forehead with a slight smile. I relax into his body, letting my head fall onto his shoulder. Our fingers play with each other, gently twisting around and exploring the expense of skin on each other’s forearms.
“Yes, this is what I wanted to do with you today. I just want to lay here in the park with you, holding you in my arms.”
That has to be one of the most romantic things anyone has ever said to me. Okay, so no one has ever actually said anything romantic to me before Andrew but still. To him, it seems to be the most natural thing to do. It’s like second nature the way he fusses over me or makes sure that I never have to open my own door. That’s just a part of Andrew, it’s who he is and it’s a part of him I absolutely have come to love and adore.
“I love it. Sounds like the perfect way to spend the day.”
I lean over, placing a small row of kisses against his jaw before relaxing back into him. The slight chill of the autumn breeze hardly affects me, not with the heat of Andrew completely surrounding me, keeping me safe and warm. He’s like my own personal blanket, sheltering me from the outside elements.
The sway of the branches mesmerizes me, watching them blow softly with the wind. The excited giggles of nearby children float with the breeze, along with the exotic fragrance of wildflowers. It’s like sensory overload. I remove my sunglasses, casting them to the side, enjoying the sun’s rays at it hits my face through the leaves.
“You travel a lot for work, right?” I ask.
He nods his head. “Not terribly often but enough. It all depends on if there’s something that needs to be done at one of the centers or if I need to scout out new places to build one.”
“Do you find it difficult being away often?”
“Sometimes. There are days where I would much rather be relaxing at home or out with my mates instead of sitting in hotel rooms in other countries. But it comes with the job.”
“Okay, so where is the most exciting place that you’ve traveled to so far?”
Andrew pauses to think about his answer. “For work or for holiday?”
“Either one.”
“Turks and Caicos. A bunch of my mates and I decided to go on a holiday there after graduation. We stayed on the Grand Turk Island at one of the all-inclusive resorts there. It was pure heaven. Lots of sun, turquoise blue water and white sand beaches everywhere. We even did some snorkeling at the coral reefs. It was a grand holiday before joining the Foundation on a permanent basis.”
I smile and close my eyes, picturing those white sand beaches as he describes them. “That sounds like heaven. I’d love to go somewhere like that.”
“What about you? Where’s the most exciting place that you’ve traveled before?”
I give a nervous laugh and fidget with my fingers. “You mean outside of London?”
“Yes, besides here,” he laughs into my hair.
“Well, I haven’t really been anywhere before. I didn’t travel much as a child. We didn’t exactly do family vacations or anything like that.”
“Why not?”
I sit up slightly and take a deep breath, blowing it out slowly. Well, it’s now or never.
“I, um, didn’t have what you would call a normal childhood. My parents separated when I was young, around the age of nine. I was a mistake, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. They only stayed together for as long as they did because I was little. My dad started working longer and longer hours at the office. It was almost as if he was making excuses to stay away from us. Or from me at least.
“One day, during one of my mom and dad’s many fights, he had his bags packed by the front door. I wasn’t sure what was going on. He just said that he needed to go for a while. He told me to not cry because I was a big girl. And then he left. I chased him down the driveway, crying for him but he never once turned around. Then that was it, he was gone.”
A lone tear slips down my cheek as I rest my head on his arm. Andrew untangles me from his arms, turning me around to face him. The sadness etched across his face hurts me, even though it’s me telling my sad sob story. He cradles my face, his warm palms resting against my skin while his thumbs brush away the tears that have now started to fall unbidden from my eyes.
But I can’t look at him right now. I adjust my body, moving to lie down next to him with my head on his lap. Andrew reaches over to run his fingers across my scalp and down through my hair, a motion that’s meant to calm and relax me. I feel anything but calm and relaxed as the memories begin to flood my mind. I swallow past the lump in my throat, close my eyes and continue on.
“My mom didn’t handle it well. She told me it was my fault, that if I weren’t around he’d still be there with her. That’s a lot to take in as a small child, knowing your very existence was the reason your parents hated you and each other.
“After that, she became withdrawn and could barely hold a steady job. My grandma helped for a while but when she died it seemed to throw my mom completely over the edge. She withdrew from me more and more, not hiding her contempt for my existence like she used to. She’d remind me of how I ruined everything that was good in her life and how much of a burden I was to take care of all the time. It was too much to take sometimes so I spent a lot of time by myself, trying not to upset her. The older I got, the less my mom wanted me, although I don’t think she ever wanted me to begin with.
“And school wasn’t a reprieve for me either. I didn’t always have clothes that fit right or were always clean so I would come to school slightly dirty or wearing the same thing more than once in a week. Needless to say, I was not the most popular girl in school. Unless you call being tormented by my fellow peers popular. They would find new ways to humiliate me by hanging lewd signs on my locker or tape those little pine tree air fresheners to it. They’d make animal noises behind me or push me into the mud puddles on purpose. I basically became the butt of every joke in school.
“It wasn’t until my senior year that my mom fully withdrew from me and everyone else around her. I think she realized I was going to leave soon and she shut down completely. She stopped working, which made it difficult to keep ourselves out of debt. Somehow I managed to get a job my senior year. It didn’t pay much, but it was enough so that I was able to at least get us groceries every week. But the bills kept piling up and soon the utilities were shut off because I couldn’t always make the payments on time. I would beg at the churches for help and during the winter months they assisted in getting the power back on. But come springtime, they figured we could manage it ourselves so we struggled again and they were shut off. It was the lack of running water that was the worst part. I had constructed a makeshift outhouse behind the garage so we could use the bathroom during the time we didn’t have running water. Luckily, none of the neighbors could see us because we were far enough away that no one really cared. And the only way I could shower was at school, making sure I arrived early enough so I could use the locker room showers before people came.
“On the days where my paycheck was a little bigger and after I put money toward our back bills, I would buy some clothes from Goodwill that moderately fit me. Or I’d go to rummage sales and find things there that were really cheap. But I didn’t always have cash on me so sometimes I relied on dumpster diving.”
His fingers still in my hair but I can’t open my eyes. I don’t want to see the sympathy or pity on his face.
“My sweet girl,” he whispers, causing another errant tear to fall down my face.
“There’s more. A few months before I turned eighteen, I was called to the office at school. Somehow social services found out about my situation and committed my mom to a mental institution. She made the comments that she didn’t want to live anymore and she didn’t want me, so they placed me in foster care. I asked to be put with my dad instead, but they weren’t able to find him. Later I learned he had just gotten married to his second wife and had taken their honeymoon in Europe so they were completely off the grid and out of the picture. They probably wouldn’t have taken me anyway. Sharon doesn’t like kids.
“Social Services took me to live with the Jenkins’ and it wasn’t much different than living at home. They told me I needed to earn my keep, forcing me to clean their house and wait on them hand and foot. Their only concern was getting their paycheck from the state for giving me food and shelter. But otherwise they left me alone. I threw myself into my studies, which allowed me to graduate with honors. The day I turned eighteen I left and never looked back.
“But that also meant that I didn’t have anywhere to go. I bounced around a few homeless shelters while working several jobs at once. But that allowed me to save up enough money to get my own apartment and enroll at the Community College. Things were finally starting to look up for me. I had a decent job, a place to live and was getting an education. I even made a few friends in some of my classes.” I swallow hard and brace myself for the next revelation. “Then I met
him.
”
A shiver runs through my body as I begin to recall that horrific event. Andrew’s fingers continue to thread through my hair, trying to get my body to relax.
“Who was he?” he asks gently.
“Shane Rivers. He was my first and last boyfriend. I met him halfway through my first year of college. He started out nice, saying all the right things to get me to trust him. And for a few months things were okay. We didn’t do anything physical and at first it was fine. Then he became pushy and impatient. I was still a virgin so I didn’t want to sleep with him because I knew that I didn’t love him. He laughed at that thought and told me it was my job as his girlfriend to keep him happy and satisfied. One night he came over drunk and said he was going to take what was rightfully his.”
My voice catches at the last few words and Andrew holds onto me, letting me know I don’t have to continue on. But I do because I need to say it out loud and he needs to hear it.
“We stayed together for just a few months after that. I didn’t fight him again after that first night. There was no point. He made it clear it was expected of me to just do it, so I did it. I just turned off my feelings and went through the motions. The day he broke up with me, he did it in front of the entire student body, saying that I was the worst lay he’s ever had. After that, I stopped talking to people and just kept to myself until I graduated and moved away.”
More tears fall and Andrew brushes away each one. I still can’t look at him. I don’t want to. I know what I’ll find and I can’t bear to see the look on his face.
“So finally my dad stepped up, gave me a place to stay until I could find my own apartment and here I am. Moderately put together and somewhat functioning. Now you know why I am the way I am. It’s also why I love what the Foundation does and stands for. I know I’m damaged goods. I get that. And now that you know all of this you’ll probably want to run far away from me but . . .”
I don’t get the chance to finish my sentence as he pulls me up and engulfs me into an all-consuming embrace. His lips repeatedly press against my head and I break down in his arms, unable to keep my sobs at bay. He allows me to rest my head on his shoulder, holding me until I can calm my body enough to look at him. I pull back, trying to look into his face for some sort of reassurance that he still wants me.
Andrew brushes the hair away from my face repeatedly before finally cupping his hands around my neck. “If I could take away your past I would. I’m so sorry you had to endure that growing up. You should have been loved your entire life. It’s what you deserve.” He presses his forehead against mine and sighs. “I may not be able to erase your past, but I will make sure your future will be nothing like it. You will know every day how much you are loved and cared for.”
I wrap my arms around his neck and quietly inhale his scent. It immediately calms my body. A newfound peace settles in as I listen to his words.
“All I ask is that you don’t treat me any differently than you have. I’ve moved on from my past and I don’t like to dwell on it. I don’t want pity or sympathy. I just want you to look at me the same way that you have these last few days, with that sparkle in your eye that tells me how special I am to you.”
The look that crosses his face has my mind wondering what he could be thinking. But just as fast as it appeared, it was gone. He brings my lips to his, gently sealing them together. I try to deepen the kiss, but he holds back, making it soft and delicate, something that a lover would do.
“And I will, every day for the rest of my life. I promise this won’t change how I feel about you. If anything it makes my feelings stronger. I told you, I am yours and you are mine. Nothing will ever change that, love. Nothing.”
I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders for the first time in a long while. Kara was the only one who knew of my past, besides my dad. And now that Andrew knows and accepts it, I feel as if we can move forward together. We could actually have a shot at making this work.