Fearless (The Story of Samantha Smith #1) (31 page)

“I suppose you’re right.” I smiled.

“And you’re totally hot.”

“Stop!” I covered my blushing cheeks with my hand.
 

“Your eyes are twinkling.” He smiled warmly.

“Are they?”

“Like diamonds.”

“Hey, that sounds like lyrics from Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. You are way too corny, Christos!” But I sort of liked it anyway.

“How I wonder what you are,” he grinned.

“Up above the world so high,” I answered.

We both broke into soft chuckles.

“Nerd,” I said.

“Hey, what can I say? I hang out with the crayon kids at the library every Saturday. Their musical tastes have rubbed off on me.”

How did this boy manage to wash away all my pain and fear so easily?
 

He was a godsend.

He was Christos.

I don’t know when we fell asleep on the couch. But I woke up in his arms.

He was staring at me through his dark lashes.

“What are you looking at?”

“You.”

“Don’t. I probably look like death.”

“You look like life.”

I opened my mouth to object. Closed it. He kissed my forehead gently. I could only smile and hug him tightly.

“It’s late. You should go to bed. I should go home.”

“No. Stay.”

His eyes narrowed thoughtfully and he sat up. After a moment, he stood up.

“Where are you going?” I didn’t want him to leave.

He bent over and picked me up. “To sleep.” He carried me into my bedroom. “With you.” From the soft, sleepy tone of his voice, I knew all he meant was sleep, like last night.

At some point, we had kicked our shoes off when we were on the couch, but I still had my clothes on. So did he.

He stood in front of me and pulled his shirt over his head. No matter how often I saw him, once the shirt was off and the abs came out, I melted. He was certifiably perfect.

He unbuckled his belt and slid his jeans down.

My eyes widened.
 

“You ever see a deer caught in headlights?”

“No.” I frowned. “Random?”

“I have. Just now.” He chuckled. “Don’t worry, the boxers stay on.”

“What happened to commando?”

“That’s for summer. When it cools off, I wear the boxers for warmth.”

“Geez, in D.C. people wear long underwear.”

 
He pulled the legs of his jeans off each foot. “How about you? Sleeping in your clothes?”

“Of course not.”

“Want me to help?”

My eyes popped at the thought of what that might lead to. But he’d done it the night before. Why not twice? “Okay.”

“T-shirt and panties again?”

“I guess.”

“You want your boxers? Where were they again?”

“No, not really.”

He cocked his head. “What are you saying, Samantha?”

“I don’t know.” I rolled my eyes. Because I didn’t know.

“You want the shirt off?”

“Yes.” I smiled coyly.

He pulled it over my head. I liked being undressed by Christos. I needed to work on making it a daily habit, if at all possible. I was down to bra and panties now.

“You gonna sleep like that?”

I never slept in my bra. “Okay.” I really didn’t want my shirt on.

We laid down on the bed together. Skin to skin, for the most part. Was I going to be able to sleep like this? Probably very little. I was okay with that.

“Wait, the lights!” I hopped up, dashed into the living room, and turned everything off. I dove back into bed, right on top of Christos.

He wrapped his arms around me. I pecked him on the lips. “Good night.”

I rolled off him and snuggled myself into his form-fitting side.

I was right about the no sleep thing. I could hear his heart beating. It helped lull me, but about twenty minutes later, my boobs were screaming for me to take my bra off.

T-shirt or naked. Which was it going to be?

I reached behind my back and unhooked the strap. It popped free.

“You okay over there?” Christos asked.

“Yeah, just a second.” I sat up and gave him a cocky smile in the near darkness. “Get those dollar bills ready, boys!”

“Hey, I can’t see shit with the lights off!” The only light in the room was the faint glow from the bathroom nightlight.

“It’s extra for the light show,” I said slyly.

“My wallet’s full.”

“And other things, I’m sure.” I giggled. Who was running my potty mouth all of a sudden?

He reached over and snapped the nightstand lamp on.

“Hey!”

“I’m not missing this for the world.”

“Fine.” I shrugged my bra down until I felt it teasing against my nipples, which were now completely hard. I lowered my chin and batted my eyelashes comically, pretending like this was all a big joke.
 

I considered wiggling my shoulders until my bra fell off, like a trashy stripper, but I had
some
class. I let gravity pull my bra gently free. I held it up in one hand like a prize, then let it drop to the floor behind me.

Now it was Christos’ turn for his eyes to goggle.

“Fuck me.”

“We’re not having sex, Christos!”

“I wasn’t talking about sex. I was emoting.”

“Emoting?”

“Expressing the emotional explosion of awe that is pounding in my chest right now.” He took my wrist and I gasped, but he was only placing my palm over his heart, which really was pounding. “Yeah. That. Because of those.” He flicked his eyes at my breasts.

“You like them?”

“‘Like’ is an inadequate word for what I’m feeling at the moment.”

“I always thought I had weird boobs. You really like them?”

“I’d really like to lick them.”
 

I covered them instantly with my forearms. “Okay, sleep time. Lights out, campers!”

I twisted and turned the lamp off, then fell into his arms. Thank god for my panties and his boxers.

I laid my torso across his. My bare breasts were actually touching his thick pectorals. His soft chest hair tickled my nipples.

This was not helping the sleep thing any.

I crossed my knee over his thigh. That’s when I felt this huge thing in his boxers pressing against my leg. I flinched.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly. “I can’t help it.”

Oh my god, how large was he? His manhood was burning hot under his boxers, and I felt the thickness of him pressing against my thigh.

“I’ll reposition, hold on.” He reached down and pulled himself over to the other side of his boxers. “Better?”

Yes, no? Yes, no? Yes? No? I couldn’t decide. “Uhhh…”

“You know, this is entirely your fault,” he snickered. “Why don’t we try and sleep.”

As if.

Despite my doubts, Christos behaved admirably. I was pretty sure if I was any of the other girls he’d been with, we’d be having sex right then. But he didn’t try any orchestral maneuvers in the dark, not that I would have necessarily rejected his advances. But nothing happened.

And strangely, I didn’t feel like a slut. Or a tease. I’d never been this completely naked with a boy, or man, ever before. But it felt so natural. So normal. So wonderful.

How lucky was I?

“So,” I whispered while gently stroking his silken chest hair, “how come you always call me Samantha, when everyone else calls me Sam?”

“Because, Sam seems so plain and boyish. You are the opposite of both. You are all woman, and a fascinating one at that.”

I could live with that. “Why, um, did you kiss me, and break the mentor code?”

“The tattoo.”

“Huh?”

“Fearless?”

“Oh.” Still not getting it. “Huh?”

“I’ve only got one shot at life on this planet, as far as I know. Or anyone else knows, for that matter. And there’s only one of
you
on this planet, Samantha. That much I know for certain, beyond all doubt. I’ve been really lucky to have met a ton of women in my life already. But not a single one has torn away my armor like you have. No woman has ever seen me cry. Except maybe my mom, when I was a kid. But none of the women I’ve dated or been with have ever seen what’s beneath my surface. I’ve always hidden it.”

I was nearly speechless. “Why?” I whispered in the darkness.

“I think because, deep down, I never trusted any of them.”

Okay, now I was speechless.

Believe it or not, some time later, we both actually fell asleep.

I was caught in a terrible dream. But it was real, because I had lived it. Or a version of it.

I was being chased by a terrible presence. A dark thing that wanted to hurt me. A thing that had already hurt me countless times. A thing that had snuck inside my body and fed off of me every night for over two years. No matter how hard I tried to exorcise the thing, it always came back, haunting me, stalking my dreams, twisting them into nightmares.

“Samantha.”

I thrashed, trying to get away.

“Samantha.”

It was going to devour me if I didn’t escape.

“Samantha.”

But it was
still
inside me. I feared it couldn’t ever be exorcised.

“Samantha, wake up!”

I jumped and flailed in the darkness.

“Samantha,” Christos whispered. “It’s me. You were having a nightmare.”

“Oh, Christos!” I hugged him and cried into his chest. “Hold me.”

He wrapped his arms lovingly around me and stroked my hair. “It’s okay, Samantha. I’m here. You’re safe.”

I did feel safe. In his arms.
 

When my crying subsided, he kissed my forehead. “Who’s Taylor?” he asked.

I shot up to a sitting position, terrified. “How do you know that name?” I gasped.

“You were whimpering it over and over again in your sleep.”

Oh no. What else had I said?

“I heard you saying ‘Taylor’ last night, too,” he said quietly. “When I was on the couch, before I dozed off. You were talking in your sleep for a long time.”

“Oh my god, what did I say?”

“Most of it was gibberish, but you kept saying Taylor.”

“Is that all I said? Taylor?”

“Yeah, as far as I could tell.”

I breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Good.”

“Good? You don’t sound good at all.”

“I need ice cream.” I jumped out of bed, threw on a t-shirt, and went into the kitchen. I grabbed a pint and when I closed the freezer, Christos was standing right there.

“Want to talk about it?”

“No.” I grabbed a spoon from the dish rack. “Want some?” I felt like such an enabler, not that Christos was in danger of over eating. He ate like a horse.

“Sure.”

We sat on the couch and shoveled ice cream together. I couldn’t tell if he was eating at a normal pace, or trying to eat all the ice cream before I ate too much. I wasn’t going to ask. I was busy inhaling creamy release.

“Do you think if you eat enough ice cream, it will take the pain away?” Christos asked innocently.

How the fuck did he know that?

“You can’t fix emotional damage with sugar, you know.”

Okay, he was reading my mind. “Do you have like ESP, or something?”

“No. But its pretty obvious what’s going on. Your freezer could stock an ice cream parlor. Who keeps that much ice cream on hand?”

I was so caught red-handed. I expected to look at my palms and see wet red paint glistening on them. If Beans the Dog had been around, I would’ve wiped my hands on him to get rid of the evidence, distracting Christos from using his ESP action.

Christos dug out a huge chunk of ice cream loaded with chocolate chunks.

“Hey, that’s mine!” I jousted spoons with him.

“I’m happy to share,” he chuckled.

Why didn’t I feel ashamed when Christos was seeing right through me? He was some kind of modern day medicine man or something.

“Want to talk about Taylor?”

“No.”

“Did Taylor hurt you?”

“No. Yes. Stop asking questions! I need more ice cream!”

“Let me get it for you. What flavor do you want?”

“Are you enabling me now?”

“No, I’m hungry. I’m pretty sure I can work through the rest of what’s in your freezer tonight.”

Damn him. Why did he have to make indulging in my vices so freaking enjoyable?

“You better not eat all my ice cream!” Somehow, I didn’t really care if he did. Being with him, like this, made me not want it that much.

He returned with Coffee Mocha Fudge Suicide. It wasn’t
actually
called that, but you get the idea.

“Tell me about Taylor.”

“Some other time, please, Christos?” I begged.

He looked up at me. His eyes were so damn blue. I hated his eyes.

“All right, but one of these days you should really talk it out. I’ll be there for you when you’re ready, okay?”

I took a bite of ice cream and mushed it around in my mouth. “Ogay,” I said through the ice cream blob on my tongue.

He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. “Mmm, it tastes so much better when I eat it off your skin.”

I looked cross-eyed at the tip of my nose.

He chuckled. “That’s a good look for you.”

“Did I have ice cream on my nose?”

“Until I licked it off.”

“Maybe I should put ice cream on the rest of my body.”

“Anywhere you want, I will lick it clean.”

Gulp. And I wasn’t swallowing ice cream. I jammed another spoonful in my mouth.

I actually stopped eating before I felt remotely close to bloated. Although I didn’t need the extra calories, at least it hadn’t been a full-fledged binge. I had Christos to thank for that. It didn’t take long for me to forget the ice cream. And Taylor.

We ended up pulling out my laptop and watching clips of Adventure Time online. Christos thought the show was hilarious. I couldn’t decide whether or not to curse Kamiko for introducing me to it. Then again, I was watching cartoons with Christos. I couldn’t complain about that!

When I was tired, and the sugar high had worn off, we went back to bed. I slept soundly until morning.

Chapter 19

Christos went home Monday morning, and I went straight to school. I didn’t have time to get coffee.
 

I was pretty groggy because I hadn’t slept nearly as well as I’d hoped. Sleeping with Christos’ arms around me was difficult, to say the least. But it was worth it.