Favorite Wife (20 page)

My bedroom looked cozy and warm in the lamplight. I read the mystery novel Rhea had loaned me until my eyes wouldn't stay open, then I piled on an extra blanket and snuggled down. As I drifted off, I wondered which of his three wives in Los Molinos Verlan was sleeping with tonight. I wondered also if Ervil would really be moving Lorna close to us.

After breakfast was over the next morning, I stayed in the kitchen and visited with Laura while she mixed up the Saturday batch of bread. I marveled to see her casually dumping in salt, flour, sugar, and activated yeast. She was only thirteen years old, and yet she knew how to do things that I knew nothing about. Here I was, married, two full years older than Laura, and dumb as could be. I watched her movements closely as we visited, taking mental notes of everything she added to the huge pan of whole-wheat flour and what the amounts were. She kneaded the dough for a few minutes, then covered the pan with a clean cloth and set it on the stove where the pilot light would keep it warm.

If I planned to make myself useful and help Lucy with the children and the work as Verlan expected, I needed to know how first. This is the ticket, Susan, I told myself confidently; just keep your eyes open. You'll learn.

I kept watch through the morning for the dough to rise, and when Laura came back in the kitchen and washed her hands, I was right at her elbow. From the cupboard, she pulled a dozen large apple juice cans. Each of them had one end removed. She greased the insides then made the dough into grapefruit sized mounds and dropped them into the juice cans. “This way all the loaves will fit into the oven at one time, because we can stand them up on one end,” she explained. “That's why we use juice cans instead of regular loaf pans.”

When the dough had risen to an inch from the top, Laura placed them into the hot oven. An hour later a wonderful aroma filled the house, and Laura pulled a dozen golden brown loaves from the juice cans. She sliced the crusty end from one and spread it with honey, handing me a perfectly round slice of delicious, hot bread. It was wonderful! I eyed my new stepdaughter with respect.

After lunch, I walked to my quiet trailer. I felt a growing disillusionment as I lay down. Watching Laura had made me realize my own inadequacies. I didn't know how to cook. I couldn't do the laundry or housework as Verlan's girls could. Sex was a major disappointment. And I felt unhappy about being left behind when Verlan had to go somewhere. I hadn't really complained—at least, not verbally. But inside, I resented it because Verlan had so quickly dumped me off. I couldn't imagine becoming accustomed to this way of life. If this was serving the Lord, why didn't I feel excited and good about it? Where was the joy? A sense of drudgery enveloped me.

C
HAPTER
S
EVENTEEN

I
t was evening time when Verlan and Beverly returned from Los Molinos. It had been a long and boring Sunday. I was alone in the living room when I saw Charlotte's car pull into the yard.

I felt like shouting for joy as I jumped from the piano bench, ran out the door, and straight into Verlan's arms.

“Hi, angel!” he grinned, almost thrown off balance as I grabbed him around the neck. “Land sakes, you act like you missed me.” He held me away from him and devoured my face with his twinkling eyes. “Did you?”

“Yes, I missed you! But I had fun. The girls are so nice, and I like Lucy, and—”

My breathless sentence was cut short when I saw Beverly's cold eyes, glaring at me over the blanketed baby in her arms. Her short body marched hastily by us. Embarrassed, I let go of Verlan. I had forgotten all about Beverly when I flung myself at him. I would have to be more discreet in the future.

“Beverly! Beverly, wait just a minute!” Verlan called to her, but she made no move to turn around. He seemed annoyed as he watched her retreating back. “Come on, it's time she spoke to you.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me along with him.

I wanted to protest, to tell him that I would rather wait until she was ready to meet me. But on the other hand, I wanted to get the meeting over, so I trotted after him. Beverly yanked her door open and went inside, with Verlan and me right behind. We waited in the kitchen while she put the baby in the crib, then she turned to us. Her face was set.

“Beverly,” Verlan chided, “Susan has been here for two days now. Don't you think it's time you said hello to her?”

Pain crept into her brown eyes and pulled at the muscles around her mouth. “Verlan, she married you, not me,” she said in a hollow voice. “I didn't have anything to do with this. I didn't even know about it.” She turned her back to us again and began changing the baby's diaper, her long black hair hiding her face like a protective shield.

I gulped and looked at Verlan, and he winked to reassure me. “Susan's going to be living close to you from now on,” he quietly told Beverly. “She's part of our family now. You girls may as well be friends, don't you think?”

Her head dropped further over the crib in an effort to distance us. Her hands shook as she pinned the diaper. The silence in the room was heavy and embarrassing.

“It's nice to meet you, Beverly,” I said quickly. Then I backed out the door and hurried to my trailer. She was hurting badly, and sympathy overwhelmed me. She was lonely—much more so than I. I sensed her heartache more than I had with Verlan's other wives. Perhaps it was because she was young and relatively new to the family. The other women had been Verlan's wives for many years, and had several children to fill the void in their lives because of their husband's busy lifestyle. Whatever the reason, I determined to make Beverly my friend. I could see the kindness in her face in spite of the cool exterior she had shown. She and I would become friends!

It was late when Verlan stopped by my trailer. “I'll be staying with Lucy tonight, sweetheart,” his voice was warm and reassuring. “And before daylight Charlotte and I will leave for San Diego. I'll be going on to Vegas, to go back to work. I may as well say goodbye now, so I don't have to wake you in the morning.”

His face looked pale in the lamplight, his eyes dark and shadowy as he watched me. “Leaving you here is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” He stroked my cheek, his anxious eyes taking in my every feature. “You will be okay, won't you, while I'm gone?”

I wanted to shout, tell him it wasn't fair that he leave me again for two more weeks. I wanted to cry and insist that I wouldn't be okay, that he couldn't go without me. But even as I thought the words I remembered Beverly's haunted eyes.

“I'm not the only one you're leaving, remember?” I tried to sound brave and mature. “If the other wives can handle it, I can. Don't worry about me, Verlan.”

He hugged me tightly, then ruffled my hair. “See what you can do to help Lucy while I'm gone. And, honey, Beverly could really use some company. Be nice to her, okay?”

After he left, I lay propped on my pillows and stubbornly tried to read. I needed to erase the image of him snuggling with Lucy only yards away. But I couldn't do it. Exasperated, I threw the book on the table and released the hot tears. I had been exposed to polygamy most of my life. Mom, Dad, and Maria had lived it right under my nose. Mom hadn't seemed to suffer. If she resented Dad's marriage to Maria, I hadn't seen it. Why hadn't I realized how difficult it would be?

And yet, I knew why—I hadn't been in love before. I had never desperately loved and needed someone only to have him leave me for the arms of another wife. I wanted Verlan! I ached for the feeling of companionship that we had known before our wedding. I longed to see his eyes twinkling, to hear the music of his laughter. I closed my eyes to the mental picture of Lucy cuddled in his arms. I would have to accept it. It was God's will, and I had voluntarily given myself to plural marriage. It would undoubtedly become easier as time passed.

The morning sun was high in the sky when I awoke. I arose and opened the curtain so I could see into the yard by the big house. It looked empty and forlorn without Charlotte's car. I dressed, braided my hair, applied a bit of makeup, and walked outside into the bright sunshine.

“Good morning!” Lucy called gaily. Once again she stood by the old Maytag, filling the tubs with the hose. “There's some wheat mush on the stove; go help yourself. I've got to do wash today. If you feel like it, I could use your help, but please don't feel obligated. Make yourself at home, and do whatever you like.”

As she smiled at me, her plain face was transformed into near beauty. I realized why Verlan was attracted to her. “Lucy,” I managed a grin, “I'm the new one here, and I'd like to help, but I'm as green as can be. You'll have to tell me what needs done. Feel free to boss me around, okay?”

She took me at my word. I hung clothes, washed dishes, bathed the little girls, and helped prepare lunch. As I worked, I watched for Beverly. But she remained out of sight, and I found myself wondering if she was home.

As I hung more clothes, I looked at Lucy, hesitated, then asked, “Is Beverly nice to you? I mean, does she talk to you, or does she stay alone all the time?”

She fed a pair of jeans into the wringer, then glanced at me. “Beverly's as warm and friendly a girl as you'd ever want to meet. She's just going through a hard time right now. She needs Verlan to spend more time with her, and he doesn't have the time.” Vigorously scrubbing a sock between her fists, she continued, “It would do her a world of good if you would make a point of being friendly to her. She stays alone too much, Susan. She broods. Verlan's marrying you has been hard on her.”

“What do you suppose she'd do if I went to see her? Do you think she'd let me in?”

Lucy flashed her warm smile. “You don't know till you try.”

It was late in the afternoon before I got the nerve. I stood outside her door, my hands shaking. “You're doing the right thing,” I reassured myself as I knocked. It was a while before the door swung open. Beverly held the baby as she looked out at me. Her eyes registered no surprise.

“Do you mind if I come in?” I stammered.

“What do you want?” her voice was cold. She shifted the baby to her other hip, making no move to allow me entry. I hadn't realized she would be so cold. I faltered, searching for words. “I—I was hoping you would invite me to supper,” I said lamely.

She studied me, her eyes hooded with dislike. Then she snapped, “Now, why would I do that? You think you can marry Verlan and move here, and everyone will treat you like royalty, right? Well, not me. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to feed my baby.” She closed the door in my face.

Dizzy with shock, I stared at the closed door. Then I backed away and ran to my trailer. I sat heavily down at the tiny table and stared at my shaking hands. She hates me! I thought. She hates me as bad as Estela hated me, and I'm going to have to accept it. Mexican women are just that way—they're not cut out to share their husbands. And yet, she married Verlan knowing he has other wives.

I knew I shouldn't take her rejection personally. She would be just as furious about any other woman Verlan married. I should be satisfied that Lucy was good to me, and that Irene wanted me in the family.

What was it Irene had said to me that night in the church hallway at Colonia LeBaron? “You will be a beautiful jewel in Verlan's crown,” she had said. She was talking about the crown he would receive from God when he got to heaven. According to Joseph Smith's teachings, Verlan would then become a god too, and his wives would become goddesses. I couldn't even imagine it—jewels in Verlan's crown. Hopefully by then Beverly and I would both feel more secure, and we would get along with each other. From the way she was behaving, I doubted it would be any sooner than that.

The days of the week seemed to drag, and I was feeling homesick. The children were gone to school every day and had scads of homework when they got home. Sometimes in the evenings Verlan Jr. and I played chess, and the other children and I played checkers, jacks, or marbles. Lucy didn't mind when I played games with the children. She often joined us, but only to watch.

Late Friday night Charlotte drove into the yard in the gold Chevelle. Her children hugged her hungrily, and Laura wept on her mother's shoulder. “Mama, I can't stand it, I miss you so much,” she sobbed. “I don't want to stay with Aunt Lucy anymore. I want to go to San Diego with you. Mama, don't leave me again.”

Charlotte wiped her eyes, then dabbed at Laura's. “Honey, we have to do what's best for the family. You know that. Come on. Dry your eyes like a good girl. You'll make the other kids cry too.”

She barely glanced at me as she ushered her children inside. I stood on the porch, alone in the darkness. I hadn't realized the loneliness Charlotte's children felt without their mother. They hadn't said anything, and I had just assumed that they were used to it. But Laura's outburst had proven otherwise.

Why was Charlotte working instead of staying home with her children? What was the purpose? If she wanted to work, why didn't she keep the kids with her in San Diego? I sighed as I headed toward my tiny trailer. There was so much I didn't understand—so much I had to learn. When Verlan returned, I would have many questions for him. As I thought of him, I fought back my own tears. I wished he could be here, and I wished that I could wrap my arms around my own mother as I had seen Rhea and Laura do with theirs. Loneliness was beginning to haunt me.

I lit my lamp, sat on the bed, and gazed at the honey-colored walls. It wasn't the time to go into the big house, with Charlotte home. She would resent it, and I was in no mood to be snubbed again. I picked up a novel and restlessly leafed through. I had brought it from home, a favorite that I had read twice before. As the book opened to the front cover, I recognized Jay's scrawled signature across the top. Jay! It had been months since I had seen him. I ran my fingers over his name. Then I lay back and laced my fingers under my head, thinking of my loved ones at home. Our family ties were strong, even with my three brothers and sister in Utah, whom I seldom saw. Occasionally they came to Mexico to visit. It was hard on us when they left, but they didn't believe in the church, and they had their own lives to live. There was something irreplaceable about real family, people who shared your blood. No matter how depressed you were, or how bad your circumstances, you could rely on family to share your burden and ease your pain. Verlan's family was my family now, but it just wasn't the same. I felt like an outsider. I didn't feel free to join in with the rest of them, especially now with Charlotte home.

It was too early to retire, and I was too restless to read. What, I wondered, was God's purpose for my being here? My husband was hundreds of miles away. Lucy needed my help, it was true, but I felt like a hired girl instead of a family member. Beverly certainly didn't want me here, Charlotte couldn't stand me, and the children were so busy they seldom had any spare time. So much for my being a blessing here. What a joke. Had it only been two weeks since my wedding day? It seemed like much longer, and already I wished I were back in Colonia LeBaron.

The trailer felt chilly, and I blew out the lamp and climbed under the covers fully dressed. I lay in the darkness for hours before I finally slept.

Late the next afternoon I helped Lucy and Charlotte cut quilt blocks. We sat in front of the big picture windows in the living room. I was the first to see the old, black Ford sedan turn the corner by the winery. The car sped to our driveway and turned into the yard.

“Who's that?” I asked curiously. Charlotte and Lucy crowded around me, peering out the window at the battered car. My fingers suddenly froze on the drapes as Ervil climbed out, straightening his huge body upright. Panic gripped me, and I fought the wild urge to dash out the back door and hide inside my trailer. Somehow I forced myself to remain calm as he hurried to open the passenger door. A thin, dark-headed woman, with blue eyes and a smile like Uncle Bud's, stepped out.

“It's Ervil and Lorna!” Lucy crowed. “It must be true! He must be moving her here, close to us. Praise the Lord!” She rushed to the door, and in spite of my apprehension, I followed her outside. Lorna, right here in Ensenada! I would have real family close by!

“Hello, everyone!” Lorna grinned as we rushed at her. “Hi, Suze! My goodness, it's been years, hasn't it!”

We embraced, and then I stepped back so Lucy could get a hug. “Lorna, is it true?” Lucy questioned eagerly. “Are you moving here from San Diego?”

“Sure enough! To a little adobe house that's right around the corner, about six blocks from here, isn't it, Ervil?”